


To Catch A Dream

by theroadswewalkin



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Always Female Trixie Mattel, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexuality, Cheating, F/M, Fluff, Katya is A Drag queen, Katya is Brian most of the time, Katya works at a fabric store, Pregnancy, Pregnant Trixie, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy, kinda gets sad woops, trixie is a bar tender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-08-09 08:54:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 119,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16446731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theroadswewalkin/pseuds/theroadswewalkin
Summary: Trixie is a young woman putting together her new life in the city of Los Angeles. Katya is sick of her everyday life and is looking for a change. When the two meet one fateful day their lives are changed forever, whether it's good or bad. The two learn that sacrificing their dreams for doing what's right is a difficult task in its self.





	1. What A Woman

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on AO3, so don't come for me. I'm so excited for you all to read this so please comment and tell me how you feel about it!  
> Also, Katya is referred to as Brian frequently later in this story. Please don't kill me.

Katya leaned in closer to the mirror, she steadied her grip on her eyeliner as she pressed it against her eyelid. She slowed her breath trying to not make any sudden movements. 

“You can do it, come on” Katya muttered clenching her teeth against the eyeliner’s cap. 

She moved her hand slowly winging out her right side’s eyeliner. Perfect, right eye done! Now for the left. She repeated her actions, but this time it wasn't… well right. The dark liquid eyeliner smeared across her eyelid in a blocky and stubby line. 

“Great,” she groaned under her breath. She took the pen and recapped it slamming it down on the vanity. She still had time to re-do her makeup, even though she really didn’t want to and she would probably just end up covering it with a smokey eye, but she decided to save that for later.

Her friend -Pearl- looked up at her and began to laugh. She handed her a makeup wipe so she could attempt to salvage what she could of she semi-perfect makeup.

“I’m taking a smoke break.” She announced loudly as she stood up abandoning the wipe on her desk.

“Go for it,” Pearl replied trying to contain her laughter. Katya reached down to her bag to grab her pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She looked back up in the mirror and sighed, there was really no way to save her face without just going for an even larger smokey eye. Thirty minutes down the drain for nothing.

“Pearl, I don’t understand how you’re so good at this. It’s like I’m a bull in a china shop.” Katya groaned, “I mean look at this!” She jabbed at her left eye “It looks like a baby carrot! Ugh!”

“It’s because of your meaty man hands,” Pearl mocked, gently dusting her setting powder off of her face.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.”

“Look, if you practiced it in your free time more I bet you could get better at it.”

“Well, I would if I wasn’t working a full-time job,” Katya sneered at Pearl “Unlike some people in this room”

“Working at a fabric store? That’s your full-time job?”

“It takes a lot of work to try to persuade unknowing customers to buy the most expensive thing in the store. Okay?” Katya walked over to the door.

“Sure it does sweetheart, sure it does.” she laughed as she returned to her makeup.

“If I’m not back in fifteen minutes don’t come looking for me. I probably ran off into the forest to live out my dream of becoming a bear.”

“Sounds good to me” Katya slid through the door of the so-called ‘dressing room’, which in reality was a glorified closet, and began to walk towards the back door.

The bar was dimly lit and flooded with drunk and lively young adults who somehow found enjoyment in spending tons of money on drinks they could make at home and screaming the words to songs from the early 2000’s until they lost their voice. 

She aimed to sneak out the back door without drawing too much attention to herself. Which was a challenging feat since she looked like a seemingly normal woman, but in a robe… and heels, making her over 6 feet tall… and a haphazardly placed wig that began to fall off the moment she walked out of the room.

She skittered across the perimeter of the building until she reached the back gaining a few odd looks from onlookers and slowly creaked the door open trying not to let too much light in. The door loudly shut behind her as she stepped down the stairs into the alleyway. Her heels clicked against the uneven pavement, the cold mid-fall air immediately hit her uncovered skin causing her legs and arms to form goosebumps.

She reached into her robe’s pocket and grabbed the almost empty cigarette box along with the lighter. Katya let out a deep sigh as she lit the end of the cigarette. She wished she didn’t feel the need to smoke, but an addiction was an addiction. If she really felt the need to stop, she most likely could, but at this point in her life, she didn’t want to deal with the awful feeling of withdrawal. She pressed her back against the cold brick wall and closed her eyes.

While she was tired of the same weekly routine, she could never quit it. Working at the fabric store presented basically the same thing every day: Cut some fabric, help out customers, restock the shelves, and try to convince new sewers to buy fabric they really didn’t need. But, the drag scene was something entirely different. She actually loved it, she wished she was able to make a sustainable living off of performing, but sadly that wasn’t a reality for her. If it was possible for a person to survive in a city like Los Angeles making $40 to $100 worth of tips a night, she would make it a full-time job. But that was an unrealistic dream for her.

One fine day she’ll be able to get a sustainable job doing what she loves, acting a fool while cross-dressing.

“Katya?” A voice boomed, she jumped turning her head quickly causing her to hit it against the wall. She yelped out in pain and rubbed the back of her head.

“Oh, it’s you. Didn’t I tell you not to come looking for me? I could have been off in the Sierra Nevadas galloping through the forest as the bear I’ve always longed to be,” She sighed

Pearl shook her head and smiled. “Yes dear, you could have been the queen of the forest!”

She joined Katya against the wall. The two of them stood in silence looking up at the stars. It was unusual for the stars to be visible on a night like this, especially with all of the light pollution radiating off of the deep city. It was nice to be able to see them this vivid every few days even if it wasn’t anything special.

“You need to stop scaring me like that, one day you’re going to send me into cardiac arrest,” Katya said quietly, her eyes still fixed on the stars above them. “What are you even doing out here?” She pressed her lips to the cigarette and inhaled deeply.

“The other chick in the dressing room started singing, she was awful, and I still wanted to have my hearing intact by the end of the night, so I left, and now I’m out here.”

“Fascinating,” Katya grinned widely. 

*******

“No, Kim I’m not going to kidnapped by my uber. I’ll be fine,” She groaned waiting for Kim to finish her tangent on the dangers of transportation services. “Yeah… Alright… Yeah, Kim… I’ve gotta go.... Okay, bye, Love you!” she quickly ended the call and placed her phone on the counter.

Trixie stood in the bathroom adjusting herself one last time before she needed to leave. Her long curly, blonde hair cascaded down to her mid back, she sighed reaching for a hair tie she shoved in the bathroom drawer earlier.

“Game time!” She said jokingly as she flipped her hair forward securing it in a tight high ponytail. She fluffed the ends gave it a quick spritz of hairspray to tame any flyaways that managed to escape. Trixie reached deep into the endless depths of her Mary Poppins like purse and managed grabbed her name tag and her go to lipstick.

She skillfully popped open it’s safety pin back with her teeth and secured it to her vest. It read ‘Trixie’ in all caps in an annoying bold font. She applied one last coat of her MAC lipstick in the shade ‘speed dial’ and did a final twirl in the mirror. Her outfit accentuated her already curvy figure making her look like the definition of ‘trying too hard’.

Trixie wore a white button down, a satin baby pink vest, with a matching miniskirt that rested just atop her hips that exaggerated her almost perfect hourglass figure. Her body was every flaming lesbian in Southern California’s wet dream.

She delicately dabbed her under eyes smoothing out her already perfectly baked on concealer and smiled satisfied with her look. Her makeup consisted of her usual full coverage foundation, sharp black eyeliner, eyeshadow, bright pink blush, dramatic contour, all accompanied by her trademark pink slightly overdrawn lips.

After a couple of seconds of tweaking her hair and makeup, she checked the clock. It read 7:05

“Shit,” Trixie muttered. She was going to be late once again. She reached down and picked up her purse, swiped her keys off of the counter and flicked off the bathroom lights. The uber she had ordered almost twenty minutes ago wasn’t even to her house yet. Of course, LA traffic was bad but it couldn’t be  _ that  _ bad.

As she raced down the stairs of her apartment complex and she prayed they would be there by the time she reached the bottom so she wouldn’t be late again. She could not afford to get fired.

And after almost running at full speed down seven flights of stairs, in heels, she finally made it to the bottom. Sure she was out of breath, but she was still at the bottom. She swung open the doors of her building and stood outside of her trying to catch her breath while simultaneously checking her phone for an update on her ride’s arrival.

It was a chilly thirty-five degrees and her dumb self, forgot to grab a jacket before heading out so she was forced to stand out in the cold for however long this stupid driver took. After three minutes her hands started to go red from the cold air. She let out a sigh of destress, hoping that she would be able to make it to work on time.

“Let’s go, people, I have important places I needed to be at about five minutes ago!” She grunted under her breath.

Those seemed to be the magic words because, finally, he showed up. Trixie walked towards the car and opened the door putting on the best fake smile she could manage.

“Hey, thank you so much!”

*******

“What are you doing tonight?” Pearl asked, “You should come over, we can watch a movie and make dinner or something like that.”

“As much as I’d like to, I already promised that girl at my work I’ve been telling you about that’d I’d go get drinks with her.” Katya replied.

“I see, getting it on is more important than me?” She joked as she schooched her chair so it was facing towards Katya.

“I’m not ‘getting it on’ I’m just going to hang out with her okay?” Katya tapped her long, red nails against the wood of the vanity. Taking a moment to think before she spoke “Besides, she’s… well, she’s not my type.”

“Not your type? Katya, you’d fuck anything that moves. Well, actually even if it didn’t I’m sure you’d try it. You and your fluid sexuality I swear.” She laughed loudly as Katya looked over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at Pearl.

By this time, Katya had fixed her makeup to the best of her ability without having to completely redo it. Instead of using makeup remover, she decided to extend her smokey eyeshadow out further than it previously was. Making her makeup look as it would normally look, but with way, more time put in. Her red lipstick and dark eyes made her light blue-grey eyes pop. Within in that time, she had also glued down her hair and gotten into her full outfit.

Katya huffed out a long breath and took a sip from her drink “Does this look good?”

She was dressed in a black, glittery, long sleeved bodysuit and a pair of thigh-high black heels. Her long, straight, blonde hair reached down to the small of her back with long bangs framing her face. 

“You look like Britney Spears at Thirty.”

“Perfect, exactly what I was going for.”

*******

After a long, drawn-out uber ride, Trixie finally made it to the bar with a mere two minutes to spare. She quietly slipped through the back door and into the break room. 

“I’m here don’t worry!” Trixie loudly announced to the practically empty break room. Her boss looked at her then looked at the clock.

“Well, well, well, look who’s not getting fired after all!” Violet smirked, “Your shift starts at 7:30 and you somehow always manage to make it in almost exactly two minutes beforehand”

Trixie fluffed her hair randomly placing her bag on the floor.

“I’m never late, what can I say?” Trixie smiled.

“Well, in show business ‘To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, and to be late is unacceptable’.”

“Good thing we’re not in show business,” Trixie hopped up on the counter and clicked her nails against its wooden surface.

“You’re right, but if you want to keep your job you’d better get out there right now and start doing it.” Violet warned.

Trixie swiftly looked up at the clock and slowly made her way out to the bar. There were maybe ten people scattered around it, they all already had their drinks and seemed satisfied, so she decided to simply wipe down the bar and the counter behind it.

The only other person working the bar was some guy Trixie had never worked with who clearly had never learned how to keep his workspace organized. She sighed and began to pick up all of the alcohols and juices and returned them to their designated space.

“Um, excuse me?” someone shouted over the loud music.

“Yes!” Trixie said as she looked up, “How can I help you?” She was met face to face with the most beautiful person she had ever seen. Trixie immediately became flustered.

“Can I get another vodka soda?” the girl asked confidently.

“Yeah, definitely. Coming right up!” She turned around quickly and gather the simple ingredients.

She was grateful that the first drink of the night was something simple, but with all the weird, fruity, colorful drinks this gay bar had to offer why did she pick a vodka soda? Trixie examined the girl in a series of quick glances. She was tall, she had long, perfect hair and she wore a red lip. That was the exact type of girl who typically ordered drinks like that. Most girls at these kinds of bars would either order something like a Sex on The Beach or a Daiquiri.

The girl stepped back and looked out on the club allowing Trixie to take a minute to take in her beauty. Wait, why  was she wearing a bodysuit?

‘What an odd thing to wear to a club’ Trixie thought. After further examination it hit her. She was a drag queen.

How did she not realize that almost obvious fact? Trixie knew she looked familiar. She had recalled seeing her at the club, most likely performing, more than once. But she had never quite  _ seen  _ her and god was she something to see. This girl was Trixie’s bisexual wet dream.

Trixie returned to making the girl’s order. She poured out exactly two ounces of vodka into a tall glass and filled it with ice. She topped off the glass with fizzy club soda and cut up a lemon and gave it a quick squeeze to complete the drink.

The other girl had finally made her way back to the bar and was waiting patiently for her drink by the time she was done. Trixie could feel her staring at her. A pink blush spread across her face.

“Here you go! One vodka soda.” Trixie peeped.

The girl gave her a wide smile and took the drink directly from her hand, “Thanks, I'll see you around.”

The girl’s hair flipped dramatically as she turned to venture back to where ever she had come from. Trixie continued to watch her even as she moved further and further away. Her long blonde hair flowed perfectly behind her, what a woman.

“Who was that?” Trixie softly asked to no one in particular.

  
“Katya Zippity doo dah, or something like that.” A buzzed customer laughed, “She may have a weird name but God, she's hot as hell.” He took a sip from his drink.   


“Yeah,” Trixie said distantly “Yeah, she is”   
  


*******

  
“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, all the way from your Dad's bedroom in Moscow, Katya Zamolodchikova!” The announcer dragged out the last 'a’ in Zamolodchikova.  
  
Her adrenaline started to kick in as the crowd cheered.  
  
The music boomed

  
  
“I love myself, I want you to love me

When I feel down, I want you above me

I search myself, I want you to find me

I forget myself, I want you to remind me

I don't want anybody else”

She went up and down the stage running her hands along her body, dramatically reciting the words to the song. Starting the song off strong with a jumping split causing the crowd to roar. She remained on the ground and scissored her legs back and forth which had the entire front row drooling.   
  


“When I think about you, I touch myself

Ooh, I don't want anybody else

Oh no, oh no, oh no”

As she stood up, she paid close attention to make deep eye contact with the person closest to her. The crowd was much bigger than it tended to be, but that's how most Saturday nights were, making it her favorite day to perform. The energy in the crowd was wild. The kind of drunk, crazy, and overtly horny energy Katya craved.   
  


“I close my eyes and see you before me

Think I would die if you were to ignore me

A fool could see just how much I adore you

I'd get down on my knees, I'd do anything for you”

  
She looked out on the crowd scanning for someone to 'eye fuck’. She immediately remembered the young, tall, curvy, blonde working behind the bar from earlier. The girl was entranced with her. She couldn't have been more than 22 years old.   
  
Katya recalled seeing her tending the bar a few times over the last year, yet something about her tonight was different, really different. Or maybe she was just desperate for some, or any, human contact.

The entirety of the song Katya’s attention was diverted to the young lady. But, the crowd would have never noticed. They were all satisfied by the roaring music, her sensual body language, and her trademarked jumping splits.

The song winded down

  
  
“I touch myself (I don't want)   


  
  
I touch myself (anybody else)

  
  
  
I touch myself (when I think about you)”

  
  
As she collected her last round of tips she grabbed the hand of a random young man with hazel eyes in the front row and sang her final words to him. She smiled once he melted at her touch.

  
  
“I honestly do

  
  
I touch myself

  
  
I touch myself”

  
She blew a kiss out to the crowd and disappeared behind the curtain.

*******

  
  
The night continued on and the bar started to slow down allowing Trixie to escape to the bathroom before her shift ended.

  
She told herself that she’d try to talk to Katya again once she had the chance, but she hadn’t seen her at all the rest of the night. Once she entered the bathroom she attempted to figure out when she could possibly come in contact with her next. She stood in front of the bathroom mirror gripping the sink trying to remember when Katya had her next performance, when she has another shift herself, and after that, she then attempted to calculate the likelihood of encountering her again.

  
“So if she performs about every Saturday and Wednesday, and tonight is Saturday, and I work Thursday to Sunday next w-” She quickly shut her mouth as a door opened.   
  
It was her.   


“Holy shit,” Trixie sputtered.

  
Katya looked her up and down. Trixie knew she fucked up. Thoughts were racing through her mind, mostly her trying to figure out what to say, and all she could tell herself was that she blew it. She took a deep breath and tried to compose herself, but as she opened her mouth to say something the other girl spoke.

  
“Привет, красавица. You’re that bartender right?” Katya asked nonchalantly as she walked towards the row of sinks and mirrors. She adjusted her eyelashes and blotted her slightly oily face.

  
“Y-yeah,” She cleared her throat “I am.”

  
“You’re pretty fucking hot, you know that right?” Trixie’s mouth dropped.

  
“I, um-” Trixie stammered.

  
“I was wondering what you were doing for the rest of tonight.” 

“Nothing,” Trixie blurted, “Nothing at all” She blinked like a mindless idiot biting at her nails.

  
“Great,” Katya scanned up and down her body and bit her lip lightly, “When your shift is over, how about we go out to another bar? I’m meeting up with a friend in about thirty minutes.”

  
“Yeah, definitely... I should be done soon.”

  
“Are you sure? If you’re stil-”

“No, No! I’m almost done. I swear it’s fine.” Katya grinned obviously loving her effect on Trixie.

  
“Meet me outside the back door in 20 minutes?” Trixie nodded and the two talked for a brief moment before Violet busted through the bathroom door looking for Trixie.

  
“I’ve gotta go, I’ll see you soon!” She shouted as she slipped out of the bathroom.

  
Trixie pushed through a crowd of drunk people screaming the words to Britney Spears’ “Toxic”. She ran every word she uttered in that conversation through her head and concluded that her entire life was a joke.

  
‘Let’s move it, people,’ she thought to herself ‘I have important business to attend to.’

  
She made it to the back room and slowly opened the door to avoid it creaking, but it was inevitable.

  
She wandered around the room searching for her bag. How could someone, completely sober, forget where they placed a bright pink bag less than four hours ago. It wasn’t under the table, it wasn’t hung up where it was supposed to be, and it wasn’t behind the door.

Just as she was about to give up, Trixie looked under the shabby couch that was most likely stained with more than one bodily fluid and there it was. Some asshole must have kicked it under there when they came to clock in. She could care less at that moment though.

She smoothed down her skirt, tightened her ponytail, took off her name tag and opened the door. On her way out, she watched some people waving their phone’s flashlight to “Country Roads” playing over the speakers, choices, and some random girl in the corner of the room heavily crying. Once again, choices.

She finally approached the back of the club. The atmosphere was much calmer than it was less than nine feet away. The doors were right there. She was just seconds away from seeing Katya and all of the sudden a wave of doubt hit her.

Maybe she should take some advice from Kim and be more careful. Maybe she should just call an Uber and head home. She tapped her heel against the floor trying to evaluate if she should do this. After about thirty seconds she decided to shoot Kim a quick text

**Trixie:** I’m going out for drinks if I don’t call you in the morning come looking for me.

**Kim:** Have you learned nothing? 

**Kim:** Just be safe. Ok?

**Trixie:** I will, Love ya!

**Kim:** Love you!

Trixie took a deep breath and stepped out into the alleyway. Katya stood under a street light smoking.

“Hey hot stuff,” Katya said, a smile creeping across her face. She was still in full drag, catching Trixie off guard. Her makeup was the same, but she had changed into a flowy, knee-length red dress and was now wearing a long oversized overcoat. “What are you looking at? Do you think I would get out of drag in front of someone who looks as good as you?” She took a drag from her cigarette.

Trixie blushed “You know what? I never caught your name.” Katya said.   
  
“Oh! It’s Beatrix, Beatrix Mattel. But you don’t have to call me that! I just go by Trixie!”   
  
“Trixie? That’s a cute name, quite fitting”   
  
“And your Katya right?”   
  
“Yeah, I’m Katya for about 2/7 days of the week.” She laughed   
  
“I’ve seen you around before, how long have you been performing here?” The cold air nipped at Trixie’s exposed skin. Her hands once again began to turn red.   
  
“It’s been twenty-five years. My mother left me outside this very bar the moment I turned fifty-seven.” Katya deadpanned.   
  
“Wait, really?” 

Katya threw her head back and let out a loud laugh and shook her head.   
  
“No, and enough with the small talk. Get in here, you look cold” Katya opened her jacket inviting Trixie in.   
  
Trixie rushed to her side unbearably cold. It was barely skimming above forty degrees and Trixie’s delicate, uncovered skin couldn’t handle the exposure to the air. Katya snaked her arm around her waist and gave Trixie a light squeeze.   
  
Katya’s body was hot enough to keep the both of them warm. She smelled of cigarettes and a faint musky perfume. Trixie oddly couldn’t get enough of it. She let out a subtle sigh and rested her head on Katya’s shoulder. Katya looked down at her and smiled.   
  
“You’re so beautiful. Do you know that?” Katya whispered. All Trixie could do was smile. No matter how the rest of this night went Trixie had surpassed her goal of simply talking to Katya.   
  
“Mama, I sure hope those shoes are comfortable because we’re walking to this bar.”   
  
“I think I’ll be fine,”   
  
“Just let me know if your feet get tired, I can carry you.” Katya flexed her arm muscles from under the jacket.   
  
“Oh my god, I think I’ll make it” Trixie cackled.   
  
They both started to walk towards Katya’s mystery bar with her mystery friend waiting inside. The whole way they talked here and there but nothing groundbreaking was ever said between them and by this point, the two of them had concluded how this night was going to go.   
  
“So, my friend,” Katya said.   
  
“What about them?”   
  
“She’s a bit of a bitch,” Katya quipped, “We work together. She might seem standoffish at first but once you get to know her… she’s… well, she’s actually still a bitch. Just don’t be intimidated by her. Think of her as a baby snake, it’ll bite you, but it won't hurt.”   
  
Trixie wondered what they'd look like. Trixie wondered a lot of things, things that she’d probably never find out. Trixie wondered what Katya looks like in her everyday life. She genuinely couldn’t put together a picture in her mind and with hookup culture in Los Angeles, she would most likely never see Katya outside of the bar again. In all honesty, she didn’t exactly need to know. Trixie already found Katya undeniably attractive.   
  
“Got it,” Trixie chirped “Does this friend have a name?” she asked slowly.   
  
“Alaska,” Trixie simply nodded   
  
They finally approached the bar. It was much slower than where they worked. She liked the feel of it. It was a small town bar nuzzled in the back alley of a big city, definitely not a place she’d expect Katya to voluntarily hang out at.   
  
Was Trixie going to get murdered in this bar? Probably. Did she care? You bet she didn’t.   
  


Katya creaked the heavy door open and they both went inside. There were maybe about twenty other people in there eating and drinking. Katya scanned the room looking for Alaska while Trixie gazed at the decor.   
  
The walls were scattered with different taxidermied animals and Trixie, being the good vegetarian she was, instantly felt uneasy. It seemed like they had just walked into a hunting lodge tucked somewhere deep in the mountains of Canada or the Midwest.   
  
It reminded Trixie of her hometown back in Wisconsin. Growing up, almost every family member she had their houses decorated either similarly or exactly like this place. The walls were painted a terracotta brown and the floorboards were a harshly contrasting mahogany. She missed it, but she would never go back to Wisconsin. Especially if her family saw what she was doing on a night like tonight.   
  
Her mother always nagged at her and told her to ‘Save yourself for a man who will make a good Husband and a good Father for your children.’ She could hear her mother’s heart cracking and crumbling form 2,000 miles away.   
  
Her mother meant well, Trixie knew that deep down. She knew her mother didn’t want her to make the same mistake she did by marrying a man -or woman, but her mom never quite grasped that concept- who would leave the moment times got tough.   
  
“I’m over here you blind bitch!” Alaska shouted   
  
“Ah, there she is. Isn’t she such a ray of sunshine?” Alaska sat alone at a small table surrounded by two empty chairs. She had long blonde hair and a gaze that could kill. Alaska wore a white dress that barely covered her ass. She reminded her of every popular girl who went to her high school.   
  
“Wow, you look hot as shit like this. I bet if you looked like this at work you'd get us more money." Alaska laughed as she took a long sip from her cocktail, "Is this your piece of ass for the night?”    
  
“Charming as ever, Alaska.” Katya paused for a second, “Trixie, Alaska. Alaska, Trixie.”   
  
Trixie extended her hand to Alaska in an attempt to be polite. Alaska glared at her hand, then drew her attention to Trixie’s face maintaining the same disgusted expression. She gave her a quick glance up and down before Trixie finally realized it was time to give up and return her hand to her side.   
  
“Great to meet you!” Trixie smiled as sweetly as possible.   
  
“Yeah, you too.” She said dragging out every word.   
  
Katya sensed the tension and invited Trixie to sit down.   
  
Katya was right, Alaska was a bitch, and much like what Katya had also said she was, in reality, harmless. After only a ten minute conversation, all Trixie knew was that she couldn’t wait to not be sober.   
  
From the moment they sat down Alaska was all over Katya, she laughed at every joke she told, silenced herself completely when Trixie talked, and listened like a dog on the floor whenever Katya would say anything. Trixie wanted to dislike her for doing this, but she had been doing the exact same thing all night.   
  
“Let’s get some drinks! How does that sound?” Alaska said, obviously trying to loosen up the situation.   
  
“Great.” Both Trixie and Katya said in unison.   
  
They walked over to the empty bar to order something, anything. Trixie didn’t care what alcohol it was, as long as it was in her body and could calm her nerves.   
  
“Can I get a Spiced Cranberry Rum Fizz but, under eighty calories?” Alaska said slowly   
  
“Shut up you rotted cunt, no one wants to make you some fancy drink. It’s not even your birthday.” Katya pushed her aside, “Yeah, can I get four vodka sodas?   
  
“Why four?” Alaska retorted.   
  
“One for you, one for Trixie, and two for me. Duh,” Katya smirked, “How does that sound Trixie?”   
  
“That sounds fine to me.” Trixie smiled. Katya placed her arm around Trixie’s waist giving her a tight squeeze.   
  
“This is why I like her,” Katya told Alaska   
  
“Whatever.” Alaska looked at Trixie in disgust.   
  


*******

The three of them sat around the wooden table and chatted. Katya knew both girls were throwing themselves at her and she had 100% time for it. 

Not that she only wanted to sleep with them, but it wasn’t something she was opposed to. Katya typically wasn’t one to go for girls but holy shit did she find Trixie hot and Alaska entertaining as ever. As the night went on and the three of them got more alcohol in their systems they started to loosen up.

“Let’s get out of here huh?” Katya asked.

“Alright,” Trixie said meekly.

“Alright,” Alaska echoed boldly.

“Alright,” Katya mocked.

The three of them paid their tab and left.


	2. Chapter 2

 

“Welcome to Casa De Katya!” Katya loudly announced as she jiggled her keys out of the door. Katya had decided to host that night’s activities at her house opposed to a hotel. Katya had always found hotel hooks up overtly glamorous and too personal.

Of course, having sex in your house was personal, but it was a whole lot cheaper than a hotel and less trashy than a Motel 6.

 Katya had the two place their belongings on the couch and invited them to take a seat. She noticed Alaska already fidgeting in her seat, placing her hands in her lap trying to ease her arousal. 

Katya’s living room led directly into her kitchen and her small 'dining room'. It wasn’t a very big space, but she made the best of it. The furniture in her house was simplistic but served its purpose. A light grey rugged couch sat in the middle of the room along with two small chairs that almost, but not exactly, matched. They all faced a wall with a small Television set pressed against it.

“Um, where’s your bathroom?” Trixie asked sheepishly. 

“Go down the hall and it’ll be the first door on your left,” Katya instructed, “I’ll be right back too. Keep yourself entertained Alaska. Trixie, I have some fun scented soap in there for you to play with too if you get bored.”

 

Katya took a deep breath as she shut the door to her room. She quickly yanked open her underwear drawer and grabbed a newer, fresher pair that hadn’t been tainted with the night's disgusting sweat. She walked into the small bathroom connected to her bedroom and looked into the mirror trying to fix whatever she could of her worn out makeup. 

Deep down, she wanted to take it all off. But, it gave her the confidence she needed to get through the night. There was something about Trixie that made her feel more vulnerable than anyone else she had ever met. Even though she was simply some girl who worked at a bar.

She dug around her drawers for a moment and grabbed a clip to pull her hair back. 

“Let’s do this,” Katya whispered brushing a straggling hair from her face.

*******

Trixie, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck.

Trixie gazed at herself in the mirror and tried to take deep breaths. She reached behind her head and undid her hair. The long curls draped down her back and stuck to her slightly sweaty neck. She reblended her eyeshadow with her fingers trying to make it resemble something close to what it started as.

She glanced at the toilet 

‘Always pee beforehand’ She told herself  ‘Wait, or is it after? Shit.’ 

Of course, she wasn’t a virgin, far from it by Wisconsin standards, but she wasn’t sure what to expect in this situation. Did she drink the right smoothie this morning? Were her underwear and bra matching well enough?

She really didn’t know nor did she think Katya would care about minor details. She tried her hardest to get into the right headspace, but she was struggling. Her last resort was to splash herself with water and put on a brave face.

Once she left the bathroom and began to head towards the bedroom her confidence coming back. The door was slightly cracked open. Trixie placed her had on the doorknob and heard breathy, passionate, moans from inside.

“Fuck, Brian,” She heard Alaska mutter. She cracked the door wider to peer inside. 

“Katya- Call me Katya,” she said through kisses that trailed up Alaska’s still clothed body.

They both sat on Katya’s bed passionately entwined in a disheveled state of lust. Alaska’s hair was already on the verge of a matted mess from what Trixie could guess was Katya’s hands roughly dragging through it. Trixie instantly felt herself becoming wet. She stepped in and closed the door completely behind her with a loud thud. 

“Trixie,” Katya pulled herself away from Alaska’s heated body, “Come over here.”

“Yes mam,” Trixie said with a sultry smile.

“Yes, mam? Fuck, that’s hot.” Katya said breathlessly. Trixie walked to the bed, the same smirk spread across her face. “Now, will you be a good girl for me and give Alaska a kiss?” Alaska perched herself on the edge of the bed giving Trixie full access to her face and body. Trixie tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned into Alaska. Her sweet scent immediately invaded Trixie’s senses causing her to let out a quiet whimper.

“Wait,” Alaska pulled away.

Katya was immediately pulled out of her entranced gaze.

“What’s wrong?” Katya asked slowly.

“I… I just can’t.” Alaska almost pleaded, “I can’t do this. We work together, how ridiculous is this? I’m sorry but I need,” She backtracked “I have to leave.” Alaska let out a deep sigh and started at the door.

“Wait, Alaska.” Katya hesitated, “Did I  _ do  _ something?” Alaska simply shook her head and began to leave the room. Katya took after her. 

 Trixie found herself lying on the bed staring at the ceiling and listening in on the conversation going on in the living room. She felt somewhat bad, but she didn’t quite know why. 

 

“Katya, I’m sorry. It just feels wrong to me, you know?”

“Don’t apologize it’s fine.”

 

 

Alaska and Katya’s conversation got quieter and quieter until she heard the front door open and close. Katya’s heels clicked against the hall way’s wooden floor as she walked back to the bedroom. She opened the door and stood in the doorway.

“Is she alright?” Trixie asked.

“She’s fine,” Katya began to trail off, Trixie gave her a concerned look. “We work together,  I get it. But man, that could have been a great time huh?” Katya looked at Trixie and smiled. “Now, where were we?” Katya approached the bed. 

“Let’s kick these heels off, huh?” She stepped out of her shoes and sat on the bed. Trixie reached down and pulled her's off as well. 

“Come here.” Katya almost demanded

Trixie scooted towards Katya and placed herself on her lap. Katya leaned in and softly placed her lips onto Trixie’s. Her left hand rested gently on the curve of her hips while the right held a firm but a delicate grip on her chin.

After a short while, she pulled her attention away from Trixie’s lips and moved to her neck and attacked it with wet, sloppy, kisses knowing they would leave marks. Trixie began to melt like butter under Katya’s touch. The girl let out a series of soft needy gasps of air.

“Katya,” She gulped harshly “Shit, I need you.” 

“Already?” Katya teased, “You’re not even undressed yet?”

Trixie gave Katya a pleading look.

“Fine, I suppose we could just… Take this off” Katya said as she toyed with the buttons on Trixie’s shirt.  Trixie adjusted her self on Katya’s lap trying to get any relief.

She began to unbutton her shirt at an agonizingly slow pace causing Trixie to grow needier by the second. Her nipples grew hard under her lacy white bra and by the time Katya was done Trixie couldn’t wait any longer. She began to pull at Katya’s dress attempting to get it off. 

“Impatient aren't you?” She laughed softly, “We can just leave this silly thing on.” Katya ruffled Trixie’s skirt. Trixie could feel Katya’s erection growing under her. Katya picked her up and placed her on the edge of the bed. She reached under her skirt and grabbed the hem of Trixie’s panties and began to slowly pull them down. 

“So wet already?” Katya smirked. She quickly slipped two fingers into Trixie. 

“Oh, God” Trixie moaned, “Please Katya,” Her voice was caught in her throat as Katya began to pump her fingers smoothly in and out of Trixie. Under Katya, she turned to putty. 

Trixie clawed at Katya’s back. Her long nails roughly dug into Katya’s skin leaving faint marks down the entirety her of back. “Shit, Katya, Shit. I’m so…” Just as Trixie edged closer and closer, Katya quickly pulled her fingers out. Trixie squirmed at the sudden loss of stimulation. 

“Stand up and take the rest of your clothes off,” Katya demanded. 

She knew exactly what she was doing to Trixie and loved every second of it.

Trixie slowly stood up, her legs like jelly under her, and turned away from Katya. Blindly grabbing at the clip of her bra, she struggled like a deer in headlights. 

Finally, she unclipped the back of the lacy bra and let it slide down her arms. She moved on to the pink skirt still placed securely around her waist. Once again, she reached behind herself and easily unzipped the skirt letting it drop to the floor. Her heart raced. The feeling of being totally exposed to Katya was beyond exhilarating. 

Trixie looked back at Katya for further instructions to only find her childishly sitting on the bed with her legs crisscrossed. Her face was still stern and intrigued.  

Katya’s primal instincts seemed to kick in. Without any hesitation, she approached Trixie and placed her hands on Trixie’s bare hips and made long, hard eye contact with her. She felt like she was being touched by a god. Every touch Katya placed on her body felt like electric bolts of want and need. 

Slowly, Trixie moved her hands to the hem of Katya’s dress and swiftly pulled it over her head. Katya stood boldly exposed in front of Trixie. The only thing under her dress was a simple pair of black boxers. Katya quickly discarded them.

Before Trixie knew it she found herself laying on the bed with Katya holding herself weakly above her. Their bare skin pressed together felt like hot coals. Trixie felt the warmth of Katya's erection ever so close to just where she needed it. Katya slowly entered Trixie. A hot breath was let out from the two of them.

The pace was slow and smooth. Trixie couldn’t control herself at this point. She maintained a tight grip on Katya’s waist, but she was a moaning mess under Katya. 

Katya smoothed her fingers over Trixie’s inner thighs. “God, you’re adorable,” Katya grunted. She moved her left hand down to Trixie’s engorged clit. 

She began to circle around it, Trixie wiggled her hips relentlessly under her. She began to feel a hurricane of an orgasm approach her, as did Katya. Trixie’s grip on her waist became tighter and tighter as she edged closer to her release.

“Katya, I’m so close” Trixie rasped with a plead.

Katya flashed her a quick smile of acknowledgment before her face returned to its previous state of intensity. Trixie pressed her body deeper into the mattress as her orgasm overtook her. She let out a loud moan of pure ecstasy.

Katya’s pace sped up, she was just as close as Trixie was seconds ago. Her hips slammed into Trixie’s. Riding out her orgasm and trying to reach her own.

The entirety of Katya’s body flexed as she finally came to a release inside of Trixie. They breathed heavily, the two both still coming down from their orgasms. Katya slowly rolled onto the bed, her chest heaved up and down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this wasn't the best, I'll be putting out a new chapter within the next few days that I promise should be better. Stay tuned.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katya will be Brian in this chapter with he/him pronouns.

Trixie blinked her eyes slowly open. She propped herself up on her forearms and glanced around the bedroom, a small stream of light illuminated the dim room.

She placed her head back down on the pillow and rolled over. Finding herself face-to-face with a makeup-less and wigless Katya. She shortened her breath and stilled herself, trying not to wake him.

He abruptly stirred in his sleep, letting out a heavy breath causing Trixie’s heart to skip a beat.

She took a second to examine his face. His hair was ruffled from his deep slumber but still appeared to be clean cut, his face was shaven, and he had nearly perfect skin. He almost looked like a porcelain doll, Trixie resisted the strange urge to touch his face.

As slowly as she could, Trixie sat up and stepped onto the rough carpet below her and quickly realized that she was still only in a bra and underwear. She began to creep around the room trying to find her clothing from the previous night.

The room was actually quite cluttered. Shoved in the corner, was an abundance of sewing supplies, in addition to mismatching furniture scattered about, and baren walls. While it was cluttered he still had it all relatively organized.

After looking around for a quick second she found her shirt, vest, and skirt on the floor next to the foot of the bed and her heels kicked off to the side. She unbunched her white button up to find it completely wrinkled and almost unwearable. She let out an annoyed sighed and began to put it on.

She heard the sheets rustle “Just take a shirt,” He mumbled, “Go to the bottom drawer of the dresser, there’s a black shirt you can have.”

“Are you sure?” Trixie asked quietly.

“Yes, I’m sure. I also have makeup wipes over there somewhere, grab one if you want.” He watched her walk over to the dresser as she grabbed the neatly folded shirt out of the crammed drawer. He then immediately leaned back into the pillow and closed his eyes.

“Thank you,” She said softly.

She pulled the oversized shirt over her head and slipped her skirt on. The shirt was neatly tucked into the skirt in a pathetic attempt to make it appear presentable.

His shirt smelled exactly as he did last night. She savored the rich scent of it.

Then, she grabbed a makeup wipe from the top of the dresser. She made her way to the bathroom to take off whatever mess was left over from last night. She stared at herself in the mirror taking the cold makeup wipe to her disheveled face. Most of it wasn’t as bad as it could be, but her mascara and eyeliner were a different story.

Once her face was completely bare, she ventured out to the living room to find her phone and bag. Her purse was on the couch exactly where she’d left it. She dug around in it, finally finding her phone. She checked her notifications. A wave of realization hit her.

She forgot to call Kim.

**Kim:**

**Good morning!**

**Good morning?**

**Hey, are you alive?**

**Hello?**

**Girl, did you die?**

**Trixie?**

**Trixie, ANSWER ME!**

“Well shit,” She quickly clicked on the call button.

The phone rang for less than a second.

“I swear to god Beatrix Mattel, you scared the living hell out of me!”

“I’m fine Kim, I'm fine don’t worry,” She said trying to keep her voice down.

“Well, how was I supposed to know that? No calls, no texts, you could have been dead!”

“Listen it’s fine,” She said in a whisper.

“Who are you with? Why are you talking so quietly? Did you get Kidnapped? Am I going to have to save you or pay a ransom or something crazy like that?”

“Kim, I promise, I’m fine.” She reassured her “I’d hate to ask, but can you pick me up? I slept over at someone’s house and I need a ride.”

“You’re so stupid, I hope you know that”

“Okay, Okay whatever”

“Fine, I’ll save your ass this time. Where are you?”

“Good question… I don’t know”

“How do you not know? Whatever, just pin me your location and I’ll be there ASAP.”

“Thank you, I love you!”

“Whatever, love you too.”

Kim ended the call and Trixie was left to wait, alone, in Katya’s living room. And after over ten minutes she began to worry that either Kim got lost, or she herself had somehow ended up in the middle of nowhere. Maybe she was really far out of town and she’d never find her way home?

 

 

She stood up to open the large window that was placed next to the front door. She grabbed the center of the curtains and yanked it open. The room immediately illuminated with the early morning’s sun.

It looked out onto a busy street and across it, was a chain of small stores that appeared open, but empty.

She heard the bedroom door open and the pitter-patter of bare feet coming from the hall.

“Oh,” Katya said surprised, “You’re still here?”

Trixie quickly turned from the window “Sorry, I was just-”

“It’s fine, go ahead, look out the window. It’s not like I’m a serial killer in hiding or anything.” He cackled loudly.

“I was just on my way out.” Trixie blurted.

“Take your time, I’m headed to work soon though. I don’t think you’d want to be here alone.” He said walking towards the kitchen. He reached in the cupboard, pulling out some instant coffee.  “Coffee?”

He smiled at her as he looked her up and down. Trixie felt slightly embarrassed that she was still there, in his shirt and in his living room. Worst of all, he found her opening his window to let light in like some type of 1960’s housewife.

“My, um, ride is here. I’ll see you around.” Trixie blurted, quickly closing the curtains and grabbing her purse. She left the apartment as fast as she could.

She stood outside and looked around for some street signs. She called Kim once again.

“I know you got lost, I just texted you the address. Hurry up, _please._ ”

 

*******

 

After Brian’s somewhat uncomfortable interaction with Trixie, he made a simplistic breakfast of steel cut oats and a black coffee. His morning was the same as usual, well almost. He woke up, made breakfast, took a shower, got dressed and left for work.

He wasn’t the type of person who liked to drive so, he walked almost every place he could. It was very fortunate that his apartment was less than two miles from anything he could ever need. The fabric store was half a mile, making it a short ten-minute walk, the bar he performed at was even closer, and as was the local grocery store.

Brian actually enjoyed walking. It was something about the cool morning air and the thought of beating the morning traffic in LA that made him feel accomplished.

 

As he left the house, he put together a small bag that was composed of his lunch, keys, cigarette, and a small bottle of water. On his way to work, he made his daily stop to his favorite local cafe for his second coffee.

“Hey Brian!” the young barista shouted from behind the counter.

“Good morning, I’ll take the usual,” Brian paused and looked up at their menu, “Wait, you guys do extra shots in your coffee right?”

“Indeed we do!”

“In that case, I’ll get the usual with two extra shots.”

The boy picked up a medium-sized coffee cup and quickly jotted down Brian’s usual order, a peppermint coffee, a dash of milk, and included the two extra shots. He made sure to bold the Two in ‘Two extra shots’.

“Rough night?” He laughed.

“Just the opposite actually.” Brian winked.

“I see,” He giggled “That’ll be $4.75, It’ll be out in just a minute.”

“$4.75? Gosh, your prices have gone up in these past few months.” He sighed, pulling his wallet out from his back pocket. He counted out the total in exact change.

“Yeah, sorry about that. That new apartment complex being put in making the rent for this place go up.” He began making the drink.

He, along with his siblings were the only baristas at the cafe. It was a family business and all of the kids continued to work there even after they left the household. Presumably, so they could pay for their college tuition.

“Oh, those cheap things? That’s ridiculous! It’s awful that they charge as much as they do for those one-room apartments.” The boy nodded in agreement.

He reopened his wallet and placed a $5 bill in the tip jar.

“Brian! You’re too generous, Thank you so much!” A warm smile spread across the boy’s face.

“Any time, I can’t have my favorite coffee shop going out of business.”  

He handed Brian the warm coffee.

“Have a great day!” He peeped.

“You too,” The door chimed behind Brian as he left the cafe.

 

He walked another block before he reached the fabric store. He went down the alleyway and entered from the back door.

“Brian, you're finally here!” The owner, Ginger, loudly announced.

“Ginger, hey! Yeah, I’m here, as usual.” He entered the store floor and placed his bag behind the fabric cutting counter. He felt someone looking at him, he glanced around the rows of ceiling-high shelves of fabric and saw Alaska almost lurking in the shadows. He didn’t quite know what to do. Should he talk to her as if last night didn’t happen or tread lightly?

Alaska was the definition of a Fashion Major dropout. She dressed stylishly, presented herself as hard and uncaring and did her best to appear better than everyone else. Not only that, but she fueled her life off of red bulls.

Brian knew she had had a crush on him for a while. He invited her to get drinks as a friend of course but maybe she didn’t think the same. Maybe when he told her Trixie would be there she felt forgotten or second best. He wondered what fantasy image she created for him. In her head, he might just be some kind of dashing knight in shining armor that’s meant to take her away from all her torment and angst.

Just maybe.

“Hey Alaska,” She quickly looked up at him and stiffened as if she were just caught breaking the law, “Can you go to the back and check up on that order of new fabric placed last week?”

“Sure.” She said abruptly.

He immediately knew that that was not the right move. Suddenly he felt extremely guilty, like those moments in Hallmark channel romance movies where you can’t help but cringe. He tried his best to just forget about it.

The store was completely empty besides who was ever working that day. Ginger weirdly liked the store to open at exactly 10:10 Am. So, he still had some time to kill.

Moving on, he began to sort through fabric haphazardly placed behind the counter after being cut.

 

 

*******

 

“So, you fucked them?” Kim asked abruptly.

“Where did you get that idea?” Trixie asked slowly.

Kim had taken Trixie back to her apartment so she could take a shower and actually get ready for the day. They sat in Kim’s bathroom, Trixie braiding her hair and Kim sitting on the counter.

“I mean, look at you.” She pointed at her “You’re wearing a shirt, that’s obviously not yours, and you seemed in an extreme hurry to get out of there.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean anything. Maybe I just slept in their shirt and I didn’t want to linger around.” Trixie tried to divert her.

“Trixie, don’t lie to me. I’m not going to ground you or anything.” she chuckled.

Trixie finished her braid and looped a hair tie around the end.

“Alright, you caught me. I may or may not have had-” She paused for dramatic effect, “Sexual intercourse within the last twenty-four hours.”

Kim let out a fake gasp. “Beatrix! How dare you!” The two girls erupted into a fit of laughter.

 

The two left the room and Trixie took a second to change into normal clothing. From the countless times of Trixie sleeping over at Kim’s, a small collection of Trixie’s clothing had accumulated in her apartment. She slipped into a comfortable pair of high waisted skinny jeans and a basic grey tee shirt with a random, obviously pink, design on it.

“Should I make waffles?”

“Is that even a question?” Trixie asked, “Yes, of course, you should!”

 

Trixie and Kim both moved to the kitchen and began working on making breakfast. They decided that it was essential to separate the waffle batter into six bowls and add food coloring so they would correspond with the rainbow.

“Rainbow waffles,” Trixie announced, “Just the way God intended.”

Kim grabbed a small assortment of sprinkles, syrup, butter, and orange juice to accompany the waffles. She set them all on the small table.

“So, tell me about last night.” Kim pushed once again.

“What, are you, my therapist, now?”

“What do you mean _now_?” She teased.

“You got me there,” Trixie laughed loudly. Kim stared at her smiling in an overly amused state.

“What?” Trixie asked. Kim said nothing, she simply shook her head continuing to smile.

“What!” Trixie repeated.

“Nothing, it's just, that laugh!” Kim finally broke letting out a laugh of her own, “It’s just too good, I can’t take it!”

Trixie grabbed two waffles from the stack and placed them on her plate. She grabbed butter and smothered a large chunk across both of them and then drizzled a light amount of syrup on top.

“Stop stalling, tell me!” she demanded.

“Fine,” Trixie paused to think.

“Wait, before you start. Was it that cute guy you work with?”

“Nope, but I can get you his number if you want, you vanilla bitch.”

 

*******

 

Brian had spent his entire morning unpacking the new shipment of fabrics. Apparently, Ginger had gone on a pre-sequined and neon fabric kick sometime last week, because that was really all he had to unbox.

After about six bolts of the sequined fabric, he came to the realization that they all look the same and all look equally awful. There were pure pink, pure red, iridescent blue-greenish, silver, and other random complications of complementary colors

He moved them all to the section of the store designated just for them.

“Ginger!” He called.

He waited a few seconds, no response.

“Ginger! I’m going to color coordinate you’re stupid fabric!”

 

Brian typically had plenty of time to kill in between customers when the store first opened.

Most foot traffic didn’t come through until one o’clock, which was when most night owls and people who took sewing ‘seriously’ woke up.

Using the word ‘seriously’ lightly, since no normal functioning people actually took it too seriously.  Which was exactly why he worked at a fabric store.

He grabbed all of the sequined fabric and plopped it on the floor. He sat down next to the thirteen bolts and began to sort them into their own categories.

Starting with Reds, not orange because who wears orange, then yellows, greens, blues, and purples. He decided it was best to have pink, white, and black after purple, in that exact order.

 

The bell on the door chimed. Brian popped his head out of the tall aisle.

“Hey, welcome to M & N Textiles!”

“Good Morning Brian,” Pearl shouted back from the front door.

“Oh, it’s you,” Brian sighed as he stood up.

“Yeah it’s me,” he looked around, “I know you guys get your shipments in today. Where are they hiding?”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it’s sequin fabric.”

“Appalling,”  he joked, “Who does Ginger think she is! Buying trash, tainting the holy lands of M & N Textiles.”

Pearl typically hung around the fabric store whenever Brian worked. It was almost to the point where Ginger should have just offered him a job so he would be making good use of his time, but he would probably never accept it. He enjoyed his free time in the day and his half Dj, half Drag queen nightlife.

Throughout the day the normal customers came and went, some lurking around the store longer than others. As if they hadn’t been in the store a million times beforehand. Once the foot traffic started, Brian got into a consistent rhythm that pushed him along through the rest of the day.

 

*******

Hours had already passed and the girls had decided to migrate over to Trixie’s apartment. Trixie was edging hours closer to the time she needed to leave for work.

She quickly realized that her uniform was still a wrinkled mess sitting in the bottom of her purse.

Kim, being the put together woman she is, offered to help Trixie handwash her uniform. Trixie obviously accepted.

Seeing Kim’s weirdly vast knowledge of ‘adult’ life made her come to the realization that she had so much to learn before she could come close to considering herself a real adult.

“Okay, so” Kim instructed, “We’re going to start with the white shirt since we need to wait for the water to heat up.” Kim turned on the sink and let the water run until it was warm.

Trixie stood behind her with her hand on her chin, carefully watching.

“Then, we’re going to plug the drain and add about a teaspoon of detergent.” Kim eyeballed the amount and quickly poured it into the water, “Now we just soak and repeat, then hang to air dry!”

“And it’s the same for different colors but, with cold water instead?” Trixie inquired.

“For the most part, Yup!”

 

Trixie watched her rinse and wring out the damp shirt. Kim then draped it over her shower curtain rod and because of the time crunch, whipped out a hair dryer to speed up the process.

“Go ahead and get ready, I’ll finish up here.”

There were many moments in Kim and Trixie’s friendship that Trixie truly valued. Kim was the type of friend could joke around, but when it came down to it she would give you the shirt off of her own back if you needed it.

 

“Black slacks?” Trixie yelled from her bedroom.

“Yeah, Black slack!” Kim yelled back.

Trixie, once again, pulled her hair back, put on her black slacks, and walked back into the bathroom with just her bra and pants.

“Great look, I think you’ll get a lot of customers with that.” Kim joked.

“Oh, why thank you. I try.” Trixie smirked, breaking into a giggle. “I’ll make up something to eat.”

 

Trixie left the room. All she had in her fridge was some yogurt, frozen fruit, half-eaten tofu, and some random unopened veggie burgers.

She grabbed the veggie burgers from the freezer and placed them into the microwave, setting it to one minute and forty-five seconds.

Once the shirt was done, Kim came out to the living room and sat on the wooden floor.

“Gross, veggie burgers.”

“Be grateful I even have food for you.” Trixie retorted.

She slapped some salad lettuce and ketchup onto both burgers and placed one in front of Kim and joined her on the floor. The two ate their makeshift burgers and chatted off and on about the usual.

 

 

Before Trixie knew it, she needed to leave for work. Kim returned to her own home and Trixie made her way to work.

Saturday nights were never as lively, so it was quite boring. Obviously, Katya wasn’t there either so she had no one to lust after in her free time. She simply stood behind the bar and took orders as they came, spacing out in between each customer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, Pearl is just Pearl because of the way It is.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXU3o8YW3K8


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie and Kim sort through Trixie's closet and uncover some unresolved emotional baggage from her childhood. Brian thinks about the life he wants while drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to leave a Tw for parental homophobia. It doesn't go too in-depth, but if you think you personally can't read it I left a small summary that basically explains what happens!

 

After days of convincing, Kim finally got Trixie to clear out her avalanche of a bedroom closet. When Trixie moved from Wisconsin to California, she was in such a rushed state that she threw every last piece of clothing and any ‘valuable’ objects into her already crammed suitcase and car’s trunk.

She drove her busted, old Nissan all the way from her small, middle of nowhere town, in Wisconsin to Los Angeles. It was a twenty-nine-hour drive. It was worth every painstaking hour.

Even though she had to sleep in her car, which gave her a painful backache, she still savored every moment.  It was just her, the open road, and the promise of freedom motivating her every second of the way.

The moment she got to LA, she began Couchsurfing left and right. She would go out on dates just to get a meal, she’d hook up with almost anyone if they could offer a place to sleep. That was her life for almost three months. An endless cycle of simply trying to survive.

This all came to a grinding halt when she met Kim.

They randomly met in a small cafe. Trixie scrapped up some money to finally indulge herself in a coffee and Kim was simply making her daily stop on her way to the office. The two accidentally grabbed the wrong drink and had an awkward exchange. They held a small conversation and exchanged phone numbers. They talked every day over text and call and the rest was history.

Kim gave her a secure place to stay, she helped her find a job and an apartment. She even helped her sell her car once she found a stable living situation, seeing that she didn’t need it anymore.

 

They both began to dig through her clothing and naturally, Trixie refused to throw out anything. She had an abundance of t-shirts, dresses, jeans, button downs, and really anything else a clothing hoarder could own, all in the same color palette of pink and white.

“Trixie,” Kim grabbed her hand, “You’ve gotta throw away something,” She picked up one of her many pink skirts. “Like this, do you really need the same skirt in a slightly different color?”

“Yes, yes I do.” She yanked the skirt from her hand, cradling it in her arms like an injured animal.

“You’re ridiculous, do you know that?”

“Yup!” Trixie said pushing herself up from the floor, returning to the still packed closet. She got on her tiptoes to reach the highest shelf.

“Fine,” Kim sighed. She began to fold and rehang the clothing scattered on the floor, “But, you need to get rid of at least a few things. Okay?”

“Roger that,” Trixie said grabbing boxes from the shelf.

She placed them all on the floor next to her mountain-high pile of clothes and began to open their tops.

“Trixie, are you sure you need this?” She said holding up a light blue ruffled dress. Trixie nodded her head  “Come on, it’s blue! You never wear blue.”

“But, what if I need it for something? At some point, in the near or far future?”

Kim looked at the tag of the dress, “Trixie, seriously this is even too big for you! You need to get rid of this.”

“I said no!” She responded. Trixie knew it was an actual problem of hers, but she tried to keep it light-hearted. Kim sighed and readded it to the ‘keep’ pile. Trixie slid Kim one of the stuffed boxes filled with shoes.

Kim placed the shoes to the side, carefully examining each one. Most of the shoes were beyond wearable. Either they were covered in a layer of grime and dirt or completely falling apart.

She started independently putting shoes into the donate pile.

“Wait, What are you doing?”

“You’re not keeping these shoes, I’m sorry.”

Trixie let out a whine, trying to fight it, but Trixie eventually accepted her fate and began to sort through a box of her own. It was another box of shoes. These were in much better condition, but they were mostly all high heels she bought but never wore because they were either too high or too uncomfortable.

‘Keep, donate, donate, KEEP, keep, donate’ she thought to herself

She pulled out the final shoe.

“Aw,” Trixie said softly.

“What?” Kim asked looking up.

“This shoe!”

“What about it? It’s a pink pump,” She gestured to the other almost identical shoes surrounding her.

“Yeah, but I wore this to prom!” Trixie smiled and placed it in the keep pile. Little sentimental things drove Trixie crazy, she couldn’t get enough of them.

When Trixie left home she couldn’t take anything really sentimental with her since it was almost all in her mother's room, locked away in her closet.

She left in a throw of passion. She and her mother got into the fifth argument of the week, twentieth of the month, and Trixie couldn’t stand it anymore. It was over the same old stuff. Her mother would say some offhanded snarky comment about her, Trixie would get mad, and then it would evolve into a screaming fight that could only be resolved by one of them leaving.

It wasn’t always like that. Most of her life her mother and her got along well. But, when her mom found about her first girlfriend she exploded into a fit of rage. She banned her from leaving the house, it was to the point where she couldn’t use her own car for months. She felt like her mother never tried to understand. Her nose was so far into the Bible, that she couldn’t see past what it preached. Even if it was hurting her own daughter.

Her mother loved her, she did. She just never showed it. She was hard on her, she pushed her to be more than what she herself was. Which was something Trixie would never understand. Her mother’s life was, and still, is almost ideal.

Sure, scattering in a messy divorce and a gay daughter gave her a run for her money but, her life was good. She remarried, and not only did she simply remarry she married a successful man. Granted, he wasn’t the best man, but he was much more than nothing.

 

“Alright, let’s move on shall we?” Trixie nodded, grabbing another heavy box.

She opened it, It was full of random books, nicknacks, and anything else she collected from her room before she left. She grabbed every book and placed them in her lap.

“Let’s see,” Trixie hummed out loud, “Gone With the Wind, To Kill a Mockingbird” She gasped in excitement “Phantom of The Opera! This was my favorite! God,” She flipped through the thoroughly highlighted and post-it-noted pages. “This takes me way back!”

The pages smelled just like her home back in Wisconsin. Old wood, the smell of a burning fire, man, Trixie could sit there and smell that book all day.

Kim sat there, looking at her in a happily entranced gaze. Kim loved seeing Trixie like that, the childlike state Trixie would fall into was something she admired about her. Even with her life’s challenges, she managed to have a happy outlook on life.

Kim broke her gaze and returned to the box. She carefully opened the lid.

“Huh,” She said abruptly.

“What?”

“Just a bunch of letters,”

Trixie quickly reached over to the box and yanked it from Kim’s grasp.

“What are they?” Kim asked.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Yeah, nothing.” Trixie stared down at the letters. A pit formed in her stomach. She could feel her throat tightening. She took a deep swallow as she put the lid on the box.

She placed them gently in the keep pile.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Trixie looked back at Kim, she felt like some big, deep, dark secret had been revealed.

“You don’t need to, It’s alright”

Trixie huffed out a breath, “I told you about my dad? Didn’t I? ”

Kim maintained a concerned but interested expression on her face, she shook her head.

“Well, when my parents divorced, my Dad still wanted to stay in contact with me. He tried with my other siblings but they never seemed interested.” She tightly gripped the edges of the heart-shaped box.

She continued, “My Dad, would send me letters. My Mom never knew she hated his guts. But I- I, kept them. I would write back, I would go behind my mothers back and write to him. I would ride my bike all the way into the city just to go to the post office and wake up extra early to get to the mail before my mom could. For years and years, we wrote back and forth, from eight to sixteen. I could count on his weekly letters. They were like a pick me up if I was upset. He told me he loved me, he told me he missed me. I believed him. He obviously never came to see me, I understand that.” She paused fighting back the urge to cry, “He was exactly like what my mom said. He’d leave when times got rough”

“What happened,” Kim asked slowly.

“It just stopped, the letters, they stopped coming. When I told him. I told him how I felt about girls... and guys. He just never wrote back. I wrote to him every week for at least a year before giving up. No response, no letters, no nothing. I guess he found better use of his time.” She paused for a moment trying to control her breathing, “Maybe he moved on, maybe he thought I was awful, maybe he died. What do I know? I’ll probably never know.”

Trixie felt almost numb talking about it. Yes, it hurt, but not as bad as not talking about it for as many years as she did. A single tear slipped from the corner of her eye. She quickly patted it dry with her index finger.

“Trixie, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, It’s fine. It’s been a few years. I’ve gotten over it” Trixie plastered a smile on her face. “Let’s get back to work, huh?”

Kim agreed, she didn’t want to push Trixie past her limits. But, it seemed she had already unintentionally done it herself. Just as they got back to work, a quiet string of sniffles came from Trixie’s direction. Kim’s head shot up.

“Oh, Trixie,” Kim Reached out her arms, “Come here,”

Trixie was fully sobbing at that point. She scooted towards Kim and placed herself in her arms.

“It’s okay Trixie, you have me now. I won’t leave you. You hear me? I won't leave you.”

Kim’s arms wrapped comfortably around Trixie’s body. Trixie continued to sob into Kim’s shoulder. Her makeup rubbing off onto Kim’s t-shirt. They both sat there, Trixie letting it all out.

“I hate them, I hate them all,” Trixie shrieked. Her grip around Kim was almost deadly. It was as if she was trying to keep Kim from running away.  Trixie was only used to the runaway.

Kim simply just took it all, she knew Trixie needed this. The past few years were impossibly hard on her, but it was all almost over. They had Christmas and the New Year coming up. Something they could booth look forward to.

 

*******

Brian sat alone in a bar, the same bar he took Trixie and Alaska to less than four days ago. He didn’t talk to anyone, nor did he want to. He simply sat and watched people. He wondered what everyone was thinking, he wondered what everyone was doing there. What led them all to randomly show up to the same lousy bar, at the same time as each other?

His eyes began to wander.

Across the room, was a group of men. They all drank the same generic beer and wore the same generic clothes. Every last one of them looked like the typical high school burn out. Those types of guys who peaked in high school. The guys who played football, got the girl, won class president or something stupid like that.

He was glad he wasn’t like that. Sure he was probably no better off, but he may have more of a life than them.

That was a lie.

He continued to take long sips from his drink until it was empty. Once it was, he got another, then another, and then another. Until he decided it was time to leave.

He slowly walked down the streets of LA, more than a little buzzed, taking in the sights of the city. Once he made it home, he didn’t go in. He slid down the hard surface of his front door and took a seat. He pulled out his cigarette box and lighter out of his back pocket. He struck his lighter several times, mindlessly enjoying the quick illumination of fire each strike gave. Giggling to himself until he no longer found it entertaining. Finally, he lit a cigarette and pressed it against his lips. He watched the smoke escape his lungs in a thick cloud as he exhaled.

The chilly air making it look even more distinct.

His tired body yearned for sleep, but he continued to deny it. He closed his eyes, making the conscious effort to stay awake. He tapped his feet against the concrete below him, letting his mind wander. Maybe he could find the secrets of the universe if he tried. Maybe not. But, he still tried.

He thought about what he wanted from life next. A higher paying job sounded nice, but as a college dropout that wasn’t very plausible. Maybe he should get a dog? He tried to think of what most adults were doing at this point in their life.

Everyone was married with kids. He didn’t want that, the idea of only loving one person for your whole life was something he could never understand. He also despised most kids, he figured that most people didn’t have any common sense when it came to raising children. He was mostly just scared of not being able to provide a good life for a child. Even after fantasizing about a domestic life, he still couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of actually wanting children.

Once he was finished, he unlocked the door and went inside. He took a shower and laid down on the couch. He quietly stared at the ceiling until he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, Katya in this chapter, but some tags are getting addressed so yeah!

The early morning sun radiantly shone through the window. Trixie’s eyes peeped open, her head pounded. It was the type of headache that you couldn’t just sleep through. But, she tried her hardest. She threw the covers over her head and closed her eyes tightly trying to fall back asleep. This was the fourth day in a row she had woken up like this. Her head continued to pound, it was like something in her head was trying to escape by breaking through her skull. She gripped her pillow trying to distract herself. She closed her eyes and tried again and again to get just a few more minutes of sleep.

Her phone began to ring.

“Are you kidding me?” She groaned. She threw her blanket off of herself and reached across to her bedside table to grab her phone. The cold surface of Trixie’s phone hit her fingers which immediately caused her to wake up fully.

She unlocked her phone and clicked answer. “Yeah?” Her voice was hoarse and groggy.

“Good morning! Merry Christmas!” Kim beamed.

“Oh yeah, you too.” Trixie sighed.

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today or what?” Kim snickered.

“Yeah, sorry, I’ve just had this stupid headache.” She ran her fingers through her tangled hair, trying to sweep it out of her face.

“Aw man, on Christmas of all days? That’s when you decide to feel sick?” Kim joked.

“My bad, next time I’ll try to wait at least twenty-four hours after the holidays to get sick.” She responded in a sarcastic tone.

“Do you still want me to come over? I can make you some Christmas soup if you want!”

“What in the world is Christmas soup?”

“I’m not sure, probably some vegetable soup with gingerbread men for crackers. How does that sound?”

“Awful, but come on over.” She laughed, “I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”

“Alright! I’m leaving now!” Kim ended the call.

Trixie sat up and the world seemed to begin to spin. She sat still for a second thinking she simply sat up too quickly, but when the dizziness failed to subside she decided to get up. She reached into her closet and grabbed a green and red plaid blanket to keep her warm in her cold apartment. She carefully walked out to her living room to get herself a glass of water. The long blanket dragged behind her on the shabby carpet lining the entire apartment, matching the apartments overall theme. Cheap and old.

Her house was lightly decorated with assorted Christmas decorations. She had a small fake Christmas tree placed near her door which was wrapped in dollar store ornaments and lights, a hot chocolate, forest, and gingerbread scented candles placed sporadically through the house. 

She reached into her fridge and grabbed a pitcher of actually drinkable filtered water, opposed to LA tap water, and poured herself a glass. She wanted a warm cup of tea, but she felt too unwell at that moment to put the effort into making it. She leaned against the counter and slowly took sips of the drink. The moment she finished her water A sudden wave of nausea hit her.

“Oh god,”  She dropped her blanket and hurried into her bathroom and knelt by the toilet. Her hair cascaded around her face as she hovered over it. She tucked her hair behind her ears, not wanting to ruin it. She had the overwhelming urge to vomit, yet, even after waiting for over six minutes, nothing happened, but her nausea stayed. She pushed herself off of the floor and returned to the kitchen to grab her blanket. She wrapped herself up in it and sat down on the couch. She reached for the remote and turned on the television. The first show airing was Love Actually. It was already more than halfway over, but she still decided to follow along.

The final scene of the movie began to play. In reality, was a simple and cute ending to a simple and cute movie. But, it had Trixie a bawling mess. The doorbell rang, It was most likely Kim. Trixie wiped away the tears the best that she could and opened the door. Kim stood in the doorway holding an abundance of perfectly wrapped presents. She wore a thick winter coat and a warm beanie.

“Hey, Kim. Merry Christmas,” She sniffled.

Kim looked over Trixie, she was still in pajamas and a crying mess, “Are you crying?” Kim asked absolutely shocked, “What the hell happened this time?”

“Love Actually,” She let another round of tears escape.

“Love Actually? Is that really why you’re crying?” She questioned. 

“Yes,” Kim placed her hand on Trixie’s face and wiped away the stream of tears.

“We really need to get you someone to date.” Kim sighed as she stepped inside of the apartment and set down her gifts.

“It’s not that, it's just,” She paused, she actually didn’t know why she was crying, but she was.

“Oh, it’s your cycle isn’t it?” She began to take off her jacket and placed it onto the back of Trixie’s couch. Trixie was almost stopped in her tracks.

When was the last time she had gotten her period? She couldn’t actually remember. She knew for a fact that is was more than two months. She started to slightly panic, but she immediately calmed herself down. It was Christmas, she had time to worry about that later.

“Probably,”  Trixie said quickly. Kim gave her a strange look.

The two sat down on the couch and watched the last few minutes of Love Actually. Trixie continued to cry over the ending scene while Kim sat stone-faced and left before it was even over to get herself some water.

Trixie finally calmed herself down once the movie ended. Kim returned to the living room and stood behind the couch where Trixie sat. She ran her fingers through Trixie’s long and tangled hair, making sure not to yank too hard when she reached a knot. But, Trixie still winced every time pulled apart a tangle. Kim began to separate her hair into three large chunks to make a braid. Trixie had the perfect hair type. Her long, thick, slightly curly hair could hold it's self in almost any style you could throw it in. A braid? Fabulous! Top Knot? Stunning! Half up half down? Beautiful! A complicated french twist your grandma did in the 60's? Sure! When Kim finished playing around with Trixie's hair she took a seat next to her. 

“How about we open gifts?”  Kim finally said. She headed towards the tree and piled up the gifts in her arms.

She put Trixie’s gifts into a separate pile and plopped herself on the floor. They both took turns opening gifts until they both ran out. Trixie had gotten Kim a collection of her favorite hair products along with a red scarf. While Kim got Trixie her favorite lipstick, a fresh copy of The Phantom Of The Opera, and an assortment of clothing she thought Trixie would look good in. Once they were done, they set the Television to the Hallmark Channel to watch whatever random movies came on. Kim went and prepared the two of them a warm cup of hot cocoa and popcorn. They sat through three movies before Kim was over the festive fun. She left the room and took a minute to call her parents while Trixie called a local diner to place a takeout order for dinner. Trixie was almost used to not having to call anyone for the holidays. It was officially her third Christmas away from home and her family still hadn't tried to contact her once. She really didn't mind though, she had Kim and that's all that really mattered to her. It was somewhat freeing, the thought that she didn't have to worry about anyone but herself and her closest friends. 

Kim stayed on the phone with her parents for well over an hour which left Trixie alone with her thoughts. Which caused her to freak herself out once she actually started thinking about her 'illness'. A headache and nausea, it sounded like a typical seasonal flu! But, why was her period actually so late? She couldn't be pregnant. It was only one night with him and she was on birth control so she should have nothing to worry about. Right? She tried to recall what typical pregnancy symptoms were. ‘So, we have nausea, food aversion, hyperactive bladder.’ she listed in her head. She took another second to try to remember anything else, but she couldn’t.

“Okay Mom, Merry Christmas. I’ll talk to you later, I Love you!” Kim let out a sigh and returned to the living room.

She found Trixie balled up on the couch gripping onto a blanket, her knuckles turning white.

“Kim,” Trixie said, a tremor in her voice,

“Yes?” Kim calmly sat down next to Trixie on the couch and placed her hand on Trixie’s knee.

“I think I might be pregnant,’ She was trembling.

“What do you mean?” She said every word with a slight delay “You’re on birth control, you should be okay.” Trixie remained in the same balled up position. “You are aren't you?”

“I am,” she responded.

“You are, but?” Kim questioned.

“But,” She stammered, “I don’t know, I’ve missed it before. But I always would take it once I remembered.”

“You’re joking right?”

“No,” Her voice cracked.

“Trixie, you know that you can’t just take it when you remember right? You’re supposed to take it every day at the same time?” Trixie nodded her head, she wasn’t an idiot. She knew that you should take it at the same time, but she didn’t know it was mandatory. “Okay, well, backtrack. Why do you think you’re… Pregnant.” She winced at the word.

Trixie looked up trying to remember her exact reasons, “For one, my period is two months late.” she admitted.

“Two months? Are you sure?” she questioned.

Trixie opened up her phone and checked the calendar, she swiped up and down checking each day for a comment or a reminder indicating that it had happened, “Yeah, it didn’t happen in November and it was supposed to happen a week ago and it hasn’t come yet.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean much. Maybe you’re just stressed?” She blurted, “Are you stressed?”

“Well, I am now!” Trixie shouted.

“Okay, what else?”

“Um, I’ve had a headache and I remember hearing somewhere that that’s an early indicator.” She said slowly.

“Well, just because you think you heard it at some point doesn’t mean it’s actually a thing,” Kim reassured, but she began to worry herself. Kim couldn’t deny it anymore, she knew pregnancy was beyond a possibility if Trixie hadn’t been consistently taking her birth control. “I’ll look it up online.” She paused taking out her phone. “Should we try one of those quizzes?”

“Quiz, do a quiz.” Trixie blurted.

“Quiz it is,”

Kim opened up Google and carefully typed in ‘Am I Pregnant Quiz’.

“There’s gotta be a better way to do this. Are we seriously taking a quiz to find out if you might be pregnant? We’re adults, Trixie, not teenagers.”

“We could get a pregnancy test, but I don’t want to admit defeat yet.”

Kim placed her phone on the couch and looked into Trixie's eyes, “Listen, it’s not admitting defeat, it’s accepting the possibility.”

“It's the same thing, now hurry up!”

Kim clicked on the first website.

“The first question, Is your cycle on track?”

“No,”

“Great start,” She stated sarcastically. She clicked the ‘no’ option.

They continued down the quiz, Trixie either answering yes or no to each question. Kim began to worry more and more as she began to see a common occurrence in most of Trixie’s answers. They were all pregnancy indicators. Upon hearing all of the questions, she began drawing connections with things she'd seen Trixie do. She was worried. Really, really worried. For the past month, Trixie had started snapping at things randomly. Someone could start walking slowly in front of her and she'd get almost enraged. She'd also recently started feeling unwell and her period was late. There was almost no doubt in Kim’s mind that Trixie could be pregnant. 

“Now, for the moment of truth.” Kim reached for Trixie’s hand, “Just remember this still might not be exactly accurate okay?” Trixie ferociously nodded, “Submit.” Kim said out loud.

The screen loaded for a second before popping up with the result.

“News flash: You’re probably pregnant.” Kim read out loud, she shot her head up to see Trixie’s response. Her face was stone cold, she was fighting back a reaction.

“Well, it’s just a stupid internet quiz. It doesn’t mean anything. I’m sure I’m fine, I’m just feeling sick that's all!” Trixie defended.

The two sat in silence, neither wanting to say the next words.

“Trixie, you know what you need to do,” Kim said in an extremely serious tone. “Let’s pick up dinner and then we can go by the store and get you a test.”

Trixie sighed loudly, she knew Kim was right. She needed to take a test, make it official. But, Trixie didn’t want to admit defeat.

She’d been so careful before, how did this happen? How was she supposed to know that taking a missed pill after you were meant to would get you pregnant?

If her mother knew she’d have a heart attack.

“Let’s go,” Trixie finally said in defeat.

“Go get dressed, I’m not letting you leave the house in your pajamas. Pregnant or not.”

Trixie picked up her blanket and stomped to the bedroom like a child. She dug into her closet to find something that didn’t scream ‘It’s Christmas and I may or may not be Pregnant’. Most clothing didn’t insinuate that, but she took precaution to no give off that vibe. Eventually, she found a pair of high waisted, black jeans and a pink knitted sweater and slid into them.

“Is this better?” Trixie asked slowly.

“Much better, we can leave now.”

They grabbed their bags and trotted down the apartment’s stairs. Once they reached the bottom, they got into Kim’s car. Which was conveniently placed right outside of the building. Kim turned on the Christmas station to cut the tension.

They both hummed the words to every song that came on.

“All I want for Christmas is you,” The two quietly sang in unison.

The movement of the car and the sporadic flow of traffic began to make Trixie feel a little more than queasy. She decided to fix her attention on the lines separating each lane hoping it would relieve it. Which it did, but only moderately. The stop and go traffic was extra bad that night. With everyone trying to get home to the wives and boiled cabbage they were going to get nowhere quickly. 

They reached the diner, they both got out of the car and entered the building. It was packed, but that’s why they placed an order beforehand. They put their names in and took a seat at an empty table to wait. Trixie anxiously tapped her nails against the wooden chair. She couldn’t wait a moment longer, the fear of the unknown was eating her away. Kim noticed and reached her hand across the table, she gave Trixie’s bicep a tight squeeze. Trixie immediately stopped the tapping and refocused her anxiety on taking steady breaths. Kim smiled sweetly at her. She was nervous for Trixie, but she didn’t want her to know that.

The waitress nicely called Kim’s name and handed her the bag of freshly made and packed food. They pushed their way through the crowd and returned to the car.

“Alright, let’s get you a test,” Kim said as she turned the keys in the ignition.

 

\---

 

They walked into the brightly lit pharmacy and wandered around a bit before finding the aisle of ‘feminine products’. The store was completely empty, apart from a few workers scattered about.

“Should I get the expensive or cheap one?” Trixie whispered.

Kim simply shrugged, “How am I supposed to know that?” Kim got closer to the shelves and took a careful look at each, trying to determine which one seemed the best, “Just grab one, those digital ones seem official.”

Trixie reached for the top shelf and tucked the pregnancy test into the long sleeve of her sweater. They shuffled their way to the front of the store to check out. Trixie already had a twenty dollar bill in her hand to make the transaction move as smooth as possible.

An older, sweet looking lady was working behind the counter. Trixie quickly handed her the box of pregnancy test and immediately looked away.

“That’ll be $12.03”  Trixie swiftly placed the twenty dollar bill into her hand. The lady counted out the change and placed the seven dollars into Trixie’s shaking palm. She then bagged the tests and handed them over to Trixie. “Thank you, Have a Merry Christmas!”

Trixie was already five feet away when the lady finally finished her sentence. Her body erupted into a full tremble “You too!” she squealed before rushing out the door with Kim by her side.

 

\---

 

“Did you finish your water?” Kim pressed her back against the locked bathroom door.

“Mhm,” Trixie muttered. She unwrapped the plastic encasing the box. She then opened it and dumped the two wrapped tests into her hand and placed them onto the counter. She reached into the box and grabbed the instructions, first skimming over then, but then thoroughly reading them.

“Kim, it recommends doing it in the morning.” She whined.

“Well, hopefully, it works at eight at night. Because if you wait till the morning you’ll never do it.” Kim responded her tone was strict.

“I’ll save one for tomorrow morning just in case,”

“Sounds good!” Trixie took a deep breath and unwrapped the pregnancy test. Everything began to feel real. She could be pregnant, she might be forced to go on a life-altering journey that she didn’t sign up for. Her chest heaved up and down as she continued to stare at the unused test.  She finally talked herself into taking it.

 

She sat the test flat on the counter and quickly left the bathroom. The door closing behind her with a slam.

“Ew, did you wash your hands?”

“Not the time Kim,” Trixie slumped down against the wall. She didn’t want to think about anything before she knew the truth. Once she did, she’d figure it out, at least she hoped she would.

“I set a three-minute timer for you,” Trixie continued to mindlessly stare at the wall, “I’ll leave you alone for now, I’ll be on the couch if you need me.”

 

Eventually, Kim’s alarm went off. Trixie remained on the floor too scared to actually go check it. She picked at the unraveling carpet below her trying to distract herself. 

“Trixie, you’re going to find out either way.”  She called from the living room.

Kim was right, she needed to know either way. So, she stood up. She placed her shaky hand onto the door and twisted the nob. She tightly shut her eyes as she closed the door behind her.

“It’s okay Trixie, It’s okay” She whispered to herself. She turned her head to the ceiling and opened her eyes. Then, without looking down, she grabbed the test. She inhaled deeply and looked down.

 

**‘Pregnant’**

 

“Kim,” she said quietly, “Kim!” She shouted. Her voice was full of distress and fear. She stared down at the positive.

She went to place her hand on her stomach but stopped herself out of fear before she could make contact with it. She pulled her hand away and placed it on her cheek.

'There's a child in there' she thought to herself. That idea scared the life out of her. 

“Kim,” She cried even louder. The immediate sound of her boots dragging against the carpet grew closer. Kim quickly opened the door and stood next to Trixie.

“Holy shit,” Kim muttered, her mouth gaped open, “Holy shit, you’re pregnant.”

“Mhm” Trixie couldn’t even steady her hand, she was shaking harder than before.

She was pregnant. What the hell was she going to do? There were almost too many options to think about. She could get an abortion but that scared her even more than the thought of raising a child. She might go through with adoption, she could stay in LA and raise the baby alone, she could move home and pray that her mother takes her back, or she could try to get in contact with the dad and figure something out with him. She didn't know what to do.

It suddenly dawned on her, not only was she pregnant, she was pregnant with a drag queen's baby. 

Katya, she was pregnant with Katya’s baby.

“Merry Christmas I guess,” Trixie said quietly.

 

\---

 

Neither of them ate their dinner. Trixie didn’t sleep at all that night, she didn’t quite feel anything either. She was so overwhelmed that she didn’t even know what to do beyond that point. Her brain and body shut down. But, she knew it wouldn’t just go away. She’d have to deal with it eventually and It was better to do so earlier than later. On the other hand, Kim, being the actual adult she was, immediately started reading articles on what to do after a positive test. Every website said to book an appointment with your Obgyn, which Trixie didn’t have. So, the real first step was to find a doctor.

Kim could only assume who the father was, but she didn’t ask Trixie. Seeing that she was more fragile than glass at that moment.

“According to my Obgyn’s website, she takes your insurance. Which is great!” Kim tried to keep a positive attitude to distract Trixie from the grim reality of her situation, “Her office opens at eight, so you’ll need to call and make an appointment to establish yourself there.”

Trixie nodded, she appreciated Kim’s help, but she couldn’t rely on her anymore for basic adult things. She needed to grow up. No more taking the back seat in her life, she needed to take control for once.

“Kim, it’s late, you should get home.” She sat up from her slouched position on the couch, “You have work tomorrow,”

“I can take the day off,” Kim offered.

“No, just go home. Nothing can happen between now and tomorrow, it’s best for both of us to just get some sleep.” Trixie sounded completely defeated.

“Okay, Trixie, okay,” She stood up and collected her things, “I love you, Merry Christmas,”

“I love you too,” Trixie opened the door for Kim and walked with her to the outside of the building.

Kim gave her a tight hug before she entered her car. 

\---

She stood in the bathroom and began to clean up the mess she made. She balled up all the plastic and threw it all away. She then placed the unused test and instructions in the box, storing them in the medicine cabinet. Finally, She grabbed the positive pregnancy test that was still lingering on the counter. She knew she was pregnant, but it didn’t feel real, she needed time to accept it. All she wanted to do was pour herself a large glass of cheap wine and forget, but she couldn’t.

She gripped the test in her hand and turned off the bathroom lights and headed to bed. She placed it on her dresser. She changed into her pajamas from the night before, avoiding looking at her exposed stomach in the mirror. She turned off the light and cocooned herself in bed, she laid there, with her eyes closed for hours unable to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this! I appreciate every comment so, please keep them coming! I read them all so, If I don't respond to them it's because I'm just a bad person. 
> 
> I cannot believe I've written 64 pages already, that's basically half of 100! I have some big-ish plans for this story so stick around.
> 
> [This](https://theroadswewalkin.tumblr.com/) is my Tumblr if anyone wants to follow it. I'm not the most active on it, but I'd be totally willing to do writing updates etc if that's something ya'll are interested in. Just let me know.


	6. Chapter 6

“Not too bad if I say so myself,” Brian hummed.

  
It was a few days after Christmas and New Years and he and Pearl were both already back on the drag scene.   
  
Brian had spent his Christmas, for the most part, alone, along with his New Years, while Pearl went out with a larger group of friends for dinner. Pearl had invited him but, Brian wasn’t one to hang out in large groups so he politely declined. Instead, he spent his Christmas working. Ginger had flown out of town to visit her family so Brian was left to tend the store alone. His mother was beyond furious when he told her that he wouldn't be home for Christmas, but there was always next year.   
  
Since it was Christmas, not many people came into the store, but the people who did seemed to feel the need to share their life stories with him. He didn’t mind, but after the third sob story about being alone for Christmas, he was over it.   
  
His performances of the night were over. They a went well, but the turnout on tips was lesser than usual. Which somewhat began to stress him out, either it was a rough crowd or his performances were lacking. He told himself he'd go all out for the next one. He'd have much more time and energy to do something bigger on Saturday.   
  
He carefully applied a thin coat of solvent to the lace front of his glued down wig. And in one quick motion, removed it and set it down on the vanity in front of him. Along with his wig, he removed his false lashes. Then, he took a cool makeup wipe to his face, it smudging his caked on makeup around first before it finally disappeared.   
  
“Are you going home after this?” Brian asked.   
  
“Yeah, long day tomorrow,” Pearl responded. He was already out of drag and packing up his station.   
  
“Oh, alright,” Brian said, almost disappointed.   
  
“Why?” Pearl finally asked.   
  
“I was just going to get a drink, it always looks less sad when you have a pal with you.” Brian laughed trying to cover up his disappointment.   
  
Pearl was already at the door, bags in hand “Sorry, Brian. Let me know next time though. I'll probably be available.”   
  
“See you later.” Brian sighed. He didn't want to drink alone again but it seemed to be his only option. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, he was never really a drinker. Something about the past year made him one, which he didn’t quite like.   
  
It was almost already two am which meant most bars would be closing. He didn't care though, as long as he could get at least one drink. Maybe he’d even meet someone looking for some fun.   
  
He changed into his street clothes and shoved his drag into his small backpack. As he headed for the door, someone else began to open it from the other side.  The girl from a little over a month ago, Trixie, entered the room. She looked almost the same but wore a different outfit. Instead of her almost obnoxious pink getup, she wore last time, she had opted for a simple pair of black slacks. But her full lips were still slathered in the same hot pink color and her long hair was pulled back into the same ponytail. God, he had forgotten how absolutely beautiful she was. He couldn't help but remember the way she looked tangled in his bed sheets.   
  
Maybe she'd be the fun he was looking for.   
  
“I'm so sorry, I should have knocked. That was so rude of me,” She was completely frazzled, “I'll be leaving now, so sorry.” She stared down at the floor and began to reach for the door.   
  
“Wait, no” he grabbed her arm before she could leave, but dropped it quickly. “It's alright, stay” he stepped away from the door.   
  
She seemed so on edge, he assumed it was because of the last time they saw each other. But, she was so different now. Instead of a nervous cute, she seemed genuinely scared.   
  
“Hi,” she said quietly, her hand had a tight grip around the strap of her purse. She looked down, avoiding eye contact with him.   
  
Brian found it odd but continued. “How are you doing? You look great,”   
  
“I, um, I'm great,” she managed to stammer out. Her long nails dug into her own clenched hand.   
  
“That's good,” he couldn't help but smile. She was so oddly submissive to him, but he loved it. He could tell she was struggling to form her next sentence, “I'm doing great also!” he intervened.   
  
“Katya,” her voice sounded so defeated.   
  
“Call me Brian,”   
  
“Sorry B-” he cut her off.   
  
“Don't be sorry,” he smiled. Trixie shifter her weight and looked around the room before returning her focus onto the floor.   
  
“Brian, I have something to tell you.”   
  
‘Oh God,’ he thought to himself. His mind immediately went to her having some STD. He didn’t want to wait for her to choke the words out so, he interrupted her.   
  
His heartbeat shot up momentarily, “You don't have HIV, right?” He responded quickly.    
  
“No, I just-” she still struggled to form a sentence.   
  
He was beyond relieved. Once STDs were out of the way, He assumed that she'd try to confess her love to him or equally odd. It’d be his luck if he slept with someone like that.   
  
“Yeah?” He asked slowly.   
  
“Katya,” she paused for a second, “Brian, sorry, Brian,” Her words were painfully slow. She still couldn't seem to manage to choke out the words. She began to dig in her bag for something. He wasn't sure what she was trying to say, but if it was going in the direction he thought, he didn't want to hear it.   
  
“Listen, Trixie, that was a one-night thing. There's n-”   
  
Trixie cut him off before he could finish, “No, Brian,” she took a breath finally pulling whatever she was searching for out of her purse,   
  
“I'm pregnant,” She said softly, “It’s yours.” She sounded so ashamed, so scared.   
  
Brian's entire body tensed up as those words escaped her lips. She handed him what she was holding. It was a pregnancy test, a positive one. He tightly gripped it in his palm, staring down in disbelief.   
  
“What?” He said abruptly, whipping his head up to examine her face. There wasn’t a trace of dishonesty in her expression. Just pure, raw fear.   
  
“I'm pregnant, Brian.”   
  
“How? What?” He was now at a loss for words, “Were you not on birth control? How did this happen?”   
  
“I,” Her voice cracked as she fought back tears, “I don't know.” She sounded completely defeated. “I was on birth control, I honestly was.” She clutched her hands in front of her and finally looked into his eyes. “I started feeling sick a week ago and I didn't get my period at all this or last month. I started to worry, so I took a pregnancy test and, well, it was positive.”   
  
“You can't be serious?”   
  
“But I am,” tears began to escape her eyes.   
  
“Oh my God,” he said in disbelief, “Oh my God,” he wrapped his arms around Trixie, allowing her to sob into his shoulder.   
  
“I'm sorry,” she said through tears, “I'm so sorry,” her grip around his waist was so tight he almost couldn’t breathe.   
  
Brian couldn't believe it. He had actually gotten a girl pregnant. He never thought it would happen. His worst nightmare had come true. He didn't want this, he didn't want any of this. How did he let his lustful desires make him do this? Why hadn't he used a condom? Why was he an idiot? He barely even knew this girl.   
  
After a few seconds of Trixie sobbing into his arms, he moved them both over to the small couch placed in the corner of the room to take a seat.   
  
They sat side by side, but Trixie's grip on him was still unbreakable.   
  
“Trixie, listen,” he cooed, putting his hand around her delicate chin, “Trixie, I'll be honest with you. I don't know what you want me to do,” that statement only caused Trixie to sob even harder, “Shhh, it's okay,” he cradled her in his arms. He felt equally terrified as Trixie was, but he refused to let himself let go in front of her. He needed to be strong for her.   
  
After another couple of minutes of Trixie uncontrollably crying, she finally said something. “Brian I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't afford this! I can't even afford myself,  I can't do this, I can't do this!” She repeated through sobs.   
  
“Listen, I can give you some money to take care if this. Okay?” He said softly, “I'm not sure how much it costs but I can give you the $700 or whatever you’d need. Okay?”   
  
Trixie's crying stopped for a second.   
  
“Brian, no.” her voice was groggy. Her makeup had turned into a mess of streams of dripping mascara, rubbed off foundation, and smeared lipstick. She looked into his eyes as she began to wipe away her mascara which was already dripping in her eyes making them burn red.   
  
“It's okay Trixie, it’ll be all okay. If you want I can go with you, I’ll get you whatever you need, Just ask.” He didn’t exactly want anything to do with this, but it was his duty to do so now. Seeing that he was half the cause of this.   
  
“No, Brian. I just, I can't get an abortion.” she began crying once again.   
  
God, pregnant women, and their crying.   
  
Brian didn't know how to respond to that either. He wasn't ready to be a father if that's what she wanted from him. He couldn't stand children, especially babies. The thought pierced fear through his heart. Especially the thought of his own baby, since he couldn’t just hand it to someone else once it got fussy. Fatherhood was not something he expected or wanted from his life. The thought of something with half of his genetics flat out scared him.   
  
“Trixie, I don't know if I can give you what you want in this situation,” He began to ramble on and on, avoiding his urge to flat out say ‘I don't want to be a parent’. He pushed the stray hairs that clung onto Trixie's face away with his fingers. “I'm sorry, I really am, I just-”   
  
“Shut up!” Trixie finally shouted. She buried her head further into his neck. “Just shut up and hold me, okay?” her voice was muffled by his skin.   
  
“Okay,” He didn't want to fight her, he didn't want to make it any worse.   
  
He scooped her up and placed her into his lap. She hugged his body tightly as he did the same. He rocked her side to side trying to calm her down. His thumb brushed up and down her arm. He really didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want a family of his own, the simple thought of that terrified him. Sure, he would need to go along with whatever Trixie decided to do, but he really hoped that her plan wouldn’t involve him.   
  
Trixie’s crying began to subside. The room once again fell silent.   
  
The sound of clicking heels grew closer and closer to the door, then there was a loud knock.   
  
“Who is it?” Brian shouted.   
  
“Just the manager, try to wrap it up in there. Everyone’s leaving at this point and I can’t have you in here alone.” Violet’s distinct voice replied in a loud belt.   
  
“I’m just about done, I’ll be leaving soon.” He responded.   
  
Her heels began to click away, but this time the sound getting quieter.   
  
“Don’t leave me, Brian, please,” Trixie pleaded in a low whisper.   
  
“I won’t, don’t worry,” He breathed in deeply, “I’ll call us an Uber, we can go back to my apartment and talk some more. How does that sound?”   
  
“Yeah, that sounds good.” Trixie sounded so childlike to Brian. The more he thought about it, she really was just a child in retrospect. He still didn’t know her exact age, but his guess was that she was in her early twenties. He remembered his early twenties, he was so blissfully naive then, he wished he could go back.   
  
“My name’s Brian McCook by the way, I grew up in Boston and I’m the assistant manager at a fabric store” He helped her stand up.   
  
“I’m Beatrix Mattel, I grew up in rural Wisconsin and I’m a bartender.” She echoed.   
  
He took a moment to take in her still marveling beauty, even with smeared makeup and teary eyes, she was still perfect.   
  
She broke his trance when she turned towards the wall of mirrors.   
  
“God,” She said trying to wipe away her makeup, “I’m a mess,”   
  
He laughed softly, “Do you need a makeup wipe?”   
  
“Please,” He placed his backpack onto the couch and began to dig through it until he found his stash of wipes.   
  
Oddly enough he had a rush of paternal instincts come over him. He wondered what it would actually be like, being a father and all. He still didn’t want to find out but it now became more of an open-ended thought than a distinct idea.   
  
He pulled out his phone and ordered an uber. Once Trixie was finished, he shut off the room’s lights and led her to the back door.   
  
“Night, Trixie,” Violet shouted as she saw them both leave. Trixie tensed upon hearing her voice.   
  
“Yeah, you too!” She squeaked.   
  
Once they got outside, Brian did his best to make normal conversation. As if their situation was a normal one.   
  
“So, how was your Christmas?” Brian asked, his vocal inflection changing on each word.   
  
“Pretty shit, I’ll be honest,” Brian chuckled, which received a look from Trixie, “What? It was! I woke up feeling like shit, then I found out I was pregnant! Does that sound fun to you?”   
  
“I guess it doesn’t,”   
  
“I know it doesn’t”   
  
“You found out on Christmas?” He asked, his breath fogging in the cold air.   
  
“Yeah, I did,” She sighed heavily, “I'm such an idiot,”   
  
“Don’t say that,” Brian whispered.   
  
“What? I am, I’m dumb as hell for letting this happen,” she explained.   
  
“I guess we’re both idiots in that case,”  he said with another sigh.   
  
“Yeah, I guess,” They both waited out in the cold, not saying anything.   
  
Brian’s curiosity on her age began to eat at him so he finally decided to ask, “Trixie, how old are you?”   
  
“Twenty-one,” She said weakly, “How old are you?”   
  
“Thirty-two,” He said sticking his hands into his pockets.   
  
He felt like such an old man around her at that moment. It wasn’t like he saw her as lesser to him, it was just strange. She was so young in comparison to him, something that Brian wasn’t sure if he felt comfortable with.   
  
After that, their conversation died and they waited for their ride in silence.

  
  
\---

  
  
The car pulled up in front of Brian’s apartment. It was odd to him, he was so used to walking that he couldn’t even remember the last time he needed to pay for transportation. But, he always kept Uber installed just in case he got too drunk and couldn’t walk. Which never really happened.   
  
He unlocked the door and let them both in.   
  
“Welcome to Casa De Katya, again.”   
  
“It looks the same,” Trixie said with a light giggle.   
  
“I like to keep it uniform around here,” He smiled, “Ya know, just in case I come home shit faced drunk. I’ll be able to find my way around,”   
  
“How charming,”   
  
He led her to his kitchen table and had her sit down. He went into the kitchen and poured them each a glass of water then sat down.   
  
“Okay Trixie, I need you to tell me what you want me to do? Obviously, it’s ultimately your choice on what you do with the child. I just need to know what I can do to help you.” He was trying to be the adult he needed to be.   
  
“I don’t know what I want to do,” She admitted, “Brian, I’m scared. I’m really scared if I’m being honest,” She tapped her nails against the tabletop, “I have no family here, or really anywhere, I’m not financially ready for this in any way. God, I don’t even have room in my apartment for any more than what I already have! I spend all my money on food and rent, and then the rest goes to simply getting to work. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. Hell, now that I’m thinking about it, my insurance doesn’t even cover most of the medical expenses it costs to birth another person.”     
  
“Trixie, listen,” He reached for her hand, but she pulled away, “Don’t worry about it all right now, you-” He paused correcting himself, “We, have time.”   
  
“We do, but I’m supposed to already be doing so much already!” She began to use her hands as she talked, “I've stayed up all night the past few days looking up what I need to do so nothing goes wrong. Apparently, I was supposed to be taking prenatal vitamins before I even got pregnant according to every single ‘Mommy Blog’ on the internet and even though WebMD said taking birth control while your pregnant isn’t too harmful if you stop once you find out. I feel like I’ve already failed… it.” She admitted.   
  
“You’re not failing anything, don’t worry.” He reassured her “And back to what you were saying before. You haven’t slept?” He asked slowly.   
  
“No, but I can worry about that later,” she defended.   
  
“Trixie, you really need to be sleeping. I’m sure that’s not good for you or ‘it’ either.” He warned.   
  
“I’m fine!”   
  
“Are you sure?”   
  
“I am fine,” She restated.   
  
“Okay, you’re fine!” He said, giving up, “Have you gone to a doctor or made an appointment yet?”   
  
“Yeah, it was the first thing I did after I found out,”   
  
“That’s a good start!” He tried to encourage her, “When is it?”   
  
“Next week on Tuesday, They said they’d just be doing an overall wellness check and then a blood test to confirm I’m pregnant, which I’m already sure of. That’s really all they told me.”   
  
“I can go if you want,” Brian offered.   
  
“Thank you, but,” She tapped her nails faster and bit her lip, “I don’t know if I want you to come yet,”   
  
“That’s fine, take your time,” he said slightly hurt.   
  
She yawned deeply and fluffed her hair.   
  
“Are you tired?” He asked softly.   
  
“Yeah,” she admitted.   
  
“How about we just go to bed and talk more in the morning?”   
  
“Yeah,”   
  
“Do you want another shirt?”   
  
“Yeah,”   
  
He laughed lightly, “You know where they are, go grab one and get into bed. I’ll sleep out here and I’ll be outside too if you need me,” He went into his kitchen and grabbed a pack of cigarettes.

  
  
***

  
  
Trixie left the room, her memories from the last time she was there shot into her head. His house smelled strongly of cigarette smoke, something that Trixie hadn’t remembered from last time. She wasn’t the type of person to enjoy being around a smoker, but his house smelled amazing to her.   
  
She took a look around the room, seeing the still baren walls and mismatched furniture. The feelings of lust for Brian lingered in the air, the memory of his touch on her skin still felt fresh. His bed had different sheets now, good to know he changes them.   
  
She went into Brian’s bottom drawer and pulled out another oversized shirt. She slowly unbuttoned her top and removed her pants. She folded them neatly and placed them on the cluttered top of the dresser, making sure not to knock anything off of it. She pulled the shirt over her head and then She flicked off the lights and tucked herself into bed. But it didn’t feel right. She tossed and turned unable to get comfortable.   
  
“Brian?” She called.   
  
“Yes?” He replied.   
  
She thought about what she was going to say for a moment, “Can you sleep in here?”   
  
He didn’t reply immediately. Which made Trixie worry she was being too forward.   
  
After seconds that felt like hours, he responded.   
  
“Yes.”   
  
He came into the room, smelling fresh of nicotine, and turned on the lights.   
  
“Are you alright?” He asked.   
  
“Yeah, I am now,” She smiled as she sat up in the bed. He grabbed his own pair of pajamas and went into the restroom to change. Trixie found it cute how he was trying to be decent in front of her. Maybe it all wouldn’t be that bad in the end, that didn’t mean it would all be good. But just maybe it would be alright.   
  
He came back into the room in a plain t-shirt and a pair of dark grey sweatpants. Once again, he turned off the lights and joined Trixie in bed. Trixie flipped to her side and closed her eyes, Brian placed his hand on her hip and joined her in their endeavor of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, Trixie is just a big old crybaby in this story. So, I hope you all are enjoying that. 
> 
> Once again, [This](https://theroadswewalkin.tumblr.com/) is my Tumblr.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit long in comparison to others I've written. Mostly because I didn't think I should make this into two separate chapters.

The strong smell of coffee wafted through the entire apartment. Brian hadn’t slept much that night, but he woke up oddly energetic. It must have been the adrenalin kick that his fear was bringing on. Trixie, on the other hand, had slept longer than he had seen anyone sleep in his life, or that’s at least what it felt like. The hours ticked closer to twelve in the afternoon and she still hadn't woken up.

Brian decided to call into work and take the day off. He hated the idea of skipping work, since he needed the money, but more important matters were at hand. He decided to make them both breakfast.

His coffee was still brewing, so he put together her breakfast and then his own typical meal of oats. He assumed that Trixie wouldn’t want what he liked, so he made her something else.

He carefully dolloped yogurt in a large bowl and added banana, raspberries, and blackberries alongside it. He wasn’t entirely sure when she’d wake up so he stored her food in the fridge and moved on to making toast.

He went around the house and began to pick up the clutter scattered on the floor. He heard the sound a door open and close and then another sound of a door open and close Trixie had must have woken up, but he left her alone and returned to his breakfast.

She had been in the bathroom for a while, which worried Brian slightly. She must have not been feeling well. But she eventually came out and sat on his couch.

“Good Morning,” Trixie said as she rubbed her eyes.

“Good morning, are you hungry?” Brian asked as he joined her on the couch.

“I’m actually starving,” She giggled.

“Do you want any yogurt or oatmeal?” He offered, returning to the kitchen.

“Yogurt sounds really amazing actually!” Trixie beamed, she was so adorable and peppy. Those extended hours of sleep worked wonders for her. He couldn’t exactly say the same for himself.

He really just wanted to take a cold shower and cry it all out. But now he had Trixie’s feelings to worry about too, so he resisted his urges.

Brian went into the kitchen and grabbed her the already prepared breakfast and poured himself a large cup of coffee. He returned to the living room and handed Trixie her breakfast.

“Oh wow, this looks great!” Her smile beamed, she started to shovel the fruit and yogurt into her mouth.

She put her hand over her mouth not wanting to speak with it full, “Thank you!”

Brian sat down next to Trixie and started to sip on his coffee. She eventually slowed down her eating and set down the bowl.

“Do you want something to drink? Water, orange juice, coffee?”

“Orange juice.” She said instantly, “Please.” A child like a smile appeared on her face.

He, once again, returned to the kitchen, Trixie following behind him like a puppy. She placed her bowl in the sink and began to wash it off. Brian went into the fridge and grabbed the unopened carton of orange juice. He then poured it into a large glass and handed it off to Trixie. She sipped on the juice as she watched Brian put everything back into place.

“Brian,” Trixie said, “I’ve been thinking a bit,”

“Yes?” Brian inquired, he was nervous.

“About the baby and all,” She clarified, Brian nodded keeping his eyes fixed on Trixie, She propped herself onto his countertop, “What do you want?”

“Well,”  He really didn’t know what he wanted. He thought he knew, but being around Trixie made him begin to rethink everything.

Maybe he could be in love with someone like Trixie. He knew that he might just have to be in love with Trixie. But, If she wanted the whole monogamous marriage thing, he didn’t know if he could do that. But maybe he could take care of her, stay with her.

But, changing his entire outlook on life in one night wasn’t a very smart thing to do. Even though it was seemingly the right thing to do.

He deep down wished Trixie wanted an abortion, as cruel as that sounded, it would make life so much easier for the both of them. He sure as hell had other dreams and plans for his life outside of parenthood and he was sure she did too.

He wanted to be more than what he currently was. Like, a business owner, or a real manager at a real chain store, or maybe even he could go back to college and find a new major. All of those things were long gone now.

“Brian?” Trixie asked once again.

He snapped back into reality, “Trixie, I want you to be happy, I also want to be happy. I want us all to be happy. But, I’ll admit right here, right now, that one or the other of us are going to be unhappy in the end.” She looked at him perplexed.

“Trixie, you need to understand me when I say ‘I don’t do relationships’ because I really don’t. I won't just abandon you. Just, don’t assume that I’m going to turn into some guy who’ll work from nine to five and be satisfied by a wife and family when I come home at the end of the day.” Trixie’s face seemed practically mortified.

“In short, Trixie, I don’t want a family, but if you do, I’ll work with you.”

“That’s all I needed to hear, Brian,” She said coldly. She looked so disappointed, like her fairytale dream of a prince in shining armor was just stabbed off of his horse. She wanted everything he didn’t.

“Trixie, don’t think I don’t care,” He tried to soothe her.

“I don’t think that I just wished this never happened.”

“So what are you saying?” Brian asked slowly.

“Maybe you should just give me $700 and I’ll go solve all of our problems,” She stated angrily.

It was technically what he wanted to hear, but it said out loud made him realize that it was the opposite of what he wanted.

“Don’t say that Trixie,” he said calmly, he reached for her hand but she, once again, pulled it away.

She snapped, “Well, it sure as hell seems like it’s what you want to hear! Maybe that’ll just be the best option. To ‘make us all happy’!” She examined the blank state of his face, which only made her angrier.

“God, you’re trying to act like an adult right now but you’re nothing but a child! A selfish, selfish child who uses fancy wordplay to avoid saying what you really want. I wish I never fucking met you! Do you hear that? Does that make you happy?”

Brian’s mouth dropped and his eyes widened, she really just said all of that. Trixie's pure state of anger melted away all the beauty and innocence of Trixie’s face.

“What? Now you’re going to act hurt? You’re full of it Brian, I hope you know that.” He could tell she was fighting off the urge to cry once again.

Trixie took in deep, ragged breaths. Her little outburst took a lot out of her. But it pushed Brian off of his cool. He let the room grow stagnant, allowing Trixie’s harsh words ringing in their ears. Trixie’s face grew soft and ashamed, she knew what she said was wrong. Though she didn’t take any of it back.

“I know this is just your hormones speaking, okay Trixie. I understand a lot is happening for you right now,” He tried to stay relaxed, fighting fire with fire never worked, “But, if you _ever_ speak to me like that again, you’re on your own. I want to make this work, I really do. I just need you to know that we’re not going to be the picture perfect family you see everywhere.”

“I know that,” Trixie responded, her voice just above a whisper.

“I’m glad, you need to understand that I genuinely think you’re a sweet person and a good girl. I’d be more than happy to go on this crazy adventure with you. You just need to understand, we’re basically strangers. I know nothing about you and you know nothing about me. If we’re going to do this we need to learn the basic stuff and the complex stuff about each other.”

“Okay,” Trixie had calmed herself down at that point. Brian took a final drink from his mug and set it down near the sink, “So what about it,”

“Do you want to go on a date?” He offered, “Like, a proper date?”

Trixie was stopped in her tracks, “I do,” Trixie responded hesitantly.

“Today?” He suggested

“Sure, today,”

Brian grabbed Trixie by the hand and helped her off the countertops.

 

\---

 

Once Brian had fully calmed Trixie down, he left her alone to get himself ready. He put on his normal everyday look but tried his best to make it look more formal. He opted for black jeans and a blue button-down that almost ironically mirrored Trixie’s work uniform.

They had called an uber to Trixie’s house so she could get herself ready. Their driver had given Trixie an odd look when she got into the car wearing dress pants and a casual T-shirt.

They got out of the car, Brian took a second to examine the area she lived in. It was just a street of apartment buildings after apartment buildings, and Trixie’s was conveniently set in the center of it all.

When he entered her place, he realized just how honest she was when she told him that he had barely any space for what she already had. Her kitchen and living room were basically the same room and her hallway really didn’t exist. It was just long enough to fit a bathroom door and then a bedroom door. It was much, much smaller than his own apartment but smelled much cleaner and looked more put together. It smelled like a flower shop was being run inside of her air vents.

Trixie excused herself so that she could take a shower and get ready. Brian took a seat on her couch and closely looked around her apartment. It was a perfect visual depiction of Trixie’s personality.

Trixie had been in the shower for well over twenty minutes. Brian started to become impatient so, he went outside to smoke.

He came to the realization that if he’d actually became involved with Trixie, he would need to stop smoking. Second-hand smoke, blah blah blah, not good for children or pregnant women or really anyone, blah blah blah.

He seriously needed to quit though.

As he finished his cigarette he took a moment to people watch. There was a wide variety of people who lived in LA, especially in this part of town. It was a mix of dirt poor people and people so rich they could slap you in the face and you’d feel obligated to apologize to them.

A few people here and there eyed Brian as they walked by. Some even coughing whenever he exhaled a cloud of smoke, just to beat in the fact that they didn’t approve of him smoking. He let that kind of thing roll of his back. He knew cigarettes smelled awful and were in no way healthy, so he understood why people dissaproved. He told himself he’d quit next week.

Once he finished, he returned inside. The sound of Trixie’s shower was now off and the door was open, letting steam escape from the bathroom. She came out of the bedroom, her long, blonde wet hair draped around her face. She was dressed very casually, she wore an oversized white sweater and plain jeans. She didn’t say a word to him but instead returned to the bathroom.

He knew she’d be doing her makeup and hair, which would take a while from his personal experience. He closed his eyes trying to drift off to pass time. He almost instantly fell asleep, but then woke up to the sound of Trixie dropping something on the floor.

“Fuck!” She shouted.

Brian shot up out of his seat immediately and rushed into the bathroom. She was sitting on the floor trying to salvage the tiny shards of an entirely shattered eyeshadow pallet. She scooped up the dust on the floor and shut the lid.

“I’ll deal with that later,” She sighed.

Her makeup was already done, but it appeared that she had slipped and dropped something while putting it away.

“Are you ready?” He asked as he squatted down to help her up.

She grabbed his hand and pushed her self up from the floor. She dusted the pigment off of her jeans and groaned.  “Yeah, let’s go.”

Brian hadn’t spent much time in Trixie’s part of town so he didn’t exactly know where to go or what they could do. He had looked up restaurants in the area and decided to take her to a seemingly small cafe about a mile away. It was still chilly outside so, Trixie had grabbed herself and Brian hats to keep warm.

It was quite a windy and cloudy day which contributed to the uncomfortably low temperature.

They both made their way down the stairs of her apartment building and began to head in the direction of the cafe. As they walked down the streets they had small back and forth conversations about basic things about each other

“Do you have a favorite color?” Brian asked.

“Pink, that's an easy one! What about you?” Her smile was so charming. The corners of her lips perked up.

He looked up at the cloudy sky trying to come up with one, “You know what? I don’t think I have one. I really just like all colors. They all have a unique complexity.”

“How poetic!” Trixie laughed loudly. A cold wind picked up and Trixie began to rub her hand together. She stuck them in her pocket, to try to keep them warm and sheltered from the elements.

“Are you cold?” He asked, keeping his attention in front of him. He was mostly trying not to run into anyone else walking the opposite direction. The streets were crowded, as usual. That was the one thing he hated about Los Angeles. People were always everywhere, in a big hurry for no reason. No one took the time to enjoy the sights or real life in general.

“Just a bit, my hands are freezing,” She said taking her hands out of her pocket, placing them at her sides. He looked down and reached for her hand. He was worried she’d pull away like last time. But, she didn’t. She let him hold her hand. Perhaps it was because her hands were actually that cold or maybe she actually wanted to hold his hands. But, all he cared was that they were making improvements.

She was right, her hands were freezing, a harsh contrast to Brian’s larger warmer hands. Her hands were so small as well, they were at least a third of the size of his and fit perfectly.

They walked hand in hand down the crowded streets, making sure not to run into anybody while they were walking and talking.

Brian couldn’t help but think about what life would be like in a few months if he actually stuck around. Would they be walking around the streets of LA, well more so waddling on Trixie’s behalf, as a real couple or would he have gotten sick of her by that point? He liked her, he really did. He just didn’t know how long he’d like her for. It could be days, weeks, months, or maybe even years.

“Do you see that cloud?” Brian pointed out a fluffy round cloud placed in the sky just in their view.

“Yeah,” she lifted her hand and pointed out the cloud, “What about it?”

“Nothing, I just think it’s beautiful,” 

“It is beautiful,” Trixie hummed.

“Like you,” he grinned, knowing how awful that line sounded.

“Gross,” 

They approached the cafe and went inside. It was warm, it had its own real fireplace and all. The place was decorated in a somewhat retro style. It had some upcycled tables, a brick wall full of black and white pictures, and random autographed posters from old musicians everyone’s grandparents loved back in the day. So, basically every single thrift store in West Hollywood.

Brian had Trixie take a seat and tell him her order.

“Well, what do they have? I’m really not supposed to have coffee anymore,” She explained.

“Oh, yeah, you’re right. Forgot about that,” He turned around and looked at their menu above the ordering counter, “They have a peppermint hot chocolate, how does that sound?”

“A peppermint hot chocolate?” She thought about it for a second, “That actually sounds really good! Can you get me one of those big cookies too?”

“Alright, I’ll be right back,”

*******

Trixie watched him as he stood in line and ordered. He seemed so sure of himself as if nothing in his life was going wrong. She was sure that he just held in his feeling, most men she knew did that.

She wasn’t sure what he was really thinking. He gave her a whole speech on not wanting to be a parent or be in a relationship, but then turned around, less than a day later, and took her out on a date and held her hand and did all the classic first date stuff that you’d expect from someone looking for a relationship. He was weird.

She wondered if he was as scared as she was. He must have been. It was a scary situation to be in, having one night dictating your entire life.

Brian eventually returned to the table with their drinks and food. She had realized that he was quite the coffee drinker. Within the time she was with him, he had already had three cups of coffee and didn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon.

He was also an avid smoker. He seemed like he tried to distance himself from her every time he did so though. He’d excuse himself outside or say he was going the restroom every time he took a smoke break. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was pregnant or if he was really just ashamed of it.

“How does that taste?” He was scarfing down a plate of sweet potato fries drizzled with some unknown sauce.

“It’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten if I’m being honest.” He said though chews, “Try it.”  He handed her his fork and pushed the plate closer to her. She looked at it unsure if she really wanted to try it. She finally stuck the fork into one and tasted it. They were good but too salty for her liking. He stared at her face intently looking for a reaction. She tried to keep a pleasant face, but she really hated them. She swallowed them quickly and smiled.

“They’re good, I just don’t like salty food. Well, at least right now,”

“Well, that's a deal breaker,” He joked, “Do you at least like your cookie?”

“I love it actually,” She said as she offered him a bit of it. He grabbed it from the palm of her hand and took a bite.

“That is good,”

They both continued to eat their food and sip on their drinks. They talked a lot about themselves and their past and what they wanted from the future. Trixie liked most of Brian’s views on life, at least she liked the idea of them. He had such an openhanded perspective, he seemed very carefree.

He also had simplistic dreams. He really only wanted what every person wanted, which was a stable job. Though, he really wanted to be self-employed or at least in the highest position of power at an office or a corporation.

She talked about her deep down dream to be a hair and makeup artist. She always wanted to go to a beauty school, but after leaving home she never got to live out that dream. She also dove a little into her childhood and her final years in Wisconsin, but she stopped herself before she could get too into it. She still covered a bit on her mother and father.

“Wait,” Brian intervened, “You ran away?”

She suddenly became defensive, “Basically, Is there a problem there?”

“No,” He laughed, “None at all,”

“What?” She asked.

“Our fucking kid is going to have the weirdest family in the world,” At this point, he had broken out in a full body laugh.

“What!” Trixie asked again, she was now laughing too.

“What do you mean ‘what’? It’s going to have two Bisexual parents, a dad who’s a drag queen, and a runaway mother?” He tried to calm his laughing, “God, I hope this kid is ready for what’s coming.”

 

 

\---

 

 

 

 

A little over a week passed and Trixie’s first prenatal appointment finally came along. Trixie ultimately decided that it would be best to invite Brian to come with her. Impressively, they had gotten quite close over the past days. They called and texted daily and did their best to make time to see each other even with their conflicting work schedules.  

“Beatrix Mattel?” A lady called from behind the front desk.

She walked up to the desk and the lady handed her more paperwork to fill out.

“You’re going to need to sign here” She pointed to one of the lines on the paper, “Here,” She flipped the page, “And here. Then I’ll just need your insurance card one last time and you should be all set!” The lady seemed so happy with her job. Trixie could imagine why, every day she was around happy, expecting mothers and adult women who seemingly had their lives together. Expecting mothers were always so happy too, they all seemed to have the same glowing smile and happy outlook. Something Trixie hadn’t developed quite yet.

Trixie bent down and scribbled her full name in all three places. She grabbed her wallet out of her purse and handed her insurance card over to the lady, “Thank you! I’ll call you up once it’s all registered!”

“Once again, Thank you,”  The lady nodded and took the card from Trixie’s hand.

Trixie returned to her and Brian’s claimed chairs and took a seat. She placed her hand on the chair of the arm and Brian tightly grabbed it. The waiting room was brightly decorated, with one of the walls painted with a baby blue and a baby pink color. It was a charming office, Trixie could see why Kim liked this place so much. It had a corner filled with typical doctors office children's toys, a wall of up to date magazines, and an overall adult-ish vibe. There were other clusters of women around the waiting room, some of them were also pregnant, but others were normal women coming in for their routine checkups.

“What’s happening now?” He asked in a low murmur.

“She’s getting my insurance information and filing my paperwork away,” She flipped her hand and entwined her fingers with Brian’s, “I think we’ll be done with all of that soon, at least I hope.”

She rested her head against Brian’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

“Are you nervous?” 

She took her other hand and smoothed down her hair, “A little bit, are you?”

“I’m not sure how I feel, this appointment really is about you so I don't think I have much of a reason to be nervous.” He said calmly, “The whole officially knowing if you’re pregnant or not is a little nerve-racking I guess. I mean, I obviously know you’re actually pregnant, but the whole idea of  it becoming medically proven seems like it makes it more serious.”

“Well, It does. In a way,” Trixie responded trying to keep her voice at a low volume, the room other than their conversation was mostly silent, “I’m worried that all of the at-home tests I’ve taken over the weeks haven’t been right and I’m actually not pregnant. Now that’s a scary thought,”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

Trixie felt eyes on her, she quickly opened them and gazed around the room. Another random couple sitting just across from them were staring at her and Brian and whispering.

“Do you see that?” Trixie whispered.

“I do, I hoped you wouldn’t notice. Just ignore it, I’m sure it’s not about us.” He tried to stay relaxed, he knew that they were talking about them, but he didn’t want Trixie to worry herself.

Trixie and Brian generally didn’t look like the typical couple that would be having a baby, at least on purpose. Trixie still had a youthful look about her. She never left the house without a full face of makeup or her hair done. She also typically wore some type of short skirt or dress, but within the past weeks, she had started wearing jeans and t-shirts and she also was a natural blonde, despite it being so blonde it appeared bleached, which gave off a ditsy college girl appearance. She didn’t quite understand why those were factors that insinuated the idea of being a bad parent in some people’s eyes. But they apparently were.

On the other hand, Brian could probably pass as a dad. He didn’t quite have any outlandish look to him, so no one really had a reason to take a second look. But he and Trixie paired together were quite a sight to see.

“Beatrix?” the lady called one last time, Trixie winced. She hated being called that name, but it came along at things like this. She always associated it with her stepfather yelling at her, something that she had become used to in her teenage years. She only let Kim call her that nowadays, but in an ironic way.

Trixie raised her head off of Brian and let go of his hand. She, once again, went over to the desk to grab her card and whatever else the lady needed to give her. “You’re all set! You’ll be called back shortly!”

She sat back down, “She said we’re done, so let’s hope the wait isn’t too long,”

“Good,” 

She crossed her legs and tapped her foot against the ground. Brian began to examine the room more closely. Trixie turned her head to watch Brian, she liked how he could become entranced with anything in the world. He could find a rock interesting if he really wanted.

“Beatrix Mattel?” A different lady called, this time it was a nurse. Trixie and Brian stood up in unison.  She wore a matching set of flowery scrubs and had her hair clipped back in a low bun.

“My name is Courtney, go ahead and follow me” She smiled as she shook both of their hands, she led them over to the vitals station. “Beatrix, If you’ll take your shoes off and take a step on the scale,” She looked over to Brian, “You can sit down in one of those chairs if you want,”

Trixie stepped up onto the scale and she took her weight and height. She carefully watched the numbers on the scale, the weights finally balanced out. Courtney jotted down the numbers. Trixie had gained a little over five pounds at this point which Trixie found slightly surprising. She began to wonder if she had started growing a bump yet, she really hadn’t looked at her stomach, out of an essentially superstitious fear. She hadn’t actually put her hand on her stomach either yet.

“We’ll be going to the third room on the left if you’ll follow me,”

They followed her through the maze-like hallways of the office and into their room. Courtney did all of the basic health assessment stuff for Trixie, she took her blood pressure, temperature, asked if she was on or allergic to any medicines and then she finally got to pregnancy.

“Have you taken any home pregnancy tests?” She asked looking down at her clipboard of papers and information.

“Yes, a few,”.

“Were they all positive?”

“Yes,”  She said quickly. She had already googled all of the questions they’d ask at this appointment and she’d been rehearsing them in her head for weeks. Courtney scribbled something down on her paper.

“Is this your first child?”

“Yes,” Courtney checked a box. She went down an extensive list of questions which Trixie already knew the answer to all of them. Trixie’s brain began to go into an autopilot state as they dragged on.

“Okay, we’re all set in here, let’s get you some blood work!” She had Trixie stand up, she gestured to Brian, “If you’d like to come you’re welcome to,”

“Trixie?” He asked her.

“Stay here, I don't want you to see me cry more than you already have.” She joked.

Courtney led her out the door and into the back room, “I’m assuming you don’t like blood?” she asked as she sat Trixie down.

“Not exactly,” Trixie stammered

“Tell me if you’re going to pass out when you start to feel it. I’ve had one too many ladies pass out on me in this room.” Trixie was beyond terrified of needles and blood. Two things she hadn’t realized were a big part of maintaining a healthy pregnancy. Blood tests, blood work, blood infusions, just blood everywhere. “Just close your eyes and breathed It’ll be quick,”

Trixie relaxed her body, extended her arm, and closed her eyes trying not to think about it at all.

She thought about other potentially exciting things, like what names she liked for the baby and what it might look like. They were destined to be a blonde with some type of blue hue to their eyes. Since she and Brian shared the blonde hair- blue eyes look.

“I’m done,” Courtney announced. Trixie opened her eyes and look around the room, she saw the several tubes of her blood placed in the corner which made her feel queasy.

“Let me wrap you up and then take you back to your husband and we’ll be set,”

“Oh,” The word husband rang in Trixie’s ears. ‘Husband’, she thought to herself.

“Yes?” Courtney asked.

“Nothing, never mind.” Trixie put on a smile and followed her out of the room.

 

\---

 

Courtney told them it’d be a short wait until the doctor came and saw them. Well, Courtney was a liar. They had to wait upwards of an hour before they even got close to talking to the doctor.

“So sorry for the wait!” A tall, red-headed lady pushed her way through the door, she set down her mountain of clipboards and coffee mug onto the room’s desk. She sat down on the rolling stool and logged herself into the computer. She scooted herself so that she was directly in front of Trixie, ”Hi there sweetpea, I’m Doctor Monsoon!” She extended her hand for Trixie to shake.

“Great to meet you I’m Trixie and this is Brian,” She gestured to herself and then Brian.

“Very nice to meet you two, now what are you in here for?” She dug around the clipboards, before finding Trixie’s “Oh! First-time parents, congratulations!”

“Thank you,” Trixie said softly.

“Did your nurse give you a rundown of what we’ll be doing today?” She asked.

“No, not really, but I did a lot of research beforehand,”

“That’s great!” She beamed, she turned to Brian, “You’ve got a prepared one on your hands!”  Brian simply smiled and nodded. “So Beatrix, I’ll be giving you a full physical exam, it might take a little while so we’re going to have to kick him out,” She motioned to Brian, “Any questions?”

“Nope!”

“Perfect, let’s get this show on the road,”

She had Brian leave the room and had Trixie change into a gown. Then she started with all of the doctoring things she needed to do on the first appointment. Trixie had read a lot of articles online and they all said that the first appointment was always the longest, but Trixie didn’t exactly comprehend how long it would actually be. About twenty-five minutes had passed when she finally was finished just with the physical exam. Then another thirty was added when she had her do more tests and random assessments.

“All looks well, go ahead and change into your clothes and then we can go over your blood test, since we just got those in, and any concerns  you have,” She drew the ‘modesty’ curtain, “I’ll let him back in,” She cracked the door open and slipped out to have a conversation with Brian while Trixie changed.

Brian came in and Doctor Monsoon excused herself to grab Trixie’s blood work.

“Good news,” Monsoon said as she entered the room, “You’re pregnant, but I’m sure you already knew that.” she scanned down the paper, “You also don’t have HIV and you don’t have any markers for carrying CF.” She flipped through papers, “You’re actually completely healthy and normal, you have slightly low iron but that’s an easy fix. I’m guessing you’re around eight weeks at this point based on what you’ve told us and the tests we’ve run. Do you have any questions?”

“I actually do,” Trixie looked at Brian, “Um, Brian, sorry can you leave again for a second? I just need some girl to girl talk,” He nodded and stood up. They both watched him leave the room.

“So,” Trixie picked at her nails, “This,” She gestured at her stomach, “This wasn’t planned,”

“I see,” Monsoon leaned in listening deeply.

“I took birth control up until two weeks ago. I know it’s not supposed to be harmful, but it’s been really scaring me. I’ve also been really stressed since Brian and I aren’t actually a couple or anything. I’ve just been trying my best to throw together a life for this baby and I work all night, most nights. I feel like I'm starting to go crazy.”

“Trixie,” She hesitated, “Is it okay if I call you that?”

“Go for it,”

“Trixie, you will not believe how many women come through these doors in the same situation as you. I’ve had some people taking birth control while pregnant for much, much longer than six weeks and everything still goes well. You and the baby will be absolutely fine as long as you stopped taking them and if you’re still worried we can find a heartbeat or do an ultrasound. I'll do it for you, free of charge, it’s my pleasure. I just want you to feel comfortable”

“Really?” Trixie perked up.

“Absolutely!” She beamed.

“Thank you so much!”

“And as for the stress, that is something you need to be avoiding. I understand your worries and troubles with your relationship, but your baby is going to come first no matter how difficult that sounds. If you’re in a high-stress situation, I want you to remove yourself from it and do whatever you need to do to calm down.”

Trixie nodded, “I’ll Try my best”

“Any other questions?”

“What about diet?

“Let’s bring Brian back in here, he’ll need to hear this too,”

Brian returned to his seat and Doctor Monsoon went over anything Trixie could ever need to know about what she should and should not eat.

Trixie took out her phone and opened up her notes and began asking her a page long list of questions. Each and everyone received a thorough explanation and an answer. Trixie felt beyond relieved when she was finished.

“Do you two still want to hear the heartbeat?”

“Yes, definitely!” Trixie smiled, Brian sat quietly in his chair, but Trixie knew he wanted to hear it too.

“I need to make my rounds one last time, but if you guys are willing to wait ten-ish minutes I’ll be able to do it!”

“Of course, we’ll be here.” She grinned.

\---

 

 

She shortly returned to the room with a small doppler and a bottle of miscellaneous gel. She had Trixie lay back and pull up her shirt and unzip her high waisted jeans.

“The baby will be really low at this point, so don’t mind me getting all up in your business,” She folded down the unzipped edges of  Trixie’s pants and applied a generous amount of the gel to Trixie’s lower stomach.

“Oh, Jesus!” Trixie yelped. Brian sat up in his seat and tentatively watched.

Doctor Monsoon chuckled quietly, “Is it cold?”

“Yeah, very cold!” Trixie gritted her teeth. She smeared the gel around her lower abdomen.

“Now, I’m going to turn it on and start looking,” She clicked a button on the small machine and the sound of static filled the silent room, “The heartbeat normally can be found near the pelvic bone at this point, so that’s where I’ll start.” She positioned the doppler in the center of where Trixie’s pelvic bones were placed, a low thump could be heard, “That is your heartbeat right there, and” She got quite listening for the baby’s, the lower thumping eventually disappeared and was replaced by a louder and quicker noise, “That right there, that’s the baby!”

The room fell dead silent, apart from the loud echo of the babies quick heartbeat.

“Wow,” Trixie said quietly.

“Pretty cool right?”

The room became silent again.

“Way cool,” Trixie gushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super in love with the way this is written. So, if this was lackluster my bad. I've just had a lot of free time and things I've wanted to get to in this story so I guess I'm getting a bit lazy with these. Whoops! 
> 
> Hope you liked it, I've gotten quite a few chapters done ahead of this and I'll be sporadically posting them because I'm too impatient to stick to a schedule.
> 
> Also, I reached 100 pages, so that's exciting!


	8. Chapter 8

Trixie and Brian had been trying really hard in the past month. They wanted everything to work out so they had been spending the most time they could together.

Brian finally told Pearl and Ginger after keeping it a secret for weeks. They were both beyond shocked but quickly accepted it and offered their support in any way they could. Ginger was a classic sentimental girl, her only request was for him to show her their ultrasound pictures when they came in. A request Brian obviously accepted.

He also had to tell his mom. Telling her summoned very different emotions than when he told Ginger and Pearl. He was genuinely terrified about what she would say. He hoped she wouldn’t be angry with him or at least too angry.

He called her.

“Hey, Mom!” He chirped through the phone.

“Brian! Hi darling,” Her heavy Boston accent could even be heard through the poor connection of the phone, “How are you doing?”

“I’ve been doing alright, but I have something to tell you. You need to promise that you won’t be angry. Alright?”

“Goodness, what is it now Brian?”

“Well,” His hands began to shake, he couldn’t recall the last time he was this nervous talking to his Mom, “You’re going to be a Grandma!”

“You’re getting married!” She squeaked through the phone.

“Not quite,” He laughed nervously, “No wedding, but still a baby.”

“Oh,” Her end of the phone went quiet, “Wait, what?”

“I’m going to be a dad,” He said trying to keep a positive tone, hoping to influence his mom’s reaction.

“You’re adopting?” She asked.

“No, Mom, a girl I’ve been seeing is pregnant.” He finally admitted with a sigh, dropping his former peppy tone.

“Wow,” She said shocked, “Congratulations baby!”

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course not! You’re an adult, you can make your own decisions!”

He was surprised, but not surprised by the fact she wasn't angry. He knew he was an adult, but he didn’t think she’d be as happy as she seemed over the phone. She overall just loved being a grandma, so it made a bit of sense.

He promised her that she could come and visit sometime soon. He worried what she’d think of Trixie, but hopefully, they would get along. They were both likable people.

Everything was starting to fall into place quite easily, he began to convince himself that he was happy.

But, that slight facade of happiness started to slowly fade.

Sure, he was happy, but after the initial stage of scrambling to get everything together began to disappear, he found himself in the exact place he was before Trixie first revealed her pregnancy.

He didn’t want anything to do with a family.

But Trixie, he couldn’t leave Trixie. That was the only thing keeping him from walking away from it all. He cared too much about her to just leave.

He knew she was falling in love with him, he knew that for a fact. He didn’t feel the same way at that point though. He felt like a stranger in his own body, like a cold heartless human hiding within the husk of a shell of what he used to be. He could appear happy to any onlooker. But he only pretended to be happy.

Trixie had practically moved into his apartment by this point. They were only a month in and it was all happening so fast. Brian just started letting it all happen. She’d call and say she wanted to sleep at his house, he would just say yes. She would wake up nauseous and vomiting, he would try to comfort her. She wouldn’t feel well enough to go to work, so he’d just tell her not to worry about it and stay home.

He’d go to work all day and then go home and spend all of his time with Trixie before she went to work or bed. Trixie became so clingy to him, even if he would leave the house to go to the store she’d ask to come along.

Eventually, her clothes started to accumulate, then her makeup, then her hair products, and then it turned into her spending all her time there. It was all so fast he was trying not to spin.

Conveniently, her lease needed to be renewed, and Trixie seemed so hesitant to do it.

\---

It was around one in the morning and Trixie was scrambling to get all of her renewal paperwork filled in and signed. She was stressed, very stressed. She had even bought herself a pair or reading glasses just for this night.

They sat across the table from one another, Trixie going over her paperwork and Brian pinning together a dress he had already spent too much time on.

“Trixie, just move in here,” Brian finally said. He placed the pins and dress in his lap.

She looked up from her stack of paperwork, “What? No, Brian, I can’t do that.” She stated bluntly, going back to reading and signing her contracts.

“Look around Trixie,” He gestured to her cumulative belongings scattered throughout the house, “You already basically live here! The last time you actually slept at your house was weeks ago! Just move in here and we can split the rent. You’ll be saving money too. Since you can walk to work from here and you won’t have your name under a vacant apartment.”

“You’re being serious?” She dropped her pen on the table.

“Yes, I am. I have a whole other room that we can turn into a nursery for the baby, it’s just serving as a mostly empty closet right now. It’ll just make our lives easier.”

“I guess you’re right. That does sound good,” She thought for a second, “We could transfer some of my furniture over here and then sell the rest and that money could go into the baby's funds.”

“Trixie, let’s just do it.”

“Let’s do it!” She squeaked.

\---

Trixie officially moved out of her apartment a few days later and brought all of her things along with her. She didn’t want to leave anything behind, not a single box. They exchanged Brian’s worn out furniture for most of Trixie’s newer and cleaner Ikea furniture.

After that day Brian realized that he was in no way happy with that choice. He liked the idea of spending time with the mother of his child, but now they were spending too much time together. At least that's how Brian felt.

When she had her own house to go back to, Brian got a break from all the emotion and illness that accompanied the early stages of pregnancy.

Trixie’s favorite thing to do nowadays was to cry. Someone would spill water on the floor, Trixie would start crying. Someone bumped into her and didn’t say sorry what did she do? You guessed it, she’d cry. She was like a baby herself, all she did was cry and vomit.

\---

Trixie’s twelve week appointment was when they saw the baby for the first time.

“Okay,” Doctor Monsoon clicked her tongue, “Let’s see this little baby,”

She smoothed over the freezing cold gel over Trixie’s stomach again. Which received the same reaction from her as it did last time. Monsoon direction their view the monitor connected to the ultrasound machine. She pressed the doppler onto Trixie’s stomach and began to move it around.

“Oh, There it is!” She turned to Trixie and Brian, “There’s it’s little head and hands,”

“Oh wow,” Trixie said, “That sure as hell is a baby, look at that.”

Her former excitement from their last appointment had drastically changed. Trixie now seemed more unsettled than anything.

“Isn’t that something,” Brian said.

Monsoon moved the doppler around a bit more getting a full view of the baby. She paused every so often saving pictures and taking measurements of the baby. 

The baby shifted and stretched its arms sporadically, taking Trixie by surprise. She watched carefully as it clenched its tiny hand into a fist.

“Woah, It’s moving.” She stated obviously.

Doctor Monsoon laughed at that, “Yeah, Babies tend to do that. I think you’ll be even more surprised when you start to feel it yourself.”

Trixie took a hard swallow, “I forgot that happens,”

\---

Another thing, Brian was beyond sexually frustrated. Having someone like Trixie sleeping in your bed with you all night, every night was like a nonstop striptease. But, Trixie was so freaked about the fact that she was pregnant that Brian couldn’t even touch her stomach, let alone anywhere else. He’d wake up in the morning to find Trixie stood in the mirror with her shirt lifted over her stomach with her hands ghosting over the new curve of it. But god forbid she or anyone ever touched it. She started to slightly show at this point, but nothing much was there yet. He grew sick of it all, he just needed some alcohol or entertainment. Just something, anything.

He felt like the edges of the world that were once holding him up were slipping away and after only a month.

“I’m going out for a drink after work,” Brian declared. Trixie and Brian were both walking to the bar that night. The street's traffic bumped next to them the distant sounds of car horns echoed through the busy streets.

Brian began to only find joy in his drag shows and the singular glass of vodka soda he could have when he performed.

“Why?” Trixie responded.

“I just need a break,” He admitted.

“From me?” she looked up at him and tilted her head.

He remained silent. He knew if he told her the truth she’d probably start crying again.

So he just lied, “No, Just from life. I guess.” They approached the bar and snuck in through the back door.

“Alright,” She said slowly, “Just be safe okay?”

“I will don’t worry,” He reassured her. She perched herself on her tiptoes and leaned in to kiss Brian. He kissed her back but only for a short moment before he pulled away.

“I’ll see you later,” She pranced off to the breakroom to set her stuff down. Brian went his separate way into the makeup room and began to wipe off the pink lipstick she left on his lips.

“Hey, Katya!” Pearl announced as he entered the room.

“Hey Pearl,” He set his stuff down and slumped into his chair.

“Are you alright there bud?” Pearl asked.

“No, not really.” He sighed. He began to unpack his small, stuffed backpack.

“Talk to me Brian, what's wrong?” Pearl got up and stood next to Brian.

“Trixie, Trixie, Trixie,” was all Brian could say.

“I see,”

“She's just a lot right now,” he didn't like talking about her like she wasn't another person but that's how she really felt to him, “She's just really emotional and she's always sick. I know that she can't help it but I feel like I'm losing my mind.”  

“Is she going to be okay?” Pearl asked. He began to pick up on the fact that she had constantly felt ill within the last few weeks.

“Yeah, she's fine. We went to her second appointment two days ago. Her doctor said it was normal at this point. I just really hate it all, I want to just get away from it all for a bit.”

Pearl put his hands on Brian's shoulders and looked at them both in the mirror, “It'll be okay, Brian, I just think you need a good cry,”

“Yeah, a cry sounds good.”

He continued to get ready and their conversation died down. Brian still loved doing drag shows but all he could think about was getting out of there and drinking.

***

Trixie hadn't told any of her co-workers about her pregnancy. The whole idea of Pregnant women and alcohol wasn't a very cohesive mix. So she opted out of announcing it.

She wasn't sure how long she'd stay working there. Her job definitely wasn't the easiest on her body. Since she was on her feet all night running around the bar, bending down to grab stuff reaching high for other things. She really just needed the money, so she'd probably have to stay for as long as she possibly could. She didn’t even know if Brian’s jobs alone could support the two, soon to be three, of them. They hadn’t quite gotten to that conversation yet.

Trixie nicely served each customer who came by. Every person who ordered a drink that night either wanted something extremely complex or something really expensive. Which was good, because they all ended up leaving large tips.

Trixie had a couple of people flirting with her here and there that night. Mostly insanely intoxicated people, who took Trixie's kindness for flirting. Nothing too bad though. Most of the time she just let it happen, but sometimes they would try too hard.

“So what are you doing after this, Mama?” A random patron smirked.

She laughed uncomfortably, “I'll probably be heading home. It's been a long day,” she continued to make the mans order of a Manhattan on ice.

“I see, are you going home to anyone tonight?” He leaned closer to Trixie, his breath smelled strongly of alcohol. Trixie noted that she should cut him off the next time he ordered.

“Mhm,” Trixie hummed. She tried to keep her attention centered around what she was doing.

“Damn,” He sighed, “All the hot ones are always taken,” Trixie finished the drink and poured it into a glass and handed it off to the man. She really wanted to get rid of him.

“Have a good night,” Trixie said shortly.

“Yeah, you too.” He stomped away.

Trixie was exhausted already and she was only a few hours into her shift. The only thing had had to look forward to was Katya. She couldn't wait for Katya to get out on stage.

She thought everything was going well with her and Brian. They were moved in together, they slept in the same bed and they were getting along fine. She really liked that he was so attentive to her. He took great care of her, he understood how she felt and he tried his best to be patient. She loved him, a lot.

She could see herself with him for the rest of her life. Maybe it was just all of her emotions running wild though.

The bar began to settle down as the drag shows commenced. A few other girls were up before Katya so Trixie zoned out until she heard her name.

“Please welcome to the stage, everyone's favorite Russian hooker, Katya Zamolodchikova!” The announcer shouted into the microphone.

***

Brian zipped his tightly packed bag and headed for the door. It was well into the night and Brian was antsy to get to the bar. He slipped out the back door and quickly walked all the way to his favorite bar. He yanked open the door and stepped inside. He sat himself down on the bar stool and grabbed the attention of the bartender.

“Can I just get some whiskey, I don't really care about the brand just give me whatever tastes the most like motor oil.”

The bartender turned around and grabbed a bottle of whiskey off of the highest shelf.

A guy with shoulder-length, obviously dyed, grey hair took a seat next to him, “Whiskey? Rough day, huh?”

“Yeah, it's been a long year.” He rubbed his eyes with his hands and slouched against the marble countertop of the bar.

“A long year?” He let out a regal sounding laugh, “We’re barely two months into this year and it's already been long?”

“You wouldn't believe the past few months even if I told you.” Brian laughed. His laugh was much more rugged and full of self-pity.

“So then tell me about it,” he leaned on the bar and placed his hand on his chin.

“I don't think I want to,” he let out another pitiful laugh.

“You don't?”

“Not really,”

A smile formed across the other man's face, “A man of mystery, I like that. You've got a name?”

“Brian,” he huffed out, “Yours?”

“Max,”

Max grabbed the waiter's attention and ordered a drink of his own. A vodka soda to be exact, a man of Brian’s heart.

“Max, tell me about yourself.” Brian drank his whiskey, the liquid burning the back of his throat as it went down.

“Oh, so I can tell you about me but not vice versa?”

“Exactly,” Brian grinned.

Their conversation stretched out into the night, they started drinking more and more. Brian quickly realized that he liked this Max guy way more than Trixie, at least at that moment.

Max didn’t break down crying at everything, Brian could be real and honest with his guy.

\---

They both agreed that it was time to stop when they couldn’t recall what their last drink was. They got up in unison and headed towards the door. They both stood outside of the bar and exchanged phone numbers.

“It was nice meeting you, Brian,” Max placed his hand on Brian’s shoulder, “I’d like to see you sometime again soon.”

“Likewise,”

“Call me,”

“I will,”

“Brian,” He said abruptly.

“Yes?”

“Kiss me?” He leaned in closer to Brian’s face. Brian didn’t pull back or fight it. He let it happen. He cupped the other man's face and kissed him back. They stood there, in the middle of the night, shitfaced drunk, kissing, like every single cheesy gay romance movie in the world.

Max pulled away, “I’ll see you around, Brian.” He turned around and headed in the opposite direction of Brian.

He stood there, in a state of shock, as Max walked away. He shook himself out of it and made his way to his own apartment, with Trixie, probably, desperately waiting for his arrival. He didn’t want to deal with her, he hoped she’d be asleep.

Once he reached the apartment he noticed the lights were still on from the inside. He struggled to unlock the door, but eventually got it.

“Brian, you're home?” Trixie sat up quickly.

Trixie wasn’t alone, she and another girl sat on the couch together. The other girl's hands were entangled in Trixie’s hair and Trixie had been laying back in her lap when Brian first entered. “What the hell is happening in here?” He slammed the door behind him.

“This is Kim, remember, I've been telling you about her here and there.”

“Shit, this is Kim?” His voice softened. He stared at the two girls. Kim wore the same type of makeup Trixie always wore and had long black hair opposed to Trixie's blonde hue, “Why is she here?”

He hated the fact that his first encounter with Trixie’s best friend was while he was drunk. He didn’t like the fact that she was there at all either.

“I thought you wouldn’t be home tonight, so I invited her over. I didn’t think it would be a problem, I’m sorry,” Kim stayed silent.

“I wish you would have told me she was coming over,” His words began to slur, “This isn’t the best first impression on my behalf. Sorry about this Kim.”

“Brian, I’m sorry,” Trixie said, her voice was sincere. She stood up to help Brain to bed. He pushed her away.

“It’s fine,” He began to shuffle down to the bedroom, “I’m going to bed, sorry ladies party's over.”

“Goodnight Brian,” Trixie said lowly. Brian went into the bedroom and stripped out of his clothing and simply went to bed. He began to listen in on the quite murmurs going on in the living room.

“Is he always like that?” Kim asked.

Trixie’s distinct sound of sniffling could be heard from the living room, “No,” She sniffled, “He just went out tonight,” The rest of her sentence was indistinguishable through tears.

“Trixie, it’s okay,”

“He doesn’t love me,” Trixie cried.

Hearing those words fall from Trixie’s mouth made Brian’s heart clench.

Kim shushed Trixie, “Don’t say that he probably does,”

“He doesn’t Kim, He doesn’t.” The sound of the front door opening loudly followed and the mumbles of their conversation disappeared. Brian quickly fell asleep once the apartment fell silent.

An hour passed before Trixie reentered the apartment. She got into bed and wrapped her arms around Brian and nestled her face in his shoulder.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't mind the fact that a lot is happening early on in their relationship.  
> The way I've planned this story basically means that there's going to be a bunch happening in a short amount of time. I hope it all makes sense.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look back onto Trixie's diary reflecting the months she spent in Wisconsin which lead up to her leaving for LA. We see a little bit into her home life with her mother and stepfather and her first girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya, I'm going to leave another TW for parental homophobia. It gets a little into it so I don't want to upset anyone accidentally. I left another summary, sorry if it isn't very informative. I just really suck at summary.
> 
> I hope if you do read it you enjoy. I've had a few chapters written and just waiting to be posted, so that's why I'm doing two chapters back to back. 
> 
> I woke up randomly one night with the idea to do this, so I'm not sure how well executed this turned out. Hopefully, you find it good.

_5/12_

_Dear Diary,_

_Just had a great talk with mom and Earl_

_Sarcasm, unless the definition of ‘great talk’ is having them endlessly shout at me for taking back what’s rightfully mine. I really do hate them sometimes, I just can't wait for the day I can pack my bags and haul my ass out of this wretched place. Alison was angry with me for running away again. She told me I’m just making it worse by fighting with them, but It’s their fault for grounding me for no reason. God, I wish I could just walk up to them and say ‘ I ’m who I’m going to be and you and your stupid cultish church can't change that!’. But I can’t. I’d surely get hit for that. Alison is letting me stay with her for a few days, at least until my parents calm down. But if we actually wait long enough for them to calm down, I’d never go home. Alison’s mom also isn’t letting me sleep in Alison’s room either. I guess she just doesn’t trust us enough to not have rough, passionate lesbian sex in Alison’s bed. There’s always a school bathroom for that._

 

 

“Beatrix Mattel!” Trixie’s heart stopped at the call of her name. The sound of stomping rang through the house.

“Beatrix!” Her stepfather roughly pulled open the door. He grinned at her and shook his head, “Beatrix, where the fuck are your keys?”

She kept her face still, “I don’t know, where did you hide them?” She retorted snarkily.

“Don’t be smart with me Beatrix,”

A few nights ago, Trixie’s parents had snapped at her for ‘being late’. She technically wasn’t late, she was actually exactly on time, but her parents were not having it. So they took her keys and grounded her. For simply being exactly on time as she always was

This wasn’t the first time they’d done that. They actually loved to take her keys. Which eventually led to Trixie figuring out where they liked to hide them. She decided to steal her keys back and hide them in a place of her own, out of spite for their ridiculous behavior.

She knew they’d eventually figure out that they were missing, two days to be exact, yet that was a risk she was willing to take.

“Earl, I didn’t do anything with the keys, just leave me alone.” She went back to what she was writing, completely ignoring him.

Earl was just the opposite of Trixie, no father of hers. His hair was a dark brown and was starting to thin in several spots around his head. But his thick and coarse beard made up for whatever other balding that was happening. He loved to wear the exact same beat-up plaid vest that did nothing to distract from his pudgy physique.

“Where are your keys?” He said each word with a pause in between each.

Trixie slammed her homework and pen onto her bed, “ As I said, Earl, I don’t know!” she said using ‘Earl’ as more of an insult rather than a name.

“Don’t call me ‘Earl’ Beatrix,” He retorted.

“Don’t call me ‘Beatrix’, Earl,” She mocked.

“Beatrix,” He grew irritated, “This is the last time I’ll ask. Where are your keys?”

Trixie shrugged and continued on with her work. Earl couldn’t stand when people ignored him, he always had to be the center of attention at all times. Especially if he was speaking.

“Dawn!” He shouted, “Deal with your fucking daughter,” Trixie’s mother made her way to Trixie’s bedroom and stood next to Earl.

She was almost a spitting image of Trixie. She shared Trixie’s thick blonde hair and icy blue eyes, her hair was cut short though. The short haircut that every middle-aged mother seemed to have. That, and the fact that she was nowhere near as tall or curvy as Trixie were the only defining things that separated her from her daughter.

“Trixie, sweetie, just give us your keys and there won’t be a problem,” Her mother tried to reason with her before getting aggressive.

“I don’t know where they are,” She let a slight smirk creep across her face, but wiped it away quickly. She returned again to her bubbly and neatly written notes.

 _‘Legislative Branch- known as The United States Congress in the US_  
_-Composed of The House of Reps. and the Senate_  
-Each member of the house must be at least twenty-five ye-’

“Trixie,” Her mother warned.

“Mother,” Trixie, once again, mocked.

Her stepfather almost had steam escaping from his head, “Dawn, your daughter is an ungrateful bitch!” he stomped out of the room, swearing to himself, “Why can't she just behave like her siblings?” He boomed from the hallway.

Her mother groaned, she had dealt with Trixie’s games in the past. As long as she kept at it Trixie would normally grow tired of it and give up.

“Trixie just give me the keys!” She grew more frustrated.

“So bold of you to assume I have them.”

“I’m your mother, I know you have them. Just give them to me before I ground you for longer.”

Trixie shook her head, “While we’re on the topic of grounding me. Why? Why did you ground me? I was on time, exactly on time actually, I shouldn’t be grounded.”

“You were late, on time is late.”

“It hasn’t ever been late before!”

“Your father-,” Trixie interrupted her.

“Do you mean Earl?”

Her mother groaned, “We were worried about you Trixie!” Her mother sat down on the edge of Trixie’s perfectly made bed.

“I don’t think you were worried about me, I think you were worried about what I was doing!” Trixie yelled.

“Well, what were you doing!” She shouted back.

“I bet you can guess,”

Her mother furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms, “Trixie,” she warned once more.

“What! What do you think I was doing?” She barked.

“I know you were,” She paused making a face of disgust, “With that girl!”

“What’s so bad about that, Mother?” she added emphasis on the word ‘mother’.

“You know how I feel about that kind of thing!” Her mother stood up once again, this time she approached Trixie. She put her hand on Trixie’s knee.

“Get away from me!” She pushed her mother’s hand and scooted to the far side of the bed.

“Stop that right now Beatrix!”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Don’t talk to me like that Trixie!”

“Get out!” She shouted, “Get out of my room right now!”

“Trixie, stop,”

“You don’t love me, Mom! You love that stupid book more than me!”

“Stop that right now, I love you, Trixie!”

“No, no you don’t! Get out now!”

“Trixie you know what the Bible says about doing… things with other girls as a girl! It’s a sin and you need to stop doing those things! I don't hate you, I hate the sin!”

“It’s not like I asked to have the feeling I do! I just do okay, Mom? It has nothing to do with my resentment towards the Bible or you!”

“I raised you to be a good respectful girl. What happened? You loved going to church. What happened Trixie?”

“Get out,” Trixie bellowed.

Her mother's face grew stern, she stood up and exited the room. She slammed the door behind her, knocking a picture frame off of the wall and breaking it.

Trixie carefully walked towards the broken frame. She picked it up, making sure not to cut herself on the glass, and looked at it. Shards surrounded where it once laid.

The picture wasn’t very important to her. It was just a simple group picture her family had taken on a vacation in Trixie’s eighth-grade year.  Yet, she still felt hurt. She looked so happy then, she got along with everyone in the family and they rarely ever fought. She stared down at it and then dropped it back on the floor.

Trixie squatted down next to her bed, she lifted up her mattress and grabbed her car keys from the center. She needed to leave that place but she couldn’t, she still had school, friends, a life. All things she couldn’t leave behind yet. She decided to leave the house and visit her girlfriend.

She went around her room and collected a few things to pack into an overnight bag. She grabbed a few dresses and skirts from her closet and shoved them into her backpack along with her undone homework.

Her parents would be waiting in the living room for her, so she had to find another way to leave. She’d have to go through the window, a classic. She grabbed everything she wanted to take with her, unlatched the window, lifted her legs high enough to get out of it, and stepped out into the flower bed surrounding the front of the house.

The sounds of her heels digging and clicking into the dirt and stone of their driveway gave her away. She unlocked her car’s door with a click, got inside and started the car with a loud rev of the engine.

Her parents immediately came outside of the house.

“Beatrix!” Her stepfather shouted, “Beatrix, I swear to fucking god!” He began to run down the driveway, but not quickly enough. Trixie pulled out of the driveway. She smirked and waved as she drove away.

She arrived at her girlfriend's house, which was a little over a twenty-minute drive away. Allison’s house was mansion-like. Her family owned several archers of land, most of them empty fields, that stretched deep into the woods of rural Wisconsin. Her family was loaded in short. Trixie didn’t care about any of that though, after knowing Alison for over three years the initial shock of wealth wore off.

All of the windows of her house were drawn which allowed Allison to see Trixie as she pulled into the driveway. Alison slouched the moment she saw Trixie and dropped what she was doing to go outside. She approached the car and Trixie stepped out.

“Trixie, Oh my god. What are you doing here?” Alison took Trixie into a tight hug.

“You know, just hanging out,” Trixie returned the hug. Alison pressed her face into Trixie’s thick sweetly scented hair.

Alison was a typical feminine looking lesbian, she had silky smooth brown hair that reached just past her shoulders, blunt cut bangs, dark chocolate color eyes, and eyeliner so precise she could smite the gods with it if she wanted. She had an athletic build to her, something Trixie couldn’t get enough of. Trixie was crazy about Alison.

“My god, Trixie.” Alison's mother said from the door, “What are you doing here?” She made her way down the dirt road. Trixie wished her parents were anything like Alison’s mom. She was more understanding and accepting of their relationship

Alison pulled away from Trixie but still kept her arms wrapped around her.

“That’s what I said,” Alison held Trixie’s chin and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

“Earl and Mom were at it again. In short, I took my keys from their hiding spot and got caught. So I left.”

“Trixie, you can’t keep doing this. You’re just making it worse!” Alison began to lead her into the house.  

“I know, I just can’t stand them sometimes,” She sighed, “I’ll make up with them at some point. I just don’t want the see them right now.”

 Alison’s mother held open the large doors to the front of their house, “You’re always welcome here Trixie, just make yourself at home.”

 

_6/27_

_Dear Diary,_

_I think it’s over for us, Alison and I. She’s moving for college soon, too soon. She keeps saying we're not going anywhere in this relationship. I see what she means, but I don’t want it to be true. She’s the love of my life. I live, breathe and die for her. She’s my everything! I don’t know what I’m going to do without her. Maybe we’ll get through this, but I don’t think we will. She’s my only friend in this town now. How can I cut my only friend out of my life? I love her so much, but I don’t think This can go on for much longer._

“Trixie,” Alison pressed her forehead into Trixie’s chest, “Trixie, don’t cry. This isn’t the end.”

“Alison, I think it is.” Trixie wrapped her arms around Alison’s shoulders. They sat on the fence dividing up Alison’s large property, looking out onto open fields after open fields. The light of the full moon as the only thing illuminating the night.

“It’s not, we can get through this. We just need to get over this bump, we’re graduating soon! You won’t have to deal with your parents anymore. I’m moving across the country in September, maybe you can move there with me! Oregon has plenty of beauty schools!”

“Alison, I can’t afford to haul my butt all the way to Oregon with you. Even if I wanted to, my parents A: Hate us and B: Hate the idea of my being a beautician! I could never get the funds to get over there, forget going to college there too.” She mumbled into Alison’s hair. Tears escaped Allison’s eyes and mixed with a combination of her black mascara and eyeliner. Pools of the murky liquid began to drip onto Trixie's pink dress.

Trixie looked out on the dirt road connecting all of the lands. She visually traced the roads as far as her eyes could see. She took in small sniffles, trying to stop herself from crying. Alison kept her head pressed into Trixie.

“Do you remember when we read Sense and Sensibility in our junior year?” Alison asked pulling away from Trixie.

“Yes,” Trixie said hesitantly.

Alison tucked her hair behind her ear and looked into Trixie’s eyes, “You’ve always been more of an Elinor than me.”

Trixie laughed, “What’s that supposed to mean? Are you calling me a boring prude?” Trixie tried to ease the grim mood.

“You know you’re just the opposite of that Trixie.” She Teased.

“Then what do you mean?”

“You’re sensible, Trixie,”

The two laughed quietly, they looked up at the stars and let the night roll on.

_8/27_

_Dear Diary,_

_Alison and I are over. I don’t know what I’m going to do now. College is out of the question, mother and Earl are refusing to give me any funds for it. Even what Dad set aside for me all those years ago since it’s all under Mom’s name. I Don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe I’ll just get a job in Milwaukee and live my life as a miserable waitress. Well, I’m 18 now, so I can get whatever job I want! Maybe I’ll become a stripper or a pornstar? Who knows! Both of those sound much better than staying here!_

“Trixie, stop crying.” Her Mother entered her bedroom, “It wasn’t meant to be anyway,” She grabbed the hamper from the corner of Trixie’s room.

Trixie stayed balled up under her sheets and continued to sob.

She heard the sound of Earl’s annoyingly loud boots trotting down the hallway, “Is she still going at it?” He snarked.

“She’s just being dramatic. She’ll be fine in a few hours.” her mother said calmly.

“Beatrix, you’re eighteen now. You need to grow up, stop crying,” He yanked the sheets off of her.

“Stop!” She shouted through tears. She grabbed for the blankets, but Earl held them above her head. Taunting her.

“Poor little crybaby,” He mocked, “Is little Beatrix so sad that her girlfriend left her? How sad, It was destined to happen anyway. I don’t understand why you thought that whole thing would work out. You’re just going to hell now, it’s what you deserve. Spoiled Little Brat.”

“Mom,” Trixie pleaded, her mother even knew that Earl was going too far.

“Why are you running to your mom? She thinks the same thing as me,”

“Earl, that’s not true,” Her mother finally interjected. Earl quickly turned to her.

“Be quiet,”

“Don’t beat her up like this, she’s clearly upset.” Her mother's heart began to change slightly as she saw the level of pain Earl was causing Trixie.

“Shut up Dawn! Your daughter is going to hell and It’s all your fault!” He belted, “You’re such a softie. Do you know that? You’re why this all happened in the first place!”

Her mother put her head down and exited the room.

Earl continued his verbal assault on Trixie and didn’t stop until she forced herself to stop crying.

“Dawn!” He called, “We’re not paying for her college, she can get a job and learn what real struggle is!”

“We can’t do that,” Her mother was trying to be reasonable, “She needs the education to get anywhere in this world.”

“Well, it’s my money that would be going to it and I say no.”

Her mother stopped and took a deep breath, “Okay Earl, Okay,”

_9/1_

_Dear Diary,_

_Guess who’s on their way to California? Me! It’s not the best plan, but it’s my only plan so that’s what I’m doing. I finally realized I didn’t need to stick around Wisconsin anymore since I have nothing holding me back. Also, Earl is a dick and I don’t need to deal with him since I’m 18.  All I have is $300 and anything I could grab from my room before leaving and now my car is completely full. I’ll get back to you once I’m in LA! I’ve got a thirty-hour dive in front of me._

“Fuck you!” Trixie finally said. Earl stopped mid-stride and turned around.

Earl had just finished chewing her out over nothing. That was his favorite activity to do those days. She really hated him, even more than she did before. Without Alison, she had no one to escape to.

“What did you just say to me?” he scoffed at her.

“I said, ‘Fuck you’, Earl.”

“You little brat,”

“Thank you, I know. It’s not like you haven’t called me that for over the past ten years,” she smirked.

“You’re lucky if I don’t hit you right here,” he warned, he loved to try to intimidate her. He never acted on his threats though. So Trixie played with his toxicity.

“But you won't,”

“I won’t now will I? I can do whatever I want to you, you’re an adult,” He laughed.

“That’s True, but you still won't.”

“Are you so sure?”

“Yes,” she retorted.

“How cute, the little girl thinks she knows it all. News flash Trixie, the world isn’t fun,” He raised his hand and struck Trixie across the cheek.

Trixie didn’t move, she was awestruck. She pressed her hand to her freshly hit cheek. She took a deep swallow and stiffened her stance, she wanted to hit him back more than anything. But Earl could snap her arm in one try.

“What? Do you not like the real world?” He teased.

“Get out,” She bellowed, “Get out of my room right now before I call the fucking cops on you,”

He halted, he didn’t think Trixie would actually do it. But he couldn’t risk the chance that she would. He turned around and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

There was a moment of silence in Trixie’s room. She rubbed her cheek and plopped down onto her bed.

“Trixie!” Her mother yelled from the living room.

“Yes?” She yelled back.

“What did you do?” She stormed into her bedroom.

“I told him what he needed to hear, simple as that,”

“Trixie, you can’t say those things to him he’s your father! You’re being a brat, like always.”

“He sure as hell is no father to me and sure, I guess I am a brat!” She shouted back.

“Don’t you dare yell at me like that!”

“I’m so sorry, Mother, I didn’t realize that shouting at family members was exclusively reserved for adults!” she responded sarcastically in a much calmer voice.

“Trixie! No, don’t say that!”

“It’s true! Have you not heard how your husband has spoken to me for the last ten years?”

“It’s because you’re impossible!”

“I’m impossible? Have you met him before? Is he not impossible?”

“Trixie, Be quiet right now!”

“Okay, I will,” Trixie turned over so she was laying on her stomach and facing the window, away from her mother.

Trixie's mother groaned and waited for Trixie to turn back around, But she didn't, “Don’t play this game with me, Trixie! I’m not in the mood!”

“I did as you asked!”

“Ungrateful little bitch, your dad is right.”

“Do you mean Earl? Yeah, I guess he is right!” She flipped over and sat up.

“I’m not dealing with you right now Trixie.”

“Then don't!”

“Okay, I won't!” Her mother left the room in the same throw of passion Earl had.

Trixie immediately went to pack up her room. She pulled her hot pink suitcase from the bottom of her closet and began shoving whatever she could fit into it. She grabbed any boxes lying around her room and then eventually ventured out into their garage to grab more once the household was asleep.

She shoved anything else she could grab and crammed them into the boxes. She started with all of her shoes, even shoes that she never wore. She crammed her nicknacks, books, sheets, anything she thought her car could carry into boxes. She quietly hauled everything to her car and carefully packed it away.

Once she was done, she poured herself a cup of coffee and left.

\---

That was where the journal entries ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is what you could call filler, but we get back to Trixie and Brian's shenanigans in the next chapter so don't fret. 
> 
> Also, I freaking love how you guys are one foot ahead of me with your analysis in the comments. I can't sneak anything past Y'all. 
> 
> Also also, I always resist the urge to start off all of my notes with 'Waddup nerds' so if that doesn't tell you anything about my personality. I don't know what will.
> 
> Maybe I'll start off the next notes with some rendition of 'Waddup nerds'. I don't know yet.


	10. Chapter 10

Trixie had felt unwell over the past weeks. So unwell in fact that she hadn’t been unable to even go to work. She began to worry that she’d get fired before she could even quit at this point. She was so weak and fragile. She couldn’t even stand for more than a few minutes most days. She’d spend most days and nights knelt by the toilet vomiting anything she had eaten and anything she hadn’t eaten. She didn’t know what was happening to her own body. She was beginning to worry herself more and more. 

As was Brian, he constantly fell into a state of panic. He began blaming himself for everything wrong with Trixie. He shouldn’t have been so harsh on her before, she couldn’t help it. He felt so guilty for it all. 

He wasn’t the type of person to be religious, but he couldn’t help but think God was punishing him for his ungratefulness. He should have been grateful, Trixie was formerly healthy as was the baby. But now, now she was falling into nothingness.  

Eventually, Trixie refused to eat anything, she couldn’t even manage the idea of simply drinking juice or even water. Even when she could manage food, she’d undoubtedly vomit it back up within an hour or less. This began a consistent downfall of Trixie dropping weight. It became so bad that she ended up lower than the weight she was before she got pregnant.

Two days after that discovery was when Brian decided to take Trixie to the emergency room. She was so weak, just a husk of the former Trixie.

 

He called Ginger and begged her to drive him and Trixie to the hospital. Ginger was beyond willing to do so, she even offered to wait with him, but he declined. She had her own problems to worry about and Brian’s new family issues were not one of them. She still wanted to do whatever she could do to help, so she made Brian take the next week off, with pay obviously. That was one weight lifted off of Brian’s shoulders. 

The car ride was hell and so was trying to get her inside. Since, she had trouble standing on her own, let alone walking. 

He had to carry Trixie into the emergency room bridal style. A couple of concerned onlookers watched as he struggled to get the door open before someone finally helped him. He went inside and sat her down in one of the chairs. He rushed to the counter and vomited out any information he could give about Trixie to the lady behind the desk. She simply saw him as a hyper-concerned father until he mentioned the fact that Trixie had lost over eight pounds within two weeks. A rush of urgency appeared on her face after that.

She took down her name and after a less than ten minutes later she was called back.

 

The nurse who saw them first seemed very nonchalant with it all. She simply ordered IV fluid for Trixie, some blood work, and stuck them into a room for an indefinite amount of time. Brian couldn’t sit still thought. He decided to go down his entire contact list calling every person he could think of that would care enough to listen to Brian ramble on about this anxiety and worry. His mom, Pearl, and Kim from Trixie’s phone. 

Kim demanded Brian let her come down to the hospital to wait with him. He reluctantly accepted and in less than forty minutes after their phone call, Kim showed up at the hospital. She sat in the small room and waited with Brian. They talked here and there but they weren’t close enough to get anything good out of their conversations. But they figured they’d try since they potentially had hours to kill.

 

Not a lot of conversation or input was given by Trixie within those passing hours. She mostly fell in and out of sleep. The only time she really became fully conscious was when nurses came in and out to ask questions.

A nurse came in to tell them that her iron was low, she was incredibly dehydrated, and she needed to be put on bed rest. All things they already knew. Not a lot was done after the fact of Trixie being admitted. No one seemed to care since she wasn’t dying at that moment, at least not anymore.

 

A doctor finally came in to give them some type of information. Trixie was dead asleep though.

“I don’t think it’s Hyperemesis gravidarum,” The Doctor read off of Trixie’s clipboard.

No one in the room besides him knew what that meant.

“And what is that?” Brians asked slowly. 

He scanned up and down the papers he held onto.

“It’s like an extreme morning sickness,” He clicked his tongue, “Dehydration, extreme and constant nausea, dizziness, and weight loss.”

“So what does she have? Because what she has seems like extreme morning sickness to me.” Kim butted in.

  
“It’s morning sickness, plain old morning sickness. I think she is experiencing a more extreme version of it.” He set the clipboard back down onto the end of Trixie’s bed. 

Brian and Kim exchanged concerned glances, neither of them knew what to do about this. They still had no clue what was wrong with Trixie, but they couldn’t believe it was just morning sickness.

“We can prescribe her something for this,” He grabbed a blank piece of paper and scribbled something down, “Diclegis seems to be effective in most of the women I’ve seen with her symptoms.”

“That’s all we can do?”  Brain blurted, he stood up from his seat, “She has a job she needs to get back to!” 

The doctor shrugged, “Try giving her anything with ginger, that is a common home remedy for nausea. I’ll order some time off of work for her.”

He suddenly became defensive over Trixie, “I still don’t see how this is only morning sickness, she’s sick all day and all night!”

“I’m sorry that’s all we can do or really tell you right now,” he scribbled down another note on his paper, “I’ll give her a thirty day prescription for this medication and If it doesn’t get better, speak to her Obgyn or primary,” 

He left the room and handed off his paper to a nurse. Brian sat on the edge of Trixie’s bed and straightened out her tangled mess of sheets. She was dead asleep, drops of drool escaping from her slightly open mouth pooling on her pillow, her chest heaving up and down with each breath, her heavy breathing only being made louder by her dry throat.

She needed water, just a drop of water. Water and a snack, she must have been so hungry. He just wanted to do something to help her, yet he couldn’t do anything. All he could do was sit and watch. Sit and watch her suffer.

He was wrong before, he loved her.

He loved her a lot.

 

Kim stood behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder, “Are you worried about her?” 

He turned to her, “I’m really worried,” His voice cracked.

“She’s going to be okay, she’s a tough cookie.” She patted his back and gave him a squeeze. 

He sniffled, “I know she is,” He rubbed his eyes and gently stood up from the bed. He returned to the bench they had been sitting on.

Kim grabbed his attention, “Brian, are you going to be okay?”

“I don’t know Kim,” 

“You’re doing your best, that’s all you can do.” Kim patted his back and returned to her seat next to him.

\---

Hours and hours passed before the hospital finally decided that they’d like to hold Trixie for another day. They moved them into a slightly larger room, but nothing else changed.

Kim finally decided to tap out at three in the morning and fall asleep in her car, but Brian couldn't sleep. Not with Trixie like this. He grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and placed it at Trixie’s bedside. He closely watched her, he noted every movement and breath. 

Her nurse asked Brian to call her every time Trixie woke up, so they could try to get her to eat any solid food.

The first few times she refused, just the smell of the jello and fruit juice they offered her caused her to dry heave. He started to feel hopeless about Trixie’s condition. He knew it would get better, but it didn’t look like it was going to.

“Nurse,” He softly called.

“Yes, sir?” She drew her attention from adjusting Trixie’s IV.

“What can I do for her? I just feel so useless,” He gulped, “Do you think she’s going to be okay?”

“Well,” She looked over to Trixie, “Right now, all we can do is make her comfortable and if you being here with her makes her comfortable. Then it’s the best thing you can do.”

He returned to watching Trixie. Brian couldn’t handle seeing Trixie so sick anymore. Trixie’s nurse began to catch onto his state of distress.

 

“Sir,” Brian didn’t divert his attention from Trixie’s sleeping body.

“Sir,” She said again, this time louder.

He was taken out of his trance, “Yes? Sorry,” He drew his attention to her. 

“You should go get something to eat yourself, I’m sure you must be starving at this point. You’ve been here with her all night.” She smiled, “We're going to rotate shifts in a few hours, I really think you need to go get something before I leave. Our cafeteria is on the bottom floor, we have a couple of signs in the lobby that can direct you to it.”

“I can’t leave her,” He croaked.

“She’ll be fine, if she wakes up I’ll be here,” Her voice was calm and collected.

“I don’t know,”

“She just fell asleep so she should be out a bit longer, just take a quick break.”

“I suppose, just, don’t leave her for me. Okay?” 

“I won’t, don’t worry,” something about her warm presence and kind smile comforted Brian.

 

Brian went down to the lobby. He followed all of the aforementioned signs which led him directly into the cafeteria. It was completely empty, the only people in sight were him, the people cleaning around the place and the people making food themselves. 

The cafeteria was large and dimly lit. The seating area had plenty of open tables, but no one to sit in them. Large windows lined the entirety of the outer walls which looked out to the crammed parking lot of the hospital. 

He mozied around the food options, he was starving, but nothing looked good. He finally decided to grab a pack of pre-proportioned sugary cereal and an iced coffee. He grabbed a small carton of milk and threw down twenty dollars on the checkout. 

He took a seat at one of the empty tables and slowly took bites of cereal from the small plastic bowl. The crunch of each bite echoed through the room. 

He hated himself for complaining about Trixie, ever. She didn’t deserve it, he was just an ungrateful ass.

 

\---

 

As quickly as he could, he ate and returned to Trixie’s room. The nurse was still there and Trixie was still asleep. He stood in the hallway and watched for a second

She shifted in her sleep, “Brian?” Her voice was groggy.

He rushed to her side, “Yes? I'm right here Trixie, what’s wrong?” 

“Help me sit up?” Her eyes were barely opened and her voice was hoarser than the last time she had spoken. 

Brian grabbed Trixie’s hand and helped her sit up. She looked over to her nurse, who was holding up a bowl of jello. Trixie whimpered.

“Trixie,” The nurse said sweetly, “You need to eat sweetie,” 

“I can’t,” 

“Beatrix, you need to,” She restated.

“Please, I can’t eat it. I’m going to vomit and it’s going to make it all worse.” she pleaded.

“You’ve gotta eat it,” Brian said quietly, “It’s jello and apple juice, you’ll be okay.”

Trixie leaned back and closed her eyes, trying to escape her obligation to eat.

“Please Trixie, please,” Brian begged.

Trixie whined and slowly shook her head. The nurse placed the cup of jello back on her bedside table.

“Trixie, please, just please,”

“Brian, I can’t”

“You need to,” He held her hand tightly.

“No,” She continued to fight it, Brian grew desperate and frustrated. That frustration turned into sadness.

Brian dropped her hand and began to cry. He had been holding it all back for so long he couldn’t stop himself. He cared too much about Trixie, too much. 

Trixie kept her eyes closed for a brief moment before she realized what was happening.

“I’m sorry, Brian. I’m sorry.” She sat herself up straight the best she could, “Brian, don’t cry. I’m sorry.” 

He continued to cry into his hands. He didn’t want to make Trixie feel worse, but he couldn’t stop. All the pressure was chipping away at him. He just wanted her to be okay, he just wanted her to eat something. 

“Brian please don’t cry. I’ll eat. I promise I will!” She grabbed the jello from her bedside table, “See, I’m eating it!”

She scooped out a piece of jello from the cup and hesitantly ate it. She took a hard swallow and resisted the urge to spit it out. Her stomach churned the moment it hit her esophagus. She quickly reached for the cup of apple juice next to her to wash the jello down as quickly as she could. Trixie turned to Brian to see if he was watching, he wasn’t.

“She did it,” The nurse said in disbelief, “She actually did it,”

Trixie convinced herself to drink and eat the rest of the food they provided. Brian's crying quickly stopped after that. She seemed fine immediately after. 

She stayed awake for a while and had some back and forth conversation with Brian and her nurse. Her IV fluids had finished up and the nurse was confident that she could go home within the next few hours.

Brian informed Kim that she could go home, and she did. Everything was getting better.

Until it happened again.

It started back up at the most inconvenient time. Right as the rotation for nurses and doctors happened, Trixie’s vomiting resurfaced. 

Her new nurse had been given a rundown on her condition, but she seemed oblivious what to do. She ordered ginger soda for her, the main problem with that was the Trixie refused to drink it out of fear. 

 

\---

 

After another couple of hours of Trixie fighting it and another round of Brian crying. The ward’s doctor finally came in. It was eight in the morning, which meant they had been there for over twenty-four hours.

She requested that Trixie should be woken up, something Brian was hesitant to do, but he did it. She hated Brian for doing it, but she was grateful that another doctor had finally come in.

The doctor entered the room. She thoroughly read through Trixie’s file and notes the previous doctor and nurses had written down. 

“Beatrix,” She started, “I’m going to be blunt with you.”  Trixie sat herself up straight, wanting to hear anything she had to say, “You’ve really been putting us through the wringer in the past few hours.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” She admitted feebly.

“I know your last doctor already told you that he's not sure what's is going on with you and I don't know either. I’m just really sorry, I don’t know what is happening.”

“So she doesn’t have anything?” Brian stated quickly.

“No, she doesn’t have anything out of the normal. At least what we can diagnose,” she hummed to herself thinking of what to say next,  She squinted at the papers, criticizing the last doctor’s notes, “Huh, okay, so we’re going to do one last round of IV’s and give you the medication. Then an hour or so after you take the medication we’re going to give you actual food.” 

“Actual food?” She complained.          

“Yes, we’re going to give you jello first then a real meal. You need to eat it on your first try. You can’t wait too long or else the medicine will wear off. I’ll inform your nurse and we’ll get right on it.” 

The doctor turned around and began to leave the room, “Wait!” Brian said quickly.

“Yes?”

“Will she be okay?” he hesitated, “Is this... permanent?”

She looked down in thought, “I don’t know Sir, I’m sorry this isn’t something I’m extremely knowledgeable on.” She turned and looked at Trixie, “She’s about fifteen weeks right now so, let’s hope that within a few weeks she starts to get better.” She left the room.

A wave of concern washed over Trixie’s face. All Brian could do was sit down and hope this medicine would work.

\---

Baggs began to form under Brian’s eyes, he had been awake for much too long and he was now paying the consequences for it. Trixie demanded that he sleep, an offer Brian couldn’t refuse. The only place for him to sleep was on a small bench near the window. It was barely big enough for two people to sit on, so it was going to be a tight squeeze for Brian to fit on. He somehow made it work though.

A new nurse promptly came in and added a new bag of saline to Trixie’s IV. Trixie hated the feeling and thought of having it. The only way she was able to cope with it before was by sleeping and talking. But, Trixie had already slept so much that she couldn’t sleep anymore and she now had no one to talk to since Brian finally knocked out from sleep deprivation. So she was forced to consciously deal with her squeamish feelings.

She lifted her right hand and examined it. The IV’s needle was placed directly in the center of it, she winced at that thought. It was all securely tacked down with surgical tape. Her nails were long overdue for a trim and a new coat of polish. She hasn't felt well enough to do any of that in the last few weeks. She told herself she’d do it when she got back home. 

Her hands had also slimmed down an extreme amount over the past two weeks. The veins in them were now visibly defined and her fingers were extremely thin in comparison to before.

She dropped her hand onto the bed and exasperatedly sighed. She hated the fact that she was in the hospital. It was her first time having to be in one ever. Growing up in the rural countryside, someone would only go to the doctor if something was very wrong with them and Trixie rarely fell sick or hurt herself, so she never had to go. Opposed to her brothers and sisters who constantly jumped from trees breaking their arms, legs, and any other breakable bones in their bodies. Their favorite activities consisted of not washing their hands and doing unreasonably risky things.

At that moment, Trixie really missed her family. She had never felt like that before, but extreme malnourishment and desperation made her think crazy things. She just wanted to hear her mom’s voice again, maybe one day she would. But that day wasn’t anytime soon. 

\---

“Take this,” A nurse handed her a small cup with two pills placed inside of it and a glass of water.

Trixie grabbed both cups and stared at the water, “Do I have to drink this?”

“Can you dry swallow?” The nurse asked.

Trixie sighed and whined, “No,”

“Then yes, you do.” Trixie promptly placed the pills in her mouth and took a big gulp of water. 

“Good?” The nurse asked.

Trixie nodded. “I’ll be back in an hour with food for you, do you have any requests?” 

“No,” 

“I’m sure once the medicine kicks in you’ll want something, I’ll come by and ask again in a bit.” she grabbed the empty cups from Trixie’s hands, “If you’re able to eat we’ll send you home by the end of today,” 

 

\---

 

Some time passed and Trixie’s medicine finally began to work. She was beyond relieved when the constant urge to vomit subsided. Once it did, she found herself to be genuinely hungry.

“So, what do you want?” The nurse returned to the room to see if Trixie had any requests yet.

“A sandwich?” Trixie said eagerly.

“What kind?”

“I don't know, I just want Subway right now. Do you guys do that here?”

She laughed, “No, we don’t have Subway here, but I can get you a turkey sub.”

“Yes, definitely, please!” 

She nodded and left the room.

Surprisingly, Trixie ate the sandwich in its eternity in quick big bites with no complaints. She drank her water, then her juice, and then prayed that she could hold it all down. 

And she did.

She held down the entire thing and even asked for more water afterward. Brian eventually woke up and was shocked by the news that she was able to eat. The staff finally released her after the sun went down

Brian called Kim and told her the exciting news and asked if she could take them home. At that moment, Brian realized they really needed a car.

 

\---

 

Brian and Trixie laid on the living room’s couch. Trixie found herself comfortably snuggled into Brian’s lap. Brian wrapped his arms around Trixie’s waist and marveled in the pure ecstasy of knowing that she was going to be okay. 

Trixie was a mess after coming home from the hospital, her hair was a giant tangled piled on top of her head in a messy bun but she felt too tired to do anything about it. She and Brian had changed into newly washed pairs of pajamas that smelled like every ‘fresh laundry’ scented candle. Brian was beyond tired but having Trixie laying happily in his lap was enough to make him squeeze out any energy he could.

“Wait, why did he kill him?” Trixie asked.

He paused for a moment, “Honey, Its Game of Thrones. They were probably going to die anyway,”

She liked the way he called her ‘honey’ and how the word rolled smoothly off of his tongue, “But he was just a kid!” 

“I don’t know Trixie, I think the guy said something about how it was for love,”

“Hmh,” Trixie mumbled.

They continued to watch the episode.

 

“Wait,” Trixie said abruptly, “But that’s his sister! That’s gross!”

Brian chuckled, “You heard the man, it was for love.”

Trixie giggled and pressed her head into Brian’s chest. 

“Brian?” She grabbed his hand and entwined their fingers.

“Trixie?”

She hesitated, “Do you love me?” 

“Yes Trixie,” He gave her hand a light squeeze, “I love you.” 

She nestled her face back onto his chest and smiled happily. They kept their hands locked together, Brian letting his other hand trace up and down the length of Trixie’s thigh. They went back to watching the show.

 

Trixie interrupted again.

“You’re my boyfriend, right? Am I allowed to start saying that? That you’re my boyfriend.” She grew embarrassed for sounding so childish.

Brian laughed, “Is that what you want?”

She thought about it for a moment, “Yes,”

“Then that’s what we are,”

 

The Game Of Thrones episode continued on, Trixie quickly got lost but still pretended to understand what was happening since Brian seemed to enjoy it. Something about a family not liking but pretending to like another and there was a castle involved somehow. She really didn’t know but she pretended she did. The only thing Trixie could follow along with was the locations, she loved the medieval style of the buildings and show overall. So she found her entertainment in closely examining the art styles of each building.

The sound of a siren blared just outside of the window as it drove by.

“Do you ever wonder where they’re going?” Trixie asked innocently.

Brian sighed, “It’s always quite grim, wherever they go, I try not to think about it.”

“Well, when you put it that way, I guess,” She reached behind her and placed her hand on his cheek, there was a short layer of stubble growing there, “Sometimes I wonder what they’re doing and where they’re going. What was happening before it was called? If where they're going is somewhere I’ve been before. If it’s for or about someone I’ve seen on the streets before.”

Brian grabbed her hand and kissed her palm, “That’s very Trixie of you,”

“Very Trixie of me?” She asked.

“Yes, very Trixie,” 

Eventually, Brian’s breathing got slower and deeper until he drifted off to sleep. Trixie carefully unwrapped herself from Brian’s arms. She stood up to turn off the lights and the television. She then returned to the couch and got back into the same position she previously was in.

 

\---

 

The sun rose quickly and Trixie found herself and Brian on the couch together, still in the same spot they fell asleep in.

“You’re awake?” Trixie asked as Brian sat up under her.

“I’ve been up for a while, you seemed so peaceful sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you.” he explained, “Are you nauseous?” 

Streams of sun peeked through the living room's curtains.

“A bit,” she slumped back down into his arms, “I’ll be fine after I take the medicine though,”

“Good,” Brian hummed, “I’m glad you’re feeling better, I was worried about you.”

“Don’t hold your breath yet, I don’t know what this kid has in store.” She sat up motioned to her stomach.

Trixie stared down at it for a moment, she looked as if she wanted to touch it but she stopped herself once again.

Her peppy tone dropped, “I’m supposed to start feeling it move soon,” She laughed lightly, “That’s sort of a frightening thought if I’m being honest,” 

Brian listened intently, he never quite grasped why feeling the baby or touching her stomach scared her as much as it did. He wanted to ask, but his fear of upsetting her stopped him. 

She seemed to read his mind, “I don’t know why it is, but it is,” She sighed, “I already feel massive, but I know this is just the beginning.”

Brian watched her drop her hand to her side.

 

“Trixie,” Her head shot up, “Can I,” He stopped himself.

“Can you what?” She asked.

“Nevermind, it’s stupid.” 

“No, what?” She smiled at him.

“Can I feel it?” A bright pink blush spread across his cheeks.

She looked directly into his eyes, he seemed so genuine and wholesome, “My stomach?”

“Yeah, your stomach. The baby, I presume.” 

She tilted her head, “If you want to, sure.”

She hiked up her shirt until her entire stomach was exposed. She looked down at it, there was nothing more than a small bump there, especially after her sudden weight loss, but Brian still seemed eager to feel it. She grabbed his wrist and pulled it towards herself. Her hand clenched around his wrist as she placed it on her stomach. Her entire body stiffened up and she breathed shallowly as his warm hand smoothed over her stomach. Then he smiled, he just smiled.

 

“Well, how is it?” Trixie joked, trying to cut the tension she solely felt.

“I don’t know,” Brian said slowly, he relaxed his shoulders, “It’s different, that’s all,”

“Different than what?”

“I don’t know, it feels special.” He looked up at Trixie, “Like the idea that what’s in there is a part of me. Me and you. It’s special,” He took his hand off of her stomach.

“Trixie, I really love you,” he gushed.

“I love you too Brian,” She grinned like a big ol’ cheese ball, “Can I go take my medicine now? Before I vomit.”

“Sure, Honey, sure.” He kissed her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I'm going to be a bit busy in the next weeks so if I disappear. Just know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.
> 
> I oddly liked how this chapter played out, hopefully, Y'all like it too!  
> Let me know what you think, as always and thank you so much for Reading.  
> I'm going to try to get better at responding to comments, so hopefully, I hold up to that goal!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome Back, I finished this chapter sooner than I thought I would so we're going to have a double update. I know I said that I might be gone for a bit but sorpresa, I'm back literally the next day. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Go check out my [Tumblr](https://theroadswewalkin.tumblr.com/)

“Do you see that?” Brian beamed, he shuffled through pictures from their twelve-week appointment, “You can see it’s little bones and brain.”

Trixie had avoided looking at the pictures beforehand, but now that she had come more so to terms that a human was growing inside of her she found herself enjoying looking through them.

“Yes Brian, I see it,” She giggled, “You’ve shown me them a hundred times.”

“How can I not!” He handed her one of the pictures and began pointing at various things, “It’s cool!”

Trixie had felt exponentially better within the short week following her hospitalization. She still had the same feelings of nausea, but with the medicine, she began taking, all of it was manageable. She regained her former strength and was steadily regaining the weight she lost. For the first time in her pregnancy, she began feeling real pregnancy cravings too.

“I wonder what it’ll look like,” Brian opened up the fridge and grabbed himself a cup of Trixie’s new favorite strawberry yogurt, “I hope they have most of your genetics.”

“What do you mean by that?” she smiled.

“I hope they have thick blonde hair like you and they laugh the same cute way you.”  He grabbed himself a spoon and began eating.

“Don’t flatter me too much, my laugh sounds like the mating call of an ostrich.”

He placed the pictures back into the envelope, “Well, that's one ostrich I’d mate with,”

She squished up her face, “Ew, Brian, that’s gross,”

“You walked right into that one Trixie,”

“Whatever,” She rolled her eyes.

“I hope they have your smile and your eyes,”  Trixie grabbed herself a bowl from the cabinet and poured herself a large quanity of cornflakes. Cornflakes were a weird craving Trixie discovered within the week she began feeling well. She wanted it day and night, she could eat an entire box of them in a day if Brian let her. Cornflakes and Subway, “You’re just cute, Brian.”

He looked down, smiled and shook his head, “I could say the same thing for you, Trixie,” He watched her get on her tiptoes to put the cereal back in the cabinet, “Do you want a boy or a girl?” Brian asked.

Trixie continued on with her cereal, thinking about the question, “I’m happy as long as the baby is healthy,” She said in a mocking nasally tone, “I’d seriously love a boy though,”

“A Boy?” Brian repeated, a bit shocked.

“Yeah, I grew up with both brothers and sisters. I just like the idea of having a boy I can rough around with.”

Brian scoffed, “You? Roughing around?”

“You’d be surprised.” She poured a generous amount of milk into her bowl and grabbed the biggest spoon in the drawer.

“I want a girl,”

“Shocker,” Trixie remarked sarcastically.

“What? I just feel like I’m better with girl stuff, like imagine us with a little girl. How fun would that be?

“When did you become such a family man?”

“I haven’t. I’m just excited. Am I not allowed to be excited?”

“Yeah, I guess I’ll allow it.” She joked.

“I thought I knew what I wanted,” His thoughts began to drift off, “Maybe I didn’t. Trixie, I think I’d be happy with you and the kid.”

“You’ve changed your mind about being a dad?”

“Yeah,”

“That’s news to me,” She took a big bite.

“Don’t think I’m going to be domestic all of the time. I just want to be around most of the time.”

“I would hope so.” She said through chews.

“Trixie I-” The loud sound of Trixie’s phone ringing interrupted him mid-sentence.

 

“I’ll get it, hold that thought,” She picked up her bowl and went into the front room.

She picked up her phone and unlocked it. The number was from an unknown caller, but the area code was from Wisconsin. She double guessed answering the phone, thinking it was some spam caller who got her number off of a store membership she was signed up for back in Wisconsin.

She answered it.

“Hello?” She put on a peppy tone.

“Hello? Gosh, Hello Trixie, it’s really you!” It was a man on the other side of the phone.

“Yes, who is this?” She said shortly. She recalled hearing the voice before, but it was a distant memory.

“Trixie, it’s me, Roy, Roy Mattel.”

Her voice was caught in her throat.

“Dad?” She finally blurted.

“Yes, Trixie.” He sounded elated from the other end of the phone, “I can’t believe I’m actually talking to you!”

“Yeah Dad, I can’t believe it either.” She said slowly, “How did you get my number?”

“I just ran into one of your high school friends and asked if they knew it. They gave it to me and told me you had moved to LA and I knew I needed to see you. Trixie, I’ve missed you, I’ve missed you a lot.”

She sat down on the arm of the couch, almost wordless.

“My god Dad, why now, after all of this time?” she asked in disbelief

“Trixie, I’ve wanted to see you for so long. You have no idea.” He sounded much more serious.

“I’ve wanted to see you too but, I still can’t believe you’re talking to me now. I haven’t heard your voice in years.” Trixie took a deep swallow, “How are you doing Dad?”

Brian entered the room with a concerned look on his face. ‘Who’s that’ he mouthed from the dining table. Trixie held up one finger and continued to listen to her Dad speak. He talked on and on until he finally popped the question.

“Trixie, dear, do you want to come to see me? Back in Wisconsin?  I’d love to see you after all of these years.” He asked.

Trixie stopped and looked over at Brian, “Dad, I’d love to see you. But I’ve been sick for a while and I don’t know if I’m going to be well enough. I also have work, I just don’t know.”

“My poor girl,” He said, his voice sympathetic, “Trixie, take your time. You don’t need to come now. I would love to see you though, nevertheless!”

“No,” Trixie said abruptly, “I want to come,”

She could tell he was smiling through the phone, “When?”

Trixie thought for a moment, “What are you doing in two weeks?”

“Two weeks? So soon?”

“I know myself, Dad, If I don’t go soon I never will.”

His end of the phone went silent, then the sound of him flipping through some papers and clicking a pen became audible.

“Two weeks then, Trixie.” He sounded so happy, “I’ll let you go for now. Call me back and we can plan it out better!”

“Okay, Bye Dad.”

“Bye Trixie, I love you!”

Trixie set her phone down and rubbed her eyes. Brian was sitting at the table, he had listened to every single word spoken from Trixie’s end. She didn't know how she felt about it. She felt mostly paralyzed, she had so much emotional baggage with her Dad and there he was. Literally calling for her. She wasn't sure if she'd want to go or not.

Trixie exchanged an overwhelmed glance with him.

“Your dad?” Brian asked.

“My Dad, yeah,” she said blankly.

“What’s with that?”

“He wants me to go to Wisconsin to see him.”

“You, Wisconsin?” he said, “Why now?”

“I don’t know Brian, I don’t know.”

“Are you going?” he asked.

She shook her head in disbelief, “I think, I told him in two weeks. We’ll just have to see how it turns out,”

“Wow,” was all Brian could say.

 

Trixie went back to her corn flakes, she took a large spoon full of it and shoveled it into her mouth.

“Ew!” Trixie announced spitting the cereal into the bowl. She dramatically dropped the spoon into the bowl and placed it on the couch cushion next to her.

“What, Honey? I thought you loved them,” He stood up and grabbed the discarded bowl from before the milk could spill all over their clean couch.

“They’re soggy.” She stuck her tongue out.

He put his hand on her shoulder, “A lot of things in life are soggy and we’ve just got to deal with them,” He smirked.

“Brian, don’t get all philosophical with me. I’m pregnant and I want a good bowl of crunchy cereal!” She objected.

He laughed and shook his head, he returned to the kitchen, placed the bowl in the sink, and went into the cabinet to make her a fresh bowl. Trixie eventually joined him in the kitchen and watched as he poured in the cereal and milk.

He handed the bowl off to her and they both took a seat at the table. She continued to scarf down her bowl of cereal and talked with Brian for a while. Brian poured himself a cup of tea.

 

“Brian, can we go shopping for baby clothes?” Trixie inquired.

“I don’t see why not,” He took a sip of his tea, “I don’t want to buy too much right now, I know that we’ll probably want to keep buying more and more once the baby gets closer to being born. We could buy a hat or two, a onesie, something small. ”

Though Trixie found herself more comfortable with the whole pregnancy the idea of birth still freaked her out.

Before they left, Brian added a new wad of cash into his wallet and Trixie put on a warm coat along with dumping out the random clutter she began collecting in her bag. Receipts, nail files, lipgloss, nail polish, toothpaste, and over three dollars in change. 

 

 

They walked down to a locally owned baby store and began browsing. The store was very simplistic looking, It’s walls were painted a light yellow and its flooring was a mix of tile and carpet. The store was small but packed with different baby essential. Conveniently divided into sections for each thing.

Brian and Trixie found themselves in the clothing area.

Trixie couldn’t help but stop and gushed at every single newborn size outfit. She was quite surprised by how small all of them were. She couldn’t imagine the idea of holding something so small, every single hat could almost fit perfectly into Trixie’s hands. She couldn’t handle the overloaded feeling of cuteness each little piece of clothing harvested from her heart. She felt butterflies in her stomach thinking about how cute her baby would look in every outfit.

Brian squat down and began digging through a big basket of baby blankets. There was an overwhelming amount of color choice and fabric style.

“This yellow one is cute,” Brian grinned, “It has a little duck on it!”

He held up a yellow fluffy blanket lined with a matching yellow satin. It had a singular hand embroidered duck in one of its corners.

“Oh wow!” She beamed, “That is cute!”

She gently grabbed it from Brian’s hands and felt it’s soft fabric.

“It’s on sale right now, I think it’s a sign we should get it.” He added.

She looked at the price tag on the blanket.

“Brian, It still is quite expensive,” She whispered.

“Trixie, it’s fifteen dollars for a blanket. That’s a steal!”

She raised her brow, “It’s just so small.” She folded it neatly and handed it to Brian.

“It’s for a baby it’s not supposed to be very big,”

“I keep forgetting that,” She laughed.

“Honey, let’s get it and then we can start getting the other room cleaned out before you get too far along to help,” He stood up, “I think once we start a collection we’ll be motivated to get everything together”

Trixie was happy with that idea, as much of a borderline hoarder she was, she still loved cleaning out other people’s things.

She began looking through a rack of small newborn sized dresses, she couldn’t help but want to buy every single tiny dress. She pulled out several pink and purple dresses, showing them off to Brian.

“I really want all of these!” She squeaked.

“See, I told you!” He pulled out a small dress himself, “I think you secretly want a girl,”

“No,” Trixie defended, “I want a boy. But, am I not allowed to admire cute little dresses?”

“Of course not,” He joked, “I think we should get one of these still,”

He added a small pink dress to the pile accumulating on his arm.

“It’s expensive, and it’s not worth it, getting a tiny dress the baby will wear once is sort of stupid. It’ll probably spit up on it too,” Trixie said.

“Well, I still like it!” Brian held it up once more, “Imagine, this, on a tiny little baby. I hate children, and I still like that idea.”

“We’re not getting it,” Trixie declared.

“Aw come on! If we keep the tags we can return it!”

Trixie shook her head.

“Well, maybe for the next kid we can get it.”

Brian cocked his head, “Next kid?”

Trixie mockingly tilted her head the same way Brian did, “You know I’m kidding,”

Brian laughed, “Good, no more babies,”

“No more babies,” She repeated.

 

Trixie grabbed the dress and put it back on the rack.

“Trixie,” He looked at her, “Let’s make a deal?”

“What?” Trixie said, annoyed.

“If we have a girl, we come back and get that dress,”

She thought about it for a second, she was pretty sure they were going to have a boy. So she was confident in that wager, “Deal”

They went around the store and grabbed a few more small things. Adding a small yellow hat and pack of swaddling blankets to their collection.

 

They set all of it down on the checkout counter.

“How cute!” The lady behind it beamed, “Very good choices.” She folded the items and placed them in a small paper bag, “Would you like a name or anything embroidered on the corner of the blanket? We do it free of charge!”

Brian and Trixie exchanged a glance, “We haven’t come up with a name yet. We actually don’t know the gender either.” Trixie explained with a light laugh, “I don’t know Brian, do you want something on there?”

Brian simply shrugged.

“We can do the last name if that makes it any easier.” She offered with a big salesman grin spread across her face.

Brian and Trixie exchanged another glance.

“I think we’ll just take it as it is,” Brian said gently.

“Perfect, that’ll be $60.50!”

“Jesus,” Brian and Trixie said in unison. That much money for such a small amount of things, for a baby?

Brian got out his wallet and counted out sixty dollars in cash and pulled out fifty cents in change. He was lucky he had enough money on him to pay for it all. He knew baby things were expensive, but not that expensive.

“Come again!” She said as she handed over the bag.

They exited the store and headed back towards the apartment. The winter was just coming to a close, but it was already beginning to get too warm to wear a sweater. Trixie carefully removed her coat and held onto it in her hand making sure not to drop it as people roughly brushed past her. She gripped tightly onto Brian’s arms as the groups of passersby grew larger, leaving little to no room for Trixie to squeeze past.

Eventually, the flood of people lessened as they got closer to the residential areas.

“Brian, whose name will we give the baby?”

Brian traced circles around Trixie’s arm with his thumb, “I don’t know Trixie, I’m fine with either.” He thought about it, “We could hyphenate it, I know that's becoming more common.” He thought about it a bit more, “But if you’d rather it have your last name, I’m okay with that,”

“Hyphenating it would sound odd, with the double M,” Trixie thought out loud.

“We have time to think about it, don’t worry too much.”

 

\---

 

Trixie had never seen Brian’s spare room, the door was normally closed and since Brian cared so deeply for all of his handmade dresses and outfits she was worried she’d somehow taint them all by entering.

They carefully set the neatly packed and folded items on their bed and went to the other bedroom. It was directly across from the bathroom door. He opened the door and Trixie actually found it underwhelming.

The main clutter consisted of two small hanging racks of drag and then followed by small boxes of shoes and other miscellaneous items. There was a random broken lamp in the corner and an unopened, unassembled bookshelf from Target. Along with fabric and sewing supplies. The room was painted the same white beige their bedroom was painted. Though the carpet under them was much softer from rarely being walked on.

“Welcome to Armario de Katya,” Brian announced.

“Is that the only thing you know how to say in Spanish?” Trixie giggled.

“Hablo español muy bien,”

“Entiendo” Trixie responded, her singular word of Spanish was poorly pronounced and choppy.

“Hablas Español?” He asked smoothly.

“I took a semester of Spanish in high school and failed my final, so no.” She laughed,

Trixie looked around, “This isn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. We can just move most of this into the bedroom or our closet.”

Brian walked towards a rack of clothing and began to thumb through them, “I highly doubt any of this will fit into our closet, especially with all of your stuff.”

“There’s not that much in there!”

“We could probably clothe the entire population of a remote island with all of your clothes,”

He didn’t want to say that most of her clothes won't fit her soon but that was exactly what he was thinking, “How long have you had most of those anyway?”

“Most of them are from High school, but I still wear them,” She defended.

“You’ve worn the same twelve outfits the entire time you’ve been with me. Some of those clothes aren’t being put to use.” He began to pull out things he no longer used from his racks of clothing, “We could donate some of them to GoodWill or a women’s shelter. We’d be doing a good deed and be getting a tax deduction at the same time!”

“I guess we could donate something.”

“Somethings,” He corrected, “You need to get rid of what you haven’t been wearing, so most of your closet darling. Especially in the past months, if you’re not wearing them now, I don’t know if you will.”

“First, Rude. Second, I’m not wearing them because I just want to be comfortable. If you were growing a human in your reproductive system I’m sure you’d want to be comfortable all of the time too.”

“Growing a Human?’” Brian repeated.

“Yeah, I’m growing a human!”

Brian erupted into laughter, “Alright, I’ll let you get back to growing said human. You need to get rid of your clothes though,”

“I’ll think about it,” She sighed, “Let’s get to organizing this stuff,”

 

 

\---

 

The outside world of LA was now dark and dim. All of the sun's light that previously illuminated the streets was flooded out by darkness and was now replaced by the yellow lights of street lamps. Trixie hadn't quite changed out of her daily clothes, but she was getting close to doing so.

“Can I help you get ready tonight?” Trixie asked gingerly.

It was nearing the time Brian would normally leave for the bar to get ready with Pearl, Trixie didn’t work that day though so she was itching to do something.

“You want to help me get into drag?” He asked slowly.

“Yeah!” Trixie smiled, “It could be fun!”

“Oh, I don’t know Trixie. It’s different from normal makeup.”

“I’m sure I could figure it out!” She beamed, “I’ve always wanted to be a makeup artist so maybe this could be a sort of practice.”

“I mean,” Brian didn’t see why it was a bad idea, “Why not,”

“Wait, really!” she peeped.

“Yeah, I’ll just do the base so you don’t have to worry about caking on makeup. I’ll let you do the eyeshadow I suppose.”

“Can I do Pink?”

“Pink?” Of course, Trixie wanted to do pink makeup, “Pink really isn’t Katya,”

“It could be! I just want to see you with my makeup,”

Brian tried to remember if he had any outfits that would go with pink, “Pink and black, No crazy colors. I have a limited wardrobe. Okay?”

Trixie nodded ferociously. Her hair creating waves of perfect blonde curls as she did so.

Brian pulled out his phone and checked the time, “You’re going to have to come with me. We don’t have time to do it here.”

“Is that allowed?”

Brian shrugged, “Maybe, I don’t know. It’s normally just me, Pearl and some other random girls. If they have a problem with it, too bad I guess.”

“I get to meet Pearl?” Trixie was beyond excited.

“Yeah, you can meet Pearl!”

Trixie went into the bathroom and packed all of her makeup into a bag.

\---

“Trixie, Pearl. Pearl, Trixie” Brian introduced the two, having them shake hands in a formal matter

“So, this is the Trixie I've been hearing so much about,”

Trixie's beautiful smile illuminated the room, “All good things I hope! It's great to meet you Pearl. I feel like I'm meeting some sort of celebrity. I watch all of your shows every night!”

Pearl returned a smile, “Why thank you, I can't believe I actually have a fan!”

“I'm sure I'm not the only one!”

“You're too sweet Trixie,” Pearl looked to Brian, “So what's she doing in our neck of the woods?”

“What? Am I not allowed to bring my amazing girlfriend backstage just to meet her favorite drag queen?” Brian put his hand on his chest, pretending to be shocked.

“It's never that simple with you Brian,”

“You caught me there,” Brian put his arm around Trixie, “I promised her she could do my makeup. Also, she could very easily slit my throat in the middle of the night. So I really can't break my promises with her”

Trixie laughed loudly, in her typical ‘ostrich mating call’ laugh and hit Brian's arm.

“Her?” Pearl said, “Doing. Your. Makeup?”

“It'll be a fun change!” Brian exclaimed.

“Yeah, maybe you'll look like an actual woman tonight,” He turned to Trixie, “Do your best with him, maybe he'll pick up some tricks. Seeing that he never listens to my tips.”

“I'll do my best,” Trixie smiled.

Brian pulled out two chairs for them to sit into. He set down his makeup bag on his vanity and Trixie set hers down exactly next to it.

Trixie watched as Brian began to glue down his eyebrows and slather on some foundation. She had never actually seen a full drag queen transformation, but she was excited. He blended out the foundation on the bottom half of his face, leaving his eyebrows to dry. Once they were dry, he put on another layer of glue and packed on some loose powder. He waited as that new layer dried and once it was, he added a coat of foundation to his forehead and surrounding areas.

He then moved onto cream contour and highlight. He drew on some harsh, dark lines along with some blocky lighter sections. Then, he blended those out.

“Basically what I'm doing here I'd marrying this to my skin,”

Trixie nodded her head and continued to watch through the mirror.

Once all of the shadings were blended out, he took a big powder puff and mattified his entire face with more loose powder. He dusted it all away and added a bit of powder contour. Then, it was Trixie's turn.

“Have at it, Honey.” He turned his chair so it was facing her. He looked like some Barbie doll that was still in the works of being finished.

“Bria-” He stopped her.

“It's Katya now, baby,” A foolish grin spread across Katya's  face

“Sorry, Katya,” Trixie grinned, “Are you sure you just want pink and black? Can't I do just a bit of gold or white?”

Katya bent down and grabbed her outfit from her bag. She handed it off to Trixie.

“Oh yeah,” Trixie examined the fabric, “I can definitely add some gold in here,”

Pearl laughed in the corner, “Oooo,” Pearl teased, “Mama's gonna look fishy tonight!”

“Shut up Pearl,” Katya groaned.

“You know you're loving it,”

“Whatever,”

Trixie got back to her magic. She began to talk out her actions like it was a makeup tutorial.

“To start off, let's get into these brows,” she grabbed Katya's light brown brow pencil from her makeup bag, “Because of your face shape, we're going to give you a more defined brow.”

She drew out three spots on where Katya's brows belonged. She then connected all three and added small strokes to imitate hair. She then repeated the same action on the opposite side

“Oh wow!” Trixie announced, “That looks good, actually!”

“Now, we're going to move on to the eyeshadow,” She pulled out her well used and loved custom Sugarpill palette. “Use Code Trixie for 10% off,” she joked. Which received a Snicker from Pearl.

She dipped one of her many fluffy brushed into the lightest pink shade she had, “Now, we're going to take a neutral, but still pink shadow and put that right in the middle crease.”

Katya was trying not to laugh under Trixie.

After that, Trixie added a more vibrant pink to the crease after that and then an even brighter and darker pink in the very outer corner of the crease. She then took a packing brush and thoroughly covered it in a gold shadow, spraying it with her setting spray before packing it on.

“We added a bit of moisture to the shadow to help it stay and to get better use of that pigment,” She explained.

Finally, she added a white and off-white shimmer shadow to the inner corner and lined the bottom of Katya's eye with the same vibrant pink eyeshadow.

Trixie stepped back to look at her half-done creation.

“Holy shit, you're hot!” She pulled Katya into a kiss.

“It's because I look like you,” She said suavely.

“That's fucking disgusting,” Pearl butted in front the other side of the room, “Get a room!”

Trixie went back to the eyes, she uncapped the liquid eyeliner and took a tight hold onto the back of her head.

“Don't move,” she said.

She put the pen cap into her mouth and began applying eyeliner. Her and Katya had very different eye shapes so she found it difficult to make it work. But in the end, it looked good.

She moved onto the other eye, it was similar, but not identical.

“I'll let you do your own lashes,” Katya grabbed a pair of stacked lashes from her bag.

Trixie grabbed a liquid lipstick and liner from her bag.

“Don't move, again,” Trixie warned.

She took the liner and largely overdrew her lips. She then smeared on the liquid lipstick and blew on her lips so it could dry faster.

She dug back into her eyeshadow pallet and pulled the same hot pink out and applied it as blush.

“Eyeshadow as blush?” Katya questioned.

“Dual purpose baby!”

“Cost efficient,” Katya noted.

Trixie dipped her blush brush into the eyeshadow and buffed it out on Katya's face.

“Wow, you're hot. Like really, really hot. Like so hot I want to blow my brains out,” Trixie took her finger to Katya’s eyelid and blended out a few rough spots.

“It's because I look like you Honey,” She repeated, she looked into the mirror and examined herself, “Holy shit, I actually am hot! Pearl look at this!”

Pearl turned to them and inspected Katya’s face, “Look at that, Katya, as an attractive woman!”

 

 

Trixie had snagged herself a spot directly in front of the stage to watch Katya. She didn’t like the idea or act of standing for so long, but she just dealt with it. She definitely wasn’t dressed well enough to be in a club, but she made it work. Her knitted oversized sweatshirt and her jeans that needed to be washed, badly, would have to do.

Katya was up first that night, she was excited to see her perform. Despite the fact that she always watched the drag shows from her workstation, it was pretty far away from where all the action happened. So, she never got the full experience of Katya’s shows. She eagerly waited for it to commence.

The disco-esque lights came to a halt and the lights above and surrounding the stage flicked on. An announcer stepped out onto the stage.

“Hello, ladies and gentlemen!” The crowd cheered, “You all already know what is happening tonight, so let’s skip all of the tomfooleries and get right into the shows!”

The crowd cheered even more enthusiastic this time.

“First up, Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova!” Trixie didn’t have the pronunciation of Katya's name down, but she knew that the announcer butchered it.

The easily identifiable guitar intro to the song “Kiss Me” began. Katya’s glowing smile blinded the entire room and the lights came up on her. She took a few long steps until she was in the center of the stage. She wore an outfit very different from what she would normally wear.

Instead of a violently obscure outfit, she wore a short black dress along with matching heels and a blazer. She had also added a pair of white fishnets to complete the ensemble.

She looked like some type of businesswoman ready to fire all of her interns. All of it perfectly went with the makeup Trixie had done on her.

“Kiss me out of the bearded barley

Nightly, beside the green, green grass

Swing, swing, swing the spinning step”

Trixie watched as she worked her magic on the crowd. Within just those first couple of lines, the entire front row was fully alert and attentive.

Katya jumped, kicked, and slapped around the stage for the first couple of verses, especially with the upbeat chorus. Catching the attention of the intoxicated crowd.

Trixie noticed her scanning the crowd. Katya quickly shoot a look at each person’s face until she saw Trixie’s. Katya’s shot daggered stares into Trixie’s direction as she walked towards her.

“Kiss me down by the broken tree house”

She knelt down on the edge of the stage and cupped Trixie’s face.

“Swing me, upon its hanging tire

Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat

We'll take the trail marked on your father's map”

She sunk her hands into Trixie’s thick hair, leaving it a pure frizzy mess once she was done fluffing it around.

Katya grabbed roughly onto the back of Trixie’s head.

“Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight”

She pressed her face harshly into Trixie’s, taking her into an extremely rough kiss. It wasn’t a good, romantic kiss, it was an ‘I’m about to eat you and I’m going to start with your lips’ kiss.

Trixie tried to keep up with Katya’s quick and sloppy pace, but she couldn't. Trixie decided it was best to just let it happen.

All around her the crowd was going nuts. Plenty of clapping and cheering was happening around the eternity of the onlookers.

“Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance

Silver Moon's sparkling

So kiss me”

Katya pulled away from her with a foolish grin. Trixie’s lipstick had left a bright pink ring around Katya’s face. She looked out to the audience and maintained that same stupid grin.

She continued to lipsync to the song and prance around the front of the stage collecting tips and licking the faces of other random watchers.

“So kiss me

So kiss me

So kiss me”

The song ended, Katya blew out a kiss to the audience and skipped off stage.

The man next to Trixie leaned in, “Man, I think she really liked you,” He giggled.

“I do too,” She grinned.

She shimmed her way through the crowd as she walked back to the dressing rooms to find Katya.

 

 

 

\---

 

Once the show was over and everything was said and done, they returned home to get ready for bed.

Trixie and Brian had found their new ideal after work activity, cuddling up on the couch and watching a show. Specifically Game of Thrones. That was their new favorite show to watch together. Not only was it a blend of gory, humorous, and adventurous. It was also extremely sexual at times. All things that Trixie and Brian we're interested in watching.

One of the many sex scenes came on, Brian had become mostly numb to the random flash of breasts and fake Television sex but Trixie. Trixie was another story. Her eyes were glued to the TV.

Brian did what he normally did while watching a show with Trixie, he traced his fingers up and down her legs. His odd habit was more of a self-soothing pattern than sexual.

A soft moan escaped from Trixie's lips.

Brian didn't catch it, so he carried on as usual. But then, she did it again, it was soft, barely even noticeable. Yet, this time Brian heard it and noted it.

He continued on. The final time though, Trixie's moan was clearly audible.

“Trixie, are you-”

Trixie cut in, “Yes, Brian.” She said, almost breathless, “I'm fucking horny. If that's what you're asking.”

“I see,” He said, continuing the long strides going up and down her thigh. A minute of the show passed.

Trixie pressed the back of her head into Brian, “For fucks sakes, Brian, are you going to do something about it?”

He stopped the tracing and placed his hand on Trixie's inner thigh. He stayed silent, pretending to watch the show.

Trixie let out another light moan of desperation, “God, please Brian.”

A smile grew on his face.

She turned back to look at him, “Brian,” she whined. She went to grab for his hand to move it elsewhere, but he tightened his grip around her thigh.

“Please,” she whimpered again, “I've been waiting so long, you have no idea how worked up I've been around you. I just was just too freaked out by the baby to do anything about it.”

He let his thumb stroke her inner thigh, “Brian, I don't care anymore. About how I'm pregnant or how there's a baby in me. I just want you to touch me. Please!”  

“Hmh,” Was all Brain replied.

He loved that she was begging for it.

“That's all you have to say?” She groaned.

“Mhm”

“Brian,” she gripped his hand placed on her thigh, “Brian, I'm basically dripping for you right now.”

“Basically?” He smirked.

“No,” Trixie correct herself, “Brian, babe, I _am_ dripping for you.” her voice was husky and needy.

“Well,” He removed his hand from her thigh, “In the case, I guess I’ll do something,”

Trixie was already beginning to take off her pajama bottoms.

“Wait, Honey,” he grabbed both of her hands, “Not yet,”

“Please, haven't I waited enough?”

Brian wanted to give her exactly what she wanted. He just wanted to rip her bottoms off and eat her out right then and there, but he wanted to play with her a bit.

She ground her hips against his, hoping to get any friction.

“Is Trixie desperate?”

“Mhm,”

“Fine, take them off,”

She let out a sigh of relief.

She reached under herself and pulled her shorts off. She didn't expect anything to happen that night, so she wore a simple pink pair of boyshorts. She had already started soaking through their thin cotton.

“Look at that, you're eager.”

“Mmm,” Was all Trixie could muster again.

“What a good girl.”

His breath was hot against her neck. She ground her hips once more, “Say it again? Please?”

“Say what?” He asked huskily, he wanted to hear her say it herself.

All of Trixie's shame flew out of the window, “Tell me I'm a good girl again. Please, Brian.”

“You like it when I call you that?”

“Yes, I like it a lot,” she blurted.

“I see,”

Brian hadn't remembered Trixie being this vocal and forward the last time they had done this. He really liked it though, he really liked how she played desperately.

“Look at what a good girl you're being.” He whispered into Trixie’s ear.

Trixie responded with an unidentifiable noise.

“Tell me what you want,” He said.

She gulped, “I want you to touch me, please” she rushed.

Brian tapped his fingers against her leg, “Is that all?”

“Yes,” she whimpered.

He grinned, “Okay then,”

“Thank you, Brian,”

Trixie lifted her hips off of Brian so he could remove her underwear. His fingers wrapped around the elastic of them. He slowly pulled them down Trixie’s hips and dropped them onto the floor. His hands wandered around the upper clothed half of Trixie’s body, Trixie lulled her head back in pure bliss. She turned her head to the side and pressed her cheek into Brian’s chest.

“Brian,” She hummed, “I Love you,” He traced his hand down to her thighs, Trixie’s entire body flexed. She’d been so withdrawn within the last month's everything felt magnified. The last time she had done anything like this was when she first met Brian. His hand dipped in between her legs for a brief moment before pulling away. Traces of her wetness were left behind on his fingers.

“You weren’t lying,” He wiped them off on Trixie's thighs. Brian pulled Trixie into his lap more so, she bent her legs and propped them around Brian’s. His hand returned to her thighs and smoothed his finger in between her lips before he dipped a single finger into Trixie. She wiggled her hips the moment he entered her. He slowly pumped that finger in and out of her, he then quickly added a second one.

“Fucking shit,” Trixie had become unacclimated to the feeling of something inside of her, she was sensitive, extremely sensitive. “Don’t stop, Please,” Trixie begged. He continued to move his fingers in and out of Trixie. She rolled her hips against Brian’s hand hoping to get any friction on her clit. She gripped onto Brian’s bicep, her long, freshly filed nails pierced into his skin. As Brian continued on in his smooth motions, Trixie’s grip and nails dug deeper into his arm. She was almost to the point of breaking his skin. Her moans began reaching an exponential peak of volume. Brian was sure if anyone was walking by the apartment they could hear her through the closed doors and windows. Beads of sweat began to drop down her back. Her grip continued to tighten, she was like a boa constrictor. To the point where it began hurting Brian.

He quickly removed his fingers she responded with a whine, “Fuck, Trixie, that hurts,”

Trixie dropped her hand quickly and placed it on her hip, “I’m sorry,” She rushed, “I’m sorry” She was so tense that it could even be heard in her voice, “Keep going, please,” He kissed the side of her head and continued, with each new motion, he curled his fingers inside of her and paced himself ever so slightly quicker. Trixie was already close, she was just on the edge. All she needed was one last push. And Brian delivered.

Trixie flexed her entire body and went into a deadweight-like state on top of Brian as she came.

She inhaled a deep breath.

“Good?” Brian slowly removed his fingers from her and wiped them on his pants. He pulled Trixie’s hair into a ponytail with his hands and twirled it around, trying to relax her.

Trixie breathed deeply for a short while, regaining her strength to speak.

“Yeah,” She inhaled, “Good,”

She slowly flipped over and began fidgeting with Brian’s jeans. Her shaky hands struggled to unbutton them.

“Trixie no,” Brian said quickly.

She immediately stopped and looked up at Brian, “What?” Trixie said slowly.

“You don’t have to. Just go to bed,” He leaned forward and smoothed his hand over her frizzy hair.

“Are you sure?”

The former mood immediately dropped, the veil of lust Trixie had just seen the world through had disappeared.

“Just go to bed, I’ve gotta go take a shower,” Trixie sat herself up on her knees.

“Okay?” Trixie said slowly, “When you get out of the shower?” She tried.

“No, just go to bed Honey,”

“Come on Brian,” She begged, “It’s been so long,” She drew out her words.

Brian began to sit up, “I don’t know Trixie,”

“Really?” Trixie was still desperate.

Brian wasn’t quite as dire for Trixie as she was for him. He wanted to give Trixie what she wanted, but he just couldn’t get into it the way she was.

“I’m sorry Honey, next time,”

Trixie whined, “When is Next time?”

“You’ll know Trixie, you’ll know.”

 

Brian kept to his word, there was a next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a lot, yet not a whole lot happened in this chapter.
> 
> I also have the next chapter written, but I want to save that one to post next week since I know I won't have any time to write.
> 
> Thank you to y'all over on my [Tumblr!](https://theoadswewalkin.tumblr.com/) I really appreciate the support over there


	12. Chapter 12

“Just be careful, Trixie.” Brian brought her into a warm embrace before sending her off to check her bags.

“I will don’t worry about me,” She returned Brian’s embrace, “You better be safe while I’m gone. Remember to turn off the stove when you’re finished cooking and lock the doors before you go to bed,”  

“I will Trixie, I will.”  He pulled away from the hug and straightened out her formerly bunched up hoodie. Trixie still seemed unsure about leaving, “Have fun Honey, it’ll be a great time I promise.”

“I’m going to miss you,” Trixie went back and hugged him again, she was like a little kid leaving for her first day of school.

He rubbed up and down her back giving her a pat here and there, “I’ll miss you too, don’t forget to call me.” Trixie wrapped her arms around the back of Brian’s neck and pecked his cheek.

“Trixie, you’ve gotta go. I don’t want you to miss your flight.” He patted her back.

“Bye Brian!” She chirped, she grabbed her suitcase and stuffed purse.

“Bye! Call me when you land! I love you!” Brian stood and watched as she got into line. He didn’t want to leave, but he knew he eventually needed to. He stood and watched near the door until she finished at the desk. She vividly smiled at the man standing behind it and walked away with a quick hair flip.

As she began to walk further and further away from Brian, she stopped and turned around. She scanned the packed airport for a second before she found him.

She smiled and waved at him, then she went back to walking through the airport.

Brian waved back and continued to watch until Trixie was out of his sight. He then turned around and left the airport.

 

*******

 

“Now boarding Sections A and B,” An attendant announced, “Sections A and B,” They repeated.

Trixie took her earbuds out and began listening for her boarding group. The echo of loud conversations flowed through the airport. A large family sat around her, their three young kids chased each other in circles around the seating area of their gate. The mother and father sat next to her watching from a distance, but only getting involved with the kids when they got too interruptive.

“Alexander!” The Mom shouted, “Be careful!” She shot up out of her seat. Trixie’s eyes followed her as she hustled over to the little boy, she assumed was Alexander, laying on the ground clutching his knee.

She kent down and check on him. He seemed to have fallen and scraped or bruised his knee, but Trixie couldn’t tell from the distance she was at. The two other kids, another boy, and a girl stopped in their tracks and watched as the little boy broke down into tears.

“Oh, Alex,” The mom cooed as she helped him sit up, “You’re alright, you don’t need to cry. It’s okay.” She picked him up in her arms. Alexander looked about three years old, give or take. He had vibrant, almost transparent blonde hair. The mom pushed his hair out of his eyes and kissed his little forehead, “It’s okay,” She shushed.

Trixie carefully watched, the mom seemed so calm yet comforting. She didn’t know how she did it, Trixie knew if that was her kid she’d be freaking out. She took a seat next to her husband and sat the kid on her lap.

“Now boarding Sections F through H,”

Trixie and the lady sat up in unison. Trixie grabbed her purse and began heading to the gate, the family sitting next to her called over the other two kids and grabbed all of their many bags. Trixie turned around and watched as the Mom managed to carry three bags along with her fidgeting son in her arms. Trixie handed over her Ticket to the attendant and waited for him to scan it. The family patiently waited behind her.

Trixie listened in on their conversation.

“So I’m sitting with Alex and you’ll take Tristan and Trinity?” The mother shifted through the bags she carried, handing two of them off to her husband.

“Yeah,” He gave the two bags to the slightly older boy and girl, “If Alex falls asleep on the plane and wakes up, he’ll want you. I’ll just wrangle them.”  

She bounced the little boy in her arms, he finally stopped crying, “I knew we should have booked this flight earlier,” She complained, “Then we could sit together,”

“It’s fine, we’ll survive four hours,”

Trixie returned her direction back to the desk in front of her, “Have a nice flight,” The attendant handed her back a paper.

Trixie made her way to the plane, she put her earbuds back in. She greeted the Flight attendants as she walked by and then took her seat, no one else was in the row with her yet. She was lucky and snagged the window seat.

The same family followed a few people behind her.

“Good luck,” The Mom muttered to her husband, she began to walk away with the little boy in her arms.

“MOM!” one of her other kids shouted at full volume. She turned around and peered back into the row the kids sat in.

“I’ll be back Tristen, I need to go sit with your brother.”

“Not fair!” He yelled.

“Tristen, don’t shout,” She said in a stern motherly tone, “I’ll be back when we land,”

“Momma please!” He drew out the ‘e’ in, please.

“Tristen, I’ve gotta go we’re holding up the line. I love you.” She scooted back in the aisle and apologized to the people behind her.

She scanned the row numbers and letters, she then took a seat directly next to Trixie. Placing the little boy in the seat next to her. Trixie looked at the little boy, exchanging hard, uninterrupted eye contact with him as his Mom placed their things under the seat, then got herself settled, she took out a few snacks for the kid and a little juice box.

The boy didn’t break eye contact with Trixie, he didn’t blink either. She watched, almost in slow motion, as he lifted his little hand and shoved it directly on her lips, smearing her pink lipstick around her face and his small hand.

Trixie flinched in a full body twitch, his mom turned around quickly.

“Alexander!” She gasped, pulling him away from Trixie, “Don’t do that!”

She looked up at Trixie’s smudged face, “I am so sorry,” her eyes were wide, she broke eye contact with Trixie and reached into her bag once more, “You’ll have to forgive him he’s only two. I’m so sorry.” She grabbed a small compact mirror and a pack of baby wipes from her bag, “Here, take these,” She handed them over to Trixie.

“Totally fine,” Trixie giggled. She grabbed the wipe and mirror from the ladies hand and cleaned up her lipstick.

“I’m so sorry though,” She picked up the boy and placed him on her lap, cleaning his hand off too, “I promise he won’t be a problem, He’s not really a crier or anything.” She grabbed back the items from Trixie once she was finished, “He just doesn’t know boundaries with strangers yet,”

“I get it,” Trixie smiled, “It’s absolutely fine,” She pulled her earbuds out of her ears and extended her hand, “My name is Trixie, by the way.”

The lady shook Trixie’s hand, “Mine is Katie, It’s a pleasure to meet you!” Alex struggled under her grip, wanting to return to the middle seat in between her and Trixie. She finally gave up and let him go, “Bubby,” She wrapped her arm around his torso, trying to hold him back, “You can’t bother her okay?” He broke free from her grasps and lunged at Trixie.

He immediately grabbed Trixie’s hand to play with and examine each of her fingers.

“Hey little guy,” Trixie giggled, “What’s your name?”

He babbled a few words which received a giggle from Trixie.

“You know how to say it, what's your name bubby?”

He whipped his head between Trixie and his Mom, “No,” Is all he said.

“Say it bubby, say ‘My name is Alex,”.

He squinted at Trixie, he spoke slowly, “My.” he paused, “name is,” He said quickly, stumbling on ‘name’, “Me,”

“Your name is me?” Trixie repeated.

“Ya,” He squeaked.

Katie shook her head, “His name is Alexander, Alex for short. He’s a little stinker.”

He continued to play around in the middle seat, paying extra attention to Trixie as he did so. He seemed more interested in her than anything else going on on that flight. His mom tried to get him to sit still several times, but he couldn't. He started to climb over the armrest separating his and Trixie's seat, his mom gently pulled him back by the center of his shirt. He stumbled back but was still determined. 

He stared directly at Trixie lap, “Can sit?” He asked.

“Alex, no you can't sit with her,”

He looked up to Trixie, giving her puppy eyes, “Can sit, Peas?”

Trixie laughed, “Do you want to sit with me?” She didn’t exactly want to sit with a toddler for hours, but she knew that it was going to become a common thing for her soon. So it was better to get used to it now.

He nodded quickly.

“You can sit with me, if mommy is okay with it,” He turned to his mom and gave her a begging look.

"Peas, peas, peas?" 

She shook her head and looked to Trixie.

“You don’t have to let him, he just likes people and a lot of attention.” She grabbed for his hand but he clenched it into a ball on Trixie’s sleeve, “Let’s sit down,” she said calmly.

Trixie smiled, “It’s fine, If it’ll keep him quiet he can sit with me while we board.” Trixie began to pick him up.

“Are you sure?”

“Totally!”

"I don't know, he can get crazy sometimes."

"It's no problem at all!" She lifted him over the armrest.

“You’re a doll, I hope you know that!” She grinned, “Tell me if he gets too much for you, I have a snack or two on me,”

“Will do!” She put him onto her lap. He began to clap out of nowhere, Trixie clapped quietly along with him, “Is that fun?”

“Ya,” He squeaked.

He turned to so he was sitting face to face with Trixie. Be began grabbing onto her hair, pulling apart her perfect spiral curls. All Trixie could do was smile.

She and Katie talked while Alex messed around with whatever he could find on Trixie to mess with. Every so often he’d butt into the conversation with a random string of babbles or words.

He was very cute. So cute in fact, fate decided to give her a little bit of extra time with him.

The overhead speakers turned on, “Sorry Ladies and Gentlemen, We’ll be having a bit of a delay, please ask a flight attendant if you have any further questions.”

“Great,” Katie Groaned.

Fifteen minutes passed and Alex began getting a bit fussy. But he didn’t want to go back to his mom. He stood up on Trixie's lap and tried to jump around. Trixie lifted him up and tried to get him to sit back down on his butt. He immediately shot up and got back at jumping around.

“Trixie, I’d hate to say this, but I think he's getting bored,” She tried to pick him up again, but he pushed her away, She groaned, “I don’t know if I can get him off of you. Could you possibly read to him?” She tried once more, getting the same result. He abruptly pressed his face into Trixie’s chest, trying to hide from his Mom.

“Oh god, ow,” Trixie winced.

“Yeah, he really likes you.” she sighed.

She looked down to him,

“Of Course I’ll read to him,” She beamed, “I’d love to,”

“You’re amazing, girl,” She pulled out two books from her bag, “Alex, do you want Hungry Caterpillar or Brown Bear?” He lifted his head up and reached for Brown Bear, “Brown Bear it is,”

She handed the book to Trixie, “He’ll probably fall asleep, so when he does just pass him off to me,”

“Gotcha,” She opened up the book and sat Alex down so he could see the book. He promptly changed positions so he was curled up on her lap. Trixie looked down at him and smiled, “Brown Bear, Brown Bear,” Trixie read in a soft voice.

More than half of the way through the book, he was dead asleep. Trixie finished up reading and placed it on the empty seat next to her. “He’s asleep,” Trixie whispered.

“Perfect,” Katie whispered back. She went to pick him up, but he immediately woke up.

“No!” He screeched.

“Shhh, Alright, alright,” She pulled her hand away and sighed.

“I’m sorry Trixie. Little kids,” She laughed.

“Yeah, they’re something aren't they?” Trixie hummed as she rocked him in her arms.

He held tightly onto the baggy fabric on her shirt as he drifted back into sleep.

Katie smiled and looked at her son, “You’d be an amazing mom,”

“I hope so,” Trixie continued to sway side to side, soothing him to sleep. Katie brushed her fingers through his shaggy hair.

“Do you want kids when you’re older?” She glowed, “They can seem like a lot sometimes, but they’re a whole lot of fun.”

Trixie looked down at Alex, he was now dead asleep with his thumb in his mouth, “I’m pregnant, actually,”

Katie seemed shocked, “Wow!” She scanned Trixie’s stomach, “Congratulations, that’s so exciting!”

“Yeah, it is!” She said quietly.

“How far along are you?”

Trixie noticed that anytime she told someone she was pregnant they asked so many questions. Normally, she'd try to skate around them, but Katie was someone she actually was happy to share that information with. So she did.

“I’m eighteen weeks,”

“Wow, I barely could even tell!”  She looked down at Trixie’s stomach, it was still concealed behind her baggy sweater, “When I was pregnant with him I looked like I was hiding a cantaloupe under my shirt at eighteen weeks.”

She looked up to Katie and smiled, “Yeah, I’m guessing that I’m small for now. But I’m assuming that it’ll be changing soon,”

She nodded, “Do you know what you’re having?”

“Nope!” Trixie responded, “We’re finding out when I get back from this trip actually,”

“That’s so exciting! I thought I was having a girl for sure with Alex, with the twins I had no clue. I was sure it’d be two of the same but, Nope!” She told.

“Twins?” Trixie’s mouth dropped slightly.

“Yup, twins on the first try. Pretty crazy, right?”

“I couldn’t imagine,” Trixie thought about how insane her life would be if she were having twins.

 

“Enough about me,” She grabbed a small blanket and draped it over Alex, “What do you want to have?”

“Oh, I want a boy!”

“Boys are a lot of fun!” She returned.

“That’s what I said, my partner wants a girl.”

“Both are equally great, dressing up a little girl is really fun,” She examined Trixie’s stomach, hidden beneath her clothes, the little boy, and his blanket, “Are you carrying low or high?”

Trixie tilted her head.

“What?’

“Are you carrying low or high, like your stomach. It’s a wives tale that you can tell the gender based on that,”

“I haven’t really looked a whole lot, it’s kinda freaky. You know?” Trixie laughed.

She nodded her head, understanding, “Yeah, I get that. The whole tiny human in your uterus is scary,”

Trixie threw her hands up, quickly dropping them realizing she could have woken up Alex, “Thank you! I feel like people think I’m crazy for thinking it’s scary.”

“I was just the same, don’t worry.”

The overhead came on, telling everyone that the flight was going to resume. Once Alex woke up, he refused to leave Trixie’s lap even during take off, so Trixie just let it happen. Almost the entire flight Alex sat with her. Until he got bored of her, then he wanted to sit in his own seat and watch a show. Trixie put her music back on and looked out the window for the remaining two hours. She conked out and took a nap, but was woken up by her nausea. She quickly went into her purse and popped one of the pills before it could get too severe.

Her doctor said it would most likely stop happening after twenty weeks, Trixie hoped it would go away. She really just wanted to wake up and sleep through the night without nausea. Some nights she did, some she didn’t. Despite the randomly occurring nausea, her vomiting and weight loss had been put to a halt after her trip to the hospital. She had already put on the weight she needed to have gained by that point. She was hopeful for the future.

Katie was right, Alex wasn’t a cryer. He got fussy but he never cried. He was just like a silent little worm who wanted to run around. But the poor kid couldn’t. Katie tried to keep him distracted with snacks and toys, none worked through. He ended up taking another nap. Katie pulled out a pack of fruit snacks.

Trixie turned to her and watched as she opened up a small packet of gummies. She grabbed a handful and shoved them in her mouth, crumpling the wrapper in her hand, placing it on her pocket. She turned to Trixie, “You want some?” She said through chews, “I always pack extras,”

She tossed Trixie a pack, Trixie opened them and scarfed them down as she had just done.

“Good stuff right?”

“Yeah,” Trixie laughed with her mouthful.

The flight was finally over. After they landed, Trixie pulled out her phone and checked her makeup in her camera. It still looked flawless, besides her lipstick, setting spray did wonders.

She pulled out a small bottle of toner and sprayed it on her face.

“What’s that? Perfume?” Katie asked as she scarfed down a final pack of fruit snacks.

“It’s a mix of toner and water,” She sprayed it once more and put on the cap, “You want some? It’s pretty refreshing.”

“Frick yeah I do!” Trixie gave her the bottle, she sprayed it around her face, “Dang, you makeup girls really know what’s the good stuff,”

Trixie laughed at her use of Mommy curse words. Trixie returned to her phone and texted her Dad.

**Trixie: Hey, Just landed!**

“Trixie, it was great meeting you! Good luck with everything.”

“You too!” Trixie grinned.

**Dad: Already on my way!**

“Hopefully I’ll see you around,” She shimmed into the aisle carrying Alex on her hip with both bags over her shoulder, “Bye!”

“Bye!”

\---

Trixie sat outside of the airport, tapping her foot against the concrete as she waited for her Dad to arrive. It was eight o’clock in Wisconsin, six in La. She was nervous to see him but wanted to see him more than she wanted to see anyone in her entire life. She watched the backed up traffic in the drop-off/ pick up zone, she didn’t know what car to look for, or really what face to look for, but she knew she’d know when she saw him.

“Trixie!” She directed her attention over her shoulder.

There he was, Trixie’s dad.

He had dirty blonde hair sitting in a clean combed-back curly style on top of his head, tanned skin, and thick-framed square glasses. He was tall, definitely taller than Trixie, her mom, and all of her siblings. He had typical dad attire on, a button down, a bomber jacket, and a pair of worn out jeans.

“Dad!” Trixie shot up from her seat.

He ran towards her and scooped her into a hug, he smelled of freshly cut firewood and an expensive aftershave.

“God Trixie,” He held her tight, “You look the same,”

“You too, Dad,” She held onto him, “You smell the same too, I remember that smell,”

“Trixie, I’ve missed you so much. It’s been so long.”

“I'm here now!”

He let go of her and wiped away a tear, “Trixie you’re so beautiful, I can’t believe it. You look like your mother when I first met her. God, when was that.” He thought out loud, “1988? You look like her, but younger.”

She picked up her bags, they had a long lost family reunion outside of the front the Mitchell International Airport. All of Trixie's dreams were instantaneously coming true. She felt like she was where she belonged again. 

He led her to his car, it was an old white pickup truck that he’d had since Trixie was a little girl. She put her bags into the cramped back seats and pulled herself into the car.

 

 

*******

 

 

“Do you want something to drink?” Brian asked.

“Sure,” Max set his wallet and keys down on Brian’s couch, “This place is nice, I like the decor,”

“Yeah, I just got some new furniture in here,”

Max wandered around the front room and looked at and picked up everything he could. 

“It looks good,”

Brian went into the kitchen, Max stayed out in the living room, “I’ve got some Sherry, in here. It’s not much, but it’s something,”

“I’ll take it,” Max responded from the living room, “You sew?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You’ve made all of these things?” He was referring to the racks of drag Brian and Trixie had moved into the living room just before she left.

“Most of them, I’m working on some still,” Brian poured a generous amount into the wine glasses and returned to the living room.

“I can’t imagine that,” he mumbled, “That’s a lot of work,”

He stood by the table and watched Max as he sifted through his clothing, “You don’t sew?”

“No,” He scanned the racks, “Some of these are really great though.”

He moved to stand next to Max, “It’s my job, to make good use of fabrics.” He handed over the glass to him, “Not too bad I guess,”

Brian took a seat on the couch, Inviting Max to join him. They turned on a random show. Brian mindlessly watched the show and took small sips of his wine. He hated wine, but a few weeks ago, Trixie was craving it, specifically Sherry, but she couldn’t have it so she begged him to buy it so she could watch him drink it. She was weird in that way. He didn’t know why it would do anything to combat her craving, but it did. After that first day of an intense craving for wine, it disappeared and they now had an almost full bottle of wine in the back of their cabinets.

“Where’s your restroom?” Max asked.

“Down the hall and it’s the first door on the right,”

“I’ll be back,” he announced.

He watched as Max made his way down their short hallway and into the bathroom.

For a couple of days after they first met, they texted here and there, but after Trixie got sick, he just stopped. Well, until now. Brian didn’t know what he was doing with this guy, he didn’t know why he accepted his request to hang out with him. Especially since it was less than two days after Trixie left for Wisconsin. Maybe it was fate though. Maybe he was meant to get a break from Trixie and see Max.

He didn’t know if he missed her or not, she called him the first day and told him all about her flight and how this baby on it loved her and then she talked about how great her Dad was. He just kinda listened and said ‘Cool’, ‘Fun’ or ‘Wow’ every so often. Earlier that night she had called him and they talked a bit, she talked about how she was scared to tell her Dad she was pregnant and how they were going to drive into town later that night.

Brian didn’t quite understand how her Dad hadn’t figured out she was pregnant yet, she looked pretty pregnant when she didn’t have layers on, but maybe Wisconsin was just so cold that she could get away with wearing them all of the time.

Max reentered the living room.

He stood behind the couch and watched, his hands fidgeting with the seam of Brian’s shirt.

“Why don’t you come and sit down?” Brian offered.

Max hesitated, “Is that your girlfriend's stuff in the bathroom?” he held his breath, “That bottle of prenatal vitamins and that expensive hair stuff,”

Brian had told Max that he had a girlfriend, he didn’t quite know the extent of it.

He had left those things out, hoping that Max wouldn’t know what prenatal vitamins were or better yet not notice them at all. Evidently, he did. Brian had just pushed himself down a hole on accident.

“Don’t worry about it,” He rushed, “Come and sit.”

Max took a seat next to Brian, eventually cuddling up next to him as the movie went on.

 

*******

Trixie’s dad’s house was exactly what she’d imagine. It was in the middle of nowhere, a lot like all of the houses in that town and her childhood house. It was a light rustic theme and very small. It was only slightly bigger than her and Brian’s apartment. The only difference was in the sizes of the rooms. The kitchen, living room, two bedrooms, and bathrooms were only slightly bigger than her's. He didn’t own much land for rural Wisconsin standards. Only an acre give or take. It was mostly overgrown with trees and weeds. It had a classic fireplace and central heating system that kept the house above freezing most nights.

It was Trixie’s second night in Wisconsin.

“Let’s go for a ride, huh?” Trixie’s Dad cleared his throat. He placed his knife and fork onto his empty plate and stood up.

“Sure,” Trixie replied meekly doing the same.

He cleared the table, putting the dirty dishes into the sink. Trixie stared down at her hands neatly folded on the table.

She let out a deep sigh

“Dad?” Trixie looked up.

“Yeah,” He turned to her a smile radiating on his face.

Her mouth hung open, she wanted to tell him everything, but she couldn’t find the words.

“Um, dinner was great, thank you.”

That same, goofy smile radiated off of his face. He was so blissfully ignorant in Trixie’s eyes.

“No problem, anything for you,” He washed off the dishes, “Go Ahead and grab your jacket and a hat, I’ll be in the car.”

He reached for a wool-lined leather jacket hanging on the jacket rack and slung it over his shoulder. He grabbed the keys from the counter and headed out the door.

Trixie felt like she needed to tell him, about Brian, about the baby, about her life. She purely just couldn’t, she knew this was the moment she needed to do it all. It was perfect, just the two of them going along the empty country roads.

She grabbed her yellow winter coat and slipped into it. The warm and fluffy interior immediately heated her cold skin. She looked into the lone standing mirror of the room and examined her now clearly visible stomach. Her jacket only extenuating it even more.

She lifted her hand up and placed it onto her small bump for the first time ever. She Became motionless for a second, worried that the entire world was about to collapse. Nothing happened though. She watched herself in the mirror. She looked like a mom, a proper mom, in her mid-thigh length jacket, long blonde hair neatly pulled back in a half up half down style, and her hand on her stomach. She realized everything was going to be alright, everything was going to work out.

She turned away from the mirror before she could break down over a simple baby bump.

She peeked out the window of the bedroom, her Dad was sitting in the car, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as he waited for her. The sky was dark and cloudy, not a single star in sight. Crickets loudly chirped off in the distant grassy fields beyond.

She softly shut the door behind her as she left the house. His junky, old, white pickup truck’s headlights beamed into the empty field across from the dirt road. She stepped down the short staircase of the front deck leading down to the driveway.  She started down the driveway, being careful not to slip on still slightly icy cement. She put her arms out to steady herself as she walked down the slight incline. Once she got to the car she gripped onto the door handle for dear life and pulled open the heavy truck door. Though it was mid-March, a light blanket of snow still covered most of the ground.

“Hey, sweetheart. That jacket looks nice on you!” Trixie smiled, she knew he was trying which made her happy.

He turned the keys and the car started with a loud engine roar. He carefully pulled out of the driveway making sure not to skid on the slick road.

“Do you remember when we used to do this when you were little?” He smiled widely as he kept his eyes on the road, “You would beg and beg me to take you out in the truck. You’d say ‘Daddy, I wanna go race!’. I’d take you out down the dirt roads and let you sit in the passenger's seat. You’d tell me to go faster and faster. God, you loved those drives.”

He was rambling which meant he was nervous. Trixie remembered hearing him and her Mom arguing in the living room all those years ago. They would argue every night, almost. She couldn’t remember what they were ever about, but she would always remember the long monologues her dad would break into when he got nervous.

“Do you like LA?” He asked.

“Yeah Dad, I actually really love it.” She paused unsure if what she was about to say was right, “A lot of people like me live there.”

“I’m glad you found a place you love. You never really liked it here, I remember you always complained about how close minded everyone was in your school.”

“Yeah,”

Trixie wanted her dad to acknowledge their past. She wanted the validation that he saw her. She just wanted him to tell her that he knows and that’s why all of the letters stopped. As odd of a wish as it was, that was all she wanted.

They were already more than a mile out in the deep country, the truck's snow chains continued to grind against the makeshift road. Sprinkles of snow began to cover the roof of the car. 

“So, where do you want to go?”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

He turned on his brights, “There's this bar, out in the city. We could drive to Milwaukee and take a look at it.”

She gently placed her hand on her stomach, once again. Reminding herself about the baby.

“I,” She almost let it slip, “I don’t drink.”

“Aw, come on. Just this once! You work ar a bar, you’ve gotta know the best drinks. Maybe you could give me a little insight on what to order! It could be fun-”

“Dad,” Trixie said abruptly.

Trixie’s heart began to race, “Yeah?”

“I’m pregnant.”

His foot slammed on the breaks as he approached a four-way stop. He quickly extended his arm in front of Trixie so she wouldn’t fly forward upon the sudden halt. Another Truck sped through it, completely ignoring the stop sign the car was close to skidding. He breathed out, his whole body slumped.

“Oh, That’s nice.” He said slowly, his voice was on edge. He fidgeted in his seat trying to regain his posture.

“Yeah, It is.” He sharply turned the steering wheel. The crunch of the truck’s wheels grinding against the rocky gravel dirt road filled the inside of the truck.

“How far along,” He asked. Trixie couldn’t tell how he felt. Was he angry, disappointed, genuinely happy? She didn’t know. His eyes just remained on the road no matter what.

“Eighteen weeks, almost nineteen. About eighteen and a half.” Her Dad quietly laughed.

“Why is it always ‘a half’ or ‘a quarter’ with women? It’s never just nineteen or eighteen.” He joked.

“Yeah, I guess,” Trixie said weakly. She began to feel claustrophobic in the car. She turned out to the window to try to see the outside world once more. They drove smoothly by empty fields, lone standing houses, yards full of cows and sheep, and really anything else you’d expect to see in the countryside.

Her eyes traced the fine line where the gravel of the roads met the dirt of people’s property.

“Hey, sweetheart I'm joking.” His tone changed to a lower, more comforting pitch. “I’m very happy for you.” He placed his large hand on her shoulder and shot her a wide smile. “Have you told your Mom?”

“No.” She responded quickly.

“Will you?” He asked slowly.

“No.”

He sighed, removing his hand. “You might want to.” She looked at him disgusted, “Hear me out, It’s going to get rough okay? You’re going to want someone to talk to.”

She fixed her attention to the thick telephone wires stretching across the roads, hidden behind the trees. Her former stare at the road began making her nauseous.  Something about the telephone wires consistent pattern brought Trixie comfort.

“No, it’s too much to explain to her. We haven’t spoken in years. She’d kill me, Dad, you know how she is. I don’t want her involved with my life, or my baby's life” Trixie’s voice sounded like an adult, but the words she said sounded more childish than ever before.

“I know, she can be crazy at times. It’s your decision, I respect that, but you’re going to need someone who can take care of you through this.”

“I do,” She shot back, she crossed her arms.

He turned the wheel quickly as he made a turn. “My bad, I just assumed. You know, with LA and everything.” He cut himself off before he could say anything worse. “Who?”

“I have a boyfriend, Brian.”

“Where does he work?”

“A fabric store,” She said slowly, realizing how inadequate it sounded out loud.

“He can’t be making much from that, does he do anything else?”

“Yes,”

“What?”

Trixie took a deep breath, telling him about the whole Katya thing might make it all worse.

“He’s a,” She took a second to stop herself from saying anything too extensive, “Drag queen.”

 

He jerked the wheel and pulled the truck over to the side of the road. A single car passed them at a zooming speed. He turned on the car light so he could see Trixie’s face.

“A drag queen? Is he gay?” He shot back quickly.

“How do you think this happened?” Trixie jabbed at her stomach, she calmed herself resting her hand on her belly once more, “He’s, well. I don’t know.” She sighed heavily throwing her head back against the headrest.

He nodded, his face showed almost no sign of confusion which shocked Trixie. He clicked the light off. They both remained silent for a short while. She looked out to the wood fence next to her, it was covered the same dusting of snow the car was. She looked around to the tall pine trees that shot up to the sky, placed in thick rows across the road.

“You know, there was a boy, in college, my freshman year. Long before I met your mother. He had red curly hair, his name was Nicholas Leviten.”

Trixie’s heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t sure if what he was saying was what she thought he was saying. She wanted to say something. She wanted to say anything, but she didn’t. She just left him hanging.

“Nicholas  Leviten,” He repeated. Trixie turned to him and examined his face. It was the saddest look she’d ever seen upon anyone.

He sighed heavily and pulled back onto the road.

“I was nineteen years old, A lot of boys messed around. For them, it was a game they all outgrew. I had always known that I wouldn’t.” His voice was weak, “Trixie, I loved your mom. But not in the same way I could love people like Nicholas.” He took a left turn, “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Everything made sense to Trixie, why her parents divorced, why her mom never wanted her to talk to her Dad, why she flipped when she told her mom she was bisexual, why he stopped writing her when he found out. It all made sense. They were both scared for Trixie. It didn't make her feel any better, but she understood a bit now.

“Is that why you stopped writing me?” she resisted the urge to cry, “Because you were gay?”

“Yes,” He said in almost a whisper, “I was terrified for you, I knew how your mother was. Trixie, I’m so sorry. You have no idea how hard it was for me to do that. I kept every letter. I read every one of them. I still have them all. Even the ones I didn’t write back to, I kept them. Trixie, I loved you and I still love you.”

“Dad, pull over,” Trixie demanded.

“Listen, sweetheart, I’m sorry, I really am.”

“No, Dad. Pull over.” He did.

Trixie unbuckled herself and pulled the door open at a lightning fast speed. She placed her hand on the side of the truck, leaning over the dirt dry heaving for a moment before she began to vomit.

“Oh god,” Her Dad unbuckled himself and got out of the car too, grabbing a thick blanket from the back seat.

Trixie was hunched over the frost covered dirt shaking and shivering all at once. She took in deep long breaths trying to regain her strength to stand back up. Each breath was ragged and intense.

The sound of crunching gravel grew louder as her Dad approached her. Trixie wiped the dripping vomit from her face and squatted down to dry her hand onto the snowy ground. She gave up and weakly sat down. Her dad slowly approached her and took a seat next to her. He placed the blanket around her fragile body and rested his heavy arm around her shoulder.

“My poor girl, look at you.” He rested his back against the truck’s wheel, “Trixie, I’m sorry. I made the wrong choice and I’ve regretted it every day of my life. You don’t need to forgive me I just want you to know I’m so, so sorry.”

Trixie didn’t say anything, she was shivering once more.

“I shouldn’t be stressing you out like this, I’m sorry.” He smoothed his hand over Trixie’s long blonde hair.

“Stop saying sorry, It’s okay,” Trixie said delicately, her teeth chattered. “I’m pregnant, it happens.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Trixie looked up at him. “Wait, no, pretend I didn’t say that.”

Trixie pushed around the gravel of the road with her shoes. The snow, dirt, and gravel created a gross brown and black mix of icy sludge.

“Am I a disappointment,” She murmured.

He watched Trixie, “No, of course, you aren’t.”

 

“I feel like I am,” She gripped onto her knees, “Look at me. I didn’t go to college, I don’t have a good job,”

“Trixie, you’re barely in your twenties. You have time to do all of that still,” He reassured her.

“I really don’t Dad, I’m pregnant.” She felt awful confessing all of this to her father, “I’m pregnant and I’m _not_ married and I don’t have a stable life.”

“That doesn’t make you a disappointment though,”

“It makes me feel like one,” She leaned onto him.

“You’ll get it together Trixie, you’re a smart girl.”

 

Trixie tightly gripped the blanket around her shoulders and stood up carefully. She turned back to the truck, rubbing her hands together to create heat.

“I’m hungry,” she announced. The gravel of the back road crunched under her steps.

“You are?” He asked laughing.

“Mhm,” she opened the door and sat down. Her dad walked around the truck and rejoined her in the car. “Can we go to that all night breakfast place?”

“Sandy’s Diner?”

“Yeah, Sandy’s”

“Anything for you,”

 

He flipped on the radio and settled for country music he knew Trixie used to like.

They returned to the road and drove a few more miles into town. There was a distinct difference in the bumpy dirt gravel of the countryside roads and the smoothed paved roads of the city.

Dolly Parton turned on, her lyrics blared through the speakers.

“Workin’ nine to five,” Her dad hummed.

“What a way to make a living,” Trixie joined. They both broke out into a loud symphony of the poorly sang lyrics.

Once they made it to the edge of the city, they arrived at Sandy’s Diner.

They sat down and ordered some food. Trixie decided on two plates of hash browns and a hot chocolate. Her dad ordered some eggs and bacon with a small stack of pancakes.

The Diner was slow, maybe less than ten people were in the building altogether. It was quite big and in the daytime, it was always packed, but at twelve in the morning on a Wednesday not many people were around. They snagged a small table in the middle of the diner right next to the front windows. Not many people were out on the road either, it was mostly just lone cars zooming past.

Their food came quickly.

“Can I have some pancakes?”

“You’re hungry, huh?”

“I’m always either starving or nauseous,” Trixie admitted.

She reached across the table with her fork and knife. She began carving out a perfect triangle into her dad’s stack of pancakes.

“Is that why you told me you’ve been sick? Because you’re pregnant?”

Trixie took out that large chunk of pancakes and moved them to her plate, “Yes and No,” She took a bite, “I was in the hospital a few weeks before you called me,”

“Why?” He asked carefully.

“The baby,” She took a sip of her smoothie, “I got sick, vomiting, nausea, all that jazz. I basically turned into a hermit crab stuck in its shell.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie,”

“It was scary,” She confessed, “It was really scary, I didn’t know if I was going to die. If the baby was going to die. I just didn’t know.”  She tapped her nails against the vinyl tablecloth below her, “I think I came to terms with the fact either of us could die, looking back on it now I don’t think that it’s a plausible outcome though. But it seemed like it was then. I felt so hopeless at that point. I didn’t think Brian loved me, I hated my job, and  I didn’t care anymore. So, I just sorta gave up.”

He gently held Trixie’s hand on the table, “Is everything good now? With you and Brian?”

“Things are going really well actually,” Trixie smiled, she wanted to change the depressing tone of the conversation.

“And is the baby okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, it’s good. We had an appointment a few weeks ago and an ultrasound the appointment before. Brian can’t stop looking at them, it’s cute.”

He ate some of his eggs, “Do you love Brian?”

“I guess,” She breathed, “I think I love him a lot,”

“Do you think you’ll marry him?”

Trixie thought for a second, “I don’t know Dad, maybe. I hope.”

“That’s good,”

\---

Later that night, Trixie called Brian. She wanted to talk to him about that exact topic. She wanted to know if he’d actually marry her or if they’d just be living companions for the rest of their lives, their genetically combined offspring being the only thing holding them together.

Trixie hoped she wouldn’t live like that, she knew she might. Even though she loved Brian, she still knew if he wasn’t willing to mutually agree to a lifetime best for their kid, she’d leave him. She’d take the kid along with her. She didn’t want to imagine herself as a single parent, but it was plausible, very plausible. 

Maybe she’d even move back to Wisconsin with her dad and actually go to college.  

She was aware of the fact that if she and Brian eventually became unhappy with each other their kid would suffer the most. She knew how it felt to have parents who didn’t love each other, she didn’t want her kid to deal with the trauma of hearing scream fights every single night from just outside their door. Scream fights that were about them. She wanted the best possible life for them, so if it meant she’d become a single mom, she’d do it.

She needed to talk to Brian.

She called him, twice to be exact.

He didn’t pick up either time. Trixie knew that he wasn’t working and that it was only one in the morning in California, so he should have been awake.

She scared herself into thinking something bad happened to Brian so, she excused herself to her Dad’s back patio to call Kim. Trixie knew if she begged enough Kim would go by the apartment, she had a key if she needed to get in.

Wisconsin was freezing cold, Trixie threw her jacket on and opened up the creaky back door. She took a few deep breaths, trying not to sound too panicked when she called Kim, her breath fogged up immediately once it hit the cool air. She gazed out onto the large and empty field behind her dad's house. She placed her elbows on the deck's railing and leaned forward. 

“Kim,” Trixie said quickly.

Kim’s voice indicated that she had just been woken up, “Trixie? What’s up,” She yawned, “How’s Wisconsin,”

“It’s great, ” She paced back and forth on the rickety wood below her, “Kim, could you go by the apartment and check on Brian? He’s not answering my calls and I’m worried about him.”

Kim mumbled something under her breath, “Trixie, sweetie, baby, darling, doll,” She listed, “I am not going to go check in on your boyfriend. He’s a grown adult. He’s fine.”

“Kim” She whined, “Please, I’m worried about him. My hormones are getting me all wound up and I won’t sleep if I don’t know he’s okay.”

“Trixie, No,” She said sternly.

“Please?”

“I said no!”

“Please, for me,” She reiterated.

“Ugh,” Trixie heard the shuffling of sheets, “Fine, but if he gets angry it’s your fault!”

“Thank you, Kim,” She made a kissy noises through the phone.

“Whatever,” She sighed, “I’ll call you when I get back,”

Kim hung up.

Trixie went back into the warm house, wiping her damp shoes on the rug next to the door.

“Is everything okay?” Her Dad asked.

“Yeah,” She said calmly, “At least I hope,”

“Is someone not answering your calls?” He inquired.

Trixie began to take off her jacket, “Yeah,” She placed it down on the kitchen counter.

“Is it Brian?”

Trixie sighed, “Yes”

He nodded, “Don’t worry too much about him, its okay Trixie,”

“I just can’t help it, Dad, you have no clue what this stupid baby is doing to me,”

“I know Trixie, I know,” He stood up to hang Trixie’s jacket, “Your mom was the same way when she was pregnant. I could barely leave the house without her freaking out, I get it.”

He reminisced for a moment, “Your mom hated being pregnant, I remember that. She just flat out hated everything about it, I don’t know why she kept wanting to have kids. I thought after one she’d be done. I don’t know how she managed to have three kids just with me. Once I heard she got remarried I thought she would never have another kid. But no,”

“I don’t know why she had so many kids either, I hate this,” She admitted.

Trixie took a seat on the couch. Her dad’s couch was much more comfortable than hers, she felt like she could just fall asleep then and there with no problems. His living room was nicely decorated, especially for being a single guy in his late forties. His couch as a very light grey as was a matching chair placed in the corner. The blue pillows scattered around the furniture perfectly matched the chevron white and blue curtains that hung around both the full-sized windows and the window of the back door. A warm brick fireplace was the living room's main source of heat.

The rest of the house had a very similar pallet of blue, grey, and white. Trixie hoped that if she ever had her own house, it would look like his.

“Why’d you marry Mom?”

He shook his head, “I loved her Trixie, I didn’t love love her, but I loved her.”

“Why did you stay for so long?” She shot back.

“It’s not like I could have left, at least I thought I couldn’t. I had three kids for god’s sake, Trixie. Even when I stopped loving your Mom, I still loved you guys.” He looked over to Trixie, she was sitting at the opposite corner of the couch, balled up, listening intently, “Don’t do what I did Trixie. If you’re unhappy leave. It’s not worth it. Your kid will be better off with a single Mom than in a family with two loveless parents. I’m sure you already know that though,”

“I do Dad,”

“Good,” He smiled, It wasn’t a happy smile, but it was a proud smile, “You’re a smart girl Trixie, don’t forget that. You don’t need to turn into a housewife if you don’t want to,”

“I know that,”

Her phone rang.

“Excuse me,” She shot up and raced to the back door, and answered the phone.

“He’s good, he was just asleep.”  Kim yawned.

“Did he answer the door?”

“No Trixie, he was asleep.” She said again, “I rang the doorbell a few times and then let myself in. I basically gave him a heart attack,”

“Oh, so he’s okay?”

“Yes Trixie, he’s okay,” Her voice was absolutely over it.

“Oh,”

“I’m not doing this again Trixie, you owe me big time.” Trixie traced lines with her foot on the frosted wood of the deck.

“Did you tell him to call me?” She asked.

“No Trixie, I just told him you tried calling him and he said he’d call in the morning. Then I left.”

“Oh, Thank you, Kim.”

 

Trixie went inside and returned to the couch with her Dad. 

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s okay,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like there's a whole bunch of dialogue in this chapter, but I still like this one.
> 
> I ended up getting an awful cold (It's probably the flu) this week, so all of my fever dreams are giving me random spurts of inspiration that I've started writing here and there. So, I'm pretty sure I know exactly where this story is going to end. Also, I kinda hate the fact that Katya is turning into the antagonist, but it's literally only my fault so whatever. Don't worry it gets better.
> 
> Because I've been sick, I haven't exactly reread this since last week. So I'm really really sorry if there are typos or sentences that don't make sense.
> 
> Follow My [Tumblr](https://theroadswewalkin.tumblr.com/) if you want to.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I haven't updated this in forever, but it's literally only been a week. 
> 
> Enjoy!

 

Trixie hated the way the sun shined so brightly outside of her window. The bedroom’s window was facing directly towards the rising sun, which caused her to wake up the exact moment it came up. She wanted to go back to sleep, but after getting pregnant she’d started to become so sensitive to light and sound while sleeping. She could wake up to things so minuscule. Like the sound of a pin drop or the light of a cell phone. She was starting to get to that point where she couldn’t sleep as easily. Not only did the light bother her, but she also had nausea, bloating and new found back pain that decided to submerge at each and every dawn. With the back pain, she could no longer lounge or sleep on her back comfortably, so she now was trying to get used to sleeping on her side.

Because of all of this, her trip to Wisconsin had become a sedimentary one. Most of the days that week consisted of her simply staying at home and hang around with her dad. They’d take a walk around his property, make breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then go to bed. Even though it appeared boring, it was the exact vacation she needed from her everyday life in LA. It brought her back to her simple childhood, at least the good parts of it.

Trixie sat alone in her room this morning, slightly awake, and slightly asleep. The sun still beaming into the room. She quickly got the bright idea to cover her window with a blanket dawned on her. She tracked down the dim hallways and pulled out a bed sheet from the hallway closet, she returned to her room and threw it over the curtain rod. It immediately blocked out every ounce of sunlight the room once had. It was now a perfect dim cave, just right for Trixie to sleep in.

Her Father was already up, she could hear him doing dishes and chores in the living room and kitchen. She ignored it though. She just wanted to sleep.

She turned to her side and closed her eyes. She felt a slight flutter in her stomach. “What the-,” Trixie whispered to herself. It continued on for a few more seconds.

She placed her hand on her stomach, while the movement was more noticeable from the inside. Light movement and wiggles could be felt from the outside. She recalled feeling things like this before, but never that noticeable. She sat, feeling it happen for a while before realizing what was happening.

“Dad!” She shouted, “Dad! Come here, quick!” He almost instantaneously entered the room.

“What’s wrong sweetie?” He looked around the dark room, “What’s with the sheet on the window?”

Trixie flicked on the lamp next to her bedside, “The baby,” She beamed, “I think it’s moving!” Just as she said that it stopped.

Her Dad approached her bed. Trixie pulled down the sheets so her torso was exposed, “That’s incredible!” He sat on the edge of her bed and looked down at her stomach.

“It’s stopped now, but I think It’ll start again!”

He stood up, “I know this trick, your Mom and I used to do this with you all of the time.” He began moving to the door, “If you drink some cold orange juice the baby will start moving. It’s something about the sugar and the cold that gets them kicking.”

“Okay!” Trixie squeaked. Her Dad raced out of the room to get said orange juice. She placed her hand on her stomach and smiled. She was over the moon at that moment, “Come on baby, kick me.” She encouraged, “You can do it!” Her voice dropped to an encouraging whisper, “I know I’ll probably get tired of it soon, but Mommy wants to feel you move. Pretty please? Can you move for Mommy?” Her gentle pleads seemed to be the magic words because the baby began moving once again. “Oh Wow!” She moved her hand to where she felt it internally, “Look at that, you’re listening to me.”

Her Dad came back into the room with a full glass or Orange juice in hand, “Here you go,” He placed it on her bedside.

“It’s moving again,” She announced, he approached the bed. Trixie grabbed his hand and tried to locate where it was happening, “I don’t know if you’ll be able to feel it, but it’s right about, here.”  She dropped his hand on the lower left side of her stomach.

He stayed silent for a moment, “Yeah, that’s the baby there!”

The movement stopped and started here and there over the next thirty minutes. She took some sips of orange juice every so often until the glass was empty. She didn’t quite understand why it made her so happy, but it did. Eventually, Trixie decided to get up. The feeling of the baby eventually became less noticeable when she began doing other tasks.

She took a shower, the hot water immediately woke her up. Compensating for her lack of sleep. She shampooed and conditioned her hair and brushed it out with her fingers. Bits of leftover mascara stung her eyes as she washed her face with her overly expensive cleanser. Once she was done, she got out of the shower. Her newfound protective motherly instincts that began to kick in after the earlier events of the morning took over her, she paid extra attention not to slip on the slick tile as she stepped out.

When she exited the bathroom, the smell of freshly baked goods floated through the house. Her Dad had made her a fresh batch of lemon ones during the time it took her to get dressed and ready for the day. When Trixie entered the kitchen, she immediately lunged at the muffins like an untrained dog. She piled two into her hand and immediately dug into the first one, setting the second down on the counter. She leaned against it, her hand on her stomach, trying once again to feel the baby move.

“Trixie, let’s go get you something for the baby.” He peeled back the muffin wrapper, “I want it to have something to remember me by if I don’t get the chance to see it once it’s born.”

Trixie chewed quickly and swallowed even quicker, “What do you mean something It’ll remember you by? You’re definitely going to get to see the baby after it’s born!” She beamed, “I actually think I want you to be at the hospital with me.”

He took a bite too, small enough for him to swallow before he came up with a response, “Really?”

“Mhm!” Trixie continued to chew.

“Trixie, are you sure you? It’s a bit personal, you know for you and Brian,”

“I don’t care if it’s personal or not! I want you to see the baby. Even if you’re not in the room when it’s happening,” She smiled, “I wouldn’t make you go through watching that any more than you already have,”

“Oh how gracious of you Trixie,”

“As always!” She snickered. Trixie looked up at the ceiling and thought, “I don’t know how we could get you over there in time. I know that they’re never really born on their due date” She pondered out loud.

“That is true,”

“Could you come out for a month or so, at least around that time?”

“Oh Trixie,” He admired how innocent she was about it all, “It’s hard for me to find time off of work, even getting this week off was a bit difficult. I’ll have to see about it.”

“I really want you to be there,”

He finished the last bite of the muffin and threw the wrapper in the garbage, “When are you due again?”

“They say August seventh,”

“I’ll try Trixie,” She nodded and went back to gnawing down on her breakfast.

Trixie felt a small movement again, “It’s back at it,” She looked down and smiled at her stomach. Her hair framing her face as she did so, “It knows we're talking about it,”

“It hasn’t even been born yet and it’s got a keen sense of gossip detecting,”

She laughed, keeping her attention on her stomach, “Don’t worry little bud, we’re just talking about how we’re excited to meet you! You’re going to be so amazing. Do you know that? You’ll probably have little blue eyes and blonde hair like me. You’re going to be a sight to see!”

“Let’s go soon huh? So we can get there before traffic starts going. I don’t want to be on the road the entire last day you’re here.” He said. She nodded in agreement.

Trixie helped her Dad clean up the mess left over from the muffins. She scooped up the scattered remnants of the grated lemon and its juice. She then put the remainder of the unused lemon in a small ziplock bag and stuck it into the fridge. He wiped down the counters covered in flour and stuck the used bowls into the sink.

“I’ll grab my wallet, meet you in the car,”

\---

“Get whatever you’d like,” He pushed open the store’s door.

Trixie immediately felt overwhelmed by the large, department sized baby store and all of its things, “Oh Dad, I don’t know what I need, ”They started walking the massive store and went up to the first thing in the store, Trixie picked up a pack of sippy cups. Then set it back down, dissatisfied.

“Well, maybe something the baby can use for a while.” He looked around, “How about a crib?”

She froze, “A crib?”

“Yeah! They last a long time and are pretty universal.”

Trixie looked into her Dad’s eyes, he seemed fully serious, “Dad, cribs are expensive. There's also no way I could get it from here to LA,”

“We could order one online and have it sent to LA,”

Trixie knew she needed one, she knew that a crib was one of the most expensive things they needed to buy and if her Dad was willing to buy it. That would be one less financial worry for them. “But they’re still expensive,” she added.

“I have twelve years of Christmas and Birthday presents to make up for, I can manage,”

“If you’re sure,” She trailed, looking at the elevated display of cribs, noting a cute white crib.

“And I am,” He added

“Then I would greatly appreciate that,”

He clapped his hands, “Perfect! Now, what else do you want? Not for the baby, just for you.” Trixie took another looked around the store and began pointing out things she wanted in her head.

“I have always wanted those weird body pillows for pregnant women.” She hummed to herself, “And maybe new clothes? I haven’t been able to fit into much of what I have anymore.”

“As you wish,”

Trixie grabbed his arm and led him around the store, she picked up the pillow along with other things her Dad egged her to get.

After they left that store, they went deeper into the city to a somewhere for Trixie to shop at. She had no clue what to buy, but with the help of multiple eager sales associates, she managed to find something. She ended up buying almost an entirely new wardrobes’ worth of clothes.

Despite her Dad’s efforts to make her feel okay about buying those things. She still did feel guilty, she wasn’t used to the idea of someone else spending money on her, especially since she knew she had no possible way to pay it all back.

Trixie had always wondered what having a Sugar Daddy would be like, she figured this was the closest she’d get to have one. Except instead of exchanging things for sexual favors, she exchanged them for lifetime emotional trauma from childhood abandonment. Nice.

Trixie didn’t want to go back to LA, she didn’t want to go back at all. She couldn’t imagine returning to her sad job at the bar, her cigarette tainted house and her sad excuse for a functioning relationship. She wished she could stay in Wisconsin, with her Dad. But she had to go back to her lackluster life and the grim reality of having a baby outside of a mostly committed relationship.

She just wanted to stay in her perfect bubble world away from everything she hated.

By the end of their shopping spree, Trixie had accumulated enough things that she’d need an entire new suitcase to get it all back to California.

They spent the whole day in town, they went around the parks, ate dinner, and went sightseeing. It was all as she remembered, it brought back faint and distant memories of her bike rides into town and her hangout sessions with friends from high school. She wondered how her high school friends were doing nowadays.

 

Trixie knew she would be tried by the end of the day. And she was right, she had worn herself out from standing for so long. In fact, she had wound up falling asleep in the car on the drive home. She curled herself up in the passenger's seat with her face pressed against the window. Her warm breath fogged up the cold glass of the window, using her jacket as a blanket.

She slept the entire hour drive and still was asleep when they got home.

Her Dad had already gotten out of the car, Trixie hadn’t woken up quite yet. He came around the other side of the car and opened her door, making sure to not wake her up too abruptly.“Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” He said softly.

“Let me sleep in here,” She groaned.

He unbuckled her seat belt, “Come on, let’s get up.”

“I’ll be fine in here,” She murmured.

“You’ll freeze,”

“I’m tired,” She whined.

He sighed, “Trixie do you want me to carry you?”

She slightly opened her eyes and smiled, “Yes,”

He rolled his eyes, “Fine,” He placed his arm under Trixie’s legs and the other around her torso, “You’re lucky I love you so much,”

“It’s because I’m the favorite,” She whispered.

“Touche,” She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder, “Three, two one,” He picked her up with a grunt.

Trixie kept her eyes shut, she remembered how he used to do this when she was little. She’d pretend to be asleep in the car just so he’d carry her inside. She felt like Annie in the part of the movie where she fell asleep in the theatre and Daddy Warbucks carried her inside. It made her feel glamorous, like a princess.

He bumped the car door with his back to close it, he then carried her up the driveway to the front door. He struggled to unlock it, but he eventually got in. He brought her into her room and placed her down on her bed. He pulled back the covers and helped Trixie out of her jacket. Trixie wiggled herself under the covers and pulled them up to her chin.

“Good night Trixie. Sleep well, you’ve got a long day ahead of you tomorrow,”

She rolled over on the bed and peeped open her eyes, “Do I have to go back?”

“I wish you didn’t,” He smiled “But, you can’t just stay here,”

“I know,” She yawned, “I know,”

“Go to bed. We can go get something to eat before you leave in the morning. I’m sure you’ll be more optimistic after you eat.”

He began to shut the door behind him, “Goodnight Dad,”

“Good night Trixie,”

\---

 

The next morning was filled with way too many emotions for Trixie’s pregnant brain to manage. She was a blend of every emotion a person could possibly feel. While she wanted to go home, she didn’t want to leave her Dad. She tried to draw out her and her father’s goodbye, but she couldn’t wait forever. She had to leave eventually. That eventually was at eight that morning.

Their final goodbye was definitely something that sixteen-year-old Trixie would fantasize about. It was the college send-off Trixie had always wanted. Complete with a large breakfast and an overly emotional car ride to the airport.

“Bye Trixie,” He handed her her bags, “Don’t forget to call me when you land, Okay?’

“Got it, Dad,” She hugged him, one last time, “I love you, come to visit me in LA sometime.”

“I will,” He squished her cheeks, “Now, go you little goober, you’re going to miss your flight!”

He sent her off with the biggest smile he could manage.

Trixie checked her bags, went through security, and finally boarded the plane. She slept her entire flight, she woke up five hours later landing in LA. Brian met her inside of the airport along with Kim. Trixie was starving, so they took her out to lunch, then back home.

The rest of the day consisted of Trixie and Brian walking down to the store and trying to recreate all of the recipes she learned in Wisconsin. Then, Trixie sleeping every two hours.

 

\---

 

Something about Doctor Monsoon’s office brought her a weird feeling of peace. She liked the soothing music and the slow paced environment of the waiting room. Everything had a pattern and reason, nothing was ever chaotic.

Now that she started showing, even more, she felt like she actually belonged there. She fit in with every other woman in the office, pregnant or responsible looking. She fell under the pregnant category. She liked the idea of fitting in with other people at that time, at least for the short hour or two she was there. In everyday life, she was now the outlier, at work, on the streets, and with her very very small friend group Aka Kim and Brian. It seemed like no one who lived in LA was ever pregnant, babies just always seemed to appear.

“Trixie Mattel!”   

Trixie knew the drill, her and Brian stood up and followed the nurse into the back. They followed the usual routine checks and tests. While Trixie still cared about the health of the baby, she just wanted to skip to the fun part of knowing the gender.

“The doctor will be in shortly,” The older nurse smiled and shut the door.

They always said that. It must have been some kind of obligation to throw out some type of sentence that contained ‘doctor’ and ‘shortly’. Because the wait at Monsoon’s was never short. Trixie understood that the reason behind it was that she was so thorough with everyone, but she sometimes just wished everyone else could go away for the hour she was in the office. So she could get in and out and on with her life.

“Welcome back, Trixie!” Monsoon took a seat, “How have you been feeling?”

“Fine, I’ve been tired.”

She acknowledged that with an ‘hmm’, she then went onto the computer to look at Trixie’s files, “That’s pretty normal,” She pulled up her prescriptions list, “Have you been taking your iron? Your last test was still low,”

Trixie shook her head, “I forget sometimes, I know I shouldn’t. I’ll start setting reminders for it.”

“Okay, good.”

Monsoon went down the list of standard questions, which Trixie answered as quickly as possible. “Is your nausea medication still working?”

“Yup,” Trixie rushed.

“Do you still feel you need it?”

“Well,” Trixie thought, “It’s definitely not as bad anymore,”

Monsoon nodded and wrote down an order for another prescription and set it to the side, “I’ll give you another thirty-day prescription, but only take it as needed. If it gets worse, call me.” She wrote her number on a sticky note and handed it to Trixie, “Call me for any concerns actually, I will most likely answer before someone answers here. Unless it’s office hours, then call here.”

She moved over to the ultrasound machine tucked in the corner of the room and pulled it out. “Now, get comfortable, it’s time to look at this baby,”

She clicked on the machine and got straight into it.

The entire ultrasound felt dragged out though, Trixie just wanted to skip to the moment everyone wanted to hear, but the baby's health was more important than Trixie’s patience problems. Monsoon took her time with measurements and other various things that she needed to.

She pointed a square-ish looking blob, “That right there is the heart. Those are all of its heart Chambers.” She pointed out the four sections, “If you look really close, you can see it beating.” She watched quick the pulses, she smiled. Her enthusiasm about it outshone the combined excitement of Trixie and Brian, “Look how cool that is!”

Trixie and Brian exchanged a look. It was cool but clearly not exactly as cool as Monsson was hyping it up to be.

Monsoon moved on, she zoomed out onto the head.

“Look at that little brain, certain parts of it are forming right now! At this point, it can hear. So try playing music for it or reading out loud to it. Sometimes they’ll kick if they like a song, oddly enough,” She paused and took a note, “Definitely looking healthy!

“Is it a healthy girl or boy?” Brian added.

Monsoon chuckled, “I was just about to get to that,” she looked between them, “Any predictions or bets you’d like to place beforehand?”

“I say, boy,” Trixie declared.

“I say, girl,”

Trixie propped herself up on her forearms, “Let’s make another bet. If it’s a boy we got to where ever I want to eat. If it’s a girl, your pick.” Trixie offered.

“Honey, it’s always your pick. Even when it’s my pick, it’s still your pick.” Trixie laid back down and looked at the screen.

Monsoon placed the doppler back onto Trixie’s stomach, “One vote for a boy and one for a girl. Let’s see,” She moved it in small motions until she found the right spot. She examined the screen and waited for the baby to move into a different position, “I think I know already, but it needs to move it’s little legs so I can get a definitive answer.” She watched again, “Yup!”

“What is it?” Trixie asked.

“You’re having…” She paused for dramatic effect, “A girl!” She made jazz hands.

Trixie’s mouth dropped open, “No way!” This whole time she was more than a hundred percent sure she was having a boy, she even googled the whole ‘carrying high’ and ‘carrying low’ thing. All signs pointed to a boy, but apparently not.

“Seriously?” Brian asked. He was elated.

“Definitely a little girl,”

Brian shot out of his seat “Yes!” He looked over to Trixie, “I don’t care where we eat. I just want that dress, Asap.”

Immediately after their appointment, they went down to the baby store they first visited and bought the exact dress Brian had wanted to buy for the past months.

He grabbed her hand and led her were they last shopped, he went to the rack and flicked through it pulling out the exact same pink baby dress. “Newborn size?” He asked. Trixie nodded, he slid his finger through the small hanging hook to carry it, “Can we take her home in it? Maybe take some pictures of her and us the day we go home” He gently fiddled with the tool of the skirt, “Ginger keeps asking if we’re going to do a maternity shoot or a hospital shoot. I told her we're white, but not that white” That got Trixie giggling, “Maybe this could be the exception because I really like this dress and I would like Ginger to be happy.”

She touched the soft fabric of the dress, “Yes, we can take her home in this dress and I guess we could take a picture or two,” The corners of her lips tilted up, he wrapped his arms around her, giving her a tight hug. He was crazily happy.

 

\---

 

The next day, Trixie had work. Trixie had already taken a break within just two hours of working. Every single part of her body that could be hurting was hurting. She just needed to take a seat on something that had the smallest amount of cushion.

That was the break room’s couch, at least for now.

“Hey so, Um, Trixie.” Violet approached her from behind and stood directly in front of her. She twiddled her thumbs, “I'm not sure if I'm legally allowed to ask this as your boss.” She stood in front of Trixie, “It's also not really socially acceptable for me to ask this either, so pretend that I'm asking this as a friend, not an employer.”

Trixie crossed her legs and leaned back, “Yeah?”

“Are you pregnant?” She asked her voice going up almost an octave on the last word. Trixie's hand had been on her stomach the entire time Violet asked that question. The answer was obvious.

She nodded, “I'm surprised it's taken you so long,” Trixie laughed, trying to make Violet feel comfortable with her question.

Violet relaxed.

“I didn't exactly notice until you came back from your time off, once I saw you after not interacting with you for a week was when it hit me.” she paused, “It's not that your looking fat or anything!” She rushed, her handing waving in an odd way, “You actually look great! I've just been wondering.”

“I am pregnant,” Trixie clarified.

Violet took a seat on the coffee table in front of her.

“I'm probably not supposed to ask you this either, but are you going to take time off? Once it's born or when you get 'too pregnant’?” Violet didn't know if she worded her question correctly.

Trixie kicked her feet up, next to Violet on the table, “I think I'm going to quit pretty soon.”

Violet was taken aback, “Quit?” Violet asked, “Are you serious Trixie?”

“I've been thinking about it for a few months now,” Violet looked slightly offended, “I love it here,” She clarified, “It's just that, It's already hard doing my job even though I'm not extremely pregnant. All of the standing on my feet for long hours is difficult. It's just that I need the money for now.”

Trixie left out the part about her co-workers and customers starting to drop rude comments about the fact she was pregnant and working at a bar. Details, details.

“Trixie, I will give you maternity leave. Not only is it required by law, but even if it wasn't I still would.” Trixie appreciated Violet's offering, but her mind was already made up.

“I really need to be there for my baby, even after she's born.”

“I respect that,” Violet nodded, “Just know that you've been one of our best bartenders. The patrons love you, people always tip highest when you’re serving and I know that it will be very hard to find someone as awesome as you.” Trixie's heart melted at Violet's soft side. It rarely came out, but when it did, it was like a rainstorm of love.

“You've been good to me Violet. You'll be the first to hear when I officially do decide to leave, obviously.” Violet stood up and patted Trixie on the shoulder.

“Call me when you do decide,” Violet began to walk away, “Also, congrats on having a girl!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Wow, a girl? Totally didn't expect that from a trixya fic (Sarcasm). I mean, I can't imagine Trixie not having a girl. So deal with it. (Sarcasm again).
> 
> I feel like I'm trying to convey the fact that Monsoon is a very, very in love with her job, but like not in a weird way (That literally makes no sense). She just is really interested in it all, that's it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter took so long to get up, life randomly decided to get hectic and the holidays snuck up on me. 
> 
> I also rewrote this chapter a few times (I absolutely hated the first few renditions). I hope this chapter lives up to the time it took to write it.
> 
> Follow My [Tumblr!](https://theroadswewalkin.tumblr.com/)

 

“Ginger!” Brian called from the front. He waited, no response, “Ginger, you need to sign for this stuff!”

He awkwardly held the front door open as he waited for Ginger to come out. He and the postman uncomfortably smiled at each other. The guy was clearly beginning to struggle to hold up the more than thirty pounds of fabric.

“Ginger!” He shouted.

Ginger finally came out to the front of the store, “Sorry boys, sorry,”  She grabbed the clipboard from the man’s hands and signed her name on the line.

Brian grabbed the heavy boxed bolts of fabric from the man and set them down behind the cutting counter. Ginger followed behind him and watched as he unboxed the new fabric.

He lifted up the box and dumped them on the floor, he began sorting them by color and type.

“Ginger, stop buying sequin fabrics. No one ever wants them.”

“Oh but look at that yellow one! Do you not love it? Hold it up to the light!” Brian hoisted the large roll of fabric over his head and watched it ever so slightly sparkle in the dim lights of the store.

“It sparkles, I’ll give it that.”

“Don’t be a downer Brian, just go do your job,”

He picked up two bolts of cotton, “Yes Mam,”

Ginger shook her head at him, “You’re funny,”

He walked down the tall aisles of the store and set them down on the floor next to their sections. He parted the sea of fabrics and added in the new black, white and green. Ginger got to work too, she picked up one of her beloved sequin fabric and put in its own special section. The front door rang.

“Welcome to M & N Textiles!” Brian and Ginger chimed in unison.

Brian greeted her and after a quick chat, Brian realized just how much of a hassle this customer would be. It was a young girl, in her early twenties, who had little to no sewing experience. Sounded like a typical customer, someone who wants to learn to sew, easy. No, not easy. She wanted to make her own wedding dress.

Not only did she want to make her own wedding dress, but she also wanted to make it from an advanced pattern she found on Pinterest that had no printable options, “Well,” Brian began looking through fabrics with her, “We have a great selection of silks, but if it's your first time sewing I don’t recommend investing too much in a piece of expensive fabric.”

“I want silk,” She demanded.

“What if we do a nice satin? They’re easy to fix if you mess up a stitch, just seam rip it out,” He showed her a new bolt of thick polyester satin.

“No, I want silk,”

“Are you sure?” She nodded her head, “Okay then, silk it is.”

He took her down their aisle with the nicest, most expensive laces and silks. He still tried to persuade her to buy cheaper fabric, or at least make a prototype with cotton, but she continued to insist on silk and only silk. Her eye was caught on the newest bolt of their most expensive patterned one, which was upwards of thirty dollars a yard. She didn’t even know the yardage requirements she needed for the dress, so Brian had to snoop around on the poorly made website to find any information he could. She also forgot to mention that she needed another ten yards of additional lining and lace. They were already at the counter, cutting the first fabric. So, Brian took her back down the sections and grabbed whatever else she wanted.

Despite Brian’s warnings, the lady spent over $600 on eighteen yards of silk fabric she’d undoubtedly mess up, $80 on a satin lining, and $200 on lace and tool.

All in a day’s work.

He started shuffling around the back counter, he bent down and hid their nicest scissors away before he could lose track of them. He returned to clear the top of the counter, “Brian, how's Mama doing?”

He turned away from cleaning, “Huh?” He looked to Ginger, “Oh, Trixie? She's good, she's still pregnant and all.”

“I would hope she still is,”

He hoisted the heavy roll of skirt tool over his shoulder and moved it to the side, “Man I wish she wasn't,”

“Why's that?” She put her elbows on the counter and her hand on her chin.

“It's a lot of work, taking care of a pregnant woman.”

She nodded in response, “It's also a lot of work taking care of a baby,”

“That is true,”

“She seems like a wonderful woman, I hope you treat her that way,”

“I do, I try my best,” He went back to rerolling the freshly cut fabric, he placed the almost empty roll of silk on the counter behind him.

The back door flew opened “I'm here! Sorry, I'm late!” Alaska stepped out into the store floor.

“Alaska! I see you finally decided to show up?” Alaska walked to where the two stood. Her freshly straightened hair flowed behind, while her crop top and high waisted short shorts rode up each stride.

“I'm sorry, it was a bad morning. My nail broke, my alarm didn't go off, and I messed up my eyeliner,”

“I am so sorry for your losses,” she mocked, “Now go help Brian restock the fabric please.”

“Got it!” She peeped. Alaska followed closely behind Brian, carefully watching his every move.

While it still had been five months since his and Alaska's hang out, what she would call a 'date’, she was still apparently ‘in love’ with him. She still couldn't manage to take a hint. Every time they interacted she would try some obvious way to flirt, wither it was her oddly touching him in random suggestive ways or her inviting him to go somewhere with her. Even when he would bring up Trixie in a conversation, she would get visibly upset. Because of that, he always avoided talking about her pregnancy around her. But it was inevitable that she’d find out sooner or later. He didn't know why she was so obsessed with him. Somehow she saw them as two long lost lovers searching in the dark for one another.

“So that girl,” Alaska Said, “Trixie right?” She sat down on the floor and joined Brian in organizing.

“Yeah, Trixie, my girlfriend,” he added in 'girlfriend’ for emphasis.

“Her,” she flipped her long, bleached hair over her shoulder, “She's the one you brought with us, right?”

“When we hung out? Yes, That's her. You know this already Alaska.”

“You knocked her up?” she said bluntly. While Alaska was playing a game, she didn’t want to waste any time getting into it.

Brian tried to pull back, he knew she would be upset by the end of this conversation, “I guess you could put it that way,”

“You poor thing,” she laid a single finger on his shoulder, “She probably did that so you can't leave her.”

“It was one time Alaska,” he huffed, “Things happen, it was no one's fault,”

“Are you so sure?”

“You don't know her Alaska, she wouldn't do that.”

Alaska reached for a roll of fabric across Brian’s lap, putting her hand on his upper thigh as she did so, “I doubt it's your baby anyways, she seems like someone who gets around.”

Ginger rounded the corner, “Enough Alaska.” She warned, “That's his business and none of yours.”

Alaska remained silent until Ginger was far away enough so she couldn't hear, “I doubt that just happened by chance.” She whispered, “I've heard you and Ginger talk about how it happened. Do you know how much of a dummy you have to be to mess up birth control?”

“Alaska,” He cautioned.

“Oh what,” she batted her lashes at him and put both hands on his thigh this time, “I'm speaking the truth,”

He swatted her hands away, “You're invading my privacy,”

She kept going, “If you wouldn't have brought her along, you wouldn't be in this mess You’re probably just her scapegoat.”

He continued to stock the shelves, hoping if he ignored her she'd stop.

“If it were me that wouldn't have happened,” she finally said.

“You chose to leave Alaska, drop it.”

“It's cute how you're defending her,”

“She's my girlfriend,” He stood up and reached for the top shelf.

“Not by choice though,”

“You wouldn't be my girlfriend by choice either,” He shot back.

That broke Alaska, she couldn't form a come back quickly enough, so she stood there making an awkward uhh sound. She finally came up with something, “At least I'm not a pregnant slut who can't figure out how to work simple contraceptives!” Not very creative, but her petty personality could only form that half-assed insult.

He looked down at her, “Knock it off Alaska,”

She didn’t.

“You could have had me! You had to go for that drunk bimbo Barbie bitch, 'Trixie’. What kind of name is that?”

She spoke as if she had just eaten an entire spoon full of motor oil she was trying to spit out.

“‘Trixie’,” She repeated “I bet she wouldn't even be with you if she didn’t have to! I bet she thinks about some else every time you touch her!”

“God, just shut up!” Brian shouted.

“Fucking dirty old man, you can't keep a relationship unless you need to. I hope you're happy. It's probably not even yours!” She stomped away to the other side of the store and began angrily moving things around the shelves.

Brian watched her for a brief moment, awestruck. She looked back at him, she was on the verge of tears.

The rest of Alaska's shift, she kept her head down and did as he and Ginger told. She finally admitted defeat, she definitely had no chance with Brian.

 

\---

 

The day went on and customers came and left as did employees. One or two other people cycled through the work day after Alaska left. They were all newly higher, so they weren't the best at their job, but they weren't the worst.

But typically Ginger scheduled everyone so it would just be her and him working up until closing. That was an hour away, so now it was just them.

Pearl decided to make his daily stop in much later than usual, the door chimed as he walked in, “Mornin’ ladies,” he pranced through the front doors. He grinned from ear to ear, likely thinking his joke was the funniest thing he possibly could have said in the entire world.

“Morning? Pearl, it's night,” Ginger rolled her eyes and went back to the random task she was currently working on.

“Hey Pearl,” Brian hopped over the counter, “What'll it be today? Twenty yards of gold-plated Velvet? If so, sorry to say we're fresh out if it.”

“Oh please,” Pearl went along with the dumb joke, “You know I only buy gold plated corduroy, especially in the summer.”

They both erupted into breathy laughter.

“How are you doing Pearl?”

He shrugged, “It could be better, it could be worse. I've been picking up more jobs,”

“Ah, I see. All of the time you've spent sucking rich club owners dicks has paid off.”

“Oh please, you know I only do that for your dad,”

“You’re a mess Pearl,” Brian rolled up his sleeves, picking up a broom that leaned against the wall. He got to collecting the discarded snippets of paper and fabric around the center of the store.

“I’m here to get your opinion on an outfit,” Pearl grabbed his phone from his back pocket. He showed him a picture of a white leather jacket, “White,” He swiped to the right, “Or Cream?” He swiped back and forth a few times.

“Cream,” Brain planted his finger on the picture of the cream jacket, “Your busted makeup stains won’t be as noticeable on it.”

“Rude, but true.”

Pearl hung around the store for another thirty minutes. He informed Brian that he had a gig he needed to leave for soon, but that was mainly said so he’d need to hold himself accountable for leaving on time.

He trailed behind him as Brian continued to do his job. They were not tucked away in the very back corner of the store. Brian was reaching up as high as he possibly could, trying to get something off of the very top shelf.

“Are you still seeing that-”

“Shh,” Brian did a full pivoted turn, his eyes widen.

Pearl was clearly referring to Max.

“What?” Pearl wrinkled his forehead, “If you can do it I can talk about it.”

Brian held up a finger, indicating for him to lower his voice.

He shot glances around the store, trying to locate Ginger. Pearl seemed to catch on to the secretiveness of the situation.

“Nobody needs to know about that. Got it?”

Pearls shoulders shrunk, his face stiffened, “You still haven’t told her?” Brain shook his head, Pearls eyes narrowed, “Seriously Brian, Seriously?”

Brian planted his feet solidly into the ground, “She doesn’t need to know.” He said once more, “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“Yes, it will,” He warned.

Brian did his best to keep his voice at a whisper, “She’s pregnant,”

Pearl linked onto that, “Which is even more reason why she should know.”

“No, she shouldn’t know. She’s going to cry about it and then I turn into the bad guy.”

Pearl leaned against the shelving unit, throwing his hands down. They made a loud clap as they hit. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you. It’s as if you’re the only person in the room… Hell, she looks at you as if you’re the only person on Earth. She loves you, Brian. She would have very good reason to cry.”

“I don’t want her to be upset,”

“If you didn’t want her to be upset, you shouldn’t be doing this.”

Brian moved on, keeping his voice low, “Whatever, just leave it alone.”He hoped that Ginger hadn't picked up on any of their conversations. Pearl went to say another thing but realized that this wasn’t the time or place to have that kind of conversation. If Pearl wanted a conversation to be even close to effective with him, he’d need to sit him down over coffee. He seemed very disappointed in Brian's actions, but, Pearl couldn't change what Brian did. He was a free soul. Pearl immediately left.

 

 

 

The store was slow, but that was usually how it went when it was two or fewer hours from closing. They started to wrap up the night, “I'm going to start using our Facebook page again!” Ginger approached him from behind. Ginger had suddenly found a passion for coming up with inventive ways to bring new customers in.

He turned around, “We have a Facebook?”

She not so gracefully climbed over the counter and logged into their busted computer from the early 2000s and began typing, “Yes, Brian!” She turned around, “We have a Facebook, I thought you followed it,”

“Um, I don't even have a Facebook,”

She clacked loudly on the old keys, “Oh, well there's the problem,”  She clicked on to the chrome application, but the computer was so old it crashed trying to load it, “That's not great,” She muttered while shutting it off, “Let's close up early and go get something to eat,” Ginger suggested instead.

Brian looked outside, the streets were mostly empty and the sky had turned completely dark. Every so often, a group of people would by but that was the extent of it. Brian weighed his options, going home to Trixie or going to get dinner with his boss. The smarter option was to go home, “I would love to,” He sighed, “But Trixie is waiting for me,”

Ginger was adamant about getting dinner that night, “What if we take her with us! It could be fun!” She offered, “I would finally get the chance to properly meet her.”

“I'm not sure, she's at that point where she only wants to sleep.”

Ginger picked up her heavy bag and got out the keys to lock up the store, “Come on! It'll be a great time.”

He sighed, “I’ll call her,”

He did, they had an endless back and forth on whether they should go or not. Trixie blankly said that she didn’t want to eat, then turned around and said she did and then added on that she only wanted sushi, which she couldn't eat. Which made her angry, but then she changed her mind once more, saying she was open for options.  After she officially declared she was hungry, she told him that she wasn’t ready and she would need a while to get dressed. Next, she said she needed to shower. Eventually, Brian just told her to forget about it, which only made Trixie mad.

In the end, though, she decided to just wash her face and dry shampoo her hair.

Ginger and Brian closed up the store an hour early and piled into her car so they could go pick up Trixie. When they got to the apartment Trixie was still in the middle of putting her makeup on. She solely had foundation, concealer, and powder on. She tried to speed through her interactions so she could get back to the bathroom. She greeted Ginger, gave her a hug and talked for a second. Then, she excused herself.

Brian took Ginger on a tour of the house. That tour included their newly cleaned out nursery.

While the room was still mostly empty, they had put together a white Ikea baby dresser and an almost matching crib Trixie’s dad had bought them. Along with those things, the room’s small closet and new dresser were slowly starting to accumulate tiny clothing and other baby things.

“A girl,” Ginger looked at the baby clothing, “Are you excited”

He joined her at the closet.

“You bet I am,” he smiled an almost false smile, “I can’t wait to put her into little dresses and onesies,”

Sometimes he’d talk non stop about it or he’d be the complete opposite and never wanted to hear about anything to do with babies ever again. When he did though, he felt like the biggest dad in the world.

Yet, his feelings on it still swung back and forth. He tried to keep it all under wraps. He knew that if Trixie found out about his gyrating feelings she would undoubtedly be unhappy.

Though, he was sure she knew. Trixie knew everything.

Ginger seemed to be even more excited about the fact that he was having a baby than he was. She could not shut up about it the entire time they were in that room. It made Brian want to blow his brains out. To get a change of scenery, he took her into their bedroom to show off the newly organized closet of his and Trixie’s things.

After convincing from Kim and Brian, Trixie finally admitted defeat and got rid of over half of her closet, except for her new clothing. Those things included anything of a repeating color or style, anything she hadn’t worn in over a year, and anything that was just flat out ugly. Her closet was now limited to fifteen outfits, excluding what she bought in Wisconsin, which was minuscule to what she was used to.

“Trixie, are you almost done,” He walked into the bathroom. Trixie was at the mirror with a full face of makeup on, she looked to him and pouted her lip. She beckoned for him to come inside.

She shut the door softly behind them.

Trixie looked like she was close to passing out. Pale, dazed, overall unwell, “I feel sick,” she whispered.

He pressed his hand to her forehead, “You do?”

“Yeah,” she pouted.

“Do you not want to go?” She shook her head, letting out a whine. He wrapped his arms around her, “It's okay, we don't have to go.” He cradled her gently in his arms.

She rested her dizzy head on his shoulder.

“But Ginger,” She started up.

“She'll be okay,” He ran long strokes along her back.

He looked to the door, “Ginger!” She entered quickly, “Trixie isn't feeling well, we're going to have to cancel.”

Ginger examined her weak figure, “Oh poor thing. Nauseous? Dizzy?”

“Both,” she complained.

“Aw, Let's get you laying down now.”

She opened the door widely, she escorted them out of the bathroom and into the living room. Trixie used Brian as a human crutch the entire time. He gently laid her down on the couch and draped the comforter from their bed over her, “Ginger, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm always sick in your presence.”

Ginger took a seat in the grey chair diagonal to the couch, “It's alright Trixie,” She gave her a warm smile.

“It was a nice gesture, really, I've just been really going through the wringer these past months.”

Ginger nodded, understandingly.

Brian brought in a glass of water, “Your medicine?”

She took a big gulp from the cup once it entered her hand, “Please,”

“Did you take your iron?” Brian asked before leaving.

“No,” she whispered.

He went into the kitchen.

“I'll go pick up something for you to eat.” Ginger stood up, “You two must be starving.”

“I'm alright, thank you though.”

Trixie let her eyes slip shut. Brian returned holding two small capsules in his hand, he set them on the table on top of a paper towel.

“Ginger, I feel terrible about this. I'm sorry.”

She shrugged it off, “Enough apologizing, she can't help it. Things happen, it's fine!”

Brian sighed, taking a seat on the far end of the couch, just next to Trixie's feet. She pulled her legs up more so he had more room.

Her eyes cracked back open, she reached a few feet in front of her and scooped her medicine into her hands. Taking them down with a swig of water. She retreated back into her hermit state shortly after.

“If you'd like to stay, we have a box of dinosaur chicken nuggets in the freezer. We could heat those up and go to town.’

Ginger laughed, “I'll have to pass on that, but if you need help making them. I'm glad to stick around.”

“Eh,” Brian lifted his arm and placed it onto the back of the couch, “I'll just put them into the microwave for a minute or two and they'll be good to go. How does that sound Trixie?”

She responded with a muffled, “Good,” from under the comforter. Brian gently smiled down to the bundled up Trixie.

Ginger continued to watch and gleam.

“You're really shaping up Brian,” she said, sincerity to her voice, “I'm really proud of the self-improvement you've been doing. I think you're going to make a great Dad.”

He turned to her, “I'm trying my hardest,”

 

\---

 

Ginger and Brian talked outside for a while Trixie excused herself into the bathroom once more to get ready for bed. She washed her face, braided her hair, and put on a pair of pajamas.

She went back to her fortress of comfort under her bed's comforter.

Brian finally joined her inside.

He considerately asked if they could sit in their normal seating arrangements, Trixie said yes. He pulled her onto his lap, still allowing ample room for her to lay down.

They flicked on the TV, it was Game of Thrones time.

His hand found it's normal resting spot on her stomach.

The baby was big enough, to the point where if you watched, you could actually see her stomach move. It was like something out of the movie Alien. She pulled the covers down once she got moving enough.

“She's been active,” Brian stated, his words mostly wandering.

“She has, it’s a bit startling when she randomly moves in the middle of the night,” Trixie smiled, her train of thought switching, “I think she learned a new trick this morning. Watch this.” She moved his hand further to the right, where she guessed the baby was, “Press a bit,”

Even though she emitted a happy feeling, he could still tell by her weak voice that she felt like crap.

Brian hesitated, not knowing what he was about to witness.

He gently tapped, nothing happened.

Trixie grabbed his hand once more, “Harder than that,” She laughed, she applied a decent amount of pressure to his hand with hers. She quickly moved both away and watched. Some small body part judged out from the inside.

His mouth dropped, Trixie looked back at him, “Cool right!” His mouth closed, he nodded and put his hand back. He tried it again and again, getting the same results almost every time. It was odd seeing human-like reactions coming from something inside of another person. It was all very science fiction like, he became mesmerized with the action.

Eventually, Trixie got tired of the back and forth pressing and kicking from both sides,  “Okayyy,” She drew out the word, “That’s enough.” He set his hand down.

The house fell silent.

Trixie shifted, “Brian, there's something I’ve wanted to talk to you about for a while. But, I don’t know,” She sighed, “I’ve been having a hard time bringing it up.”

“And why is that?” He relaxed, not thinking too much of the question.

“Well, It’s a big deal!” She paused, “Well, it’s not that big of a deal,” She said, pausing once more, “It might be a big deal, I don’t know,” Her voice hinted at her distress.

“What is?” He asked, now a bit more intrigued.

“I want,” She stuttered, “I want- I”

Her weak voice made the stutter look even more pathetic.

“You can say it, Trixie,”

She put her hand on top of his, “Brian, I want to get married.” His body went motionless.

“Brian?” she asked.

“I don't know,” he said.

“What?”

“I said, 'I don't know’. Because I don't know Trixie.”

“But I-”

“It's not about you Trixie, this is a three-person ordeal.” Trixie pressed the back of her head into his chin, “I've already told you about how I feel about getting married.”

Trixie didn't exactly feel well enough to argue, so she didn't. She just said the first thing that came to mind.

“I want to get married. It's been the only thing in life I've ever wanted and, without you, it's a long gone dream. I don't think I want to just be roommates for the next eighteen years. I want something official, at least more official than being your girlfriend.”

“I'll think about it, Trixie.”

“Do you promise?”

“Yes, I promise,”

 

\---

 

Brian's phone went off with a gentle ding, he shot up and grabbed it from the bedside.

He looked at for it for a moment.

 He slowly got out of the bed, he went into the closet and threw on a shirt and jacket.

All of this was done in his best attempt to be stealth. But not stealthy enough for Trixie not to notice. She slowly stirred awake.

“Where are you going?” She met his eyes.

“Oh, uh…” he froze “Just out, just for a minute.” He stammered on every word. “What's the matter? Can't you sleep?”

“You woke me up”   
“I'm just running out for something to eat, I'll be back in a second. Skipping dinner is catching up to me. You'll fall asleep so fast, you're already going to be asleep when I get back”

“But, where are you going?”

“I said, to get food. Alright?”

She was too tired to call his bluff. But she kept her eyes on him.

“What?” He asked. Paranoia-laced his voice, “What? Do you want me to read to you or something.”

Trixie didn't care enough to form words.

“Look, I'll do it,” he grabbed a discarded book from his side of the bed, “Great, Paul McCartney.” He flipped open to the first page, “The Pool,” He placed his finger on the text, “On 28 August 1207, King John Granted the charter that the small fishing village of Liverpool a free borough: a second charter, granted by Henry III in 1229, gave the merchants the privilege of buying and selling without paying government dues: thus was the port of Liverpool born.”

He went on, Trixie closed her eyes, not wanting to hear more.

His phone dinged again.

He left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've come to the realization that I don't like writing climaxes, and that's what the next few are going to be. So please try to be patient with me. 
> 
> I promise I'm not going to be totally abandoning this story (I actually have the entire thing written and just need to edit and rewrite some parts of the chapters). I'm just starting to lose that initial spunk I get whenever I write something new.
> 
> I hope everyone is liking this fic so far. I've been having some major insecurities about this whole thing (Yeah, yeah, boo hoo me) so to all the people who continue to support it, thank you.
> 
> Sorry for making my notes basically a diary entry, but I have too much to say all of the time.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note: The way I've written Katya in this is in no way a reflection of the real Katya or how I view her at all. This version of her is very, very loosely based on her real personality. Especially in this point of the fic. 
> 
> Just wanted to get that out there.

Trixie closed her eyes, but she was still awake. She lost track of the hours, but she knew that it was well over the time it should have taken to simply get something to eat. It must have been four hours before Brian came back.

She tried to pretend she was asleep, but with how slightly noisy Brian was being that was difficult. He left a trail of lights everywhere he went.

She slowly sat up.

“Where’d you go?”

No acknowledgment, the loud running sink in their bathroom drowned her out.

“Brian?” She leaned out, trying to see him.

He shut off the sink, “Did you say something?” He stood in the door. He looked like a mess, but he was still trying to piece himself together. Drops of water dripped down his face from splashing it with water. He reached behind him and patted down his face. 

“I said, where did you go?” She straightened up her posture.

He returned to the bathroom, disregarding Trixie's concern. He hung the damp towel on the top of the shower “I got something to eat.”

“But where?” She almost got out of bed, but didn’t.

He turned off the light and pulled his shirt and jacket off in one swift motion.

“Go to bed Trixie, it’s late.”

 ---

 

“Where were you last night?” Trixie stood next to him at the kitchen counter, her hand rested on his shoulder.

“I went down to the bar to eat.” He continued on making his coffee.

“Why were you gone for so long?” Her voice was feather light.

“I wasn’t gone for very long,”

Trixie stepped back, “Yes you were,”

His voice grew louder, “No,” He gruffed, “I wasn’t.”

“You took too long just to have been eating something at the bar,” She expanded on, “So, where were you?”

“I already told you,” He relaxed, “I wouldn’t lie to you, Trixie.”

She wasn't too sure if that was the truth, while she hadn't exactly had a lot of proof to point out that he was lying. She still second-guessed him and his honesty. The truth was that he probably was. She tried not to let her mind go into a dark place of doubt or over-analyzation. But that was inherently difficult for her since her moral defense was beginning to deplete in her current situation. She thought it was necessary for her to push for a real answer, but she also knew that a real answer might have upset her more than believing the lie.

She backed down, no longer have the urge to fight with him. He didn't linger on the conversation for more than a second

He went into the cupboard and grabbed a freshly washed coffee mug, poured coffee into it, and left the kitchen. Leaving her behind.

 

\---

 

Brian left for work, Trixie asked Kim to come over. She needed Kim to act as a security blanket in her urgent time of need.

When Kim arrived, Trixie was more distraught than she ever seemed to be. It was so off-putting for Kim to see her like that.

She had been there for almost every major low point in Trixie’s life. Even when she was just surviving off of the clothes on her back and her car out of gas, she wasn’t as bad as this. Trixie seemed like she was on the verge of losing her mind.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this with him, Kim,” Trixie roughly ran her hands through her tangled hair.

“Then don’t,” Kim said directly. Trixie looked at her as if she just suggested murder, “You’ll be alright, you can survive as a single mom.”

“I would have to move back to Wisconsin, I don’t want to live with my parents all over again. I’d be back at square one.”

“You’re clearly unhappy here, I don’t see the point.” She threw up her hands, “Not being independent isn’t the worst thing in the world.”

“I've worked so hard,” Trixie whispered.

“It’s okay,”

“I’ve worked too hard for this outcome,” she repeated at the top of her voice.

Trixie was much too rilled up for her own good.

“I’m sure you’ve thought about it before, but it’s not about you anymore. You’re going to have a child soon, it’s about the child now.”

Trixie was more than listening to Kim, she knew she was right. But she didn’t want to admit it, “I love him though Kim, I can’t leave him.” She looked to Kim. She wanted her to say something, she wanted her to pull one of her classic pieces of advice. When there wasn’t anything for Kim to say, Trixie instantly became desperate, “He loves me,” She stayed staring up at Kim, “Right? He loves me?”

Kim tensed up, “There’s something that you don’t know that you should.”

“What?” Trixie returned at the speed of light.

She looked directly into her eyes, she gently touched her knee, “Trixie, take a breath for me,” Trixie did so.  Kim seemed to be preparing herself more than she was preparing Trixie. She dropped the dreaded words onto Trixie, “He’s cheating on you.”

Trixie’s eyes dilated. She pulled back entirely, frantically shaking her head, “No he’s not,”

“Yes, Trixie, he is.”

“No,”

“I’m sorry you had to hear it from me but-”

“No Kim, that’s not true.” She said her voice like gravel. Everything seemed to freeze, Kim didn’t want to keep going, but it was best that she did, “I just,” Trixie silenced herself.

“It’s is true,” She said, “He’s been doing it since Wisconsin. When you asked me to go by the apartment he was there with someone,” She paused, letting the words sit with Trixie, “He wasn’t just with someone, he was doing something with someone.” She folded her hands in her lap, trying to keep her cool, “When I came in it looked like no one was home, but all the lights were on. I looked around the house and I saw him, Trixie. He begged me not to tell you and I didn’t. I thought it was for the best, but clearly, it wasn’t.”

“Um, I,” Trixie tried to come up with a response.

“Trixie, I should have told you.” She cursed to herself for a brief moment, “God, he’s probably been doing it for longer. He might even be still doing it now,” She was obviously upset with herself. She moved her hand to her forehead. Trixie stared down at the floor and bit the inside of her cheek, “Trixie?” Kim asked slowly. She opened her mouth to speak, but she stopped herself. She kept her couth, trying to not force Kim to see her any worse. “I’m sorry,” Kim apologized, her hand rested just next to Trixie.

Trixie grasped onto it, the small act gave her the slightest sliver of courage. She dropped the act of false ignorance “He’s been doing it for longer.”

Kim pulled away, “You knew?”

Trixie spiraled down into a saddened and passionate confession, “Yes, I knew Kim! I’ve known! I’ve been on his phone before.” She admitted, hesitating before continuing, “I knew nothing good would come from it, but I did it. I did it and I hurt myself.”

Kim scooted next to her and looked down at the same spot Trixie was, “I didn’t know you knew.” She whispered, “I’m so sorry Trixie,”

“It’s fine,” She matched Kim’s volume, clenching her hand. Her mind started running once more, “I can’t leave him, Kim. There’s no way I can. I’m quitting my job soon. Whether I like it or not, I’m going to have to quit, and he’s going to be the only thing I have left.”

Kim shushed her, trying to calm her before she could get too worked up.

Trixie was definitely in a hole, no, more of a ditch. A deep ditch that she couldn't find a way to get out of. Kim’s endless pot of advice fell flat. Even as the person who knew it all, she didn't know anything about this. However, Trixie was right. She was losing everything she had work for quicker than she had gained it. If it all didn’t work out, she would most likely have to move to Wisconsin. But Trixie didn’t want that. That felt like the end of the world to her.

Kim knew it was best for Trixie to deal with her problems face on, she couldn’t shuffle around them until she slipped through the cracks.

 

“Just talk with him, it’ll be okay.” It wasn’t the best advice she could give, but it was the only thing she could think of.

Trixie wanted to go home with her, but that wasn’t a bright idea. She begged and even threw a fit like a toddler.

Eventually, she convinced Trixie to stay at the house. She wanted Trixie to have a rational talk with him. Instead of her usual way of conflicting conversation which consisted of her throwing her emotions onto the table and then getting upset when things didn’t happen her way.

Once Kim left, Trixie felt defeated. Completely and utterly defeated. She tried to move on with her day, cleaning up around the house, prepping whatever she wanted to eat for dinner, and she even decided to independently walk down to the laundromat to wash their accumulation of dirty sheets. She had gotten to know the owners well enough that they would call her by her first name whenever they saw her. The owners were an elderly couple, Carol and Bruce. They both had heavy southern accents, which sometimes was impossible to understand if they started talking too fast.

“Hi, Trixie!” Carol waved from the back of the building, she rushed towards her, “Let me help you with those.”  She grabbed the bagged sheets from her hands.

“Thank you, Carol,” Trixie followed her to an empty washer and dryer. Trixie did her best to keep up with the spunky gate of Carol.

“Where’s your boyfriend today?”

“He’s out at work right now,” Carol placed the bag on top of the washer.

“Well, tell him I say Hello!” She left Trixie to her own devices.

Trixie unloaded the heavy bag and fiddled with the washing machine until everything was set properly. She threw everything into the machine and turned it on. She walked down to Brian’s favorite coffee shop to order a sandwich and tea while she waited. The two hours it took to wash and dry her laundry. It was already approaching eight o’clock at night. Once she returned home, Trixie’s sadness resurfaced when she realized that he wasn’t home yet. It was already an hour past from when he normally came home.

She pulled out her phone to call him, it only rang once before going straight to voicemail  
  
Moments later she got a text  
  
**Brian: What do you want?**  
  
Trixie's fingers lingered over the keyboard. At a loss for words.  
  
**Trixie: When will you be home?**  
  
A text was sent back immediately.  
  
**Brian: Not Sure.**  
  
**Brian: I'm busy right now, I'll be home in a few hours**.

She tried her hardest to distract herself once more, she watched a show, thinking it would be interesting enough for her to forget the current happenings. It didn’t do much, but make her realize how lonely it felt to watch TV without him. Moving on, she went into the bedroom and laid down. She burrowed her face into the collection of pillows and blankets and cried. She hated how it made her feel, she hated that she'd been crying so much, but someone was always there to make it better. In truth, she had no one at that moment. She was just alone, grasping on to her fading dream of a perfect life.  
  
“Why,” she whispered. She continued to sob, “Why me?” She flipped onto her back, still holding the sheets, “Why did it have to be me?” She cried putting her hand on her stomach, “I’m Stupid, I’m stupid. I’m so stupid.” She pressed her hand down. Hoping the baby would kick her back.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Trixie lightly pushed on her stomach a few times, “Just kick me, please,” she did it twice more and waited.  
  
A light kick was returned. Which only made her sob harder. She wanted her daughter to have much better than what she had growing up.

 

The bedroom door opened, Trixie didn't even flinch. Brian entered the room. “Why do you have the lights off?” He asked, walking in. His steps barely progressed him forward, he swayed slightly.

Trixie continued to cry.

“Why are you crying, Trixie?”

She still cried.

“Baby, why are you crying?” He asked once more. Trixie rubbed away her tear-stained face and runny makeup on his pillow.

“You were with him last night,” Trixie stated more so than asked, “Weren't you?”

“With who?” He asked naively.

“I don't know his name, Brian.” She didn't move, she didn’t even try to look at him.

“Then I don't know who you're talking about.” His speech was delayed. He stood at the foot of the bed, near Trixie's curled up feet.

“Don't make me say his name,” Trixie pressed her face into the pillow. Brian didn't respond, “Mike, Matt, Max, or whatever. I think it's Max,”

Brian trod lightly, “I was with Max,”

“What were you doing?”

“We were just hanging out,”

“I know that's not all you were doing with him, Brian,” Brian didn't respond, “I know you're cheating on me. I know it for a fact and I really am not happy about it.”

He stood over her, “Who told you?” Trixie grew even sadder over the fact that that was his first question. It was ‘who told you’. Not ‘are you okay’, anything better than ‘who told you’.

“No one,”

“It was Kim, wasn't it,”

“I've known Brian, it wasn't Kim.” She sniffled a bit before her sobbing calmed down, “We’re having a baby in less than three months and you're still running around like it's nothing.” She closed her eyes, “Does this mean nothing to you?”

“It means everything to me, Trixie,”

“Then why are you doing this to me?”

“I don't know, Trixie,”

That was enough for her, she was tired of his game of phrases, “Why is it always I don't know? You're the one who is doing it all, so why are you doing it? Am I not enough for you?”

“You're plenty for me,” He still wasn’t willing to comply.

“Then why are you cheating on me? Especially if you know how I feel about this all.”

“What do you want me to say, Trixie, because I really don't know,” he said, his quiet voice barely reaching Trixie.

“Do you really not want to marry me?” Trixie stayed balled up, avoiding looking at him.

“Stop asking. I might at some point, but right now it’s a no.” He confessed quickly, his words ran into the ends of one another.

“Brian, I don’t know if I want to wait this out until you’re ready. If I do quit my job before this baby is born and you decide to break up with me, I'm homeless.” admitting that to him made her feel weak.

“Trixie, how can I be sure that that baby is even mine?”

Though Trixie knew he said that solely so the blame was no longer on him, it just ticked her further, “Why do you think that?” She turned over.

“I was talking with someone about it earlier and I don’t know, I’ve thought about it a little bit and I have no way to really know. I’ve just been trusting you on this.”

“Why have you been talking about our problems with other people?”

“I wasn’t. I was just talking… about you and it came up at work yesterday, I don’t know. It was just thrown out there, not a big deal. At least until I started actually thinking about it.”

“Do you think I would really do that to you?” She asked rhetorically, “Do you really think I would lie to you about being the father?”

“Maybe you would? I don’t know!”

“You’re being ridiculous. I don’t know where you came up with that idea, but it isn’t true.”

“Then why are you getting so defensive?”

“Why am I getting defensive? Do you know how much I have to lose here? You’re the one questioning the legitimacy of our child. You know, the child we made.” She reminded him, “Whether it was an accident or not we made it.”

“How am I supposed to know if you had slept with someone before you did with me and that’s who’s baby it is? I could very well be taking care of a different man’s baby right now!” He stumbled on almost every word.

“ _You_ did this to me, Brian! No one else did.” She emphasized, “Don’t do this, Brian. Even if you back out I’m stuck with this kid until I die. I’m sacrificing so much of my own life to bring your stupid child into this world. You have no clue!” The baby moved ever so slightly. She became even more upset when she realized she was able to hear everything. ‘ _I'm sorry, I don't mean it’_ Trixie thought to herself.

Her demeanor instantly changed.

“Why are you like this?” She asked calmly.

“Why are you so childish?”

“I am in no way the childish one here, you need to get it together. Get a grip, you're not doing anything good for us.”

“I'm doing plenty good, I only wish this didn't happen,” He put on his best attempt at a peaceful voice.

“Me neither, but we're too deep in to back out now, sorry for the inconvenience.”

“This is your fault, not mine”

Trixie sat up in the bed, “Really?” She asked, her tone annoyed, “Do you really think all of the things that you say? Or is that just you trying to get at me?”

The answer was he was probably drunk out of his mind. But that wasn't the real problem.

“I don't know Trixie.”

She was over all of the 'I don't knows’ she wanted an answer. That was something that Brian had started to fall flat on. He never had an answer for anything. She slowly got out of the bed, all of her anger had come to the surface. “I’ll be back to get my shit, maybe in a day or a week. Don’t call me, text me, don’t talk to me. This isn’t worth it, it isn’t worth it at all,” She pulled open the closet and began dragging out her clothing. She pushed past Brian at the foot of the bed and shoved all of the clothes in the bag.

As Brian began to calm down he started to realize his mistakes, “Trixie, I’m sorry,” His apologies weren’t doing anything to her, “Trixie, I didn’t mean it,”

She popped her head out of the closet door, “You obviously did,”

“No, I’m sorry.” He walked closer to her, getting just close enough to place his hand on her stomach. His breath smelled strongly of alcohol.

“No,” She dropped everything she was holding onto the bed and nudged him away, “No you are not sorry! You're never sorry. You continuously go back and forth on how you feel about everything. I can’t raise a kid around someone who can’t even make up their mind if they want it or not. We would be much better suited separated than together, as far as I can tell.”

He followed her out to the living room, they were just playing out exactly what Trixie didn’t want to happen, “Trixie calm down,”

“Go wait in the bedroom, I’m calling Kim to pick me up. I don’t want to see your face.”

“I didn’t mean it, I’m just frustrated.”

“Go,” She pointed to the bedroom.

“Trixie please,” He begged.

“I said Go,” She looked absolutely insane, thick black streaks of makeup had run down and dried around her cheeks and eyes. Her hair was a frizzy mess from tossing around in bed. Even her voice was on the edge of lunacy from the combination of crying and arguing. It was coarse and rough, cracking on just the two words she said. Her state of anger didn't make her appear any better. She was almost steaming and she death stared Brian, him trying to reason with her was one of the biggest mistakes he could have been making. She motioned her hand to the door, waiting for him to leave. 

He turned around and walked to the bedroom, he stopped at the door and looked at Trixie one last time, “I’m sorry baby,”

“I’m not your baby anymore.”

“I’m sorry Trixie,” He reiterated


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, Enjoy! 
> 
> Sorry, this took so long to get out! I'm doing my best to give decent content while not overwhelming myself.

Trixie splayed herself out on the rug on top of Kim’s living room’s hardwood floor. She stared at the obnoxiously high ceiling above her. Contemplating the existence of the world, but mostly her existence. “Do you ever wish you were dead?”

Kim looked down to her, laughing pitifully, “No, not exactly.”

“It’s hard having a friend who’s perfect.” That was a joke. Of course, Kim had problems, Some worse than Trixie’s, but considering how finically well of and socially sophisticated Kim was only made Trixie feel shittier about herself.

Trixie curled her legs to her chest, trying to contain herself into a ball of sadness. But her, now, annoyingly large bump prevented her from doing that. Trixie had to just settle for only a semi-circle of sadness.

“Do you feel like eating?”

“No,” Trixie pressed her face into the soft rug, squishing up against it.

“Are you feeling sick right now?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just-” She brought her hands up to her chin, “I wish she was already here.” She finished. Kim nodded her head, waiting to see where Trixie’s thought process was going, “It’s not that I want to be taking care of a baby right now. Not now. Not ever at this point. I simply wish I wasn’t pregnant. Do you get me?”

Kim’s answer was obviously no. She’d likely never have a full grasp of what Trixie felt.

Kim nodded.

“It’s as if I’m someone else. I’m not even me anymore. I want it all to end,” She spoke directly into the rug. All of her words were completely muffled, that was partly intentional “I want to wake up and come to find out that this was all one horrendous fever dream.”

“You’ll be okay Trixie. You have me, I’d give you the whole world if I could. Don’t you dare forget that.” Trixie turned her head to her. Trixie had started to pick up on even more things Kim liked to do after she began living with her. Whenever Kim had something sentimental to say, her voice would drop and become flustered. She was trying to make Trixie believe in herself the way she did. “ You also have your Dad when you’re ready to move. You don’t need arbitrary affection from someone you’re not happy receiving it from.”

Trixie tightened her fisted hands further. She was genuinely happy getting Brian’s affection before the shit hit the fan. She loved him and she still did, even then. But, it was a month too late to change the way that turned out.

“She’s going to have a worse childhood than I had.” Trixie saw herself as the absolute worst person in the world, the villain of her own life story.

She was back to square one, even after all of the hard work and painstaking hours it had taken to get to the point where she was less than seven months ago. She was back to the game of sleeping at Kim’s every single night and ultimately leeching off of her bank account. But this time, Trixie didn’t have any way to break that cycle.

She was out of a job for the next few months and didn’t have any way to get one. Even if she wanted one she couldn’t get one due to her being so constantly ill. But, boy, did Trixie wish she had a job at that time.

Trixie could have taken the maternity leave Violet promised her. She could have and she should have. It was the best thing that could have happened in that situation. Maternity leave sounded like a dream. Some time off of work to get the baby out and get back to it.

But it’s upside was also its major downfall. Once she gave birth, she’d have to do a one-eighty and start right back with working again. She had no one to even take care of the baby or the means to do so financially.

She pretty much knew that the moment she met the baby, she’d never, ever want to leave it. No matter the costs, she recognized that she couldn’t immediately go back to work. That was why ‘leeching’ off of Kim and moving in with her father were Trixie’s best bets.

It was like she was playing a board game.

On the last three throws, she had been rolling fours. She was progressing, not drastically but still progressing. But on this last roll, she had rolled a negative twenty, which wasn't even a thing someone could do with dice. She was very, very fucked.

Out of pure unluckiness, she had taken a giant leap backward and was now where she was just three years ago. Living with Kim, jobless, and one big heap of disappointment.

At least when she moves back to Wisconsin she could go to beauty school like she always wanted to.

“Kim,” Trixie groaned from the floor, “Can you help me up? Quickly.” Kim rushed to her, helping her sit up at the speed of light. Once Trixie got to her feet, she hit the ground running, more speed walking, to the bathroom.

Kim followed diligently behind her. Trixie swung open the bathroom door, it slammed against the wall with the same force she threw it with.

Her hair fell around her face due to a shitty thing called gravity as she plopped down by the toilet. She threw her hair over her shoulder, one last time in hopes it would stay there.

Kim reached below the sink for a Lysol wipe and cleaned the toilet's perimeter. Trixie wrapped her arms around the edge, sinking slightly into it. Kim held Trixie’s hair loosely in her hands, trying to prevent anything from getting onto it. She reached with her free hand for a baby wipe on top of the counter, holding it out for Trixie once she needed it.

Trixie sounded like every single girl club bathroom at two in the morning when she vomited like this. It was so grimy and gross. Kim turned away, doing her best to block out the sight and sound before it could get to her. She shifted her weight on her knees waiting for it to stop.

 

For how long Trixie had been around Kim in the last month, one would think she’d be used to it.

Trixie stopped for a brief moment. She breathed heavily through her mouth, “Trix, are you okay?”  Kim mustered up. The sound returned for a second round.

While the idea of Trixie’s morning sickness felt long in the past, it decided to resurface the moment Trixie was at her weakest. But luckily, She wasn’t as low as she possibly could be.

At the very least, she wasn’t on the verge of hospitalization. Just past the point of working.

Trixie grabbed the wipe from Kim, cleaning her face and her hands, “Done?”

Trixie tossed the towelette into the small trash can just behind her, “Yes,” She lingered on the floor, dreading the act of standing up. It was just a hassle.

She pushed herself back up and returned to laying down on the comforting floor of the living room. Kim turned on the TV, the first channel to show up was Entertainment Tonight. Classic random celebrity gossip rolled on, varying in truth and accuracy. Trixie hated listening to the crap they spewed, but it was what Kim liked to watch. So, she dealt with it because she loved Kim too much to ask her to watch something else.

“Has the popular show ‘Impractical Jokers’ gone too far? Tune in to find out more”. The stupid, cheesy host announced.

Six minutes of obnoxious ads ran. Trixie did her best to tune it out, but she was so bored that every so often she would get genuinely interested with a product being sold. Sure, she didn’t need financial compensation for rheumatoid arthritis caused by working in textile industries in the early to late eighteenth century, but the lady advertising it sure made her think she did.

The show came back on. They rambled on about more pointless information before getting to what they teased before the commercial break.

“Impractical Joker stars Brian Quinn and-”

Kim immediately switched channels, she looked down to Trixie with wide eyes. She seemed to expect the reaction that Trixie was about to give.

“Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian,” Trixie whispered. Everything came back to Brian in her life. Maybe she could start a petition to ban any people in the world named Brian from existing.

“Don’t think about him. Don’t get yourself upset.”

“I’m already upset,” Trixie whimpered.

“You should sleep,”

Trixie was blocking out Kim’s sensible advice, “I guess nobody really ever loved me the way he loved me.” Trixie needed to stop overanalyzing this situation, it only made her feel worse, “He let me down. He really let me down.”

“Trixie, he never promised-”

“I know he never promised to marry me or any of that stupid crap, but I thought there was something really there. I thought he might change his mind after getting to know me.”

“You can’t dictate his feelings, he feels the way he does. It isn’t your fault.”

Kim wasn’t understanding Trixie’s point of view at all.

“Kim, have you ever had a crush on someone? In high school or middle school? Like an obsessive crush?”

“Yes? I guess I have.” She said slowly.

“Now, take that and times it by one hundred. That’s how I feel.”

“I don’t get it...”

“When you have a crush, they can do no wrong in your eyes.” She explained, “That’s how I feel about Brian.”

Kim stiffened up her face, she had heard enough of Trixie’s semi-weekly Brian rant, “Stop Trixie, you’re making this worse for yourself. Just don’t think about him.”

“It’s hard to do that when his daughter is kicking you all day and making you vomit nonstop.”

“She’s your daughter too.”

“She is.” Yeah, Kim was right about that one. It was also her daughter.

That didn’t make her feel any better though.

“Sit up Trixie, let’s think about something else! Moping over it for the rest of your pregnancy is going to do nothing good. Sure, you may feel depressed now, but that could change at any moment with the right outlook!”

Kim really, really didn’t get it.

“What else am I supposed to think about? My life revolves around eating, sleeping, and vomiting. Nothing more. I'm pregnant. I'm so pregnant that I can't do anything else but be pregnant.”

“You're not _just_ Pregnant, you're still Trixie.”

“I'm just Pregnant, that's all I am.” She pouted, “And do you know how people get pregnant? By sleeping with someone. And do you know how _I_ got pregnant-”

“Don't even say it, Trixie, you're stressing yourself out.”

She didn't care, she was constantly stressed. There wasn't a damn thing that didn't stress her out.

“I slept with Brian.”

“Jesus, you're a mess.”

That went into one of Trixie’s ear and out the next, “That's why I can't think about anything else. Okay? Because all I am is 'That Pregnant lady’ and he's the reason why I'm pregnant. It all comes back to him.”

“Stop thinking about him, think of the baby as something unrelated. She isn't him, she's a whole nother human. And well… She needs a name! Doesn’t she? You can’t only call her ‘she’ or ‘girl’ her whole life. Why don’t we brainstorm a little.”

Names were a perfect distraction, it kept Trixie thinking and also separated the baby from being 'Brian's Baby’. If it had a name it could be called something else.

“Kimberly.” Trixie established, no hesitation, no second guessing, “Kimberly is going to be her name.”

“Kimberly? As in me Kimberly?”

“Yes, as in you Kimberly.” Trixie sat up, applying all of her weight to her two arms stretched back.

“No, not Kimberly. Name her something other than Kimberly, anything other than Kimberly.”

“But I like Kimberly.” Trixie gritted her teeth. It was what she wanted to name her. Trixie had it mentally set in stone for a while. Kimberly was perfect. It wasn’t a hard name to read and it was fairly uncommon enough so there would be a small chance of her sharing it with a classmate.

“Anything else, please Trixie. I don’t want a baby named after me.” Trixie furrowed her brows and shook her head in disbelief. Kim felt guilty after Trixie’s response, “Not that I don’t want _your_ baby named after me. I don’t want any baby named after me.” She rushed, trying to comfort her quickly.

“What the hell am I going to name her?”

“Something pink? You like pink.”

“Even then! What is there that’s pink that isn’t a literal stripper or pornstar name? What would I call her? Cotton Candy? Pink Champagne? No, her name will be Kimberly. The end.”

Kimberly was Kim’s very last name choice for the baby. It wasn’t even her baby, but it was her name. She didn’t want Trixie’s first child’s name to be named after her. Kim viewed it as the equivalent to Trixie getting her name tattooed in bold black across her forearm.

If she wanted Trixie to change it, she needed something Trixie would like. Something that Trixie could like instantly, something basic. “What about flowers? Azalea is pretty!”

“That can be hard to read. I don’t want people to fuck up how to pronounce it.” There were almost no flowers that happened to be pink that also had easy spellings. Tulip and Petunia were the only exceptions to that.

But she didn’t want either of those names. Some girl in elementary school named Tulip cut out a chunk of Trixie’s hair like a little bitch and another girl named Petunia sat next to her in eleventh-grade and chewed gum too loud.

Definitely not names that Trixie wanted.

“What about Rose?”

_Rose_

_‘Rose…’_

_‘Yeah, Rose.’_

_‘Trixie and Rose Mattel.’_

“Yes or no?” Kim pushed for the answer. The blank and dumb expression that was spread across Trixie’s face left more than enough room for confusion.

“Rose Mattel,” It sounded Right, “Rose Mattel?” It felt right.

“Yeah, Rose Mattel,” Kim said.

It was definitely right.

“Rose Mattel, I like it! I like that one a lot!”

“Serious?”

“Of course! Rose Kimberly Mattel! How cute does that sound? Can you not imagine a miniature version of me running around with the first name Rose?” Trixie squealed with excitement.

Kim partly shared Trixie’s infectious emotion, “I mean, yes, of course, I can! Rose is a perfect name, but Rose Kimberly Mattel? Seriously, no Kimberly in her name at all. I mean it.”

“I’ll think about it more.”

 

***

“So, what are you going to do now?” Pearl crossed his legs, taking a short puff from the joint in his hand. The smoke he exhaled quickly flooded the surrounding air of the room.

“Move on I guess, I don't know. I miss Trixie,” Brian admitted.

Brian stopped seeing Max after Trixie left. He didn’t think it would be as hard as it was. Coming home to no one, once again. Only an empty house lingering with the feeling and emotion that once filled it. All of it up and gone in an instant, a regrettable instant that wouldn’t stop replaying and replaying in his head.

How did he let himself do that? He could have at least tried to compromise. He knew what Trixie’s expectations were for everything, she wanted perfection. A nice little white picket fence house. Two children, another on the way, and a puppy running around the yard. She wanted the Midwestern ideal of living. How did he forget that?  

He should have checked in with her more. Things might have been better if he told her upfront about seeing someone else. Trixie could have been okay with it if he hadn’t gone and done it all behind her back. Poor Trixie, she was screwed over for the dumbest of reasons. She wanted the simple things in life and he refused to give her any of it.

Not even a sliver, not the tiniest ounce or drop of hope for her simplistic dreams.

He wasn’t the biggest crying, very differing from Trixie, but he felt like crying.

The room went silent, Brian dropped his fork onto his plate with a loud clunk. He reached to the center of the table and grabbed a dollop of mashed potatoes. Haze spread through Brian’s apartment as Pearl continued to smoke.

If Trixie came home to a house that smelled like smoke and weed she’d be furious.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Trixie even when it came to simple things.

“Being away from her made me realized how much I actually love her.”

Pearl cleared his throat, “You might be having regrets a little too late.”

Brian globbed the ball of potatoes onto his spoon and shoved it into his mouth, taking it all in a big swallow.  He stood up and threw his plate into the sink and turned on the faucet to wash it off “She could be born in less than seven weeks at this point and I might not even know!”

“It’s not like she’s going to disappear off of the face of the planet. I’m sure someone will let you know when she’s born. Don’t you have to sign her birth certificate or something?”

“Yeah, I think so."

“Then don’t worry,”

“But, what if she’s already in Wisconsin and I’ll never see her again?”

Pearl rolled his eyes, he held up two fingers and began listing them off, “You have two modes, Brian. You’re either obsessively worried or so aloof it looks like you don’t care at all.”

“And what am I supposed to do about that?”

“I don’t know. I’m not your middle school guidance counselor! Call your mom and ask. She's someone who knows. Figure out how to fix your mistakes.”

He stirred around the scraps of food on his plate, trying to compromise with himself. There was no good answer, they all led to him having to deal with this head-on. And the fact that Trixie was overly hormonal and sensitive merely made his fears worsen.

“I’m not meant to have children.”

“Do you think that’s true?”

He hummed a “yes” before clunking his elbows onto the table.

“You can’t know that unless you’ve actually tried.”

“Trixie wouldn’t let me try,”

“She gave you plenty of opportunities to. Don’t blame her for your shortcomings.”

Pearl was being aggressive and short with Brian. He was tired of hearing all the moping and whining when he wasn't even making an attempt to fix his situation. Brian had all of the answers to his problems stored away somewhere in his head. The problem was he wasn't trying to use them.

“Is it a bad idea to call her? She told me not to. I think if she actually wanted to talk to me she would have already done something.”

When Trixie officially left, she didn’t actually tell him. They had no contact between their fight and their official separation. One day he just came home and over half of her things and the baby’s things were gone.

But only half.

That gave him some hope.

“So you do want to call her?”

“I do,”

“Then do it.”

“I will,” He sighed, “Yeah, I will. I’ll call her sometime this week. Maybe the weekend? How does the weekend sound?”

 

***

 

Monsoon’s cold hand pressed around the perimeter of Trixie’s stomach. Her brows were beginning to furrow together, lines around her forehead and in between them began to form, “She’s a big one, I’ll give you that,” She continued, “Has she been more active? This is normally the peak of their movement,”

Trixie’s entire body wiggled with each hard press, “She has. She’s been a pain, a lot of kicking and a lot of pressing on my bladder. Like right now,”

“Where have you felt the kicks?” It seemed like Monsoon was trying to map out exactly where the baby was at.

“Pretty low,”

She pressed on the lower part of her stomach, Trixie almost peed herself a little in that exact moment, “That’s... normal,” She finished up with one last push, “Now Trixie, don’t get too worried,”  

She was worried now, “What?”

“Calm down,” Monsoon let out a laugh to lighten up to mood, “Her feet are just down right now. Typically they're in the exact opposite position.” She stood in front of the computer, making a notation, “I’m not too concerned about it since you’re only thirty-two weeks, but at your birthing classes, I’d ask more about the whole sort of premise.”

Trixie didn’t like to think about the birthing classes she signed up for. It felt so weird, taking classes about giving birth. As if it weren’t supposed to be the most natural thing the human body could do.

She didn’t even know if she’d want to go to them, especially alone or with Kim. It gave her the chills thinking about it. Both would be awkward.

She still hadn’t even asked Kim to be there when she gave birth. It felt like a touchy topic to bring up. To ask your best friend to watch a ten-pound version of a human force it’s way out of your body definitely warrants for some self-reflection and preparation,

Trixie pulled her shirt down and sat up, “Will she be able to fix herself? Like, flip around without help?”

Monsoon nodded, “Typically yes, if not we can do our best to fix it.” She moved on quickly, they were still only scheduled for a fifteen-minute appointment and had a lot more to cover, “I’m sorry to hear about the vomiting picking back up, how bad would you say it is on a scale of one to ten? Ten being the worst.”

It wasn’t fair to measure things like that on a scale from one to ten. Constantly being nauseous could be considered a ten, but it could also only be considered a five since she was able to live a partly normal life away from carrying a barf bag or sitting by a toilet. There was no good way to measure it. “A six?” She said slowly.

A six wasn’t a great representation of how she felt daily, but it was close enough.

Monsoon typed that into her computer repeating, “A six,” as she did so.

She talked over prescribing her a newer, stronger medication to manage it better. Stronger was always a scary word. Stronger always correlated with riskier.

Monsoon presented Trixie with the long list of side effects and possible dangers of the medication. Trixie shook her head back and forth while listening to Monsoon list off every single effect associated with the drug. She was almost petrified, Monsoon soon realized this, “Listen, Trixie,” She set the informational packet down, “You don’t have to take this. Unless it is something you feel comfortable with doing. I’m simply concerned about your overall health and the baby’s health. If there’s even the slightest risk of hospitalization or dehydration I want to further prevent it.”

Trixie scanned the paper, “So this stuff isn’t intended for morning sickness?”

“No Trixie, it’s not. Although, we typically like to use it in cases like yours. I can’t stress the concern of dehydration in the third trimester. Preterm labor is a real worry for us.”

Trixie reread and reread and reread the packet in her hand, “Preterm labor huh?”

“Yes, Beatrix,” Shit, she was bringing out the first name. It was serious this time, “But if you think you’ll be able to keep yourself-” Trixie cut her off

“Can I try this stuff for a week? A week and if there isn’t any change, I'll try something else?”

“Yes, yes we can do that.”

“Okay, that works for me,” She blurted.

She typed the new prescription order into her computer, “So, we'll schedule another appointment for one week and check back in. Any more questions, comments, or concerns?”

Yes, a lot of questions comments and concerns. The main one was she missed looking at the baby. But that was a statement, not a question.

“Um, yes. Can I see her again?”

“Another ultrasound?” Trixie smiled and nodded, “Okay, well,” Monsoon took a look at the hanging clock on the wall, “What if we do it next week? We can check up on her and see if there are any reactions to the medication.”

Trixie frowned and tilted her head to the side, “Please? Just one today, I'm worried about her with all of the nausea and vomiting. I'm having a stupid motherly fear moment.”

“If you’re feeling her move everything should be fine.” Monsoon finished up at the computer, “Have you and Brian bought one of those heartbeat dopplers from online? They're pretty great if you want to check in with her.”

Brian? Why did she have to bring Brian into this conversation? It wasn't about him.

She felt herself getting emotional.

“They're normally cheap.” Monsoon turned around and began looking them up on Amazon. She clicked on the top search result and began copying the link onto a paper for Trixie to look at later.

Trixie realized how much she loved Monsoon at that moment. She was like a friend, like a friend who also happened to be a doctor.

“How’s Brian been doing by the way? I’m sure work for him is getting really busy. All of the people using summer to pick up a new hobby, like sewing.”

She rambled on, “Fun Fact, I really loved sewing when I was younger. I’ve always had a steady hand. That was one of the main things that directed me into the doctoring path. That and my love for helping people, especially babies. I love babies, But I’m sure you know that.”

“How cool,” Trixie sounded totally flat.

She turned around, “Anyway,” She drew out anyway until she was looking directly at Trixie, “How is he? I’ve missed him at the last appointments,”

Monsoon was a smart woman, it baffled Trixie that she hadn’t caught onto the whole Brian situation.

“We’re not exactly-” She cut herself off, wiping away the pooling of tears from under her eyes. Jesus, she was such a wimp, “He’s fine, he’s fine that’s all. He’s been busy.”

Monsoon’s smile dropped, “Oh,” She analyzed Trixie's disheartened face, Trixie avoided eye contact with her, “Is everything okay?” Trixie slowly lifted her legs up onto the table and struggled to cross them, “You can talk with me if you need to, don’t worry about it, Trixie. I'm always going to be someone you can talk to.”

“Well, no,” Trixie let her brave front fall, “It’s really not,” The crying domino effect was now in full swing. Starting withholding it back with sniffles, a drop or two of tears rolling down her cheek, and finally, she gave up and let it out.

Monsoon immediately stood and hugged Trixie, “It’s okay Trixie, it’s okay. I don’t know what’s happening right now, but know I’m here to talk if you ever need to.”

Trixie felt guilty for letting Monsoon’s schedule fall behind over one of her stupid hissy fits.

“What's this all about?” She asked under the loud sniffling of Trixie, “Are you stressed over the medicine or is it something else? Are you guys having a rough spot? It'll be okay, normally these things pass and everything works out.”

“I broke up with him,” Trixie cried into Monsoon's pristine white lab coat, getting her foundation color all over it.

“Oh, Trixie.” Monsoon took a slight squat so Trixie could comfortably cry onto her, “I'm sorry you're hurting.”

“It really sucks,” She cried even harder.

“Let me know if I can do anything for you. Okay? If you'd like to try talking to a professional about all of this, I can provide you with the contact information of some really great physiologists.”

It felt so superficial like she was trained to say this. Which she probably was.

“Okay,” Trixie blubbered.  She patted Trixie’s back until she was able to soothe herself enough to no longer cry. Monsoon had a weird way to switch gears immediately based on the mood of the situation. She never had an awkward moment of not knowing how to react.

Monsoon stepped back once Trixie let go, she took a look at the orange-ish stain on her clothing and shrugged it off.

“Now, don’t tell anyone I’m doing this. But, lay down,” She grabbed a box of tissues from the desk,  she pulled out a few and handed them to Trixie so she could dry her face, “Let’s see her.” She went over the routine stuff so Trixie could rest assured that she was okay. She still appeared to be breech on the ultrasound, as Monsoon had said a minute before.

“Aw, look at that. She’s got the hiccups.” The black and white personification of the baby open and closed its mouth, moving sharply after each breath. “Can you feel that? Her moving with the hiccups?”

“Yeah,” Trixie watched, mesmerized, “I didn’t know that was a thing.” her eyes darted between the baby on the screen and her stomach.

The baby’s hands began pushing and frantically waving around. Enough to the point where Trixie could feel it even more. “They don’t like the hiccups, sometimes they’ll trash around.” She tapped her nail against the screen, following the hand as it quickly moved about.

“She’s trying to swat them away right now. Do you see that?”  

The baby’s hand grazed over her face several times, seeming like she was actually trying to swat away her hiccups. As if it was a real entity instead of a bodily reaction.

“So what does that mean? Is it okay when she does that?” She asked frantically.

“Yes, it’s completely okay! It means her lungs are developing. They get a bit agitated though, that’s all.” Trixie continued to watch.

Everything going on in that room gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling. All she wanted to do was wrap the tiny baby up and tell her it was going to be okay and that she just had the hiccups, “I’m sorry little Rosie. I can’t do anything, but you’re gonna be okay.” The baby’s hiccups continued, the thrashing around only continued to get stronger, “Oh Rose, it’s okay.”

After the hiccups died down, Monsoon finished up.

The ultrasound felt over so soon, but Monsoon had patients to see and places to go. She handed Trixie a paper towel and moved back to the clipboard and computer on the desk. “I’m glad you’ve warmed up to her. What was it that you were calling her again?”

“Rose,” Trixie beamed, kicking her legs while sitting on the table.

“That is very cute, I like it a lot,” She wrote down something in the margins of the crowded paper. She added the same note to the computer, “I’m going to say this took extra time because of questions.”

***

“Hey, Brian, ”Ginger's voice was soft, “Someone just came into the store asking for you. He said his name was Max. Should I tell him you're working today?”

Brian immediately peaked his head out of the aisle and looked at the center of the store. Where Max was stood.

Max was looking around, checking out everything there was to offer in the store. But, that wasn't his reason for being there. He wanted to see Brian.

“Can I speak with him out back for a second,” Brian muttered.

Ginger nodded and returned to work.

Brian took a deep breath and began walking to him. She shoved his hands in his front pocket to keep the from nervously fidgeting.

“Hey, Max,” Brian said.

“Brian! Hey, where have you been? I've been calling and texting you. You had me worried for a second.”

“Yeah, listen about that-,” He looked around the busy store of customers, “Let's talk about this outside.”

“Okay?”

Brian led him through his maze of the store and Into the back alley. Max attempted to his hands multiple times throughout, but Brian always pulled his hand away before he could get ahold of him.

“What's this all about? Why have you been ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?” Max rushed.

Brian groaned, his hands returned to his pockets, “Listen, Max. You're great. You've done nothing wrong in the last few months. It's just, I've royally fucked up and you're apart of that.”

Max stepped back, “Excuse me?” He almost shouted.

“Not like that, hear me out okay?”

“I'm listening.” Max looked as if he were ready to punch a hole through the wall.

“You know I have a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Well, she's pregnant,”

“What?”

“I had a girlfriend and she's pregnant. That's why I can't be talking to you and seeing you the way we have been.”

Had. The keyword there was had.

“Is that what all the crap in your bathroom was about? She's pregnant? What else have you been hiding from me?”

A random man with a hood on passed by them, Max immediately stood closer to Brian as if he were going to protect him. He made eye contact with the guy and gave a head nod of acknowledgment.

He left as quickly as he came, “She didn't know about you,” He sighed, “I really hurt her by doing this and I can't keep seeing you.”

“I don't understand why.” Max got closer to Brian, putting his hand around his back. Leaving a warm and unsettling touch.

“I'm going to be a dad,” This time Brian took a step back with his hands thrown in the air, “What kind of dad goes around behind their families back only to hurt them.”

Max nodded, he was biting back something. He was trying to keep his composure. But he was too self-important to break. He wouldn’t dare to let that fake sense of regal knowledge and sophistication go.

“Okay, okay,” Max turned to the door, walking up the small set of stairs leading up to it, “Consider this over. No hard feeling.”

***

Trixie managed to get off of the couch that morning, that was more than an accomplishment in her books. She got up and that was all that mattered. She slugged into the shower, barely putting effort into washing her hair. She almost ended up only shampooing, but she knew that herself in the future would suffer from that choice. She conditioned in the end. That was all she could do tough, wash her hair.  

She laid down on the bed, the motion of laying down made her extremely nauseous. “Time to go vomit,” she told herself under her breath. She slowly got back up and went into the bathroom. She sat by the toilet her legs crossed, leaning on to the toilet with her forearms. Her head dropped down, the intensity of the feeling subsided “Nope, nevermind,” she whispered.

Apparently that Scarry medicine was actually working a bit! Nausea, but no vomiting in sight.

She struggled to get back up to her feet, she used the walls and whatever else was near her to hoist herself up. Normally Kim would be there to help her do it, but she was at work.

She stood up ever so slowly went to the mirror. She stared at herself. She felt like she was looking at someone else. That person in the mirror wasn't Trixie. Her face was constantly flush and her eyes had formed persistent bags. The only thing that made her feel normal was the ten pounds of makeup she regularly wore. She hadn't worn any of it in over three weeks. She really wanted to do it, like really really. So really, in fact, she wound up bringing a stool into the bathroom so she could sit while doing it. Her simple problem-solving solution made her feel like a rocket scientist.

She sat in front of her mirror and caked on however much makeup she felt she needed to cake on so she felt normal. Once she was done she stared at herself, blinking at the familiar face.

“Oh hey, look it's me!” She chuckled. She slowly stood up from the stool.

Rose kicked her rib right as she did, “For fucks sakes, that hurts,” She pressed her hand to her bruised feeling ribs. “Ow,” She winced, “Do you have the hiccups again? I can’t do anything for you if you do,” she took a seat once more allowing herself time to recuperate. Rose continued to roll around, kick, and punch Trixie.

Her ribs hurt. They actually hurt a lot more than usual and Rose had been moving a lot more than usual. That had to mean something.

Trixie followed the lines directly to where they were trying to lead her. Hurting ribs and kicking was in a higher spot than normal. A + B = C?

Trixie pressed her hand around her stomach, trying to find where Rose’s back and legs normally were. All of the moment and commotion going on from the inside made it a bit hard. “Okay, you have one arm here and your back is right here.” She traced a line across all of the body parts she could just lightly feel.

_‘Oh, she’s head down now. Cool!’_ Trixie thought to herself.

Rose stopped moving in a spot where Trixie could almost perfectly see the outline of her back. She used two fingers to follow the curve of it, then pressing down even lower to see if she could find her head and oh boy, did she find it. It absolutely freaked her out. She couldn't distinctively feel it, but it was a harder spot on her stomach that felt more rounded.

“Ew, I hate that. I hate that so much.” goosebumps crept up and down her arms, “You’re, like, a real human and one day you’re going to be an adult and have thoughts and feelings.”

She had never really talked to the baby in that way before. Normally she would think the words she wanted to tell the baby, but a baby couldn’t hear her thoughts. A baby needed to hear them out loud if she was going to learn English any time soon. She hoped that, if she kept it up, Rose would recognize it as her voice even after she was born. Well, she obviously would.

She actually kinda liked talking to the baby, it was comforting. She kept talking to her.

“And right now you have little arms and legs and I read somewhere that you have dreams. I don’t know what a fetus would dream about, but I think it would be some crazy shit. You could even look like me and I have no clue because I can’t see you.”

She looked at herself in the mirror, “It’d be funny if we were that mother-daughter pair that look alike. I think that would be cool, a mini-me. But you could look nothing like me and I wouldn’t care.” Trixie held onto the long ends of her hair, looking at the damaged slipt ends from all the years of heat damage, “But you better have blonde hair or else I'm going to be very confused. Because that's not how recessive genes work. You can't brown hair or something like that because I don't have brown hair and neither does you, Dad- er…” At this point he wasn't her dad, she didn't have one, “Your sperm donor,”

She giggled at her own dumb joke, “Nice save Trixie,” She said to herself.

“But yeah, Rose if you have brown hair I'm going to be very confused and concerned. Because I'm pretty sure I wasn't _that_ drunk when- you really don't need to hear that, it's not important. If you're not blonde right now, go visit the fetus hair salon and fix that. Please and thank you. I need you to have blonde hair and DNA matching his so I can get that child support.”

Rose kicked, “Okay, yeah they're not all good ones. I'm trying my hardest.”

All of the baby talking made her randomly emotional.

“I hope you like me when you’re born. Because I didn’t like my mom and that was rough for both of us. So please like me, I’ll try to be a good mom. I don’t care what your interests are or what you look like, I’ll try to make you happy.”

She fully stood up and carefully lifted the chair and returned it to the kitchen, “A few more weeks and it'll all be over,” she reminded herself. “Five to eight weeks and I can stick you in those stupid little baby dresses and onesies and wear you around in those baby wraps like we're mommy and baby Koalas. And you'll get to shit, vomit, and pee all over me while I'm having a mental breakdown at three in the morning because I haven't slept.”

She clipped back a few pieces of hair from the front and left the bathroom.

“We're going to have a lot of fun!”

Today was her day to go do something. She'd been so pent up at home she needed to get around town.

She packed together a small backpack and got ready to go on a short independent excursion before meeting with Kim for lunch.

Trixie knew that she would get hungry halfway through the day, even after eating, so she went through the cabinets and packed together a small ziplock bag of pretzels and M&Ms. She slipped them into her bag and left the apartment.

She took an Uber to the upper-class area Kim worked in and went into a random baby store. She bought a few more things to add to her semi-large collection.

This time, she got essentials She already had enough newborn sized baby clothes to survive that portion of the baby's life. Now, she needed important things. She got the classic stuff. Some hippy organic diapers and a baby emergency kit. She was walking to the checkout scanning over anything else.

Something caught her eye.

“What the hell is nipple cream?” She whispered to herself stopping in front of the display. A sales associate suddenly popped up right behind her, as if Trixie had summoned her.

“Hi!” She said with a high-pitched voice, “My name is Chelsea! I see you're looking at our number one best selling product! Any questions about it?”

Trixie poked the bear even more by taking one of the boxes off of the hanging rack, “Yeah, what is this stuff?” She flipped over the packaging, attempting to read the very small print on the back.

The lady made an, obviously fake, shocked face. She ended up going on a very long, very condescending rant about how it was for mothers who breastfeed and only that. She added on about how it 'So magical you'll wish something like it existed for everything’. She then asked Trixie if she planned to breastfeed.

Trixie gave a straightforward answer of, “Yes, most of my family has problems with immune system deficiency.” Breastfeeding was something Monsoon advised to try for that issue. “But also, bonding is cool I guess. But that happens in general.” She added.

Though Trixie thought that was the right answer, it wasn't. Chelsea saw that as an attack on, what she called, the 'Art of Breastfeeding’. She made a point to ensure Trixie knew every single benefit of doing it and then added on with the benefits of the cream she randomly looked at.

She came to realize people had very strong opinions on motherhood and pregnancy.

Trixie wasn’t like most people. She didn't care what happened, as long as it did. If she didn't feel like shit and the baby was able to eat, it didn't matter.

She grabbed the stupid nipple cream and walked up to the counter. She bought everything, cringing at the overpriced cost and shoved it all in her backpack in one big hurry to meet with Kim. Even though she was almost thirty minutes ahead of schedule, she didn’t want to spend another second around Chelsea.

She walked to the small and overpriced restaurant and requested a table for two by the front windows.

It had a nice aesthetic. A red and yellow hue to everything inside, indie music that Trixie would have written as a teenager playing over the speakers, and a bunch of people anywhere from sixteen to twenty-five hanging around.

That was the kind of place Trixie used to love to hang out at.

As she waited, her mind wandered. Following bits of conversation that managed to reach her ears, watching other people as they ate, and overall being a massive creeper. A flash of a familiar face zoomed by the window, it caught Trixie off guard, but she almost instantly forgot about it.

She looked to the door right as it opened and realized she did, in fact, know who that person was. They walked up to her table with a peppy smile.

It was Pearl “Hey Trixie! Long time no see! I was walking by and saw you in here! I knew I needed to stop by and say hello!”

Was that a fake happy tone or a genuine one?

“Oh, Pearl!” she stood up slowly and stretched out her arms to hug him, “Long time no see.”

He looped his arms loosely around Trixie, “Where have you been? I’ve missed seeing you at work!” Trixie assumed that he still talked with Brian, so he may have asked that as a courtesy instead of an actual question. Something deep down in her hoped he’d tell Brian about this interaction.

“I recently stopped working,” Trixie took a seat and offered him the chair across from her, “I’m sure you heard about when I was sick,” She led in.

“Poor thing, is that back?” Pearl had a very distinct delay to his voice, even when he was being genuine.

“Sadly yes, but I’m getting better. Slowly but surely!” Lies, lies, a bunch of lies.

“Well, how is everything else going?” His smile was definitely knowingly waiting for a grossly negative response or something at least not positive.

“It’s going, I’ll say that.”

“Keep chugging along, you’ll make it,” He looked around, fixing the collar of his jacket “It looks like you’re about to meet someone. I’ll let you go for now.” He hugged her goodbye from across the table and began standing.

She watched for a moment. He began disappearing into the sea of people sitting and mingling with each other. Trixie wanted to go after him, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to catch up even if she tried. “Wait!” No one else in the restaurant batted an eye. Except for him. He halted, did a turn, and walked to where she was sitting once again. “How’s Brian doing?”

His mouth hung open, his eyes darted around. Mainly between her, the street, and the table in front of him. He shoved his hands into his pocket, slowing down his speech even more than before “He misses you,”

She instantly stopped fidgeting and her cheeks went red, “Oh, wow.” Pearl nodded, watching her every move and expression. He leaned against the wobbling table.

“He’s not a cold-hearted demon all of the time. Know that Trixie, he’s a good guy who makes terrible mistakes. It doesn’t count as an excuse, but that’s his biggest flaw.”

“Oh wow,” She repeated once again. Her mind outside of the conversation now.

“I’m not in control of your life, but he does miss you. It’s been a lot harder for him than I think he expected it to be.”

She looked to the ground and whispered, “I do too,” Barely quietly enough for him to hear. She turned the other direction, clutching onto the edge of the table and looking out the window.

“Hey, I’ve got a bus to catch. I’ll have to see you later.”

Trixie looked up, “So soon?” Her lip pouted.

“Sorry, an important meeting I need to attend.”

That was a shitty excuse. If Trixie knew anything about Pearl from Brian’s gossip it was that he didn’t work a ‘real’ job. Not a scheduled one at least. So if that was true, what was the meeting for?

He hurried away, waving to Trixie once he reached the

Shortly after Pearl’s departure, Kim arrived and took a seat. They ordered their drink and got right into catching up on the day. Blah blah blah, something about Kim’s work. Blah blah blah, something about Trixie feeling like shit, but ultimately not vomiting. Good topics.

“Trixie, I think I'm going to get a new car this weekend,”

A waiter holding a full tray of assorted plated nudged past their table, he slid a steaming coffee right in front of Kim and ginger ale in front of Trixie, “Really?” She took a spoon and began to stir out the fizzing bubbles in the drink. The carbonation normally made her nauseous.  She sipped a bit from the straw.

“Yeah, I've been saving up for a while. I still have a good car and all, I just want to switch to something eco-friendly. Perhaps a newer model since I’ve had that one for a while.”

“Aw, but I love your car! It's so comfy and cute,”

Kim dug around in her purse, grabbing a ring of keys from it, “That's why you're getting it,”

Trixie took the straw out of her mouth, “Uh, no”.  She wanted a car, so badly. But not the car Kim worked so hard for and loved so much. No sir.

“Uh yes. Not only do you need it, but you're also naming a whole human after me. You deserve it.”  She fiddled around with the ring, trying to slip the key off without chipping a nail.

“It's her middle name, and no I'm not taking your car. You paid for it and you love that car. It’s basically your best friend, after me.”

Kim finally unhooked it, “Take my car,” Kim put the key in front of Trixie. She left it there, refusing to even touch it. She shook her head, “What if you go into labor and I'm not home? How are you going to get to the hospital?”

“Ummm,” Trixie lingered on the question, “I'll call you.”

Kim rolled her eyes, “Trixie, you know yourself. You will not call me at work. Even if your life depended on it,” Kim took a sip of her coffee nudging the key forward with her index finger.

“Your a busy and important woman who can't be interrupted at work.” She picked the key up and set it on Kim’s side of the table. Returning to her flat ginger ale.

“I'm not that busy or important, and that's beside the point. You're getting my car. It's already paid off and it's in decent condition considering I bought it used.” Trixie insistently shook her head.

“When you have the baby, how are you going to get around places?” Kim seemed to already have the entirety of this plan out, she’d get the squeaky new car and Trixie could get the homy feeling car. She couldn’t complain since it was free though. “And don't even say you’re going to take an Uber,” Kim waved her finger, “You're not taking Uber with a baby on board. I do not trust a bunch of strangers in LA to drive you and a newborn around. Or even you in labor for god’s sake.”

“I'm not taking your car,”

“Yes you are,” She picked the key back up and put it in Trixie's hand, “Your car now,”

Their waiter snuck up by the table, clicking their pen and opening up a notepad right before Trixie could rebuttal Kim's insistence, “Are you two ready to order?”

\---

“Hey,” A woman approached Trixie and Kim’s table holding a small piece of paper. She was older than Trixie, not by much though. Possibly late twenties, early thirties. She had on a deep red lip and perfectly straight brown hair. She had on a perfectly ironed and creased pants suit on.

She set the paper in front of Trixie, “My name’s Mia, but that’s not very important.” She pointed to another table across the building. Her finger landed directly in front of another woman, same age, different look. This person had a short, curly, and dirty blonde hair cut into a bob. She was so far away that Trixie couldn’t quite see any other distinctive features. But she was definitely looking at Trixie. She was looking at her very intently.

“My friend over there, her name is Natalie. She told me to give you her number. She’s interested in you is what I’m saying.” Mia had a very blunt and monotone voice, but it got across the message. Natalie seemed confident. Too confident to need another person to give away her phone number. This lady must have been some kind of assistant or minion friend.

Trixie stupidly hung her mouth open, “She finds you attractive.” Mia said.

“Oh, that’s so flattering!” Trixie smiled.

She didn’t feel attractive at all. With the almost ten pounds of excess water weight she had accumulated in a little over seven months, she felt nothing short of a pufferfish.

“Would you be interested in exchanging numbers? No pressure, she doesn't like games is all.”

Trixie looked over to Kim who seemed exactly as lost as Trixie was.

Kim’s foot pressed against Trixie’s ankle. She discreetly mouthed the word ‘no’ to Trixie, she immediately hid her face into the menu.

She looked back up to Mia, “Oh, well, I don’t know if she’d want to date me.” Trixie hesitated, “I’m pregnant.” She put her hand on her bump, looking over to Natalie, making sure she saw the interaction.

Natalie leaned back in her chair, her tongue grazed over her lower lip.

“Is there a partner involved?”

“No,” Trixie bit her lip, keeping her attention on both women. Natalie was undeniably attractive. She vaguely reminded her of a girl she used to go to school with and boy was that girl hot. Prom queen, class president, resident badass, with a tendency to sleep with women on the down low.

“Then that’s not a problem. She noticed you were beforehand.”

Oh great, that basically means she looks fat.

But, on the other hand… This woman seemed decently wealthy. Maybe Trixie could get herself a sugar mommy. She needed one.

Trixie ripped off a corner of her napkin, “Do you have a pen?” Trixie asked Mia.

She pulled out a pen from her back pocket and clicked it, giving it to Trixie.

Trixie wrote down her number, along with her name. Dotting each I in ‘Trixie’ with little hearts. “Don’t worry about the check, she’s got it covered.” Mia grabbed the paper and parted ways.

Trixie was now antsy with anticipation.

Kim was dying to make a comment, she waited until Mia was far away enough to have their conversation inaudible. “Are you serious Trixie? You don’t know this woman! What if she’s a human trafficker looking for vulnerable pregnant women? What if she’s got some weird fetish and you’re gonna learn it the hard way?”

“Calm down Kim, I didn’t sign union papers. I agreed to text her, simple.”

“Trixie,” She warned, clenching her teeth, “You need to be careful about this.”

“A relationship could be good for me,”

“Not right now, no.”

“It’s my life, Kim!”

“It’s your life funded with my money.”

“Fuck,” Trixie dropped the stiffness of her neck, “Seriously you’re not going to let me have any fun? Not even this one time? Please, Mom?”

“Don’t ever fucking call me mom you weirdo.”

“Please? Pretty please? I need a girlfriend.”

Kim was basically playing the mom role in Trixie’s life. She had control of everything she did and gave her an allowance like she was a teenager, “You may text her and you may meet for dinner if it comes to that. That’s all.”

Turns out, Kim was a cool mom.

“Like I’d be able to do much else. Remember, I’m pregnant and uncomfortable… and nauseous,” She looked down to the food scraps in front of her. Salvation began, and not the good kind. The vomit kind, “Jesus. Kim, come with me,” Trixie hustled to her feet.

Natalie’s eyes followed her as she passed by their table.

 

\---

A ding.

And another.

And another…

Trixie’s phone immediately entered her hands. Natalie was texting her.

Trixie had already added her into her contacts so it was no surprise. Trixie was simply waiting for a text and that text just happened to occur right then.

**Natalie: Hey Trixie, It’s Natalie.**

**Natalie: I saw you from across the restaurant.**

**Natalie: I knew I couldn’t pass by someone as attractive as you. How are you and do you know if you’re available to meet with me for dinner tonight or tomorrow?**

She was straight forward, that was a good thing.

She was sitting in the back of an uber, beginning to feel claustrophobic and a bit overwhelmed. Her fingers quickly typed out a response.

**Trixie: I’m doing great! Also, Tomorrow, yes. Tonight, there’s a high chance that I can.**

Instantly a response was sent.

**Natalie: A yes or no?**

Fuck.

**Trixie: Yes, tonight also works.**

The driver pulled up directly in front of her building, Trixie didn’t even notice. She was so engulfed in the texts.

“Hey, Miss,” The guy nudged her knee from the front seat. Trixie instantly recoiled, pulling all the way back into her seat, “Sorry,” The man scratched his bearded chin, “We’re here you’re free to go,” He joked.

Trixie looked out the window to find Kim’s apartment building, “Oh,” She hummed softly, “Thanks so much!”

 

Trixie unlocked the apartment and laid down on the couch, texting back and forth with her. She liked her, a lot. A bit too much for someone she had only briefly talked with only over text.

Natalie and Trixie had an hour of back and forth banter over Text. Natalie was very professional and almost bland over text. She still had a few witty and humorous moment, but they were all covered up by the solemness tone and business-like transaction they were having.

In that hour, she learned Natalie was thirty-two, single, and was the financial manager for some fancy insurance company.

So she was rich.

Natalie seemed to know what she wanted and that was Trixie. She wanted Trixie, badly. Trixie had no clue why. What kind of person would voluntarily insert themselves into the life of a single and pregnant woman?

**Natalie: Will you send me a picture of yourself?**

She really didn't feel like it, but she whent ahead with it.

Trixie sat up, tilting her head to the side while putting a flattering and natural smile on her tired face. One, two, three and many, many more clicks on her phone’s camera. She hated how she looked in all of them.

She felt gross, hormonal oily skin and that same water weight that was collecting in her face. She hated how she looked in comparison to her appearance before. Looking at old pictures of herself on her phone and around Kim’s house almost made her want to hurl. She looked so tiny, like a little fragile Barbie doll just waiting for her Ken to take her home to their Barbie Dream House. She had used to have a perfect hourglass figure and the smoothest and softest skin.

Too late to change that though. But what the hell happened?

She decided on one and sent it to her with an idiotically ignorant caption.

**Trixie: [Picture] Is this good?**

**Natalie: Perfect**

**Natalie: Where would you like to eat tonight? Have you ever been to Providence?**

Trixie hadn’t even heard of that place before. It must have been something fancy, but she didn’t want to admit ignorance. So she googled it.

She opened up google and typed out ‘Providence restaurant Los Angeles’. A google review page immediately popped up. It was a five-star restaurant and the price was rated at ‘$$$$’. Trixie’s bank account was rated at a ‘-$’. It was also a seafood restaurant, Trixie couldn’t eat seafood at that time.

**Trixie: It sounds wonderful, but I can’t eat seafood**

God this girl must have been lingering in their text chat because it was instantly read and responded to.

**Natalie: My mistake, I should have known.**

Trixie wondered what was with this girl. Why out of anyone in that restaurant did she decide to give Trixie her phone number?

**Trixie: You don’t have a problem with me being pregnant right?**

**Natalie: No, none at all.  I find you attractive nonetheless, possibly more attractive.**

Trixie didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t. Natalie seemed to have that problem covered. It seemed to fly right over her head because it wasn’t ever addressed in that conversation again.

**Natalie: How do you feel about French?**

**Trixie: That sounds good!**

**Natalie: Perfect, I’ll pick you up at seven, make sure to dress nice. What is your address?**

Something about the drama of this whole situation got Trixie going. Her life was like a soap opera and it was all centered around her.

 

\---

Trixie dressed in the nicest clothing she could possibly fit into. A snug red dress that hit just below the knees with sleeves down to her lower biceps. It looked as modest and classy as an overstretched bodycon dress could look. It sent exactly the right message. ‘I’m trying, but not too hard. But also look at how good my tits look because I’m pregnant.’

She put on a red liquid lip, matching red eyeshadow, and eyeliner winged out to a perfect point. Once she settled on a dress and a pair of heels, a bad choice her feet were already killing her, she sent a full mirror selfie to Natalie. Partly for the attention and partly for the approval.

She cupped her hand under her stomach and snapped one or two pictures. Then a ten-second video. Pregnancy seemed to attract some strange people and situations. She assumed that was the main reason why Natalie liked her, so she wanted to milk it for all it was worth.

She sent all three pictures, leaving out the video. It was cute, but a little too much for simply one text message.

Ding.

**Natalie: You’re insanely beautiful.**

**Natalie: That dress is very cute!**

**Trixie: [Video] I really like these heels!**

Natalie read it instantly but it took a few minutes for her to respond. She must have been watching the video a few times. Trixie checked the clock, it was quickly approaching seven. Natalie must have been trying to get out the door. Trixie made the difficult decision to stop sending texts after that. Flirtatious banter was in no way higher ranking than road safety.

Trixie began going around the house, collecting everything she might need for the night and plopped it in her bag. She got her impossibly long list of meds, her lipstick in the event she needed to reapply, and a bottle of room temperature water in case she felt dehydrated at any point.

She checked herself in the mirror one last time. She looked so material it made her sick, exactly like how her mother looked. Hair lightly styled and tossed and wearing a full red outfit. Trixie never wore red, she avoided it at all costs no matter what. But now, she was semivoluntary wearing it and not hating every second.

“Yeah, Dawn Mattel called, she wants her look back.” She turned side to side so she could get one last look at herself, “Jesus Christ, I look like my mother.”

She leaned in closer, looking at the way her eyes crinkled as she squinted, “Oh my God, I’m my fucking mother.” She smiled, then stopped, repeating that action over and over a few more times, “Gross. Hey Rose, don’t you dare do the same dumb shit your grandmother and I have done in our lives. Just be smart with your choices. I’ll try to teach you how to be a good choice maker, but I can’t exactly say I have very much skill in that either.”

She took one last look at herself, continuing to talk to Rose as she walked back into the living room, “If I play my cards right you might get yourself another mom and a cool penthouse to live in. Doesn’t that sound nice? Living in a big house. You could go to a nice private school and Mommy could go to college. That sounds fun to me.”

Trixie was reading too much into this. She hadn’t even officially met the lady yet.

Her phone vibrated from the counter.

**Natalie: I’m here.**

Trixie’s heels clicked, her heart pumped, and her hands shook as she left the apartment. She glanced up and down the street before she found the car Natalie described as ‘It’s blue’.

But it was much, much more than just blue.

Natalie had a Lamborghini. A fucking Lamborghini. A midnight blue Lamborghini that was riding so low, Trixie couldn’t even imagine trying to get into the car without help.

Natalie stepped out of the car. She wore a simple black cocktail dress, hitting slightly below her knees. It was an off the shoulder and lace lined top. Jesus, Natalie had collar bones for days. She didn’t wear much makeup either. Other than some low-coverage foundation and a light eye, she was basically bare faced. She didn’t actually even need much makeup at all.

Her skin was completely flawless. Not a wrinkle, not a visible pore in sight! There was nothing imperfect about her appearance.

“Natalie,” Trixie beamed, showing her teeth with the smile, “It’s great to meet you face to face!”

She immediately went into a hug with Trixie, “Great to meet you too.” She had a thick Australian accent and strong musk. So powerful, it could make any female who came into contact with her to instantly ovulate.

She towered over Trixie. Even with the two-inch heels Trixie wore, she was still tiny in contrast. Her hands were extremely cold, so cold Trixie got goosebumps after feeling them through the back of her dress.

Natalie accidentally pressed her body too hard against Trixie’s. Rose judged out a protective kick and just for good measure another two and a roll. If she weren’t in front of Natalie, she’d likely be muttering curse words to herself or trying anything to get her to calm down. Because kicking babies hurt, especially at the force Rose liked to kick.

Natalie pulled away after discovering the strange movements. “How do you not freak out over that?”

“I’ve gotten used to it, she does it most of the time.”

“Interesting,” She scratched the back of her head and unlocked the passenger's side door of the car with the simple click of a button, “Let me help you get in,” She wrapped her arm around Trixie’s waist and walked her to her parked car. She held open the door and assisted Trixie so she was able to get low enough to fit through the impossibly low door.

“Jesus ow,” Trixie whimpered as her body bent in ways it unquestionably shouldn’t have been bending. Natalie got in on the other side, once more putting her hand on Trixie’s stomach.

“Is everything okay?”

She bit her cheek to get through the pain admitting from her ribs that were constantly being jolted and the way her back had cramped up from twisting so oddly. “She flipped head down this morning. I’m not used to her being up in my ribs all day.”

“Fascinating,” She buckled her seat and watched Trixie as she did her own. Her eyes followed the black strap as Trixie delicately grabbed it, “How far along are you?”

Trixie felt so out of her league sitting in front of Natalie. “Thirty-Two weeks right now. That’s about seven months.” Trixie’s hand fell lower on her belly. Natalie bit on her plump lip as she watched her. “Hey, um,” Trixie looked down at her lap, “Are you into me just because I’m pregnant?”

Natalie’s breath caught in her throat, she gathered together a few words before speaking, “No, of course not. Why the hell would you think that?” Trixie had caught Natalie so off guard with that prying question. She probably just killed her chances.

“Oh,” Trixie raised her head and looked out onto the crammed traffic jam a few stop lights ahead of them, “I mean, there isn’t a problem if you do. I simply want to be on the same page as you.”

Natalie shook her head laughing with a big grin on her face, “Yeah, no.” She put her hand onto Trixie’s folded hands, “Is someone not allowed to like someone else for arbitrary reasons?”

Trixie laughed quietly along with her, “I guess so. I’m starting to realize I’ve been attracting some strange interactions and I can’t help but think it’s because I’m pregnant.”

“Well, my strange interactions sprung from you being hot.” Natalie studied Trixie’s face, finding and smiling at every single detail about it. She gently let her thumb graze over Trixie’s painted red lips. Her breath was hot and minty, “Will you kiss me?” Natalie pushed a few strands of hair out of her face and leaned closer to Trixie. Her hand held lightly onto her jaw. Trixie felt her heart rate accelerate as their lips only got closer and closer. Until they met in the middle. Trixie turned white, she hadn’t done something so careless in months.  

It was only physical touch, she reminded herself, nothing more. _‘This isn’t what love feels like.’_

Love was Brian kissing her even when she felt horrendous. Even when she was a sobbing, makeup-less mess sitting on the couch in nothing more than one of his shirts and a pair of spandex, just begging for his affection.

Love was when he’d skip going out with friends to stay in with her and take care of her no matter how he was feeling.

But love was also all of the things her Dad and Kim had done for her. They had done so much more for her than she even thought about. There were always going to be there no matter what.

Love wasn’t leaving in the middle of the night to see someone else while leaving your ill girlfriend to rot away in bed,

None of Brian’s love was real in Trixie’s perception. It simply was all one big act.

Trixie pulled away from Natalie. The longer she sat there kissing her while thinking about Brian, the more she began imagining she was kissing Brian instead of Natalie. It was one vicious cycle that kept landing back on her wanting Brian all over again.

“You’re so hot, baby,” Natalie spoke into Trixie’s ear in a soft whisper.

Brian called her baby.

But she wasn’t Brian. Get out, Brian this isn’t about you.

“After dinner,” She whispered, “How would you feel about going to my place?” The warm air on her neck caused goosebumps to creep up her back. Trixie didn’t know if it was the accent, the circumstances, or just how sexually deprived she was, but she was fully ready for this situation. Trixie silently nodded.

The engine revved so loudly, an echo from outside could be heard. She began pulling out into the empty street, just a light or two away from heavy traffic, “These windows are tinted, right?” Trixie asked meekly.

“Yes,”

She noted that for later.

They began heading the direction on downtown, the buildings surrounding them began getting taller and taller. Natalie’s free hand mindlessly wandered over to Trixie’s knee. Trixie had only known Natalie for less than a day, but she wanted her so badly.

When they arrived at the restaurant, everything felt magnified. Like minutes were hours and every light touch Natalie placed on Trixie’s body was an electric shock. They were waiting for their table, sitting down on a nicely padded couch. Natalie’s hand was tightly gripping onto Trixie’s knee. Trixie leaned into Natalie’s ear whispering, “Kiss me again, please?”

“No, you can kiss me yourself. You’re a big girl.” Natalie asserted much louder than Trixie. Trixie’s chin rested on Natalie’s shoulder, her forehead pressing into her temple. Trixie’s lips barely touched her ear, but still managed to leave a speck of deep red lipstick on her. Trixie gently whined in her ear, trying to keep the noise level to a minimum. She wanted to be kissed, not to kiss.

A waitress got their attention and led them to a table. Trixie’s feet were absolutely killing her. She didn’t even realize it until that moment. As they walked past large groups eating at even larger tables, Trixie felt like she was going to snap and ankle. She was now mostly hanging on to Natalie for support.

They led them out to the balcony and gave them a table pushed up right against the glass wall `looking out onto the dark, but illuminated city. The atmosphere up there was completely different from the congested floors of the city. It was beyond beautiful. It was beyond anything Trixie would ever even see if her life was normal.

She never had that romantic moment. Where someone would take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant and pay for it all. It was always people taking her to bars or random cafes, nothing ever like this. She almost forgot everything going on behind the scenes in her life. She was happy, genuinely happy.

Natalie and her talked here and there. Trixie discovered quickly that she had a very interesting life. She was loaded, like so loaded she could buy out all of Trixie’s possessions and her whole family’s kind of loaded. She not only was a finance manager for a big company, no, no, no she also invested in stocks.

A lot of them.

Trixie had no clue how the stock market worked or how one could even begin getting into stocks. So, she just nodded and smiled until she could pluck out a word she understood and began gathering bits and pieces of the large sums of money she threw out. A $20,000 here, a $45,000 there, like those quantities, were nothing. Then, she began talking about how she had a lot of stocks in makeup brands.

Trixie knew about makeup!

“No Way!” Trixie gasped, pointing to her lips, “I’m wearing Mac right now! I love them so much, that’s crazy!”

Natalie studied lips giving it a nod of approval, “Yeah, they look good. I’ve noticed they stay on pretty well. So at least I know I’m putting my money into a good place.” One of Natalie’s fingers reached for Trixie’s face. She brushed over her bottom lip and smiled. “Or maybe it’s just who’s wearing it.”

That topic was swept aside pretty fast.

Trixie later asked about her accent. Her suspicions were correct. She was, in fact, from Australia. Another interesting story sprung from that topic. She talked about how she immigrated to the United States at ten and then went back to Australia in college to study abroad.

Natalie’s life was like one big success story would read about in a magazine and only wish to have.

Trixie didn’t have much interesting stuff to discuss. Her life was a six-point story. I was born, I found out I was gay, My parents found out I was gay, I graduated high school, I moved from Wisconsin to Los Angeles, and I got pregnant. The end, for now.

But Natalie was interested in those stories. It was apparent she liked to hear Trixie speak for unknown reasons. None of her other dates or partners really liked it when Trixie spoke, they just wanted her to shut up and look pretty. But she never wanted to just shut up. She wanted to talk and be heard.

A waiter approached their table holding two empty wine glasses. “Bonjour, je m'appelle Nate. What’ll it be ladies?” He set the glasses down on the table.

Trixie totally forgot to look at the menu. She hadn’t even been to a French restaurant so she didn’t know what foods they had. Trixie quickly grabbed a menu and flipped through it. All of the categories were written in French. Her stomach dropped.

Natalie interjected in pure French, “Je vais avoir le saumon et elle aura le…” Natalie grabbed the menu from Trixie's hand and pointed to something, presenting it to her, “Does this sound good, Trixie?” She nodded. Natalie addressed the water once more, “plate provencal? Merci beaucoup.”

And she knew French. Hot.

The waiter nodded, “And drinks?”

Oh, she was just showing off.

“Barolo, please. Just a glass” He turned to Trixie.

Trixie felt so out of her element. She didn’t know what to drink, most of the menu was alcoholic or just water and water that wasn’t perfectly room temperature made her nauseous. This was something she had just talked with Natalie about. All she could really drink was flat ginger ale or sprite. “What kind of Tea do you have?” Trixie smiled up at the waiter.

“Sorry Mam, we don’t have tea here.”

“Do you have any variant of ginger ale?”

“No, sorry. We only have it to put into our mixed drinks. Would you be interested in taking a look at our alcoholic-” Trixie opened her mouth to say something, lifting her hand slightly off of her stomach. He looked down, “Oh! Pardon me, mam, I didn’t realize. But sorry to say, we don’t serve it otherwise.

Trixie was a bartender, she knew how to get around this. She skimmed up and down the alcoholic drinks, “Perfect in that case,” She pointed to a drink, “Can I get a Vodka ginger ale, but take out the vodka and add extra ginger ale?”

He laughed, “No sorry, that still is technically just ginger ale. We don’t have a set price for it so that’s why we can’t allow you to purchase it on its own.”

Natalie scoffed and slammed her hand on the table, “Just give her that. It really doesn’t matter.” She grunted.

“I’m sorry but it’s against-” the boy’s voice squeaked.

“I don’t care what it’s against! Just give her the darn can of ginger ale. I’ll pay double for what it costs you to supply it. I don’t give a flying shit!”

Oh no. Now the waiter looked as terrified as Trixie. He turned back to look at the bar as if it was going to save him from the pure wrath of a worked up lesbian. Natalie was getting angry.

“Get her the ginger ale,” Natalie demanded.

“Hey, it’s really okay. I can just-” Trixie said sweetly, touching the top of her hand

“No, you said you can only have ginger ale, so that’s what you’re getting. I don’t care if we have to leave this place, you’re getting ginger ale or so help me god.” She looked into the waiter's eyes, “Do you know what she went through this morning merely to be here? Because I can guarantee you what she feels daily is ten times worse than anything you’ll ever feel in your entire life. Are you really going to deny a pregnant woman, with a severe morning sickness condition, the only thing she can drink without vomiting? Because that’s low, that’s very low.”

“Yes- no- Um- sorry, I will make sure she gets it.” The boy looked down in an attempt to escape her harsh eye contact, “Anything else?”

“Yes,” Natalie boomed, “Make sure it’s flat.”

He nodded and hurried away.

Trixie was terrified over what she witnessed. No one had ever snapped over something so minuscule for her.

Thankfully, the rest of the night went smoothly. They ate a nice dinner and had great conversations.

She liked the way Natalie advocated for her in everything. When Trixie came to discover that the meal Natalie had ordered for her was a salad, Natalie immediately called a waiter over to help Trixie read the menu and pick something else out.

Everything on the menu sounded like foods that’d make her nauseous so she opted out of those and decided to eat two sides of plain mashed potatoes.

But none of the eating really mattered. Trixie just wanted to hurry up and finish up what they had started in the car.

Natalie called over the waiter after Trixie was done slowly eating the mashed potatoes and paid the ungodly priced bill. She left Trixie to sit in the downstairs lobby of the hotel the restaurant was on top of while she got the car from the parking garage. Everything there was so luxurious. Velvet furniture all around the large lobby and the nicest flower arrangements money could buy placed in a vase on every single flat surface.

A horn honked from outside. Trixie jumped up, left the building, and got into the car.

“Trixie,” Natalie’s hand rested on Trixie’s leg as she began to leave the hotel’s grounds, “Do you want to go home or stay the night with me?” That was an unnecessary question. It was no secret that Trixie was just waiting for this to happen.

Her phone began ringing.

Natalie looked to the illuminated screen in Trixie’s lap, “Who’s that?”

“Probably Kim,” Trixie sighed. Normally, she’d get out of the car to take this call. But she physically could not get in and out of the lowrider anymore than necessary. She also couldn’t kick Natalie out of her own car so she plainly answered it.

“Hey, Kim. What’s up.” Trixie tried to keep her voice normal. She was annoyed, very annoyed. Kim almost shouted into her ear from the other end, “Yes Kim, I’m still out. Everything is okay.” Kim went on, “Hey listen, I won’t be home tonight. I’ll call you in the morning.” That ticked Kim off. Her voice raised just loud enough so the whole car could hear.

“Don’t you dare have sex with her Trixie. I swear on everything that is good.”

“I won't, Kim, I won't. We’re just going to watch a movie and go to bed. Nothing else.” Kim sighed on the other end squeaking out ‘promise?’ just loud enough so Trixie could hear it, “Yes Kim, I promise.” She hung up and stuck her phone in between her thighs.

Natalie looked pissed, steam almost fumed over her head, “Hey listen, Trixie. I think you’re a nice girl and all, but if-”

“I lied to her. Okay?” Trixie put her hand on top Natalie's, “I’m horny as hell and you’re hot as hell. I’m not passing up the last opportunity I might have to have sex. That’s all. She’s not going to stop me from doing what I want. I’m an adult. Kim is just worried about me. It’s been a rough month.”

She softened up, “I’m sorry, Trixie It’s not my place to be getting mad over sex. It’s absolutely fine if you’d rather go home and go to bed. You’ve had a long day.”

She let it roll off, she didn’t want to think about anything else. “No, I want to stay.” She had an objective and a clear one at that  “So, where were we?”

The engine revved and they were on their way to wherever the hell Natalie lived.

 

Long strings of wet kisses down both sides of Trixie’s neck turned her into nothing more than a heavily breathing husk. Trixie couldn’t help but turn into jello under her touch.

They just barely kept their clothes on during the impossibly long elevator ride to the very top floor of the building Natalie lived in. Once the elevator doors opened, they were instantly off of each other fearing that some innocent bystander would walk into the horrendous mess that was happening in there.

Natalie swung open the door to her massive penthouse. Everything was so opulent and pristine. Everything was a brown, white, or red. Not a single mismatch or clashing color in sight. Everything was cohesive and well put together.

The floor was all a white tile that appeared so clean someone could eat off of it. Every blanket and remote had its place in her living room. Every chair was neatly pushed in and only decorative clutter existed around the place.

Trixie’s mind couldn’t even piece together what her bedroom would look like.

Trixie immediately threw her heels off and set them by the door. Natalie was still towering over her, even after she took her own shoes. She combed a hand through Trixie’s hair and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “Tell me, ”She kissed her once again, “What are your preferences?”

Trixie choked up. Did she have preferences? Did she even know her own preferences? Normally sex for her was just being a bottom and randomly giving encouraging input through the whole thing.

Maybe she was asking if she was a bottom? “Uh, I bottom,”

Natalie looked her up and down, “Really? I had no clue.” She said sarcastically, “Tell me what you like. Kinks, fetishes, that sort of thing.”

Well, now that Trixie was forced to come up with an answer, she couldn't. Apparently, she didn't even know herself.

Is feeling loved a kink? Because if so, that was one.

“I don’t know,” Trixie said under her breath.

Her mind went back to the topic of love. Who loved her and who did she love? She was only thinking about this because of Brian. Kissing made her think of Brian, touching made her think of Brian. He was her first ‘serious’ relationship with a man.  There were a couple of guys, a couple of dates before him. But nothing ever stuck. She’d only had been in a relationship for more than three months. She really only had Alison before that.

Alison. Oregon wasn’t very far from California. Maybe Trixie could find Alison on facebook and get back in contact with her. Declare her faded recollection of loving her while pleading for her to take her back.

No, that was only a silly bypassing thought. She was in a real moment, with real people, and real feelings of loss.

She had lost so much when she left Brian. It wasn’t the loss of a relationship or a father for her baby. She lost so much more. She felt lost.

What the hell was she even doing in that place?

The penthouse of some woman she met less than seven hours ago, discussing sexual preferences like it’s a business exchange or like she’s buying a customized mattress. This was all of the stuff she used to do, this life wasn’t her anymore. It couldn’t be her life anymore. She had to do better for Rose. Even if it wasn’t for herself it had to be for Rose.

Natalie’s grip on Trixie’s wrist loosened. “Trixie?” Natalie asked, concerned.

Trixie looked into her eyes, “I can’t do this, I’m sorry.” she whimpered. Fighting back the impending feeling of crying, “Can you take me back home, please? I wanna go home.” She was shaking trying to contain her emotions. She just wanted to go home and get into bed. She wanted to curl up next to Kim in her massive bed and forget everything while being engulfed in dreams.

She wanted to be back home with Brian, holding onto his chest as she drifted off into sleep. While getting just a whiff of his scent. She missed that scent so much. It was perfect and amazing and wonderful. It was him in his purest form, just a smell with no actions or thoughts attached to it.

Natalie looked into her watery eyes. Letting out a silent breath, she took Trixie by the hand, “Yeah Trixie, let’s take you home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you want to read my diary like/rambling/random author's notes continue reading after the slashed lines!  
> \---  
> Did I give Trixie a lesbian lover for fun because I'm deprived of a woman in my life? Possibly. Do I regret making this chapter so long? A bit. Will this Natalie chick be a major character for the rest of this fic? Ehhhh, You'll have to find out.  
> I'm sorry this took a while to put out. I got into a cycle of writing out the whole chapter, not touching it for a week, and then rewriting it all over again.  
> 
> 
> In addition, I'd just like to point out the fact I've been looking up so many things about pregnancy that google is CERTAIN that I'm pregnant. Like I'm getting baby and pregnancy related ads running nonstop.  
> 
> 
> Also, according to some websites and stuff I've been looking at, you can literally feel/touch the outline of a fetuses body while pregnant. And as someone who's never been pregnant before, that's freaky as hell to me. Like um. Hello, mother nature. Who gave you the right to be weird like that?  
> 
> 
> So if I wrote about that a lot, my bad. I just found it so interesting.  
>  Also, the youtube videos about fetuses moving are so weird. Like they legitimately are freaky as hell. Go take a gander at those if you don't know what I'm talking about.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking another month to update. I felt like a wrote myself into a weird place and started to get major anxiety about everything because that, in all honesty, is just my personality.  
> Huge, huge, huge thanks to [Jania](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jania) for helping me not lose my mind while trying to figure out what the hell should happen in this chapter.
> 
> Back to the shenanigans

Katya slumped her body against the brick of the back alley wall. She watched Pearl as she puffed out clouds of smoke from the cigarette in her hands. They both stood mostly silent before Pearl broke the perfect feeling bubble. “You keep looking at this cigarette like it’s the last ounce of water in the world. Do you want one?”

She shook herself out of it, “No, no. I quit for a reason.”

“And that reason is?”

“Trixie.”

She rolled her eyes and took an examining look at smallest bud left of her own cigarette, “Jesus, why are you still talking about her? I thought we’ve been over this,” She dropped it, stomping it out, “If you’re not going to call her, you’ve got no room for complaint.”

“We were in a relationship for six months. I have a right to be upset,” Katya was deeply sweating under everything she currently had layered and caked on. The early July heat swing was hitting the city hard. But, it was even hotter inside of the Bar so they were forced to seek a comfortable environment outside after their performances.

“Whatever,” Pearl sighed as she stared down at the glowing ashes.

It was like every night, grabbing money, exhausting herself with complex acrobats, and having strangers touch her in ways you’d never expect strangers to be comfortable touching someone. Though, everything felt off. It wasn’t the same with a dark cloud hovering over her. It was like something deep and terrible was haunting everywhere she went.  Every night, she instinctively still looked over to the bar, expecting to see Trixie’s smiling and dazzled face watching from afar. But, she wasn’t there, she hadn’t been there for a while and it was starting to take an unexpected toll on Katya.

“Some days,” Katya started up, dragging her body all the way down onto the cool cement ground, “I come home and expect her to be there. Like, she’d voluntarily come back after everything,” She laughed at herself. It was pitiful and gloomy, not something you’d expect to hear just outside of a lively club,  “Then other days, I come here and expect her to be behind that bar. Serving drinks and laughing up a storm with that hospitality she always seemed to have.” She picked at her unpainted and jagged nails, “I don’t know how I managed to drive her away like that. I took the best thing I had and threw it out over something else that meant nothing to me.”

“You need to take the time to get over it,”

Katya kept her depressive mood going, “It’s like her face haunts me everywhere I go. Anytime I see someone with that same curly blonde hair I expect it to be her. But it never is.” She sighed, “It never is.”

Pearl softened, Katya seemed to have that effect on her. She couldn’t pinpoint if it was her solemn tone of soft-spoken ways, but it inclined her to be gentle, “Bri-Katya, listen,” Pearl squatted down and patted her bare shoulder, “I’m sorry I told you to get over it. She meant a lot to you and I see that.”

“I lost so much when she left. I didn’t even realize it,” She began getting choked up. She tilted her head up to prevent the salty tears from causing her makeup to run, “I lost her, I lost my daughter, I lost that entire part of my life I never expected I’d get to have. I always assumed that I'd Stay single forever and never get married or any of that stupid, domestic crap. But I'm realizing that I want that with her.”

“You want to marry her?”

“Yes, I want to marry her. She was all I had.” She patted the corner of her wet eyes with her fingertips, “She was that change I always used to say I wanted. The universe gave me exactly what I asked for and I blew it. I handed it right back.”

Her mind went back to a vivid image of Trixie she was able to paint. Her sweet pinkish cheeks, how she could laugh at almost anything, how her hair got stringy and flat when wet, and that waddleish gate she had begun developing as she started to get further and further into her pregnancy. How she’d slowly squat down to pull a piece of baby clothing out of their dressers to only show it off to Kim or her dad on facetime. She was so happy with everything. She was blissfully and ignorantly happy through it all.

“Hey ladies!” A group of men stopped to shout as they passed by. It wasn’t a large group, maybe three or four at most. “How much for a night?” One man shouted. The entire group began laughing up a storm. Katya began to stand up to head back inside. She didn’t have time for squabbling or tomfoolery. She dusted off her bottoms and began heading for the door, “Aw man, the pretty one’s leaving. What’s the matter with you? Can’t take a compliment?” It was that same man’s stupid heckling over and over, “Pretty baby is gonna cry?”

Katya turned around grinding her teeth, her face began turning red with pure annoyance, “Katya,” Pearl placed her hand on Katya’s arm as a gentle warning not to feed into it.

The man laughed, “Someone’s on their period.”

That sent Katya off her rocker she stomped her platform heel on the concrete and began shouting. She was firing off like a gun, “Shut the fuck up! Jesus Christ, if you want to heckle someone why don’t you just go to some trashy strip club where people are paid to tolerate you? Huh? Huh?” Katya began walking closer and closer, until Pearl came up behind her and jolted her back by the arm, “Fuck you!”

“Let’s go inside,” Pearl whispered.

 

***

 

Trixie curled up in Kim’s dark bedroom, feeling a combination of groggy and dizzy. She relentlessly sipped through the straw of the over thirty-ounce bottle of water, having Kim come into cycle through a newly filled one. Even with all of the water, it still wasn’t enough. She still vomited non-stop, the flimsy plastic grocery bag next to the bed filled simply with watered down stomach bile. She couldn’t even manage to sit up.

She was wrong before, it was worse than last time. It was much, much worse. In three days, she had progressed to the level of worseness that took her five weeks to get to the last time. She could barely even sit up or even open her eyes. It was that bad.

Every single light in the house had to be shut off, every curtain shut tight, and even then some windows had to have sheets draped over them to prevent even the slightest bit of sun to shine through. The only thing Trixie could fathom listening to was the pitter patter of stray cats walking across ledges of the apartment building. That and an endless loop of Dolly Parton’s greatest hits.

Dolly’s music was the only thing keeping Trixie from going insane with boredom. Currently “Dumb Blonde” was softly echoing through the confines of the bedroom.

Kim came into the room every few minutes to make sure Trixie hadn’t passed out or hadn’t run out of water. Kim was acting worse than how someone could expect a first-time parent to be acting. She was so worried about Trixie that she simply had to take the week off of work. No matter how much Trixie assured her she was fine, Kim knew she wasn’t. Trixie needed care and she needed that care non-stop. It wasn’t going to get better anytime soon if she kept it up.

Kim constantly reminded Trixie to do her kick counts to make sure everything with Rose was fine. Within the three days, Rose’s movement had exponentially declined. It was terrifying for Trixie, but she was too scared to call Monsoon or even go to the ER out of absolute fear of being forced to go through with an emergency c-section. That was her biggest fear, nothing else. It sounded so selfish to her, but it was the only thing her mind could think about.

It kept going back to Monsoon mentioning how big of a problem preterm labor with severe vomiting spells were. Preterm labor didn’t enlist the idea of natural birth, it enlisted the idea of a c-section. Especially when it was as early as Trixie was in her trimester when considering birth.

It wasn’t about the concept of a c-section that scared her, it was what is meant. She didn’t have any snobbish motherly pride where she viewed having a c-section as the easy way out. She was in actuality purely terrified of needles, surgery, and not having complete control over her own body.

But, it was looking quite grim for her at that moment.

“Kick counts?” Kim said softly, she hit pause on the Dolly shuffle playing on Trixie’s phone. The light from her phone irritated her so badly that she needed it to be set all the way across the room with the brightness down as far as it could go. Kim grabbed Trixie’s empty bottle of water and replaced it with a full and clean one. Trixie reached out to take a sip of the perfect room temperature water. She had gotten sick of its taste and feeling. It was a bunch of nothing. It felt like she was drinking nothing at all.

“Six in the last fifty minutes.” Trixie croaked out. She put her hand on her forehead, barely even finding the strength to do that, “She’s slowing down,” Trixie took in two big gulps of water, mentally gagging at the taste of it, “A lot.”

“Trixie,” Kim put her hand on Trixie’s, clutching onto it loosely, “We need to take you to the hospital, this is getting dangerous. Not just for her, but you too. You’re dehydrated and malnourished and you need medical attention stat.”

“What if they have to deliver her?” Trixie asked with a tinge of fear laced all the way through her voice, “What if she’s not going to be able to make it inside of me anymore and they have to take her out? What will I do then? My insurance is barely even covering the costs it takes to flat out give birth to a normal healthy baby. There is no way it’ll cover the cost it takes to give birth to a baby five weeks premature.”

“What if she dies, Trixie? Do you realize how hard that’ll be for you? You love Rose more than I’ve ever seen you love anyone in your entire life and she’s not even born yet.” Kim kissed the side of Trixie’s forehead in a mother like way. She needed that bit of encouragement. She needed any ounce of fear-driven encouragement she could get.

“I need her to be safe,” Trixie whispered, keeping her eyes closed, not wanting to open them partly out of fear of nausea and partly out of not wanting to see Kim’s solemn face.

“She’ll be safe if we take you to the ER.” Kim let go of Trixie’s weak hand and stood up, “Let me call Monsoon and ask her what she thinks is the best path to take with this.”

Kim made sure to get a line up on water refills for Trixie and then went into the halls outside of the apartment to call Monsoon. The sounds from the phone and it’s bright glow drove Trixie up a wall, a nauseous one.

Trixie was too frail to even get up enough courage to talk to Rose, she hoped that telepathic communication would work.

She kept telling Rose that she was fine and that she needed to stay in there for a few more weeks. If she waited a few more weeks, everything would be much better and Rose would get to have as much fun as she possibly could as a newborn. She kept repeating to herself that everything was going to be okay, even though the odds didn’t seem on her side. Trixie took a sip of water, then another, and finally the last one of that cup. She needed Kim to get her a new one, but Trixie couldn’t call for her, so she silently waited. She continued to count Rose’s seldom kicks while hoping that they would magically resurface.

Kim came back in with a new water bottle and some not so good news, “She said to go to the ER as soon as we can. It’s three in the morning right now, so traffic shouldn’t be bad at all and the waiting room might be empty. Exempt from the college frat boys who broke their arms from doing something drunkenly stupid.”

“I can’t get up,” Trixie mumbled, her voice was raspy from everything, including dehydration.

“I’ll wake our neighbor up.” Their neighbor, Bill, was a typical strong man. He was about 6’5 and weighed upwards of 220 pounds of pure muscle strength. If he couldn’t pick Trixie up, no one could. Kim left once again and fretfully woke them up to ask for their assistance with Trixie. Kim returned with Bill, his wife, and their teenage daughter in toe. They all were being as quiet as mice upon entering Trixie’s domain. Trixie still whimpered at their soft speech and any other sounds they made.

Each of them in pajamas, all of them matching one another. The mother of the family was the first to go to her. She quickly examined her and quietly added in a speech about how important it was to make sure the baby was safe and that ‘god loves all of his children, including the unborn’. Which made Trixie’s skin crawl. She didn’t necessarily disagree with what she said, but it made her feel like she was trying to guilt her into going to the hospital.

Then, Bill carefully picked her up and cradled her in his massive arms and took her down into the parking complex Kim’s car was in. The echoing sounds of the street made Trixie want to rip her hair out, but all she could do was press her face into Bill’s unwelcoming muscled chest and wait for it all to go away. Kim had him go with them so she could get some sort of transport. She tried to offer Bill compensation of $100, but he declined, saying it was ‘god’s work’.

Once they made the twenty-minute drive Bill carried her inside and Kim gave a rundown of everything. But, unlike last time, they were immediately brought into the maternity ward. That gave Trixie goosebumps all the way up and down her body. Bill was dismissed and replaced by a wheelchair being pushed by a nurse while another nurse followed next to them asking one hundred and one questions. Trixie was quickly given a room deemed a ‘delivery room’ which freaked her out even more and was finally put on an IV. Trixie was too tired and weak to resist or fight, so she just let them do it. Along with a million other tests they decided to perform, she was stuck into an itchy and papery hospital gown. She made a specific request to keep the room’s lights off, which was done.

The on-call doctor was swift to see her, delivering mixed results.

“We could go through with a c-section right now to prevent any further complications.” He said sternly, examining Trixie’s weak air, “You have mentioned her kick counts dropping and slight cramping, but it doesn’t appear you’ve dilated. I’ve taken a look at your medication list and it’s slightly concerning that you’re still nauseous.” He went up and down her chart, basically repeating everything she heard the last time she was in the hospital, “If we do a c-section, there’s a 98% survival rate at this stage. She would be perfectly fine, but in the NICU for a while and I see your insur-”

“Yeah, my insurance is terrible. You don’t need to tell me.”

“Okay, well,” He went to Trixie’s IV pole and took a look at everything attached to it, “We can get you hydrated, nourished, and try a new medication and call it at that. My main concern is preterm labor or-”

“I know,” Trixie muttered, “Can we keep trying medication?”

“We’ll keep you overnight and see how the baby is doing. If the kick counts or her heart rate drops we’ll start to consider it more. This is dangerous Beatrix, especially with how dehydrated you came in. Your nurses told me that your veins collapsed twice before they could get an IV in. That’s not good.”

Trixie felt herself beginning to hyperventilate. Her tensed shoulders went limp under the uncomfortable material of her gown. The reality of everything began sinking back in. She could have a baby in less than a day if everything goes wrong. She could have a premature baby and nobody to support her through it besides Kim. A monitor Trixie was hooked up to began loudly chirping.

“Hey now, Beatrix, calm down.” He urged, “I’m sure we can try to get everything under control before it comes to that. Especially if it’s against your birth plan. But safety here always comes first. Maybe we could even try setting up an at-home nurse who can come by and give you daily IVs, we're going to try everything we can.”

“I know, I know,”

Trixie and that doctor went back over the hassle of discussing another new and scary medication. But, at that point, Trixie didn’t care. Any medicine that gave her a one-way ticket out of surgery land was her savior. That doctor had the bright idea of simply giving a higher dosage of her current medication.

He came back in almost two hours later and reviewed a dozen tests taken when she first came in.  

“I'm not understanding what's going on inside of your body. It appears that you have great upswings, but then terrible downswings.” He licked his thumb and turned the page quickly. “Your ob's records state that you appeared normal up until last month. I simply don't understand.”

“We don't either,” Kim added in.

The doctor put on an overall confused face, he was as lost as Trixie was, “Have you…” he made some Italian looking hand motions as he tried to formulate a logical solution, “Been sleeping well?”

“Not since I started vomiting every ten minutes.”

“Okay,” He hummed, “Have you been under stress? With work or family? I've noticed you have elevated blood pressure, but that might be from your condition.”

Trixie sat up and turned to Kim, it seemed like they had the same idea at the same time, “It's Brian,” Trixie muttered to her, “Holy shit I think it's Brian.”

“Now, who's this-”

Kim interrupted him, Trixie's phone was instantly in her hand, ready to punch in a phone number at any second, “When are visiting hours? Can we have a visitor right now?”

“Yes, you may have a visitor right now,” he shrugged the question off and went back to reviewing Trixie's files. It was all not great news, followed by even worse news, sprinkled with a hint of confusion. She entirely wanted that doctor to stop saying, 'we don't know’ because no one knew, not even Trixie knew.

Kim waited for him to leave the room and she finally called Brian. It was the very last thing she wanted to do, but it was for the greater good of Trixie. She hoped he was the answer. She hoped Trixie's stress with him was the cause behind everything. She pushed her agenda against Brian out of the way and dialed his number from Trixie’s phone. She took the liberty to snoop on their texts a bit before completing the call.

She found his unkind texts where he pretty much shrugged her off for her worries concerning his location. She clicked call and held her breath.

***

His phone rang, he sat in the silence of his bedroom waiting for it to go to voicemail. It was too early for him to be taking or receiving calls from anyone. He assumed it was simply a telemarketer trying to rope him into buying a new ac unit or to invest in solar. Two things he didn’t need. So, he let it ring until it stopped. Then, he got a notification. He didn’t bother to even open his eyes. No one important would have been calling him at the crack of dawn.

Then, another call. He shot his eyes open and grabbed his phone off the bedside table. The first thing he saw was Trixie’s precious smiling face along with her name. Brian instantly clicked answer, he hoped and prayed that he wasn’t just dreaming all of it up. He hoped it was the real deal and Trixie was finally deciding to call him.

“Trixie?” Brian asked, completely hopeful for the gushiest love confession from her and maybe even an admittance that she wanted to see him again.

It wasn’t her voice though, it was Kim’s. This must have a bad thing, “Brian, we’re in a bit of a crisis right now. Is there any way you can come down to the hospital?”

“Why, what’s happened? Is everything okay?” He sat straight up in his bed, all of his sheets were thrown off of him. He stood up and began rummaging for clothing he could quickly throw on. He clearly was going to the stupid hospital, but he needed to know more.

“Trixie, she’s,” Kim went silent, he heard the light call from Trixie’s weak voice in the background. She said something along the lines of ‘did he answer?’ which Kim responded with, “Yes, darling, now go back to sleep.” Kim went back to talking to him, “She’s gotten a lot worse since she left. We’re in the hospital right now, there is the talk of having a c-section if it continues to go in the direction it seems to be going.”

“And the baby?”

“Her kick counts have dropped, otherwise, she seems fine. They say her water retention hasn’t gone any lower than normal,”

Brian didn’t know what any of that meant, but he was already halfway out the door, “I’m on my way.”

“We’re in the maternity ward, ask for Beatrix Mattel at the desk and tell them you’re a visitor.”

“Beatrix Mattel, visitor,” he repeated, making sure he mentally would remember all of it, “Got it, I’ll see you in a bit.”

Brian set his phone down and threw on a clean pair of everything he was wearing.

Once he finally got to the hospital, it was like a maze trying to find the right place to go. He had to go up to a door, hit the call button, state his business and name, and then answer a bunch of other questions before the doors were even unlocked. Once he was let in, he had to practically restate everything he said at the door and then wait for a free nurse to direct him to the right floor and room. She was on floor three, room 309, that was all he remembered from that interaction.

All of the hospital was brightly lit with fluorescents, except for Trixie’s room. It was relatively pitch black, the only light sources were coming from colored lights on the various machines she was hooked up to.

Despite it being a month since he last saw her, she looked as if the had lost weight instead of gaining. She appeared dead asleep. Upon entering Kim shushed him before he could say anything and took him back outside to talk. She wanted him to know everything she was currently thinking.

Kim politely dismissed the nurse who escorted him and got into her lecture, “Trixie is sick. Got it?” Brian nodded, he didn’t know why Kim felt the need to tell him that, “I know you’re not a monster, but she’s now highly considering going back to you and I don’t want to risk her being hurt by you.” She gave him a second to mentally react, but not enough time to speak, “Being away from you is somehow stressing her out more so than being in the mix of your shenanigans. We think you're the reason she's gotten worse. If she does go back, you can’t be manipulating her. I have no clue what’s going on with you right now, but you need to shift those priorities. Pronto.”

“I have,”

“Good. Trixie needs you, like worse than she’s ever needed someone in her entire life. She’s in love with you and I don’t use that word lightly.”

“I understand, Kim, now can I go see her?”

She grabbed his arm, “No, no, not yet.” The composed herself, trying not to be too pushy while still being pushy enough to get her message across, “I need you to go in there, apologize to her, a short and sweet apology mind you. Pretend like nothing happened. She doesn’t need to be worrying about you or what you’ve done or what you’ve been doing. She needs to worry about herself.” She patted his back and stepped out of the closed door frame, “Now, go do that.”

They silently walked in, Trixie was still balled up on the bed pressed against the wall in the center of the room. Soft beeps came from her blood pressure monitor every time it took a reading. She was awake, but not speaking. She was curled up in a pathetic looking ball of uncomfortable sadness. Kim hurried in front of him and went to take a seat in the single chair provided in the small room. She crossed her legs at her ankle and gestured for him to go talk to her. He hesitantly stood at the end of her bed, waiting for her to acknowledge him first, but she wasn’t going to. She still had an ounce of pride left in her husk like state.

“Trix,” Kim said softly, she noticed both of their hesitance, “You’ve got a visitor,”

Trixie pushed her face into the pillow and closed her eyes tighter. By the look of things beforehand, Trixie seemed like she was the most excited to see him. But now, she looked as disinterested as someone could possibly be.

“Trixie, you’ve gotta say hi. You’re being rude.” Kim warned as if Trixie was a toddler and she was her mother. Trixie still refused to look up, “Trixie, I know you’re awake. He drove all of the way out here to see you, so say hello.”

Trixie grunted, “Hi Brian,” She said in a monotone and scratchy voice.

“Hi, Trixie. I’m sorry, about everything.” He hesitated.

“It's fine,” she was muffled by the pillow pressed to her face.

“Trixie I think,” He began to run his exact words through his head until they were satisfactory, “I want to marry you.”

Trixie's heavy breath stopped for a short second.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” He pleaded, taking a seat on the bed next to Trixie’s bent knees,  “I want to see you again and I don't ever want to stop seeing you, I love you.”

“I love you,” was all Trixie managed. She froze, feeling like if anyone or anything else in the world heard her say that, the end would come. Though she still only had enough energy for a half-hearted confession.

“I love you too Trixie,” He said sweetly, “Trixie, I haven't done anything other than work, sleep, and think about you. And even when I'm doing the other two things I didn't stop thinking about you. You and the baby.”

Trixie unraveled slightly from the sheets, allowing herself to get unwrapped fully, “Her name is Rose,” Her hand rested against the plastic perimeter of the hospital bed, acting as a safety net.

He lingered on the name quietly repeating it a few times under his breath, “Rose,” Brian said.

Trixie started up again before he could say anything, “I don't care if you like or dislike it. Her name is going to be Rose and that's how it is,”

There was a beat of silence, “I like it.”

“Good,” Trixie retreated back into her sleep like state. Her knees returned to their default tucked position. Her eyes dropped shut as she fought back the feeling of vomiting. She didn't understand why she was having those reflexes, she hadn't even orally consumed something in hours.

Trixie's arm shot up and pointed in Kim's direction and the direction of the small empty trash can near the door. Kim shot up and grabbed it. It appeared that Trixie was holding something in her mouth. Kim held the trashcan near Trixie's bed allowing her to spit whatever was in her mouth out. It was pure stomach acid, “Can I just say one thing?”

“Yes,” both Brian and Kim answered in unison.

“This is all your fault,” she pointed at Brian, not moving her head. They began speaking at the same time, partially interrupting each other. Trixie doing more interruption than Brian.

“I know I'm-”

“You did this to me-”

“sorry,”

“and you're the one stressing me out-”

“It's my-”

“and you're mean to me-”

“fault.”

“I hate you.”

Kim leaned back in her chair, “You don't mean that Trixie.” Kim said sternly.

“You're right, I don't. But I wish I did.” She sat up just slightly, she opened her eyes for the first time in an hour. The room was much darker than she expected it to be, “I need to call the nurse to tell her I puked again.” She announced out of spite. Trixie stretched her arm out and felt around for the call button, then pressed it. She felt so sick that she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and wake up feeling fine.  

Brian took a seat and avoided talking. He didn’t want to light the flame under the angry Trixie. Her nurse checked in on everything and decided to give her a small cup of stirred out ginger ale. She guaranteed that when the new dosage of her medicine kicked in, she'd be fine.

Trixie hoped she was right, so she slowly sipped on it until it was empty. She was fine after drinking it which was a massive improvement from four hours ago.

Hours and hours past and it was the middle of the night. Trixie appeared to be improving so it was then up to doctors orders on what to do. Kim was knocked out sleeping while sitting straight up in that small padded chair. Brian was left to sit on the floor, with no entertainment since the white light drove Trixie crazy.

“Brian,” Trixie said. She scooted over to the very edge of the bed, “Can you lay down with me?” She whispered.

Brian looked at the barely twin-sized hospital bed and internally sighed. Sure, he was willing to lay down with Trixie despite them not talking for over a month, he still had strong feelings for her. But, he also knew his back would be killing him if he did sleep in that bed.

“Alright,” He eased himself off of the floor, his knees cracked from being sedentary for so long, and went to lay down next to Trixie. She pushed herself even closer to the edge as Brian laid down. He pulled her in closer and held her hand. It felt like it used to. When the glitz and glamorous of love was still fresh.

“Don't pull on any wires,” Trixie half-heartedly joked, “They need to make sure I'm still alive.”

“I'm pretty sure you're still alive,”

“Maybe I am,” Trixie mumbled, she made reaching hands from the blankets kicked to the bottom of the bed. Brian reached down and pulled them over both of their bodies. It was thin and crinkly so it didn't do much for warmth or comfort, “Are you scared?”

“Yes,” He pressed his lips into the back of Trixie's hair. In honesty, she smelled dingy. She definitely hadn't showered in a few days.

“What are you scared about.”

“That something bad will happen to you or her. Also, debt that might come from having a premature baby if that happens. I hate the American insurance system.”

“Apparently my insurance doesn’t cover most NICU cost, so that’s shit.”

“I think you’re going to make it out of here fine, it’ll be like the last time. Everything will be fine in a few weeks and this was just a flop.”

“I hope,” Trixie carefully placed her hand on a part of her stomach that wasn’t scattered with heartbeat monitors, contraction monitors that had no current purpose, or straps keeping them all tacked down, “I think her kicks are back up. I’ve felt a few more this past hour.”

Kim let out a loud snore, Trixie immediately stopped talking and looked up at her. She was sound asleep. Her head lolled back in the chair, her arms crossed across her torso, and her legs kicked up against a random bedside table.

“Are you serious about getting married?”

“Of course I am.”

“We haven’t talked in a month. Did that much really change?”

“I stopped seeing Max. I talked to him, we’re done, and I picked up more work. I changed my mind, Trixie.” He began getting choked up over everything. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, “Seeing you like this again made me realize that I love you even more than I thought I did. Even more than while you were gone.”

“Really?” Trixie's voice lifted up. That was the only thing Trixie longed to hear from him. That he loved her. He'd said it before, but it felt real this time.

“Yes.”  His breath grazed down her neck, giving her an uneasy tingling feeling, “Why don’t I take you out to dinner sometime?”

“Dinner sounds gross. Why not ice cream?”

“You want to go out for ice cream?”

“What kind of question is that? Duh, I want Ice cream. I want ice cream even when I’m vomiting. It’s an any time type of desert that deserves the respect and recognition it demands.”

“Okay, I’ll take you to ice cream soon.”

They continued to talk about all of the elephants in the room and anything else the had been left unaddressed until Trixie had heard enough and fell asleep. A few hours later Trixie was reassessed which meant Brian had to be kicked out of the bed.

In summary, she was getting better and still not dilated; which was all wonderful news. She appeared to be on the track for recovery they said they'd keep her for another day for good measure though. Brian needed to leave for the primary portion of that day for work. But, he returned almost exactly as it struck three.

At four, she was given a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich to try out for size. She had Brian tear off the crusts and took small nibbles around the perimeter until it was completely gone. She set that plate down next to her bed and concentrated so hard on not vomiting.

The doctor quickly returned with overall good news, “Beatrix! You're looking a whole lot better!” By that point, Trixie was sat all of the ways up in bed. She was chatting and smiling, “Here's what we're going to do,” he went back to reference his notes, “We're going to send you home and have you go to your normal doctor in three days. You'll be reassessed and proper actions will be taken if you've improved.” He looked back down and underlined something twice, “Bed Rest,” he announced, “Bed Rest until the end of your pregnancy. You can still go out and do things, but limit the time you're up and active to three hours. The rest of the time I want you at home resting.”

“Sounds doable.” Trixie smiled.

“Also, I don't want you up and walking for the next few days. You're relatively weak right now, so you'll need assistance from your lovely friends until Thursday this week.” He gestured to Kim and Brian, “Also hygiene needs to be in tip-top shape, brush your teeth whenever you can. Stomach acid and enamel don't mix well.”

“Got it,” Trixie gave a single nod.

“You're free to go Ms. Mattel! Congratulations!” He left and sent in a nurse to take care of all of the IVs she was hooked up to and any other monitoring devices she was on.

Mentally, she was fine once she accepted that the IV needle was in, but the concept of taking it out left her as terrified as she normally would have been getting it in. She had to have Brian hype her up enough to get it done. She couldn't even look, she needed to have one arm wrapped tightly around Brian's torso and the other delicately held in the nurse's hand while she waited.

She felt a little sharp pain and a pull in her hand, “Are you done?” She croaked.

“Yup! Told you it was going to be easy peasy!” The nurse announced. She discarded everything in their proper disposal containers and gauzed Trixie up and restated that she could get dressed. Trixie reached behind herself and braided up her straggly hair. She   Brian over and latched onto Brian's arm for extra support as she made her first attempt at standing up. Her bare feet stepped onto the cold tile of the room. She took a few adjusting steps, she was wobbly and sluggish at first, but she was able to keep herself on two feet. Then, she took a few more before she regained the memory of what it felt like to be standing for more than a brief second.

“Alright, let’s get you home and in bed.” Kim collected her bag that was thrown over the edge of the chair and slung it over her shoulder, “I’ll drop you two off at the apartment and pick up her drugs.”

“But why can’t I go with you?

“Because you're ill and something could happen unexpectedly,” Kim explained, gesturing to her unbalanced gate, “You shouldn’t be up and walking like nothing happened.”

“Great attempt at keeping up a happy tone.”

“Fighting back again I see? My, you seem improving,” Kim taunted. She picked up Trixie's clothes piled in a corner of the room, “Now go get dressed and we can go home. I need a shower and so do you.”

“But I'm not supposed to do anything on my own. Remember?” Trixie taunted in a childish way.

“Perfect, we'll sit you down in the shower and pour cups of water on your head like you're a dog.”

Trixie stuck her tongue out, “Why are we even friends? You’re a big meanie.”

“Because you love me,” She extended the ‘e’ in love to give it an extra oomph. Kim sent Brian out of the room while Trixie changed for decency's sake. Once she was done, the checked Trixie out once and for all. At least for the next month.

They arrived at Kim's apartment at six. Just from the short trip, she was exasperated. She meekly asked Brian to carry her, too afraid to risk losing balance and slipping or suddenly collapsing. He hoisted her up on his back, making sure not to squish the baby in the process. It wasn't too bad though, they only had to make the walk into the building and then a short elevator ride up to her floor. They got a couple of odd looks throughout the process, but they could care less.

He gracefully laid her down on the couch while Kim departed to change the sheets, shower, and go pick up a new prescription for Trixie. Kim called Brian into the bedroom to straighten everything up for Trixie while she left. He went around, collecting cups, empty plastic bags, and wadded towels. By the time he was done, he had broken out in a heat-induced sweat. He then collected Trixie and had her lay down for a nap before forcing her to take a shower and brush her teeth.

“Am I an iconic woman or what?” Trixie mumbled into the sheets.

“Yes,” Brian said, pulling the fluffed bed sheets all the way up to Trixie's shoulders, “You are very iconic.” He somehow found the slightest bit of joy in tucking Trixie into bed, making sure she was comfortable and warm enough to fall asleep happily, “in thirty, I'm coming back to make you shower. I love you, but you're gross. You smell like Pearl's drag after a long night,”

“You should sleep too,” Trixie tugged on his sleeve, “You’ve been up longer than I have.”

“I need to get you something to eat and drink. How do scrambled eggs sound?”

“I don’t want to eat,” Trixie fussed. She liked the idea of actually eating something, but her immediate correlation with it was feeling sick. So, she still held onto that assumption. Even with something as simple and easy to eat as scrambled eggs.

“Okay well, I’m still going to make you them.”

He flicked the light off and let Trixie try to fall asleep.

A little more than thirty minutes passed.

 

Brian turned on a lamp in the corner of the room. He took a seat next to Trixie and gently rocked her awake. Trixie whined and tried to ignore his persistent attempts at waking her up, but nothing worked to stop him. He tugged the sheets from her weak grip and continued to urge her to get up. “If you don’t do it now, you won't do it.”

“Yes, I will!”

“Look, it’s just a shower. Easy.”

“Do you know how difficult it is for me to stand? Let along yank at my hair until it comes untangled? I’ll be in the shower of hours!” Trixie pointed to her clumped and tangled hair sitting on top of her head.  

“Then take a bath,”

“The same issue applies. I can barely even keep a grip on my sheets. How will I be able to tug at my hair.”

“You can do it.” He put his hand on her lower back and helped her sit up, “Let’s go, let’s go.” He encouraged.

“Remember what Kim said about pouring water on my head?”

“Yes,”

“Can you do that?”

He hesitated, “I mean, that’s a bit weird. I don’t know. Can you really not do it yourself?”

“No, I can’t!” Trixie was being a perfect mix of lazy and productive by attempting to mend the relationship by doing couple-ish activities, “You’ve seen me naked before, I don’t see the big deal here.” That statement instantly got Brian flustered. He felt like some prudish church goer hearing Trixie broadly state that. He felt like he needed to go grab a rosary and a bible to pray the semi-sinful words out of his mind, “What? Now you’re all prudish? We’ll have to bathe Rose like that!”

“It just feels...” Brian grabbed for words that were quickly escaping his mind. Trixie, unknowing what was about to come from his mouth, rested her head against his shoulder. “I don’t know...Kinky?”

Trixie’s head shot up, leaving her in a dizzy trance for a brief second. “What the hell, No!”

“Just go take a bath, Trixie,”

“What if I put on a bathing suit? Will you do my hair then?” Trixie stood up, still holding onto the bedside table as she attempted to regain the strength and balance to walk.

“Okay, okay fine.” Trixie shooed him out and took a seat next to Kim’s dresser and began to dig through all of the drawers to find a bathing suit that wasn’t one piece. The one she found was almost equivalent in coverage as draping a washcloth over her body. It was one of those flimsy bikinis with two cloth triangles acting as top coverage and the bottoms were just as bad, if not worse. She continued to dig, not wanting to weird Brian out any more than she already had. She wound up finding a random black top with completely non-matching bottoms.

She listened as Brian began to run the water in the bathroom. She stayed seated on the floor and switched what she was wearing into the random set she found.

“Briannn!” She annoyingly called over and over, “Help me up!” the running water shut off. She repeated the calls several more times.

“Okay, okay I hear you!” He shouted back. He came into the room only to find Trixie sitting crisscrossed on the floor, “How are you not cold?”

“It's summer!”

Brian rolled his eyes and hoisted Trixie up on the count of three. He sat her down in the bath and ended up grabbing a plate of scrambled eggs so she could multitask. The warm water was only filled high enough for the very base of Trixie's stomach to be submerged. Trixie dipped under the water and splashed her face a few times until she was soaked enough for Brian do her hair. He started by picking out the tangles, which resulted in Trixie pitifully whimpering with each strong tug until he was finished and moved on to giving her a scalp massage with her shampoo. He washed all of the sudsy soap out and pumped a generous amount of her expensive conditioner and dispersed it into her squeaky clean hair.

He then had her turn around as he fed her small forkfuls of the eggs and ketchup.  He divided it into small bits and only dipped them if Trixie requested. “Wait, no that's too big of a bite.” Trixie held up one hand and pushed his hand away. He set it back down and cut into half, “That's better.” She smiled at Brian's sudden paternal care, “Dip it please,” he dipped it and offered it back up to Trixie. Rose began sporadically moving.

Brian hadn't quite seen the extent of her movements since she left before things got extreme, “You can see her,” Brian gasped in awe.

“Yup!” Trixie poked at where she felt the placement of Rose's back. Rose's body was beginning to sway to such an extreme side that Trixie's belly appeared lopsided. “I think she likes the sugar in the Ketchup.”

“She probably likes having food,”

“Feel,” Trixie reached for and grabbed the warm plate from Brian so both hands were free, “That bigger part up high is her butt.”

Trixie reached to guide his hand but quickly pulled back,  “No, no it's fine.” Brian was still acting all conservative opposed to Trixie who was trying to jump right back to the place where they left off.

The bathroom door creaked open, “Why are you watching her eating eggs… in my bath?” Kim placed her hand on Brian's shoulder she dropped her bag on the counter. Apparently, they hadn't noticed Kim come inside, “And why are you wearing my bathing suit?”

“He didn't want me to be naked.”

“He?”

“Yeah, Brian didn't.”

“But you did?” Trixie innocently smiled and nodded, “Weirdo.”

Trixie rested the plate on top of her stomach, “He's literally been inside of me.”

Brian audibly choked on air and Kim waved her hands around indicating that she had heard enough. “Ew, ew gross. I don't want to think about you doing that.”

“Okay,” Brian intervened, a high pitch quality to his voice, “It's time to wash your hair out,” He detached the showerhead and sprayed it over Trixie’s already sopping hair. He ran his fingers through the wet curls until the water trickling off her ends ran clear. He imagined himself doing this to Rose. An image of Trixie at approximately age three popped into his head, assuming that would be exactly how Rose would look. He imagined fighting with her like all little kids do when it comes to bath time until she surrendered to taking a nice bubble bath. He thought about all of the classically cute bath pictures he and Trixie would collectively accumulate over the years until Rose got old enough to do it all on her own. He found himself going even more gentle with the washing of Trixie’s hair. Delicately breaking apart the remaining knots at the ends until he could smoothly run a hand through it. He couldn’t help but giggle and smile at all of the random things Trixie said to him while eating her eggs.

Trixie then pumped a large handful of body wash and lathered it up and down the length of her body until she was squeaky clean and smelling like generic Bath and Body scents. She reached down to drain the tub and then made grabby hands for the towel draped over the curtain rod. Brian grabbed it and unfolded it. He helped Trixie stand by grabbing under her arms as if he were picking up a toddler or child. He then quickly wrapped Trixie up in a towel before she could get too cold. “Let’s get you back to bed sleepy head,”

Kim’s eyes followed them as they walked out the door and into the bedroom, “Brian,” Kim called, peering around the door frame right before they disappeared into the dark room, “Can we talk for a second?”

“Yes,” Brian turned around, Trixie still encased in his arms.

“Oh, Trixie, go get dressed,” Kim shooed her off and waited until the bedroom door was closed and locked before she began talking with Brian, “So,” Kim checked one last time to see if Trixie was snooping. She kicked the bathroom door closed with her foot. Brian began getting nervous over the secrecy of her actions. “Do you know if you can stay here for the rest of the week? Not all hours every hour, more so a few hours a day? I’m thinking maybe even until the baby is born.” Brian nodded very slowly, “I really do need extra help taking care of her, especially now. Before she came to live with me, I had the worst ratio of time spent at home and work and it’s still that way. My job is demanding and I can’t afford the time it takes to make sure she’s okay.”

“I mean, of course, yes. One hundred times yes.”

Kim took a breath in and out, “Perfect, I’m thinking you two sleep in the bedroom and I’ll take refuge in the living room for the nights you sleep over? Hopefully, those are most nights?”

“I’ll take the living room, it’s fine.”

“No, you two need your bonding time.” Kim rolled her eyes and swept the hair out of her face, “Trixie is always talking about bonding with the baby. She always asks me and her dad over the phone to talk to her. Of course, I do it, but at this rate that damn baby probably thinks I’m it’s Dad.”

“I don’t think it’s fair to kick you out of your own bedroom.”

“Believe me, Trixie does it all of the time. She loves to sleep in the dead center of the bed and spread out. The only way I could comfortably sleep with her is if we spooned and I’m not in love with that idea. So, I live on the couch. I think it’s important for her to get her sleep regardless,”

“You’re right about that,”

“Maybe you two might move back to your apartment before the baby is born. Most of the important stuff is there. I have no room for anything more than a bassinet in this place.”

“It’s all up to her,”

“It is,” Kim acknowledged. Trixie’s head suddenly popped into the bathroom.

“What are you guys talking about?”

Kim straightened up properly, “Brian is going to stay with us for a while, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah!” Trixie hung onto the door wildly grinning.

Kim grabbed Trixie’s hand and guided her out of the bathroom, “Now go lay down and go to bed. The adults are talking,” Kim teased.

“Seriously? I’m such an adult, look at me! I’m adulting, I’m having a baby that’s an adult thing.”

“You’re sickly right now, go to bed sweetheart.” Trixie turned and left for the bedroom.

There was a short second of perfect silence until there was a loud thud, Brian was the first to shoot up. He found Trixie balancing against the wall with both hands as if she had just caught herself by the skin of her neck. She stretched back up, her face was a bright red mask of embarrassment, “I almost fell,” Trixie pouted.

“Let’s go to bed,” Brian sighed, repeating what he and Kim had been saying for the past half hour. Kim grabbed a few things from the bedroom so she could get comfortable in the living room. She left Brian and Trixie alone to get adjusted to being around each other.

She examined her figure in the mirror adjusting her stance a couple of times to get a full view of what she actually looked like. “I still can’t believe I’m pregnant,” She sighed, leaving the spot she just stood at, “I have always wanted Kids, but this all feels so fast.” Brian was listening, but not responding. What he had to say most likely wasn’t constructive to the conversation, so he left it unsaid. Trixie laid down and pulled the sheets up, swaddling herself up nice and warm, “I have a birth class in two days. You’re gonna come with me, no exceptions.”

Brian giggled whispering, ‘alright’.

Trixie wriggled in the bed, trying to get comfortable. But she was too hot and also too excited that Brian was back to relax. She clamped her eyes shut and focused on trying to go to sleep.

“Trixie,” Brian whispered.

“Yeah?” She still tried to keep her eyes closed.

“I forgot how heavy of a breather you are,”

“Oh gosh thanks,” she smiled into the pillow.

Brian shuffled around in the bed, the sheets making a loud crunch as he did so. Trixie felt his warm breath on the back of her neck. He reached around and put his hand on her side. Trixie placed her hand on top of his. She interlocked their fingers, she guided his hand slightly lower so it was resting on her belly.

It felt weird, but it shouldn't have.

She could feel his body heat on her back. She found herself leaning back into him, she quickly forgot about the hotness of the room. His fingers stroked gently over the skin of her stomach. His breath on her neck only got warmer. He gently pressed his lips against it. He sat up. His hand formerly on her stomach returned to her other hand placed at her side, Trixie shifted in the bed so she was looking at him.

He kissed her. This kiss felt real and genuine, like the kiss of two people who deeply and genuinely cared for one another. None of it felt forced, like how it sometimes used to feel. Though Trixie was loving every single second of it, she couldn’t manage to take it seriously. She giggled and grinned the whole time, not managing to stop herself.

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

****“I’m never going to one of those ever again.” Trixie was making false gagging noises at everything she just witnessed and heard once she entered the driver’s side of the car. “Why did they have to show us an up-close birth? Why did they have to show the results of tearing? Oh my god, I feel like I’m going to pass out.”

“Well,” Brian scratched the back of his head scrunching up his face, “It wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“No, it was terrible!” Trixie schooched the driver’s side chair back more to allow more room for her growing bump. It had remained still mostly lopsided, exactly like it had been two days ago. Rose seemed to have found her comfort spot up next to her ribs. The seat had been pulled up too far for Trixie’s liking when Brian drove them over there. She begged and begged to drive but Brian resisted. The problem with that was that Brian hated driving while Trixie loved it. That and Trixie was just itching to do something mentally stimulating other than lay in a dark room and be spoon fed super healthy meals like vitamin-rich soups or kale smoothies,  “You don’t think it’s that bad because it’s not happening to you.” Trixie had to wait another few minutes for the car’s ac unit to work its course on the very, very hot car’s interior. Even slightly touching the metal or black plastic inside would scorch her hand beyond anything she could imagine happening in Wisconsin, “It’s just,” Her voice got highly flustered, “It was so gory. I don’t want to think about that happening to me. Why did they feel the need to show a video of a live c-section either? It’s like they’re trying to make us not want to give birth,”

“I think it’s sort of important to know all of this stuff. Even if it doesn’t happen.” Trixie tilted all of the ac vents in her direction. She was practically sweating buckets. Even though she was wearing the thinnest tank top and shortest shorts she could buy in the Target maternity section.

“They should show that shit to teenage girls in sex education classes. They’ll never even consider touching a man ever again.” Trixie felt sweat dripping down her lower back and neck. She had Brian hand her a scrunchie from the floor on so she could wrap her hair up into a messy bun, “I think I don’t ever want to touch you again. Jesus, can we build a pillow wall in bed so I don’t have to touch you?”

Brian shook his head and laughed, he flipped down the sun visor to protect his eyes from the harsh noon sun. Trixie finally determined that the car’s metals had cooled enough to make skin contact with them, “You’re going to be absolutely fine. I think you’re going to syke yourself out just for it all to turn out well.”

“You weren’t there, but Monsoon said she was a big baby. Big babies equal tearing, you heard the informational video!”

“At least you got to learn how to bounce properly on a ball to help progress.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s one thing,” They sat for a little longer with the ac running and people watched for a while. Pointing out other pregnant women and their partners leaving the building. Either they were teasing them for being so nonchalant about what they saw or they were talking about how they seemed like nice people from what they saw during the classes. “So you’re going to go back to work and then we’re going to go get ice cream after?”

“You still want ice cream? Why don’t I take you to that nice smoothie place down the block from my apartment? It’s all healthy and good food.”

“Now you see, this is where we’re different,” Trixie switched the car in reverse and began pulling out of the parking stall they had been sitting in, “I actually like food and you like sustenance.”

“I’ll eat ice cream with you. I only want to make sure you’re eating a proper diet so you can regain all the important things you lost when you got sick.”

“What if we do both?”

“Yeah, we can do that, you need to go home for a few hours and lay down though. Watch a few movies, anything other than getting up and baking. Like I know you love to do”

“I hate bed rest, I hate it so much.”

\---

Trixie was absolutely knocked out by the time the clock hit three. She had an entire list of movies running on the TV, but her short day activity had drained her and her still frail body. Kim came home around four to find Trixie snoring on the couch with one arm dangling off the edge. Kim dropped a fluffy blanket over her sleeping body. Kim set down a granola bar, her bottle of medicine, and a large cup of water with a straw plopped in it.

Trixie was even still asleep by the time Brian came home. So, Kim was left to open up the door for Brian. He knocked at the door at half-past six, he had a bouquet of flowers and a card in his right hand. “Come on in, she’s still asleep,” Kim whispered.

Brian smiled at that, she seemed so innocent in those kinds of ways. How she’d always sleep and never even worry about the minute consequences of doing as her pregnant self pleased. He walked around the couch and spotted Trixie. Still in the exact same yellow and white horizontal striped maternity shirt and her short faux ripped jeans that she had sent him out to buy yesterday while instructing his every move on facetime. Brian kept the flowers in hand and kneeled down next to sleeping, Trixie. He stroked her cheek trying to gently wake her up which didn't work. He shook her shoulder softly which woke her up quite slowly. “Hi honey, I got you flowers.” Trixie smiled, he was back to calling her Honey.

“You did?” She yawned.

“I did.” He set him down on the couch cushion her head rested on. She took one of the flowers from the arrangement, “Roses,” She smiled holding the fresh Rose to her nose to smell it, “That’s so cute,” Trixie set the Roses on her belly, “Rosie look what Dad got us.” Rose clearly couldn’t see, but it was the thought that counted to Trixie, “Isn’t that cute, baby?” She ripped open the card and smiled at the cute and long handwritten letter to her, “You’re cute, Brian,” Kim urged her to eat and drink everything she had set out on the table in front of her before leaving as a safety blanket in the event she vomited whatever they decided to eat.

“You ready to go?”

“Mhm!” They agreed that he would let Trixie drive one last time that day. He determined that she shouldn’t do any more to prevent overworking herself. They took the long drive to Brian’s block to try out both the local smoothie shop and ice cream place. But, the ice cream place first since that day was all about Trixie.

He dropped Trixie off first while he drove around the block to find any parking spaces. He told her to look at the flavors and make a decision by the time he got back. Which, Trixie sucked at. Her eye was caught on almost every flavor she could imagine. Pistachio, chocolate, double chocolate, Oreo, banana, you name it, it was there and Trixie wanted it. She was having a good day in terms of nausea. Better than yesterday or the day before. So, she wanted to make the best of it in case she suddenly gets ill again and would no longer have the excuse of pregnancy to cover her hungry tendencies. She began getting antsy for Brian to return so she could get her snack on. Brian came into find her drooling over the glass encasing. She was asking the uninterested teenagers what they would recommend, but she still wasn't taking their answers to heart. Brian stood right next to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, “Watcha thinking?”

“All of them is what I'm thinking.”

“All?” He rubbed up and down the smooth skin of her bicep. “Are you sure you'll be able to eat that much?”

“Not all, all. Maybe three or four.” She bit her bottom lip mentally spotting a few more, “... Or six?” Her tapped her long nail against the glass barer. “Excuse me?” A boy with heavy acne and a disinterested gaze was first to turn around, “do you guys do half scoops?”

The boy raised a brow, “Half scoops? What kind of-” another girl shoved his shoulder to cut him off.

She muttered, “She's pregnant,” under her breath before she turned around, “Yes, of course, we'll do a half scoop you! Are ya thinking more of a cut a scoop down the middle or filling it up a little less than full?” Trixie skimmed over her options again. Making 'hmh’ sounds as she did. “We do have a kids size scoop, it's about a third of the size of our regular scoops. How does that sound?”

Trixie released her bottom lip from her bite, “Yeah, let's do that.” She went on her tiptoes to point out what she wanted, but waited a second before firing off, “Hun, what do you want?”

“Anything you do. The pistachio looks alright.”

“In that case…” Trixie began listing all five flavors she wanted. Which ended in a 'three scoop’ bowl where Double chocolate, pistachio, banana, salted caramel, and cookie dough were stacked on top of each other. The girl reached over the counter and handed it off to Trixie with two spoons and Brian sent her away to take a seat. Trixie resisted the want to dig right in. Brian joined her at the table.

“You try first,” Trixie handed him a spoon. Brian eyed each option. He plunged his spoon into the pistachio. He took the tiniest sliver out of it and quickly ate it. “That's all? I thought you'd like it.”

“I do like it!”

“So why aren't you eating it?”

He wanted her to eat it. Brian was internally repeating the idea of 'this might be the last time in her pregnancy she can eat like this. _‘Things might take a dark turn and she'd end up too sick to do anything other than drink chicken broth and water.’_ something along the lines of that idea was on a constant repeat that Brian couldn't clear from his mind. _'She's going to get sick again, she_ **_is_ ** _going to get sick again’_ He hated the pessimistic mindset, but he couldn't stop it.

“You picked it out, so you get to eat it. It's your special day to try whatever you want.” He almost switched the ‘want’ with ‘can’. _'It's your special day to try whatever you can’._ He didn't know how he could manage to maintain this dark mindset with the definition of sunshine sitting across from him. She was an orb of optimism energy no matter the situation. She tucked her hair behind her ears and dug into it like it was the very last ounce of food on Earth. The colorful liquified ice cream dripped all over her face as she ravaged the bowl.  “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” She still was the epitome of beauty. It was a mix of everything about her, especially her in the summer. How cute and pink her cheeks got even just from the short walk from the car to the store in the summer heat. Her pair of oversized sunglasses on top of her head and already partly tangled in her hair.

Trixie was halfway through globbing a big ball of ice cream into her mouth, “Ya,” she said through the thick and melty cream.

“Well, I wanted to remind you again.”

Trixie waited for the ice cream to melt, she swallowed, “You too,” She blushed. A bit of melted ice cream dribbled down the side of her mouth. She took the back of her hand and rubbed it away.

“Do you want to pick up a smoothie and stop by my apartment? For old times sake?”

“Mhm!”

The store suddenly began getting more and more crowded suddenly. Trixie decided it was best to just take their ice cream and finish it in the car and while they waited in line at the smoothie place. 

 

 

 

 

Brian let Trixie step in first, it looked exactly identical to the way she had left it. However, the house was clean now, almost spotless. The only other difference was it now smelled strongly of cigarettes and weed.

“Have you been-”

“Pearl had been over a lot, I smoked once in here, then threw away the rest of the pack the second I finished the first one. I may be an idiot but I hadn't lost it completely.”

“Oh,” Trixie picked up a candle sitting on the coffee table. Going into the kitchen, she grabbed a lighter from the junk drawer, then lit the candle, setting it down back into the living room. She watched the long wick flicker back and forth before it settled down.  He came from behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She closed her eyes, taking in his familiar smell once more. Trixie began acknowledging her strange obsession with the extremely specific way he smelled. “I want to come back here. Kim doesn't need us lingering in her personal space all day every day and we don't need the same.”

He looked down to her stomach from over her shoulder. He pressed their heads together, “Four people definitely can't live in that one bedroom apartment.”

“Think of how quickly that place will become overcrowded. With a crib and all of the crap we need for Rose. It'll be a mess.”

“You still did leave most of her stuff here. Did you intend that?”

“Consciously no. Subconsciously, maybe.” She scanned around the living room she knew and loved. That same couch and dining room set that we're once in her own tiny apartment. How she sat and cried on for endless hours when she first learned about the pregnancy and all of the googling and contemplating that happened on its very surface. She used to think the world was ending and she'd never figure life out. But now, she was on some type of track. She didn't know if it was the right or wrong one, but she was somewhere.

“So are you thinking you want to come back here?”

“I think so,”

“Let's make it official then, why don't we talk to Kim and have you spend one night to test the waters?”

“Perfect, it sounds perfect!” Trixie took a small spin around the living room silently smiling to herself. She felt the innocence of youth that she used to feel flood her senses. Her hair floated around her in an almost gravity-free like state,  “I think I like the date May second.” She stood still and regained her still lacking ability to balance, “To get married.”

“Sounds like a plan,” He grabbed her hand and led her around the back of the couch, “Now let’s sit down before you wear yourself out more.” He handed her a smoothie colored a deep green as a result of the concentration of spinach and kale.

He urged her to take a sip, he reluctantly stared at it pouting out her bottom lip, “Do I have to?” She folded her hands into her lap.

“Do you want the energy you lost back,” She pitifully nodded, “Then try it.” She shook her head. Brian took a sip from the straw demonstrating how it wasn’t lethal or anything as terrible as Trixie assumed it would be, “See? It’s good. It’s got bananas and granola mixed in it.”

“You’re doing that thing again.”

“What thing?”

“You’re treating me like I’m a baby.” Trixie frowned, “I’m not three, you don’t need to spoon feed me everything.” Brian set the drink down on the floor, it tilted onto the couch, “I’m not a baby,” She repeated to Brian’s lost expression.

“But you’re my baby,” Brian said in a mocking fashion. Making sure to make his voice nasally and high pitched.

“I hate you.” She spat, gently hitting his knee.

“Liar.” Brian tilted his head forward and raised his brow.

“Truther.” Trixie’s angry face broke and she began laughing. Brian quickly joined in on the laughing too.

 

\---

“From the hospital’s report, you’re doing immensely better.” Her peppy nurse set down the papers she held, “Let’s do a few blood draws and once you get the green light from Doctor Monsoon, we will send you home!”

Her heart got back up to thumping, loudly, in her chest. So intensely she could hear ringing in her ears and feel it in every vein of her body. She was fine up until that moment, she had forgotten that leaving the hospital meant getting more blood work done, “If I pass out, don’t freak out.”

“We will always ‘freak out’ if that happens.” Trixie but down onto her fears and forced Brian to come with her. She, sobbed for ten minutes before anyone could touch her. They even had to go to the extent of getting their biggest nurse to ‘hold her down’ so to speak. But, Trixie wouldn't fight it once it was happening. It was simply the lead up that made her panic. Somehow that moment felt ten times worse from the events of last week.

 

Monsoon came in with her head down, her nose stuck in Trixie’s files, “Trixie, no orgasming for you anytime soon.” She lifted her head up and her eyes immediately went to Brian’s eyes, “Oh, hi Brian.” She set her steaming coffee down along with her papers, “We’ve got a bunch of tests to do and I need to check for dilation. Do you want him in or out?” She seemed to be much more hurried than she normally was. She cut Trixie off mid-thought, “Actually, first thing’s first,” She sat up on her desk, “How are you doing? How are you feeling?”

“Like sock lying on the floor,” Trixie went to add more but Monsoon held her hand up asking for her to pause her train of thought.

“I’ve never heard that one before, let me write that down.” She scribbled down the phrase in quotes, 'Like a sock lying on the floor?', “Continue,”

“I feel fine for a few hours, but then I push myself too far and it just gets worse.”

“Now, hold on,” She picked up a single paper. She read it out loud, tracing the words as she read them, “Bed rest until birth.” She read out, “Are you on bed rest? Are you resting in bed?” She pointed to two different spots in the air as if the words were floating in front of her.

“I go out on the couch sometimes and I’ll leave the house for three hours or so,”

Monsoon slapped her palm to her forehead, “Beatrix Mattel,” she had heard that name too much lately,  “Three hours is the Absolute Maximum you should be spending outside. Not the minimum. You shouldn’t be even standing for more than three hours, don’t even think about leaving for three hours. I want you in bed or at home all days most hours.”

“It so boring though,”

“I’m sorry Trixie, but that is what you need to do.”

“But why?” She was winning out her words like a frustrated toddler.

“Because It’s for the best.”

“But why?”

“Because I’m your doctor and I say so,”

“But why?”

“There’s a risk that you overwork yourself and your body will get stressed and stress can lead to early labor. Do you want that?” She seemed more agitated than usual. Possibly even more disheveled.

“No, but I don’t understand why I need to lay down all hours! It’s so tedious.”

“How about I schedule you for a c-section right now? All three of us can go over to the hospital and get it over with. Since you seem so bored, why don’t we add recovery and a baby into the mix? You won't be bored then.”

That shut Trixie’s whining right up. She tilted her head down and retreated into her shell of shyness, no longer exuding confidence and arrogance. She genuinely was scared by Monsoon’s statement. “No, it’s okay. I’ll stay in bed.” She said bashfully.

“That was unprofessional of me. I apologize.” She hurried along, having already spent too much time bickering with Trixie, “Cramping has gone away?”

“Yeah,” She said barely under her breath.

“Good,”

 

\---

Trixie and Brian went right back to their usual happenings once they migrated back to Brian’s house. They, more Brian and Kim than Trixie, packed up a few of Trixie’s things to take over to his apartment. They had Trixie lay down in the bedroom, just as Monsoon had instructed, while they packed away a few things that were loaded up in Trixie’s car. An hour into the move, Trixie got bored again and went to go lay down on the couch and scroll through her phone and any channels on the TV. Luckily, Trixie hadn’t actually accumulated too much in a month and they were able to get everything back in place. Kim was sent off and life went on.

Kim kissed the top of Trixie’s forehead before leaving though. Once more telling her “If anything happens and you want to come back, call me.”

Trixie began overheating in Brian’s warm house. She took the slow and careful walk into his bedroom to dig through her clothes until she found a pair of anything thin or short enough to keep her cool. After digging around for fifteen minutes, she began having an unnecessary breakdown. She wasn’t crying or any of the extremes, she just had the feeling of mass annoyance. So annoyed that she just wanted to shout at someone or something because she couldn’t ‘find a stupid fucking top’.

Brian had been lingering in the kitchen this entire time until he began hearing Trixie’s shouts of annoyance. He found Trixie on the floor with the entire bottom drawer of the dresser pulled onto the floor with everything scattered around her in a circle. She had her head in her hands muttering self-deprecating strings of thoughts out loud to herself. If she had the ability, she would have been rocking back and forth.

“Hey, Trixie,” Brian softly spoke as he rushed to her, “It’s okay, what’s wrong?”

“It’s too hot. I can’t find a stupid fucking shirt. I’m an idiot.” The back of her throat clenched and her hands were dug into her hair making it a mess of frizzy strings. He got down onto his knees and rocked back onto the balls of his feet.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He reached his arms out, but then rethought hugging her since she claimed to be too hot.  His hands went back to resting on his lap. Her face slowly transitioned from annoyed to upset. Her face made the very visible and very pathetic transition to a crying face. Between her brows crinkled, her lip quivered, and her eyes closed and open to reveal watery pools. “You’re not an idiot,” He put his hand onto her shoulder but she squirmed it off. “What’s really wrong, Trixie? What’s actually wrong?”

“I don’t know,” She sniffled, “There’s something wrong with me, but I don’t know what it is.”

“It’s not your fault that you’re sick. It happens sometimes.”

“It’s not that.”

“I’m sorry,”

“I’m sorry,” Trixie mirrored. She pulled herself together with a few eye rubs and forced on a smile. She didn’t want to have him suspect anything out of the ordinary from her since she barely knew herself. “Let’s go to bed.” She pushed herself off of the floor but fell back onto her butt once she even got close to her heels. Immediately, she seemed fine but after a few seconds of her absorbing the fall, she started crying once again. Pitifully huffing out waves of sorry sobs. She longingly stared blankly at a spot on the floor. He went back to watching her more intensely than he was before. She took deep breaths and swallows every so often. Her eyes began getting redder.

“Trixie,” He said slowly, “Are you okay?”

Streams of tears dripped down her face, “It’s just a lot. It’s too much right now,”

“Do you want me to have Kim come back?” He cupped her jaw, she shimmed away. Not wanting to be touched repeatedly. Something about that room brought back a painful memory to her. She shook her head and began silently folding the clothing so they could neatly fit back into the drawer. She still remained crying through the attempt at organization, “Stop, Trixie,” She continued on their folding, consciously ignoring him, “Trixie, stop!” He grabbed the shirt she was in the middle of folding from her hand. That sent her into a state of shock, “What’s wrong?”

“I have no idea and that’s the problem. I feel like crying so that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Are upset over something?”

“No,”

“Something that I did?”

“No! I said no!”

“Look, you can tell me.”

She wanted to tell him something but she didn't know what to tell him. She needed a second to herself. She'd been so crowded by everyone lately, “Can you sleep out on the couch tonight? I need time alone.”

“We’re not going to get in an argument over this, are we?”

“No, it’s just me.” she rubbed her face into the crook of her elbow, “Help me up,” He pulled her up and walked her over to the bed, quickly leaving to the living room to allower to sleep.

Trixie was desperate for something, anything. She wanted to feel something different than the way she felt at that moment. She didn’t know how she wanted to do it or what she wanted to do, but she was going to do something. She reached behind her and braided her hair several times over and over until that was no longer bringing her anything but arm pain. She reached for one of Brian’s books and began scanning over and over the first pages, not retaining anything. She picked up her phone and called her dad.

He knew very limited information about what was happening with her relationship status and where she was living. He had a right to know so, a call would be nice. It rung a few times before being answered.

“Trixie,” He let out a big yawn, then a large intake of breath, and then another sentence to tag along with this first word, “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, Dad.” She felt like the biggest liar, she had no reason to lie to her dad about these kinds of things. He wasn’t a prominent part of Trixie’s immediate life. He was thousands of miles away, so what could he do besides scolding her over the phone? “I just wanted to say I love you.”

“That’s very sweet, but it’s almost twelve in the morning. Could you have waited a bit longer to call?”

“Sorry,”

“Don’t apologize, your love is welcome anytime.”

“Okay Dad, good night.”

“Good night, pumpkin.”

After that phone call, she didn’t know what to do next. The only person she could imagine knowing how she felt was someone else like her. Someone else in her life that had gone through the struggle and process of having a baby. The only person she could think of was someone in her family. More specifically, her mother.

The child in her was screaming 'I want my mommy’.

So, she did the first thing anyone desperate for contact would do. She googled her mother’s name ‘Dawn Mattel’. She hadn’t wound up changing her last name in the divorce or remarriage. Lucky Trixie. The first results were white pages demanding money for information, but then it began showing Facebook pages. Trixie didn’t have a facebook, so she quickly downloaded it and went through the hassle of making an account.

There she found over three hundred listings for people under that name. She scrolled and scrolled before she found a woman who looked just like herself. It was clearly her mother. The profile picture was of her and Earl. She wished she could dislike a picture on Facebook just because of Earl.

She clicked on the profile to find hundreds of pictures and posts of everything her mother had been doing in the last seven years. She began scrolling. First things first, two of her siblings graduated. They both looked exactly the same as she remembered them looking. She kept scrolling learning new information about her mother and family that she never actually thought she would come to know. Apparently, her sister had gotten her wisdom teeth and tonsils removed in the same year, her brother got a job at the local hardware store, and her cousin got married to a guy who gave off major alcoholic vibes.

They all seemed better off than her in retrospect.

Then, she hit a post. It was a picture of her. Her posing all cutesy next to some of her high school friends, smiling wide and holding up their diplomas. It was actually several pictures of her. Some of them were clearly never meant to air on the face of Facebook because of how scandalous some looked, but they were all up there. Seven in total.

The attention grabber caption read:

_Dear Friends and Family,_

_As some of you may know, we have had the unfortunate loss of contact with our beautiful daughter Beatrix Mattel. Earlier this month we discovered that she had tragically run away. Please, if you wouldn’t mind, make sure to keep her and our grieving family in your thoughts and prayers as we pray for her return to our loving arms. Pray that she is safe and well wherever she is currently and pray that she will realize the pain that she has inflicted on her family by making this selfish act. If you know anyone who has any way to contact her, please send me a message or comment._

_Lots of love, Dawn Mattel_

Trixie had a short second of feeling sorry for her family. She almost forgot everything that had happened leading up to the moment she ‘ran away’. But, that was all dissolved when she made the daring leap to go into the comment sections to find that several people had provided, still current, ways to contact her.

There was her email, her social media accounts, her phone number, even a very recent post that disclosed the exact bar that she was working at for years. It became clear to her that her post was purely to appear like the good Christian mom she always pretended to be. It wasn’t about getting prayers for Trixie or getting ways to contact her.

On the very last comment, one of her high school friends had said:

_Mrs. Mattel, I know it must be hard to not know anything about your daughter after all of these years. So, I’ve decided to let you know her current whereabouts so you can easily connect with her. I currently know where she’s working, where you can find her on other platforms, and that she is alive and well._

_Please message me for the details._

The only thing her mom had said to that was:

_Thank you, dear, but we’ve actually already tried to contact her in all of those ways. We never get replies._

She was a liar. Dawn Mattel was a big, fat liar. She never had tried to call, or visit, or message her. She hadn’t tried once. She was just seeking attention and looking to put the blame onto Trixie instead of her and her awful husband.

Trixie angrily stared down at the comments and post. She went into her phone contacts and searched, ‘Ass’. The first two recommendations were ‘Asshole mom’ and ‘Asshole Earl’. She, without thinking twice clicked ‘Asshole mom’. It began calling.

She felt her hands get clammy and her heart speed up quicker with every ring. She began to come up with exactly what she wanted to say to her, but she couldn’t think of words that could mend or express everything that happened and what she was feeling.

“Hi-”

“Mom?” Trixie said indifferently.

“It’s Dawn, you’ve reached me at a time that I am unavailable. Please leave your name and number after the tone. God bless!”

“Whatever,” She uttered. Trixie hung up, feeling nothing once again. She lost the longing feeling for her mom and replaced it with determination to be the exact opposite of her. She had survived three years without her and she could survive another lifetime more. She didn't want her mom she wanted the mom she herself was hoping to be.

She put her hand on her stomach to find the smallest amount of comfort with the contact. Rose appeared to be asleep or at least not moving at the current moment. She was fine with that. It only meant that she could sleep for longer. But at the expense of waking up in the morning panicking and ordering Brian to grab her a cup of orange juice to make sure she was still able to move.  “Brian.” Trixie called, “Brian.” She heard his feet thudding against the floor. He swung open the door, letting the bright living room lights drip into the dark bedroom. “You can sleep in here.” she rolled over

 

\---

“Honey, are you alright?”

No, she wasn’t. She felt like shit. Her stomach rolling and angry. The constant threat of bile lurching up her esophagus. She’d already spent an hour that morning in the bathroom puking her guts out.

Brian went in and out of the bathroom checking in on her to make sure she hadn't passed out accidentally, but within the last ten minutes, he became handsy. So far, he had only left to get her a glass of water. He was currently rubbing circles on her lower back as she rested on the grimy floor of the bathroom.

“God, I’m so annoying,” She whimpered, “I’m sorry you have to deal with this. You were probably looking forward to sleeping in before work.” A tear dripped down her cheek as her emotions fought with her.

“It’s okay honey. We’re doing this together now. I’d gladly lose an extra thirty minutes of sleep if it means you don’t have to sit on this bathroom floor alone.”

She stopped herself from full fledge sobbing. Brian still sensed her emotions pouring through her body. He wrapped her up in his arms and patted her back breathing words of encouragement and telling her how amazing she was doing. Somehow her stomach managed to calm down enough for her to open her eyes without feeling completely sick. She relaxed and cherished the feeling of being wrapped up in his arms.

“How does a movie sound? I can make you some cereal and we can hang out in the living room?”

Trixie didn’t feel like speaking, she just nodded her head without any hesitation. Brian picked her up on the floor, a hard task to do, and carried her out to the living room couch in a bridal style cradle. Trixie was reminded of just how much she loved that man. He set her gently down on the couch and returned into the bedroom to grab the comforter. He laid it over her body and went into the kitchen to undoubtedly get her some cereal. As he walked away Trixie reached for the remote and turned on Netflix. She began scrolling through everything recommended until she found a docu-series centered around dogs.

She pulled up the loading screen and patiently waited for Brian to return.

When he walked into the room a few seconds later, his eyebrows are raised.

“Dogs? Are you sure it’s not going to make you cry?”

“I won't cry! It’s just a documentary about dogs!” She promised as she made grabby hands for the bowl of cereal and can of ginger ale he was holding. He chuckled as he handed the two items over, along with the three medicine bottles he had shoved into his pocket. Nausea, iron, and prenatal.

Trixie examined the green label of the soda and smiled, “You held onto these the whole time?”

“Yup,” He took a seat next to her and began attacking the cereal in his bowl. Trixie downed all three pills with the can of ginger ale and then pressed play. The sad backstory of a young girl in need of a service dog began to play. Flashes of sad clips of her looking at other children running around together and other scenes of this five-year-old looking depressed played on the screen.

It was only ten minutes into the show and Trixie’s sentimental side had already kicked in full force and she’s sobbing. “It’s just,” Trixie hiccuped, “So, sad!” Brian pulled her in closer as she rambled on about how sad it was and how sad it made her to think about Rose in that situation. He reached over to the remote and paused the show. He kissed her cheek gently and pulled her in closer.

“I love you.”

She smiled, a flush rose up her cheeks. She’d never get tired of hearing him say that.

“I love you too, Brian.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, the next two chapters are going to be a bunch of fluffy, gooey, cutesy pregnant Trixie garbage. So, please stick around and read it, because I'm just a soft little fucking muffin who wants to write about cute things.
> 
> Bare with me, thanks <3!
> 
> If you want to follow me on Tumblr, follow [this](https://theroadswewalkin.tumblr.com/) handy-dandy link

A few days after Trixie reunited with Brian, she began reading self-help book after self-help book. The varying books included key ideas of marriage, pregnancy, and cheating in relationships. It was almost as if she was trying to become a licensed relationship therapist by just reading books. It overall helped though.

She also joined one of those ‘Mommy blog' websites she previously claimed she hated so much beforehand. Though she used to see it as cringy and pathetic, she found that the older women on those websites seemed to have a solid understanding of the things she didn’t.

With those things combined, she started to develop a feeling of security around everything that had happened in the past nine months.

This security led to her talking out things with Brian. He was eager to make things better, so he normally listened to her emotional brawls of advice she had picked up from everything. Yet, Trixie was still prone to crying over thing very easily, so almost every other conversation she’d burst into tears. Even if the things she talked about weren’t meant to be emotionally wrenching, she’d break down crying. Trixie tried to work on that, but she physically and physiology lacked the ability to not do so from the overload of hormones she was constantly experiencing.

She also starting reading and talking a lot about marriage and the outcomes and benefits of it online and with Kim. Which she’d then take that and talk to Brian about it in almost too much dept, much like everything else she'd talk to him about. While he was still sure about his decision to marry her, she still wanted to make sure he wouldn’t back out last minute.

For Brian, not much changed. Besides the things that involved Trixie and compensating for her pregnancy. That included the fact that he was now double compensating for Trixie's unemployed state by beginning to freelance costuming for theatre groups and small modeling agencies.

 

Trixie sat down on the bed in the early morning, it was around five or six. She crossed her legs and leaned as far down as she could, talking to the hyperactive child moving inside of her. She softly pressed back where ever the baby did, “I see you're up,” she whispered. Rose jutted out what she assumed was her foot, Trixie gently placed her hand there, “Good morning to you too,” she chuckled softly, “Your dad is still asleep, let's calm down a bit. Okay?”

The Rose still moved around. Trixie looked over to Brian, he was out like a light. She looked back down, “Are you hungry? Because I am,” Trixie didn't notice just how maternal she was acting at the moment, she just saw it as having a two-sided intellectual conversation with another person who just happened to be tiny and unborn, “Should I make muffins?” She waited for a response as if one was actually coming. No input was given by the baby, but she could sense the enthusiasm she was hypothetically admitting, “Yeah, let's make muffins,” She enthusiastically whispered.

She had taken her medicine sitting on the bedside table the second she woke up, so she wasn't as plagued by nausea.

She climbed out of bed as smoothly as she possibly could in her condition. Taking a long stretch break once she stood up. Every joint in her body cracked. She made a quick stop into the restroom, then the kitchen to start making breakfast.

She went onto her toes and reached for flour, sugar, and salt. She went into the fridge to grab the eggs and butter. Then, some blueberries she could add to the muffins. She dug around in the fridge for a moment before she realized that they didn't have any left. That wasn't a problem, she could just make chocolate muffins. It was the same recipe, just with chocolate chips. She moved to the cupboards, also failing to find her desired ingredients.

She moved on to the idea of banana muffins, which they also didn’t have.

She retreated to the bedroom and gently sat down on Brian's side of the bed. He was still completely asleep, his mouth agape as he took in drawn-out heavy breaths.

She shook his shoulder, “Baby,” she whispered, “Wake up,”

His eyes shot open, “What, what?” He asked frantically, he was clearly the slightest bit hungover from last night of work. He looked up to her face, it was a mix of demonic and angelic due to the current state of lighting and unflattering angle. Parts of her face that weren’t normally accentuated, were extremely highlighted.

He sat up, “Can we go to the store really quick? I'm trying to make muffins but we don't have anything I can put in them.” She batted her lashes and pouted out her lower lip.

He rubbed his tired eyes, “What time is it?” he asked in a groggy voice.

“It's five thirty,”

He rubbed them a bit harder this time pressing his face into the cold pillow, “The corner store isn't even open yet. Can you eat anything else?”

Trixie bounded the bed a bit, “No,” She touched his face, “Pretty please? It's the only thing I want to eat. She wants them too.”  

“Did she tell you that?”

Trixie nodded.

He touched her hand gently and sighed, “Vons is always open, I'm sure we could drive there if that’s what you want. But, we've gotta get you back in. Remember what your Doctors said? Three hours on your feet a day.” Though he didn’t feel the best, he still wanted Trixie to be happy.

“Okay! Let’s get up!”

Brian still needed a minute to wake up before he was fully ready to get into the car, but he wasn't the one driving so he did all of that on the way to the store. He rubbed his eyes, got slightly dressed and got into the car with Trixie.

Trixie now had a weird paranoia about being left alone to do anything at all. Even though her due date was still little under two weeks away, she constantly thought she was going to go into labor in random places. So at least one person had to accompany her on every outing. Even if it was just quickly running to the grocery store.

They drove over two miles away to got her silly blueberries. The store was surprisingly packed for five in the morning. Everyone was also already dressed and ready for the day and there came Trixie and Brian. Strolling in half asleep, Brian, slightly hungover from last night’s performance and Trixie, too pregnant to be going around town in just slippers.

He had Trixie take a seat at the small sitting area in the store while he went to the very back to get the berries. He then waited in line for fifteen minutes just to buy them. They bought the blueberries and headed home. Brian immediately went back to bed. His eyes almost burning from keeping them open when they shouldn't have been.

Trixie got to her muffin making. She slapped all of her dry ingredients together, still making sure to perfectly scrape off any excess in her measuring cups, and then smoothly transitioned into adding the wets. She took the unblended ingredients in the large bowl and took a seat on the couch to mix them just so she wouldn’t need to stand. She took the rubber spatula and stirred together everything until it formed a cohesive texture and added them into the buttered up cupcake tin.

She put them in the oven and laid down on the couch and waited for her phone timer to go off.

 

Trixie wound up wanting to fall back asleep after she finished making her muffins, Brain was still dead asleep when she returned to the dark bedroom. She crawled into bed and yanked all of their sheets that Brian loosely held on to her side until she was burritoed up tightly. Brian gently pulled on them trying to regain whatever blanket surface area he could. The sheets didn't budge.

“Trixie,” he whispered, “The sheets please,” He tried again, but her grip didn't loosen.

“Just the smallest corner, please?” Trixie wrapped the blanket over her head, “Oh, stop being selfish,” he teased.

“I'm pregnant,” her words were muffled by the layers of blankets that engulfed her entire body. He didn’t know how she wasn’t sweating under all of them.

He humored her, “I had no idea, now can I get a blanket?”

“But I'm pregnant, I need them!” she whined.

He laid on his back, his head turned, watching Trixie, “What about that body pillow you bought a while ago? Can't you just wrap around that?”

Trixie wrapped herself around the bundled up blankets like a snake, “But these smell like you, my pillow doesn't.” The entirety of their bed had accumulated a very distinct smell which Trixie loved. Her face only pushed further into the fabric.

“Well, I'm right here, you don't need the sheets to smell like me if I smell like me,”

She whined again, this was all sport now.

“But you're hot and gross,”  She didn't move, she simply looked like a talking cocooned caterpillar, “And you always try to touch and press my belly. I know you wanna feel her kick but its weird.”

“Where else can I put my hand?”

“On my ass? I don't know. That's what most trashy white couples do,” Trixie laughed at her own joke.

“Psh,” He laughed back, “Come here and share, we’ll be up in another hour anyway. You can’t sleep for any longer without peeing yourself.” He opened up his arms.

Trixie rolled over so she was facing Brian in one big plop. Her lips curled as she unraveled forcefield of sheets, she threw some to Brian. He grabbed just enough so he could cover his body. “Enjoy. Now, hold me. Please and thank you.”  she turned back on her other side. He held her.

Trixie started doing the thing that every single teenage girl did at sleepovers when they couldn’t sleep. She started asking random questions that no one would exactly think to mention like, ‘If you had to lose an arm what arm would it be?’ and ‘Would you be mad at me if I bought a new comforter without you knowing?’ which Brian answered with. ‘Wait, what?’

“You know, buying new comforters are big investments. You’ve gotta get a good thread count and a good color from a brand that lasts long. You know what I mean?” Trixie looked over her shoulder and grind widely, beginning to snicker a bit, “You know what I mean!” She began cackling for a while.

\---

Later that day, they woke up once and for all. Trixie still had at least two naps to take before her daily sleep regiment was met. It was an off day for her, she actually got dressed and fully ready. Brain spontaneously planned a date for them at the park, it seemed like it aaa picnic, but he tried to keep it somewhat secretive from Trixie. He sent her into the bedroom’s bathroom to do her hair or whatever else she needed to do before leaving. It was already well past dusk, but with the late July heat, the weather was still warm enough to go outside after sunset.

Trixie took the heated curling iron to the small sections of the bottom part of her hair. The thick curling iron glove protected her hand from the hot metal of the wand. She wrapped her hair around it and held it there for a second, then released it. It revealed a perfect spiral curl, as opposed to her normal naturally frizzy curls. She continued on, finishing up the rest of her very thick hair. She gave each spiral a spray and then brushed it out with her fingers.

She adjusted her position on the stool she was sitting on.

“I’m ready!” She called from the bathroom.

He popped his head into the bathroom, he looked her up and down and smiled, “You look so beautiful,” She fluffed her hair, showing off how it was just freshly done, “It looks great,” He smiled and left the bathroom, he almost immediately returned. His left hand held onto the top of the door frame and leaned forward a bit, “Can you wear that pink dress you have? The cute short one with lace on the sleeves and bottom of the skirt? I think I’m going to take some pictures.”

“Did Ginger ask?” Trixie stuck her tongue out.

“You know she did. I’m putting on a suit if it makes you feel any better.”  

“You own a suit?” He shrugged, “God you’re turning into such a dad,” He tilted his head, still waiting on a yes or no for the dress,  “And fine, I’ll wear it,” She said pulling at the hem of her shirt, “If you go get it for me, I’ll wear it.” He already had the dress nicely laid out on the bed. He brought to her in the bathroom, he watched her as she pulled her shirt over her head, Trixie paused and looked at him, “Get out this isn’t a strip show, I am a woman of class and dignity. The vision of my body is reserved for god and god only.” She joshed.

“My bad,” He laughed, “I’ll be out here,”

Trixie kicked the door closed with her foot and threw her shirt onto the counter. She ran her finger against the white lace on the sleeves. Trixie had always loved this dress, it just never fit her quite right. But now it was just the perfect size.

She didn’t blame Brian for choosing this dress to take pictures in though. It was cute and the closest thing to formal wear she could put on. The dress didn’t have a zipper, instead, an elastic waist, which made it much easier to get it on. She pulled the dress over her head, trying not to mess up her hair or makeup. Once it was on, she straightened it out and got on her toes to check herself out in the mirror. She lifted and dropped the dress, making it poof out a few times. She wasn’t in love with how she looked, but she saw herself as good enough to go out.

She ran her fingers through her thick hair several more times than the last until she was satisfied with the looseness of the curls seeing that the current curl level wasn’t matching her dress in any way. She portioned a part of her hair so it was laying on top of her shoulders and falling to the front.

She left the bathroom, Brain was keenly looking himself in the mirror as he buttoned up his white shirt. He looked very formal, almost more formal than Trixie did.  “Can I wear my cowboy boots?”

He turned around and straightened out his collar, “The pink ones?” Trixie responded with an ‘mhm’, “I don’t see why not.”

Trixie clapped like an overexcited toddler.

She went into the closet and dragged out her baby pink cowboy boots, there were in almost mint condition. She had never gotten the chance to wear them as much as she liked after buying them since they were an extreme fashion statement. She sat down and pulled the boots on. Brian pulled his blazer on and grabbed the large well-stuffed bag. Trixie looked at herself one last time before they left, she spun around in the mirror and clicked the small heel of her boot against the ground.

 

 

Brian parked the car as close to the location that they could so Trixie wouldn’t need to walk very far. Still, the distance they walked was a lot for Trixie. The park was still relatively populated. A few family groups and teens hung around, each person keeping a careful eye on one another. As they walked past a family, the mother stopped Brian and Trixie, “Wow, congratulations!” The lady called out of nowhere. She approached them as if she knew them personally. Her hands outreached for Trixie’s stomach. Trixie uncomfortable smiled as she continued to break beyond the laws of personal space. If it would have been a friend, nay acquaintance, she would have been fine with it. The Problem was that it was a random woman touching and talking to her about something extremely personal without any tinge of shame or self-awareness to her actions.

The lady proceeded to have a twenty-minute conversation with them about how awful her birth experience was with all of her children, there were five of them in total. She mentioned how she was in the hospital for five days or something equally over exaggerated and how she could barely walk for a week. Trixie clung tightly onto Brian. That entire ordeal only made Trixie even more uneasy about leaving the house in general. The began regretting wasting her three hours of standing on this.

Once Brian sensed this, he ushered her away from the lady. They found a quiet spot, away from most people, where he set up a nice picnic area. It was a spot nestled between two large trees at the top of a slight slope that led down to where the majority of the park was.  He threw down a blanket and set up the food he brought. 

But first, he had to turn Trixie into Tyra Banks. He first had her do some stupid poses by a tree. Basically just her smiling and looking at her stomach or her looking off in the distance. Trixie was basically living her model fantasy life, except instead of modeling swimsuits or short shorts, she was being a mom model. One could say a... Momdel.

They pulled over a random group of seemingly nice teenagers to get a least two pictures of them together. Which, they delivered. The girl who took initiative with all of the picture taking basically took over Brian's camera and began having them do different posing in different locations, doing different things. They looked over the pictures and began taking more and more. It ended in a thirty-minute session.

Eventually, Trixie couldn't bear to stand on her feet any longer so she tapped out. They thanked the girl and went back to their spot amongst the trees, Trixie instantly dug into the fancy unopened crackers. He had her sit down and poured some sparkling apple cider into their cheapest wine glasses from home. They clinked their glasses before taking a sip,  “So, Trixie,”

“Yes?” she had a cracked shoved in her mouth.

“We’ve talked about this a lot, so I hope this doesn’t freak you out,”

Trixie had a feeling that she knew where he was going with this, she played along and leaned forward just enough to emphasize her interest in him and his words. He grabbed the glass from her hand, “Close your eyes,”  Trixie shut them promptly. Her long, mascara-coated lashes almost brushed against her cheeks. She heard Brian shuffling around in his pocket, the sound stopped, “You can open them now,” She opened her eyes, blinking a few times before they readjusted to the dim outdoor lighting. He fidgeted with the small black box placed in the palm of his hand.  “I got you a ring,” He said gently, “It’s not much, but I know that you’ve wanted one.” His words began to wonder, Trixie grinned widely at the preciousness of his tangent, “I asked Kim what ring size you wear. I got you a seven so you can wear it after the baby is born. I know you might not be able to wear it now, so I got a chain you can put it on.”

He opened up the small box revealing a small, but perfect looking ring. She was all smiles, she looked down at the ring then up at him, “I love it!” She glowed.  It wasn’t any kind of Princess Diana, massive and embedded with rare jewels, ring. It was simple and cute, nothing too jarring. But it was exactly what Trixie could ask for since she hadn’t anticipated getting a ring or even an official wedding in the first place.

She wholeheartedly still was content with the notion of getting married for tax exemptions and lower insurance premiums.

“Are you sure? If not, I can take you to get one you like.”

“Yes, I love it!” She went to grab the ring, but then pulled back, “Put it on me!” She had that kind of pure sunshine smile on. She was satisfying her little girl dream she had never expected to fulfill.

“I don’t know if it’ll fit,” He cautioned, going into his pocket once again to presumably grab the chain.

She stopped him, “I’m sure I can get it on, at least halfway!” She sat up on her knees. The blanket that they sat on bunched a bit as she did so.

He nodded and took the ring out of its snug box. He grabbed Trixie’s hand and looked into her vibrant blue eyes, “Trixie Mattel, will you marry me?” Her hand gently laid in the palm of his.

“Yes,” Her face lit up, the gentle light of the moon illuminated the soft features of her face from above, “Yes, I will marry you,” The ring nearly slid onto her finger as if it was slicked with butter. Sure, it may have been a bad thing considering she planned to wear it after the baby, but its perfect size made her feel like it was meant to be.

 

\---

 

Trixie felt the slight urge to vomit upon waking up at three in the morning. That along with pelvic pain and every other pain she could feel. She didn’t think much of it, so she dismissed it as unimportant and tried to go back to sleep. Everything began getting worse as the minutes went by.

“Brian, Brian wake-up!” Trixie rolled his sleeping body back and forth.

“What?” He almost shouted upon opening his eyes. He glanced around the dark room until he found Trixie’s face covered in a veil of darkness. Trixie really needed her to stop waking him up in that way.

“I can’t sleep,” She whined, crossing her arms in front of her chest to pout, “Everything hurts really bad and I can’t take Tylenol or any of that crap to help.” If she could, she would have downed an entire bottle to stop the odd and sporadic pains of her body apming itself up to get ready to push out a child.

All Brian registered was ‘hurts really bad’. His heart thumped in his ears. He was spontaneously awake and ready to jump  to action, “Like labor pains ‘really bad’ or you just feel crummy ‘really bad’?”

“I don’t think it’s labor.” Trixie was physically tense from her constant pain but relaxed mentally. She didn’t see anything to freak out about, unlike Brian.

Brian was partially relieved and partially disappointed, “No? Monsoon said any time now.”

“The time isn’t now. I'm uncomfortable, that's all.” Trixie scooted closer and snuggled up to his torso. Her eyes shut and she almost was about to fall right back asleep. Her skin was hot to the touch. Like a steam bowl of soup freshly poured from the pot. It only made sense though, since she tended to either like to sleep with no blankets since it was summer or a mountain of blankets to stay cozy. That night, she slept in a mountain of blankets despite it being a little hotter than ninety degrees all of that day.

“You know, if you weren't pregnant I'd say we should go down to the liquor store, buy too much alcohol, and drink in the shower. But we can't exactly do that without being terrible people considering circumstances with you and having an impressionable fetus inside of you."

"After she's born I might have to take you up on that opportunity."

Trixie reconsidered that. Even after she was born she'd still have to not drink because of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding and the fact that it's a bad idea to get drunk while a needy newborn is just in the other room still completely dependent on two competent adults to tend to it. Getting drunk in the shower was probably a bad idea. At least for the next couple of years. 

"Do you know you're due tomorrow?” He counted out on his fingers making sure he was correct. "I think tomorrow, but I didn't fucking go to school for math," He recounted on his fingers, but making even grander hand movements when he added a number, “Yeah, due tomorrow. July 31st.” Trixie buried herself closer to him, “You sure she's not coming?”

“Nope, not coming, I've got until the end of next month for her to be born.”

“No way in hell she is going to make it to past forty weeks. We've been trying to keep her in this whole time. Once I think we stop proactively trying that, she's just going to come right out.” He hummed in a whisper. She made a noise if disagreement with him.

“I don't think so.”

“Opinions,” he nonchalantly acknowledged.

“You just want to have sex with me you creepo.”

“When did I ever say that?”

“You didn't, you just seem like you've been thinking about it a lot. I'm awake when you are, I hear you."

Brian shook his head, "And you're saying I'm the creepo. I don't listen to you." 

“Any who," Trixie sang, "I'm not allowed to orgasm so you couldn't even hear me if you tried. They make the uterus contract and I'm not supposed to be doing that until her due date… which is tomorrow. So no luck for you.”

Brian laid onto his back looking upwards. Trixie wrapped her hands around his wrist and rested her head on his chest. Her eyes closed and her breathing went back to slow and sleepy,  “Should we celebrate tomorrow? Ya know?”

Trixie sighed, “I'll put it on my to-do list.” That basically meant no. Not that she didn't want or need it, but she was still already having lower pain. Mentally, sex with him was out of the question for now. But, maybe she'd make him take her to the red light district to get a vibrator. Yeah, that sounded good to her, “But still, I need to get it cleared with Monsoon.”

“How the hell is that going to work?”

“I'll call her.”

“Yeah? And say what?”

“Um...” Trixie started giggling, reciting a parodied version of what she most definitely wasn’t going to say to her doctor, “Hey, Doctor Monsoon. My inconsolably horny partner wants to fuck at all hours of the day every day. Can I satisfy his shamefully primal needs beyond this point?”

“Gross.” Trixie snickered and let her self doze off, almost forgetting what she even woke him up for. She nestled nice and close feeling optimally safe next to him, “Anyways, why'd you wake me up?” Brian managed to ask before letting her fall entirely asleep. 

“Don’t get mad,” her soft lips pressed into the fabric of his shirt as she spoke.

“What?”

“Can you change the sheets.” She stayed curled up to him.

“Why?” His mind immediately went to her water breaking. Then, back to his instinctive jump to action. His hand that had wrapped around her shoulder immediately went into a levitating spot above her

“I sweated through them and now I feel like I’m laying in a puddle.” He then noted how sticky her skin felt against his.

“Are you too hot? I can turn the cooler down?”

“No, I’m just pregnant. I’m supposed to be all sweaty and gross.”

“Less blankets?”

“You’ll get cold.” Apart of him wished she said yes so he didn’t have to sweat half as much as she did under the several layers of blankets and bed amenities.

“I can always put more clothes on.”

“Nah.”

“Do you need less clothes?”

“No, if I wear any less I’ll be sleeping naked.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing? Detox, let it all breath.”

“You’re disgusting.” She moved away from him. She found herself back laying in the soaked through the fitted sheet and burning hot stacked pillows under her head. “Please?”

“Fine, get up, let's get it done before we can’t fall back asleep.”

Trixie rolled out of bed, “I’m always awake, you just don’t notice because you sleep like a log.” Brian stood and yanked all of the blankets off of the bed and threw them onto the floor. He grabbed the pillows, tossed one to Trixie’s grabbing arms and plunked the rest with the sheets, “I use the bathroom at least four times a night and get a snack two of those times.”

“Is that why we get crumbs in the bed?”

“I'm also in bed all day.” Trixie stood up and checked the clock, it was about time for her first nightly snack. She hugged onto the pillow. She went into the kitchen and grabbed an entire sleeve of Graham crackers. She looked around the pitch black living room and kitchen which slightly spooked her. She slid a cracker out of the sleeve and stuck it in her mouth She comped down onto it, leaving that sleeve already two crackers down by the time she reached the bedroom again.

Brian had switched their white bedding to a deep red and had discarded three of the five blankets Trixie had accumulated over the months.

Trixie waddled over to the pile of ‘need to be washed’ clothing and newly added blankets. She yanked out her fluffy baby pink throw blanket and threw it back onto the bed. “This one is my favorite, how dare you.” She took a chomp from her graham cracker, bits of crumbs dropped down her shirt. She went and set her snack down on the side of her bed and made one last bathroom stop.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Enjoy ❤

“Hold on a second!” Brian responded in a shout. He listened out for Trixie’s response, it was a faint ‘what are you doing’ “One second, I’m almost done getting ready.” Brian slipped on a pair of jeans, jumping and hobbling, trying to get one leg on after it got stuck just before his foot. He finally slipped his foot through and went to check in on Trixie.

Trixie sat on the couch, her legs widely spread out. The way every single college frat boy sat on the bus or any type of public transport sat. She held a pink nail polish bottle in one hand while the other struggled to twist open.

“Yeah, what’s going on?”

“Can you paint my nails? Pretty please?” He looked at the watch on his wrist then Trixie.

“Um, yeah. Sure” He grabbed the bottle and attempted to twist it open. It was completely jammed, “Jesus Christ, Trixie did you tack this down with superglue or something?”  

“It dried down like that, I don’t know how it happened.”

He wrapped the bottom of his shirt around the cap and clamped down on it. It opened with a single slow turn. He slowly dipped the brush a few times, “Let me see your hand.” He got the perfect amount of polish onto the brush and got to work. He painted clean strips of baby pink up and down her nails. His tongue peeked out of his mouth as he focused on not getting the polish on her skin. “Will you keep your nails long after she’s born?”

“Oh, I think.” She said a hint of uncertainty was in her voice. There was the risk that she could accidentally stab or cut the baby if her nails were too long. Trixie found herself beginning to overthink this simple aspect of parenthood, “I haven’t thought about it. I’ve been too focused on everything else going on. So, I think I will.”

“You’ve had plenty of time to,”

“Don't even remind me, I don't want to think about that.”

The opacity of the nail polish was much more intense than Brian had anticipated, so it appeared that he'd only need a single coat, “Have you been feeling anything? Anything at all?” He finished up painting her nails and capped the bottle.

Trixie had read every single thread on every single mom advice blog about what it felt like to go into labor. No one had a clear answer. It was just sort of ‘You’ll know when it happens’. Which wasn’t helpful at all. Trixie didn’t know what to look for other than contractions and pressure, but she had those all of the time.

However, something in the back of her mind kept telling her it was today. But she had been thinking that every day since she hit thirty-eight weeks. So, that's exactly what he told her.

“Today?” Brian tensed up.

“I have a feeling” Trixie leaned back, trying to take the immense weight off of her hips and pelvis, “I don’t want it today, I’m not ready today, but I think it’s going to be today.”

“You’re scaring me, Trixie. Are you in labor right now and not telling me?” His voice cracked.

She pressed in on the sides of her stomach in attempts to purely annoy Rose.

Rose wasn’t even born yet and she loved to piss her off just for fun or out of personal enjoyment.

At this point, any appliance of pressure added to Trixie’s stomach drove the baby up the wall. She couldn’t even bump into something on lay fully on her side without it being greeted with a kick storm.

As she expected, Rose kicked back with full painful force, but she had grown used to the internal feeling of it “I don’t think I could hide that from you. So, no I’m not. But I had a few contractions last night and some an hour ago. So, maybe I am.”

She was in fact, overdue. Only by two weeks. However, those weeks felt like years. At that point, anything was better than nothing for Trixie's mental and medical state.

Trixie stuck by the assumption that she would know if it was happening or not, but she didn’t have an idea of what it really felt like. Which meant even the slightest things, like the weird concept of her pelvic bone physically stretching itself open made her think she was in labor.

However, principally, she had just said all of that so Brian wouldn’t leave the house. Whenever he was home she felt less like she was losing her mind. Things got done. He was a great prop for Trixie to use in the grand scheme of things.  Sure, his love and affection were great, but his ability to clean the entire house, make dinner, and basically help her do anything and everything else was optimal. Ranking slightly higher than her emotions.

He had three things cohesively planned that day. Part of the first half of his day was scheduled to be working at the fabric store, the next was him finalizing a costume design along with doing entire cast fittings, and then the last was going back to the fabric store to close up shop.

With all of his normal work and that combined, he had his hands very full. If everything went as planned, he wouldn’t even be close to getting home by sunset. Maybe it would be best if she just played it off as if she were in labor and had him stay home.  She wouldn’t be entirely lying, one or two contractions every hour could be considered labor. Not active, but labor nonetheless

“I don’t feel comfortable with you leaving me alone all day,” On cue, Trixie instantly cramped up, that must have been what at least half of a real contraction felt like. She scrunched up her face as if it all hurt worse than it actually did.

“Contraction?” Brian sprang to his feet. He seemed as if his heart rate had just jumped to one hundred and fifty  “I can call the hospital,”

Trixie stopped the act, seeing how panicky Brian grew in such a small amount of time, “No, no, no-” Trixie divulged, “I’m fine,” She attempted to find something logical besides a contraction that would justify the reaction she had, “She’s just on my pelvic bone, that’s all. Cramping and pressure, that’s it.”

“Oh,” He took a seat, “Okay.” A weight was discernibly alleviated from his chest, “I’ll-” He thought about his next words, “-take the day off. Let me call Ginger and Steve.” Steve was the director he was currently costuming for.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s fine, I don’t want to miss something.”

“You don’t need to.”

“It’s not a big deal. It’s just one day.” He went into the bedroom, Trixie followed him slowly, taking wide steps still attempting to allow Rose to position her self even lower than where she currently was. Which was very low.

 

He called the store, impatiently pacing the floor while he waited for someone to answer. He abruptly stopped and stood straight up. “Hey, Alaska. Put Ginger on the phone for me.”

Brian gave Ginger a quick rundown of everything happening. By the sound of it, Ginger seemed even more nervous than Brian was. It was odd how involved Ginger tried to be with everything on Brian’s life. She tended to personify herself into his shoes, living her family life through him. Brian somehow had half of the life she wanted for herself. Aside from the whole loyalty problems he used to have and the unexpected pregnancy, Ginger saw his relationship with Trixie like something she wanted for herself.

Next up was calling Steve. He was the only person Brian had any concern about getting the day off with. Costume designing in live theatre was something difficult to piece together. Brian still had to get so much work done on the same medieval-era style costume and dress he had been slaving over for weeks.

He hadn’t even fitted it with the specific actress yet. He was crossing every single finger he had in hopes that everything he had done with the dress would still allow it to fit. That was what that day was for. Fitting and alterations. He had a long exchange with Steve, which only made Trixie feel guiltier about making him stay home, “For fucks sakes, it’s not like she’s just going to unexpectedly fall out of my pussy like she’s on a slip and slide or something. Just go to work.” Brian held the phone tightly to his chest, trying to prevent Steve from hearing Trixie’s agitated, snarky comments.

He held it back up to his ear, “Uh, forget all of what I was saying before. There’s been a change of plans. I guess I’ll be able to go.” He listened to Steve’s response, “Everything's A-okay, I’ll be there at two.” The call ended and he looked up at Trixie, wide-eyed, “Are you trying to make me lose this job or something? This means a lot to me and it should mean even more to you, Trixie. This side job, for now, could end up being a really big job in the future. I can’t mess this up.”

“You’re going to work today, everything will be fine.” She laid back on the bed, examining her nails. Only half listening to Brian’s complaint. Brian had done a great job with them, they looked cleanly painted and far from looking messy.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for me to leave you alone?”

“You’re only going to be gone for three hours at most, the likelihood of anything at all happening is slim to nothing. Even anything at all happening today isn’t likely, I just have a slight incline that I’ll go into labor.”

“It’s your mother’s intuition,”

“What mother’s intuition?” Trixie scoffed, “I’m not a mother really, I just happen to be having a baby. That’s it.”

Brian raised his brow and cocked his head, “You? Not a mother?”

“Nope, not at all,” She said so certainly. As if it was clear as day that she had no mothering ability at all in any bone in her entire body. She was just arguing for argument's sake. She did acknowledge that she was very motherly. Maybe even more motherly than her own mother.

“You talk to her every day-”

“That doesn’t make me a mother,” She interrupted.

“You are the Mommiest mom that has ever walked this planet.”

“I-”

“Don’t even try to defend yourself. You have a bad, bad case of The Moms.”

“I am not a mom!” A contraction came on. Not the kind she had grown accustomed to feeling, this one was more real than night and day. Maybe Trixie did have a bit of mother’s intuition in her.

She decided it was best not to mention the contraction. She held her breath, trying to wait it out. She let him roll on with his dumb joke.

“Every sign in the universe has pointed to you being a mom! You can’t deny that.”

The contraction stopped just in time for her to rebuttal, “Okay, fine. I’m such a mom I can’t even believe it. You’ve caught me red-handed.”

“Are you going to hand make her cookies to bring to class for every holiday when she starts going to school? Join the parent activity council too? Will you be _that_ mom?” That was actually the mom Trixie had always expected herself to be. But seeing how everything else has gone in her career as a mom, she’d probably be that one mom, bringing her kid into class thirty minutes late, hot coffee sloshing around in her hand, a stain on her shirt, and a messy bun barely containing the hair she hadn’t cut in the last five years.

Yeah, that was the kind of mom Trixie was going to be.

“Maybe I will!” She playfully defended. Her mind went back to thinking about Rose being in school. That was weird for her to think about. Trixie really didn’t think about how long-term this all was going to be. Sure, she internally knew that she was going to be doing it all for eighteen years. But, she hadn’t actually put how long eighteen years was in perspective.

She herself had just barely passed the eighteen-year mark in her own life. And, now, she was playing that whole game, but with someone else.

And, boy, was eighteen years a long, long time.

  


Trixie continued to have mild contractions throughout that morning. After about two hours of trying to contain herself, she finally told Brian about them. He clearly flipped out. His immediate reaction was to call their hospital, but Trixie opposed. Even if she was somewhat progressing, she didn’t want to be pent up in a hospital for hours on end. She’d rather be in pain at home than in pain in a sterile hospital.

He rushed around the house double checking they had everything in order for the hospital and for the baby. Trixie simply relaxed on the couch and watched him. Everything was under control, no need for distress or overthinking.

Brian popped his head into the living room every few seconds to remind Trixie to breathe. Trixie wasn’t the person who needed to be reminded to breathe, it was Brian. He needed to sit down and get a large glass of water or go to work to get his mind off of everything.

“Brian, honey, love, light of my life, sit down with me and take a breath.” Brian dropped the bags he carried in the middle of the hallway and walked to Trixie like a zombie. He was zoned out with stress. His mind was running off of pure anxiety and panic. He took a seat, Trixie not-so-gracefully sat herself down on his lap. She put both of their hands on her belly letting him feel the same rapid movements she always did, “I’m fine. Rose is fine. You’re fine. We have everything for her. We have a bag packed, actually, multiple bags packed. It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” he gasped, he cupped his hand around the curvature of the top of her belly. He needed to calm down, nothing was even happening yet, “You could give birth today and it’s not a big deal?”

“No, it’s fine. Everything should go as planned if we stick to what Monsoon told us to do.” She leaned her body weight forward, her stomach pressing into Brian's and her forehead going onto his tense shoulder.

“Why are you so calm?”

“Because I know my body.” Trixie took a sharp breath as she began cramping up once again, “I’m alright, don’t worry about me. It’ll be a while before anything happens. If it even does.”

Brian stretched and took several deep breaths, “You’re right. No reason to panic. We’re ready.” He drummed lightly on her belly which got a giggle from Trixie, “Should I try to call Steve again?”

“No! It’s not a big deal. Two every hour is nothing to write home about.”

Brian rubbed his eyes and stood, holding Trixie up from under her thighs.

“Ow, that hurts,” she complained.

He kissed her, “Sorry, love,” and set her down on the couch “I need to go finish getting ready,” He sighed, “Will you put on a pot of coffee for me? Maybe even make me breakfast?”

Her semi-plan had backfired. Now she was the one doing all of the homemaking. Instead of him.

“Sure,” She said bitterly.

Trixie reluctantly stood up and began putting together a breakfast for him. She decided to be lazy and slap together two bowls of cereal so they could both eat since she didn't like much of anything else he typically ate. Trixie threw some water and coffee grounds into the coffee pot then turned away to get cereal.

 

Trixie wished she would just go into full-fledged labor. She was so close to getting it all over with, but just one little string was holding her back. “Hey, Brian?” Trixie shouted, “Can we go for another walk before you leave?” She poured straight black coffee into the biggest mug they had and milk along with cereal into bowls, “We can go down to the park and walk on the parking lots curb to speed this process up.”

He came into the living room, straightening up his button up and tucking it into his black jeans, “Right before I leave, you want to attempt to make it go faster?”

“I’m a first-time mom, labor is supposed to take forever for me.”

He grabbed the cereal bowl and coffee from her hands and took a sip, “Fine, fine. Please promise to call me though. If anything ends up happening I don’t know if I could ever forgive myself.”

“Three minutes apart is what they recommend for going to the hospital. I'm twenty plus apart, it's good,”

 

 

Trixie made the call to sleep for a while after eating. She guessed that trying after they went walking would be on the verge of pointless. Especially if her body was in twice the amount of pain it currently was.

Brian had left her alone once again to finish minor details on the dress and finish hemming a pant leg.

Once he returned though, he was met with the cutest sight.

Trixie comfortably curled up hugging several of the pillows from his side of the bed.  Her closed eyes looked naturally at rest and nothing seemed to be rapidly running through her thoughts.

A strand of her hair had fallen onto her face and she was sucking it in and blowing it out with every breath.

She looked so perfect.

The curvature of her body. The way it had molded and shaped wildly in the past months to accommodate for a living breathing child. How her previously thick but strong thighs had filled out into soft pieces of fluffy cotton.

How her pink cheeks had gotten fuller with each month. The way her small proportional waist went from around thirty to forty-six inches in a matter of less than a year. Her poor tender skin dealing with the continuous strain until the baby finally decided to come. Which they hoped would be soon.

Trixie had reached that point where she was clearly, clearly Pregnant from every visible angle to the human eye. She looked like she was hiding a large watermelon under her stretched out shirts. Which were now mostly shirts in men's XL that Brian had picked up in a pack of five from Target. Everything that she could possibly fit in made her look like a box of Chinese takeout. But she could care less since the boxy look made her optimally comfortable.

Her chest already randomly leaking to the point where she'd have to pad her bra with tissue paper like she was some insecure teenager. But wearing a bra hurt her chest so, during the night she'd just have to deal with staining her already cheap shirts.

He looked at the clock and noted he would need to leave in a few hours, so he had to wake Trixie up. He felt like he was waking up a baby. That once she rose, she’d being bawling because she missed the warm clutch of sleep. He sat down next to her and gently said her name while rocking her until she woke up.

But she didn’t seem so upset. She rubbed her eyes once or twice and had him help her sit up, “Time to go?” She yawned.

“Time to go.”

 

 

They found a spot to park in the relatively empty parking lot with an hour left to get in as much walking as they could. Trixie immediately got to standing with one foot on the curb and one on the street. She felt the intense pressure instantly drop. She gulped and took a moment to breathe.  Brian stepped down onto the street and helped support her enough so she wouldn’t suddenly fall. She started to take small steps while mostly leaning onto Brian for support. A few people were standing around, but no one made an effort to come near them.

They passed by the large trees lining the sidewalk, the little playground lively with kids under the age of seven, and even a class for dog training currently in session.

A little blonde girl captivated Trixie's attention, she was small and bubbly. Her light hair was perched perfectly on top of her head in two pigtails and she was roughing around in a pair of biker shorts and bright yellow tennis shoes.

Currently, that little girl seemed to be having a business exchange with another little boy. She was rummaging around in her pockets while he held out a bright red Hot Wheels car. She finally pulled out a little braided bracelet and placed it in his hand.

The two kids stared down at their new objects then immediately began running to their parents to show it off.

Trixie and Brian had passed the playground at more than a fourth of the speed it would have taken a normal person to walk it. Trixie liked the feeling of being productive for the first few minutes.

It didn't last long though. She quickly felt the lopsided walking go into effect and soon needed to go back to sit down in the car. Trixie was ready to leave by that point, only fifteen minutes in.

She got back in the car, she was over the idea of wanting to go into labor. She wasn’t having it anymore. She was in pain and uncomfortable and she was ready to go home and replace the labor pains and contractions with heaving and vomiting. But, she wasn’t going to get that. She was either going to get labor pains or labor pains and heaving along with vomiting. Not an exchangeable deal for her.

She sat down and felt a bit of the weight disintegrate, but then that was quickly replaced with a much, much stronger contraction.

“Holy shit, wait, give me your hand,” Trixie grunted through the pain. Brian quickly dropped his hand placement on the gear shift and clasped both around Trixie’s hand. Her sharp nails pierced his skin, “Fuck,” Trixie repeated several times, the sting of pain went all the way up her mid back and all the way down the lowest portion of her hips and ended just about her thighs, “Fuck,” Brian partly instinctively touched her stomach. It was so much firmer than he had ever felt skin feel, “Wait no, don’t touch me,” Trixie cried out.

Random onlookers peeped their heads up to see the happenings of what was happening in the car. An elderly woman walked up to the car and tapped on the window. Brian pried one hand away from Trixie’s grasps and opened up the door. She stated that she was an ex-nurse. She seemed to be in her late sixties.

She upfront asked if Trixie she was starting to push judging by how oddly her legs were positioned in the seat of the car. Which she wasn’t. She must have looked like she was pushing a baby out though. With her eyes closed tight and her one leg slightly propped up on the seat.

She offered to call 911, but Trixie quickly shouted ‘no’ once her contraction ended, “Darling are you sure?” Brian had the lady walk around to the side Trixie was sitting on, “There’s no shame in admitting that you need medical attention.”

“I’m just being dramatic,” Trixie was partly out of breath, “It’s not a big deal, I’ve only had two in the last twenty minutes.” The lady went to touch Trixie, but she shouted ‘no’ again. She didn’t want any contact with anyone. She wanted to go home.

“Trixie, be nice. She’s trying to help us.”

“I’m sorry mam, I’m trying to wait it out as long as I can. To prevent being in the hospital for too long.”

“In that case, you need to get to the hospital before you feel the need to push. It’s a bad idea to wait until you have that feeling. Especially with LA traffic, you don’t want to give birth in the car. I can guarantee you that.”

“I don’t feel the need to push,” Trixie breathed calmly through her nose. Trixie knew she couldn’t have been very far into labor, maybe just barely dilated at most. Anywhere between nothing to at most a two.

The older lady repeatedly asked Trixie everything she had just asked her but phrased differently. Trixie kept saying no.

She realized the hysteria Trixie was in and decided to give all of the information to Brian instead. She told him about timing her contractions and how there were new phone apps to do that work for them. She then added how driving when a baby’s head is low can be painful for Trixie, so she advised having her bring a pillow on the way to the hospital. Brian kept nodding and saying thank you to all of her advice. “I’ll let you two youngsters go in that case. Please make sure you get the attention you need when you need it.”

Trixie shut her eyes again and felt around for Brian’s hand, she had another one. That one was too soon to the last to be considered ‘not a big deal’. That was a big deal. A contraction less than ten minutes apart from the last. A wave of realization and fear washed over her, she was going into labor. Full blown, no turning back now labor. She doubled over.

“Oh, darling, you're doing great. It'll all be over in no time and you'll get to see that baby you've waited so long to meet. I guarantee it'll be worth the wait.”

She wanted to yell for everyone to shut up.

“Good job, Trixie,” Brian soothed as she held her breath with the contractions, “Good job, don't forget to breathe in and out. In and out,” he instructed.

Trixie was flat out ignoring everyone, she wasn't accustomed to the pain yet, so she couldn't bear to respond. It was over quickly and she only had one request, “Brian take me to McDonald's, I want to eat before you leave.” she panted.

“You're leaving her?”

“For work, but I can get out if it.”

The sixty-year-old stood up straight and put her hands on her hips, “You better, she can't be left alone like this”

“I can and I will,” Trixie said.

“I'm not leaving, Trixie,”

“Jesus Christ, can you just go get me food and we can talk about it at home?”

“Yes, honey,”

“Good luck you two. Take it easy, darling, and remember to call an ambulance if you need to push. And push when you feel it, don't wait it'll be miserable.” she shut the door

“Thanks,” Trixie grimaced. She didn’t need any of that lady’s advice. She needed food and relief from the pain dropping low in her hips.

  
  


They were on their way to Kim’s.

The second they called to ask, she answered in a panic. Clearly obliging to having Trixie perch at her house. Despite her not being home, she had a lunch break in an hour. Which was much, much sooner than when Brian would get home.

Trixie was quickly dunking pieces of McDonald's chicken nuggets in the small packets of ranch and shoving them in her mouth as they made the drive. She tried to choke it all down in between the time it took for her to have another contraction, which was more often than she liked. She was surprised that she was even able to stomach the greasy food. Normally, she’d by orally repulsed by the oils that the fried meat and potatoes secreted, but she just wanted to eat whatever was quick and easy.

The beaten up LA roads began to wreak havoc on her already enraged hips. If she could slap the road for being an asshole to her, she would have. But she couldn’t slap the road, so she had to recline the car’s seat and groan out in pain every time they hit a road bump.

They made it to Kim’s apartment before Trixie began pulling her own hair out. Brian tried to get her settled and comfortable before he left for work. He attempted to do everything the nurse they ran into at the park had told him to do.

He laid out towels for her in the living room along with a pot of warm water sitting next to it just in case.  

“Call me, Trixie,” He kissed her one last time, not wanting to leave her at all. But feeling the strong obligation from his employer and her insistence on him leaving forced him to, “Call. Me. And put your hair up before you can’t do it.” He pulled her hair out of her face with two hands, “I don’t want it to happen here so make sure you call us or talk to her neighbors before it gets to that point.”

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it. If something happens I’ll call you, 911, and then Kim in that exact order. I know what I’m doing.”

“Be safe, I love you.” He went in for one last kiss just before Trixie contracted. He didn’t notice until he had already kissed her clenched lips. It was like trying to kiss a fish out of water, tense and fighting back. He pulled away and profusely apologized while helping her breathe through it, “Time them, I want you out of this house by the time you get to five minutes apart. No less, okay?”

“Okay, bye, Brian. Have a good day at work.” She was practically trying to shove him out the door before her own dismal fear could cave in on her.

“Bye,”

Thirty minutes, thirty minutes was all it took for Trixie to collapse into a massive ball of worry and anxiety. She needed to get out of that apartment and to the hospital. She was in more distress than she thought was normal for the stage she was supposed. Though, she personally didn’t feel a lot of pain. It felt somewhat better than it had when she first started feeling them. It might have just been due to the fact she was getting accustomed to them. She forced herself to lay down for a while but laying down made her feel worse than standing.

“Alright,” Trixie heaved, taking quick sharp breaths, her contractions started coming on more intense than she liked, “Alright, I get it you're coming out today.” Trixie gripped onto the corner of the couch, she reached for her phone to call Brian.

She quickly hit his speed dial icon, it was a cheesy picture of Brian smiling while holding up a steaming coffee and a peace sign with the other hand. The stupid picture let her relax for a second. She put it on speaker and listened to the phone ring.

And ring.

And ring.

And ring.

And ring.

No answer.

He must have been caught up doing something, maybe he’d answer if she called again. Trixie tried to relax.

She took a deep breath, “It was one call, he'll answer this time.” She clicked call again.

It rang several times but went to voicemail. She didn't leave a message, she instead called again and again. On the fourth though try she left a message, “Hey Brian, um,” A contraction came, she didn't breathe for the thirty seconds, “It would be great if you answered your phone. I think I'm in a lot of pain... no, I am in a lot of pain. I'm going to go to the hospital right after this if you don't respond. So um, Please call me back.”

Trixie hung up.

She got up and debated going all the way into the bedroom to grab their two extremely heavy hospital bags, “Bags or no bags?” She asked herself, she looked to the hallway. It seemed like such a long distance she didn’t want to walk. That gave her the answer, “No bags.”

She texted Brian

**Trixie: Hey, I'm going to the hospital now. When you get this message please get our bags from Kim’s before you come.**

Trixie was trying not to panic, but it was starting to sink in. She took a few more calming breaths. “We're going to be fine,” she said.

A voice in the back of her head told her to call Kim. But she didn't, Kim was at work. She couldn't bother her at work. She questioned if she should call an uber or a taxi, but at that moment she didn't trust anyone but herself to dive. Then she started to question if she should even be driving.

She googled it, but not much good came from it. The overall consensus from the random posters on mommy blogs was ‘do whatever you want’. Which wasn’t at all helpful because Trixie didn’t know what she wanted to do. It didn’t help that most of the people asking the question were planning ahead. Trixie didn’t have time to plan ahead, she needed to know now. She decided it was best to waddle herself over to Kim’s neighbor Bill’s house. She hoped that at least one of the family members were home.

But walking… that was the problem. She didn't want to walk.

She forced herself to stand up to dig through Kim’s old ladyish planner that contained almost every phone number stored in her phone contacts. She managed to flip far enough through the written down phone numbers until she found ‘Bill (Neighbor)’ written down next to a phone number. She dialed it and got an immediate pickup.  

Trixie pretty much begging cried into the phone asking for him or his wife to drive her down to the hospital. Which, he felt obligated to do. Because the rule of being a good samaritan consisted of taking a woman to the hospital if she's in labor no matter the situation. He said he’d come to her and that she should stay put, which was no problem for her.

Everything started to dawn on her simultaneously. Giving birth, having to get an Iv, not having Brian with her the entire time. She was now beyond overwhelmed. She sat on the floor and turned into a heaving crying mess. She tried to get everything out before she went to the hospital, but the looming fear of giving birth at home or while in the car motivated her to quickly wrap her meltdown up.

There was a knock at the door. She rocked back onto her heels then up to her feet.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

 

***

“Now, Sydney, could you lift your arms up and down a bit?” She flapped her arms like a bird. Brian quickly cautioned her to stop in fear that she’d rip it. He had no clue why a theatre company would give the role of Lady Macbeth to a sixteen-year-old girl. Especially her. Her on-stage abilities were very matured but offstage, she was worse than a toddler.

She’d get into things she shouldn’t be touching, she’d touch others props, and even miss cue after cue simply because she was spending her time talking backstage, “How does it feel? Too tight? Too loose?”

“It’s tight in the waist, can you change that?” A piece of gum he hadn’t noticed she was smacking on accidentally blew a bubble through her lazy words.

“You’re wearing a corset, it’s going to be a bit tight.”

“Well,” She stuck up her nose and swallowed the massive chunk of gum, “I don’t like it. I’m not wearing it.” She pouted, gripping and wrinkling the perfect velvet skirt he had just spent hours perfecting and steaming.

“This is how Steve wanted it to look, so…” He bent down and touched the perfectly hemmed bottom of the skirt she was currently stepping on, “You’re going to have to make due.” He gently tugged it away from the bottom of her gross tennis shoes, “You get used to corsets after a while, even the skinniest people I know struggle with corsets the first time wearing them,” Brian was now speaking from personal experience with his drag and from knowing Pearl.

“Are you calling me fat?” She gasped.

Brian stood up and stepped back, “Woah, woah, woah, woah, no. Where did you get that idea?” This teen was acting worse than Trixie acted every time he would note how massive her belly was looking. Of course, neither one of them were fat, one was just an insecure teen girl and the other was a heavily pregnant woman growing a baby inside of her. A presumably big baby at that.

“You just called me fat. I can’t believe this! Who even let you do costumes for this show? I will tell my mother about this and you _will_ lose your career!” She screamed at him.

“Sydney, hey, let’s step down from there and take a breath.” He went to grab her hand so she could gracefully step from the raised platform she stood on.

“Ew, no don’t touch me. I didn’t say you could touch me.”

Brian had enough at that point, he adjusted the headset he was wearing and hit the radio device on, “Steve,” He spoke into the Britney Spears looking mic, “Can you come back here and let Sydney know that you requested she wears a corset for this costume?” He flicked the device off and seconds later Steve began shouting from the house.

His voice was muffled but clearly audible with the echoing build of the theatre, “Sydney! You’re wearing a corset because I say so! I will drop you from this show if I hear any more about you giving attitude to our crew!”

“Fine, Steve!” She yelled back in a hissy fit.

A part of the backstage gossip was the rumor that Steve was sleeping with Sydney’s mom and that was the reason she got the lead. Though it was only a rumor, it made sense. No one would voluntarily let this kid into their show without a little bit of incentive.

 

Brian let her go take off the dress, sending in another one of the girls volunteering to crew for the show with her to make sure the dress made it back on to a rack safely. He then went on to fit the rest of the cast along with the people doing set changes. But, halfway through the latter part of the cast, someone came up to him holding out his ringing phone from an unknown caller.

He noted that he had eight new notifications, one text, and seven phone calls. He went into full-blown panic mode. He had to step away from the dressing room to take a breath before answering.

“Hello?” His voice shook.

“Yes, hello. It’s Courtney, From Peachwood hospital in the labor and delivery ward. We’ve called a few times concerning your partner Beatrix Mattel. Earlier today,” She paused, “Well, actually a little more than half an hour ago, she came in. She was having contractions regularly enough, so we admitted her. She’s been asking us to call you repeatedly, so we apologize for racking up your poor phone bill.” She sounded very calm and relaxed, even giggling at her last sentence, “She had come in with someone, but they ended up leaving once we admitted her. So, she’s currently alone.”

“Oh,” Brian’s brain began going into autopilot, “Oh, my god. Is it active?” His mouth was hanging wide open as he finished asking this information.

“Fairly active,”

“I'll be there as soon as I can.”

A semi-circle of actors and crew members began forming around him. Chitter chatter began going around before he even knew it.

He needed to leave, he needed to leave right then, but he still had to finish this one last guy before leaving.

He checked his phone messages quickly before returning

**Trixie: Hey, I'm going to the hospital now. When you get this message please get our bags from Kim’s before you come.**

He went back inside the dressing room and shakily asked him all of the appropriate questions and then excused himself out. He hit the ground running out to the house. Rumors people began curating spread like wildfire in the small space. The first one he heard was ‘His wife just died’. A: Not his wife (Yet) and B: Rude.

He ran up the stairs of the cave-like costume shop and dressing room, tightly holding the railing. He passed by heavy set pieces and random miss placed props. His hand accidentally dipped into a spillage of fake blood.  Finally, he reached the front of the stage. He ran down the front of the stairs and into the house’s third row, stopping and panting in front of Steve for a snapshot of a second, “Trixie…” He went to go catch his breath again, “Trixie…” He was still intensely out of breath, “My…” inhale, “My… um… My Trixie.”

“What man? Just spit it out,” He joked, not paying much attention, just flipping through his long list of paper clipped notes.

“Trixie,” he panted, “Trixie... is in labor and I need to leave right now.”

“Shit, really, Brian?”

“They say it’s fairly active,” He began removing his headset and radio piece. “I need to leave, like now. The hospital is far away and I need to get our bags from a friend’s house who lives on the complete opposite side of town. It’s a mess and I need to leave. Can I leave?” He repeated. He didn't know what he was saying he just kept talking.

“Yes, Brian,” He kicked his ankle with his foot playfully, “Leave Brian, leave!” he urged. He only barely looked up from his paperwork.

He turned around and went back to running. People began to whisper as he passed by him, one girl of the cast finally stopped him to share her condolences with a solemn and slow voice.

“Hey, buddy, Brian,” She hugged him tightly, “I’m sorry to hear about your wife, everything is going to be okay though. I know times are going to be tough, but I wrote my phone number down. So you can call me at any-”

Brian pulled away, “She’s in labor!” He shouted. He was quite annoyed. He didn’t exactly shout at her in particular, more so the entire group of people sympathetically watching him, “She’s not dead, she’s in labor and I’ve gotta go!” He dodged her still body and ran once more.

“She’s what? In labor?” The girl cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted back to him.

Brian turned and slowed down as he took out his key to unlock the backstage door. “Yeah! She’s going to have our baby in a few hours!” He shouted back.

“Oh!” The girl smiled, “Have fun!” Brian finally got the door open, he threw it shut behind him.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, A cliffhanger! Sorry about that, but tune in next time.  
> I'm really excited that this fic is basically on the verge of ending! I know I said I was going to post two fluffy chapters in a row, but I decided to cut it for my sanity's sake. So, if you'd like to read it, I guess say something and I might post it on Tumblr.
> 
> (Click [here](https://theroadswewalkin.tumblr.com/) for my Tumblr)
> 
> And while on the note of cut chapters, I've written a little blurb of these two idiots two years later and I've been debating on posting as a chapter here or maybe even posting it as a separate fic or on Tumblr as well. So, please, let me know if that's something that sounds interesting to any of you. 
> 
> Overall, I'm glad it's wrapping up and I'm really excited for all of you to read the next chapter and possibly even more!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!  
> Sorry, but for some reason, I had an irrational fear of posting this chapter. So, it's been sitting in Docs for a hot second while I got my shit together. 
> 
> Enjoy!

There Trixie was, painfully and slowly waddling into the Maternity Ward. It just so happened to be placed all the way in the back of the hospital, farthest from the parking lot. It was a sleepy Wednesday, already the day breaking at the somewhat early hour of 7:30 p.m. While driving at what felt like the speed of snails all the way across town, Trixie’s contractions progressed to the point where she’d begin crying at the sudden and relentless nature of them. She hadn’t brought a pillow, as the older lady suggested, and the front seat of Kim’s neighbor’s car felt hard as a rock.

The beaten up roads of the town bounced Trixie’s aching body up and down with every sporadic jolt of a brake or swerve of a steering wheel. Her right leg would make its way up onto the dashboard of the car only to take some of the pelvic floor pressure off of her.

“Please don’t come now, please don’t come now,” Trixie kept repeating with her hand on her stomach. The lumberjack looking man, so-called Bill, kept asking if he needed to pull over, but Trixie wasn’t in the mood for that kind of birth. No sir, Miss Beatrix Joanne Elizabeth Mattel was going to push out her baby on the side of one-ten while a bunch of Ubers zipped past her going eighty while the speed limit was seventy. She was going to have her at the hospital even if it meant physically holding Rose in there with her own two goddamn hands.

But it seemed like she was going to make it perfectly fine.

Trixie approached the call box right outside of the heavy industrial style doors of the hospital and waited silently.

“Yes?” A lady from the other end answered sounding dull and disinterested. Trixie must have been the hundredth terrified mother to approach that door in that day alone.

“Hi,” Trixie leaned with one hand against the wall. As a teenager hitting on some girl in the school hallway would stand, “I’m currently in labor, contractions about… three minutes apart if I’m being frank. Name’s Beatrix, Beatrix Mattel.”

“Alright, Beatrice Mattel,” The lady’s end went mute. Trixie squinted her eyes closed, she didn’t want to stand outside with the Brawny man much longer, “We don’t have any Beatrice… I’m sorry-”

“Beatrix-” She interrupted, “Beatrix… like Beatrix Potter, the writer, Peter the Rabbit. B-e-a-t-r-i-x.” Trixie spelled out. She stopped the pressing of the button once a contraction hit her, strong. “Bill,” Trixie called out, he gently dropped her purse at her feet and held onto her. He had a delicate touch, so soft and gentle, caring and attentive. Definitely what Trixie wanted. But not from him, she wanted it from Brian.

“Ah, yes,” The nurse responded, “Baby is under the hyphen Mattel-Mccook? Correct?”

“Yep, that’s the one,” She gritted through her teeth. Trixie wanted to reach right into that voice box and shout at this dumb lady for not just pressing the button after hearing the word ‘labor’.

“Someone will be right out! Hang tight.”

‘Not like I planned on going anywhere’

A nice, plump, oldish looking nurse pressed the button to the door. They went flying open with the sound of a few bolts squeaking. The lady was pushing along a wheelchair and a hundred thousand papers for Trixie to sign. Consent forms, insurance papers, an agreement for treatment, and everything else a hospital could make someone sign before helping them grunt their way into having a baby into their arms.

The second Trixie sat down in the wheelchair and signed her first consent form, she began bawling her eyes out. The reality that she was potentially hours away from having her little baby in her arm was overwhelming. To the point where she couldn’t stop looking down at her stomach without bursting out in a monologue about how she was so excited to meet her.

That got old though, quick. The second she started having her contractions again she began doing the odd breathing her one and a half birth classes had instructed her to do, the half being one they walked out of. It sounded like Trixie had just accidentally ingested hot soup. Taking in short and rapid breaths and letting them out almost instantaneously.

“Ow,” Trixie slung her head all the way back, “ow, ow,” She took a deep breath and brought her head back up, “owie.” She wasn’t trying to outwardly express how intense the contractions felt. But, believe her. They were the worst things she’d ever felt. She wanted to scream, but not in front of the busy waiting room of people and even young children. All potentially waiting to meet new family members. She didn’t want to be that person that traumatizes little Sally into a long term fear of having a baby by screaming out in pain.

They passed through the hustle of the waiting room, Trixie caught a glimpse of exactly what she needs to do, “Wait,” Trixie opened up her eyes and took a calm breath, “Can you give me a sticky note?” They stopped right by the front desk and Trixie was given a thick pad of yellow notes and a dinky pen. She wrote out Brian’s phone number and wrote ‘Mattel-Mccook Dad’ under it. “Can you call this number until he answers? Like, religiously call. Please?”

“Yes, Mam,”

They got her a bed and Trixie dismissed Bill. She was put into a nice looking hospital room. It wasn't quite big or anything glamorous, though the bed sure as hell was much more comfortable than Bill’s car. So she was okay with it. She thought she’d be fine, up until they had to check her for the first time. She, like most women her age, hadn’t had anyone shove their hand inside of her as they felt around for her cervix. A hopefully dilated cervix at that. It felt like the old wrinkled nurse was attempting to shove her entire fist into her.

Trixie wasn’t used to that. Nope, not at all. The most she had ever experienced this was when some random club girl tried to simultaneously fist and choke her at the same time without asking. All while they were still in full view of the entire club.

Trixie unintentionally pulled back when the nurse absentmindedly placed her hand onto her thigh. “My bad dear,” The older lady looked up and locked eyes with Trixie. It wouldn’t have been weird if this old lady were her lover, but it was the fact that she looked like a spitting image of her great aunt that freaked her out, “You’re at about a five. I’d say closer to a six if anything.” She removed her fingers in such an uncomfortably slow manner that Trixie got goosebumps, “I’ll go ahead and order you an epidural.”

Trixie shifted in the crinkly sheets, “Can we wait for dad to get here?” Dad, referring to Brian. She took in a big gulp of air, of spit, anything she could get gulped down.

“I don’t see the difference,” The lady began going off on a big tangent about how she could accidentally wait too long and no longer be able to get it or… everything else worse that could happen, “It’s best to do it now if you-”

“I have a phobia of needles, “ Trixie spat out, “Sorry if it’s inconvenient, but I know I’ll be crying and heaving for a good two hours before you can even prick me with an epidural.” Trixie’s contractions seemed to love following her conversations. Acting as they were some dramatic punctuation to the end of her sentences to earn her points. Pity points mostly.

She clutched onto the sheets, letting her long nails sink into the linens. She knew that if she applied even just the slightest bit of tugging to those sheets she’d rip them right in half.

The contraction died down.

‘And Breathe’ Trixie told herself.

The nurse seemed to have a light of remembrance go off in her mind, she reached into a drawer or two, “How do you do with IV’s?”

“No better!” Trixie sighed. It became apparent this lady didn’t understand the connotation behind the fear of needles. It didn’t matter what kind or how big. It was just them in general.

“It’s the protocol that any delivering mother should have an IV placed.”

Trixie rolled her eyes but kept her head tilted down so the nurse couldn’t see. She meant well, however, everyone knows what happens to well-meaning people. They all accidentally get punched by mothers with fears of needles. Only, Trixie wasn’t that mother. She’d have that time come sooner or later, “He shouldn’t be too long.”

“They haven’t gotten a hold of him yet,”

Trixie’s shoulders tensed, “They what?” She almost shot up and walked herself right to the front counter and demanded them to call more. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t even attempt to walk alone, let alone high tail her ass out of that hospital bed and make it down the long, long hallway, “Why?” She tucked her hair behind her ears, “How many times have they called? Where the hell is he? Why isn’t he answering?”

“Not sure, sorry. We’ll have them keep trying.” She grabbed a packet containing an alcohol wipe, “But first, we really need to get some IV lines going.” She reached for Trixie’s hand, yet Trixie was quicker than that. She pulled away with the agile speed of a cat, guarding her hand like it was her prized possession.

The game of ‘who will break first’ was on. It definitely wasn’t looking like Trixie was about to lose, however. The game of Trixie pulling back and saying ‘no, no, no’ repeatedly went on for a good thirty five minutes before she began bawling. Dramatic bawling that had been pent-up, “I just want Brian,” She sobbed into her tucked knees.

Entirely unsuspecting of this outcome, the nurse was caught off guard. “Sweetie,” She took a seat on Trixie’s bed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you. It’s just important for us to do this in the event of an emergency.” Trixie felt herself going into a hyperventilated state. Hiccups, rapid breathing, and feeling lightheaded. Everything in her body felt out of whack, “Now, Beatrix,” She rubbed her shoulder between her thumb and her forefinger, “You need to calm down, being this wound up is no good for you or the baby,”

Trixie was already in a fit of panicked tears, “But I can’t calm down,” She yelled, hiccups began setting on from the extreme crying.

“You’re going to have to,” She said calmly, “Do you want to try some medicine for it? It'll help,”

“No!” She shouted, “No it won’t help!

The nurse took deep breaths trying to remain calm in comparison to Trixie, “Trixie, you're being irrational. Let’s take some deep breaths. Everything will be okay, he'll be here soon.” She tried to help Trixie sit up, Trixie pushed her hands away.

“No, don’t touch me!” She almost shrieked

She kept her hands near Trixie, “I’m trying to help you, nothing is going to get better if you don’t let me,” A new wave of contractions hit her. Trixie clenched the sheets of the hospital bed and clamped her jaw as it continued to writhe through her entire body. The nurse rubbed Trixie's back, trying to calm her. “Doing that isn’t going to make it any better,” She said coolly. Trixie’s face began to turn red as she forgot to breathe, “Breath, Trixie, breathe.” The nurse instructed.

Trixie still was in a fit of a panic, she finally took in a gasp for air once the long contraction ended. She managed to choke out, “I want Brian.” She flipped onto her side and continued to cry.

“Not breathing only makes the pain worse. Breathe for me Trixie,” The nurse took in a deep breath waiting for Trixie to follow, “In,” She waited a moment, “Out,”. She had Trixie repeat that same pattern over and over until she could breathe normally on her own. Her sniffled crying and sporadic hiccups continued. “It’s okay Trixie, it's all going to be okay.”

Trixie didn't want to be there, at that moment, without anyone besides a group of hospital staff and some nurse whose name she couldn't remember. It may or may not have been Susan.

Susan was a nice lady, but she was definitely no Kim or Brian. Those were the two people she needed or wanted. She sobbed like it was the end of the world that they weren’t there. She wanted Kim to be there so she would tell her how overdramatic she was being over it and she wanted Brian there so he could tell her everything was going to be fine.

He had the sensibility she lacked while Kim had the cutthroat will she needed. Kim would have told her to stop being a sissy while Brian would have been there telling her all of the comforting things.

She really, really, really, wanted Brian.

And like clockwork, the door to the delivery room was abruptly swung open. There stood Brian, in all of his glory. His hair a stringy mess, his collar unintentionally popped, and his arms full to the brim with everything they had planned to take to the hospital. He sped walked to the little armchair sitting right against the window and plopped everything onto it.

He ran a shaky hand through his hair and looked over to Trixie hunched over, fully trembling. Looking like she was seconds away from being locked away in some kind of early 1900s insane asylum.

Practically sliding onto the bed, he took a seat next to Trixie. Her nurse scurried away. When he first touched her, she had no response other than tightly wrapping her arms around him with her head against his shoulder. “What’s wrong?” He rubbed her back in wide circles. She had no verbal response, just her crying into his shirt. He looked over to the nurse, “What’s wrong with her?”

“I think a panic attack, I could be wrong.”

He loosened his hold around her, “Honey, are you okay?” He asked with a serene sense of calm, “What happened?”

“Needles,” She spoke into his body.

“What’s wrong with them? Last time we were at Dr. Monsoon’s you took it like a champ!” He softly encouraged. This was true. She handled Rose’s nonstress test like it was nobody's business and gave a sample without breaking a sweat. Everyone, including herself, had thought she was on the road to conquering her fear, “It’s just a little prick and you won’t have to do it for the rest of this visit. One and done.”

“It’s just… hospital needles.” She said the words like it was physically hurting her to think about them, “Last time I felt like I was dying when I had to get one. I don’t wanna die.” She cried pitifully.

His circular patterns got wider and slower as he tried to visualize a compromise that Trixie could mentally handle, “You can skip the epidural if that’s what you need to be okay.”

He felt her bottom lip quivering against him, “It’s gonna hurt,” she said. He wrapped his arms around her once more when he felt her entire body tense and her breathing grow rapid. She wasn’t joking when she said she was in a lot of pain. Her nails dug into him and all of her body weight dropped onto his. He didn’t know how to help her. He assumed that she was contracting, but he didn’t have any verbal indicators that his assumption was correct.

She didn’t seem to want to let go though. That could have been a good sign.

“Breathe,” Susan reminded.

Trixie refused, “Come on, breathe, Trixie.” Brian added. Trixie finally did so, “Follow my breathing, remember what Doctor Monsoon told us? Deep in, deep out,” She followed his patterns, taking in shaky uneffective breaths “There we go, honey.” she was still unable to stop her crying, but now her breathing was almost under control. He grabbed a hair tie from her purse draped on the side of the bed and pulled her hair back in a low ponytail. “Now, will you let them put you on the monitor and IV?” Trixie dropped her head back on Brian’s shoulder.

“No, No IV,” She protested.

 

“You need to get an IV,” She stated, “It’s mandatory here."

“I can’t,” she cried.

Brian couldn’t fight with her like he was able to do when she was in the hospital last. When she refused, normally, it was just easiest to fight with her until she did it. But now, she wasn’t just sick and nauseous. She was in all over body pain and having a full-blown meltdown over this. He couldn’t push her to do anything anymore, he could only thoroughly suggest it to her until she complied, “It’s just for safety, you’re going to be okay,” He asserted.

“I’m scared,”

“We can give you medicine to calm you down. Only if we get you an IV though.” She added.

She frantically looked around, “Fine, just do it,” She shut her eyes, “Quickly.” Less than fifteen seconds after Trixie agreeing, her nurse was already going around cabinets and drawers collecting various things. She was trying to move quickly before Trixie could syke herself out of doing it again.

Trixie opened her eyes and began watching the nurse, she became scared once more.

Susan noticed, “Talk to her,” she said.

Brian tried to come up with something to discuss quickly. He knew that she was obsessed with the name she had chosen so he decided to start there. “Trixie, what name did you want her to have?” He asked, “Tell me about it,” He put his hand on her stomach.

“Rose,” She rushed, keeping her body tense, “Rose Kimberly Mattel,”

Knowing that wasn't accurate, he responded with an, “Mhm,” He decided to continue on the name questions “Your name?” He asked.

“Wait, no, hyphenated. Both of ours.” She corrected herself

The nurse opened something with a loud crinkle, “Relax yourself, Trixie. Don’t tense up,” she warned. Trixie felt the sensation of a cool cream being spread over the center of her hand. A few seconds later it started to feel tingly.

Trixie slowed her breathing, “Why do you like Rose?” Brian asked.

“Because you like it and I like it,”

“Yeah,” He soothed, “Why else?”

Her crying began to subside, “It’s pretty and Kim helped me pick it and it’s a symbolic name. I just really like roses.” she sniffled.

“Mhm,” The nurse took cold alcohol wipes to her hand, “And why Kimberly?”

“Because I love Kim,”

“You do love Kim,” He kissed her cheek, she was insanely warm, “Should I call her soon? Do you want her here?”

“She’s at work, Brian,”

He laughed softly, “I’m sure she’d leave for you,”

“Call my Dad,” Trixie said, “I want him here, so he needs to leave soon.”

“Okay, in a second I will,”

The nurse inserted the needle in her hand, Trixie whimpered, “I don’t like this Brian,” He kept her hand extended, but leaned forward slightly, “Can she just stay in there?”

He rubbed her back, “No Trixie, she can’t. She needs to come out sooner or later and it’s already later.”

Trixie muttered unidentifiable words to herself as she winced at the thought of a needle in her vein, once again. “I thought I would have myself together by this point, but I don’t. I’m more scared than when I was in the beginning.”

“It’s going to be okay, Honey. She’s going to come and everything is going to be okay.”

The nurse let go of Trixie’s hand, “It’s done now,” Trixie looked over to her hand, flashes of her last time in the hospital came into her mind. She didn’t like the idea of IV’s as it was and her past experience with them made it even worse. Her brain automatically connected IV’s with illness and being told adverse things would happen to her.

“I’m going to call my family and your Dad,” He sat up from the bed, “Is it okay if I leave?”

“Come back quick, tell Dad that I love him,”

The nurse left the room at the same time as Brian.

Trixie had only been in labor for a few hours and she was already exhausted. She turned to her side and closed her eyes, not exactly intending to sleep. Just wanting to escape. The nurse quickly came in and prepped her IV pole. She then has Trixie sit up from her quick ‘nap’ and strapped her into various monitors that made it even harder for her to get comfortable. There was too much pressing and squeezing on her for her to let herself sleep.

“Family says hi and your Dad sounded like he was ready to hop out of his seat and get a plane ticket. He said he’s going to try to come before she gets here, but it’s such a long flight I doubt it’ll happen.” He pushed baby hairs out of her face and smiled, “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” She pulled up the hospital’s flimsy white sheets up to cover her legs.

“Did you take a nap while I was gone?”

She curled herself up into a ball, the best she could, “No,”

“I'm sorry sweetie,” he curled her frizzy spirals around his finger and set it back down on her back.

The high pony being held together by a hot pink elastic was a paradoxical representation of how she felt. She felt like crap, not a ponytail perfectly swooped back with slightly frizzy ringlets forming. Like a bucket of sweat and dirty dishwater was dumped all over her. The way you felt after taking a nap that was way too long or when you accidentally step in a puddle with socks on. Her mind traveled to being in a better place. That place would be her in a big ol’ bathtub they typically have on display in Home Depot's bathroom renovation section. It would have maybe made her feel better. Sitting in warm water with possibly some type of luxurious bath stuff floating around her. Maybe even a scattered of rose petals keeping her feeling extra glamorous.

But no, she was in a cold hospital room with chapped skin and a sweaty back.

But it was all going to be fine.

She had a sense of calm overtake her and those typical motherly instincts came right back. Her hand went on top of her contracting stomach and her head rested down onto her pillow. She began feeling better imaging holding a little baby producing the same warmth as a space heater would. Her mind took her to breastfeeding Rose for the first time and how that would feel. That small thought alone made her slightly leak onto her flimsy but comfortable sports bra.

Her newly designated nurse, or so she guessed, came right back into the room. She didn’t know her name because of friendly introductions, it was her name tag that gave it away. She had Brian move off the bed. Then, spread Trixie's legs and stuck her fingers into Trixie uncomfortably with only a little warning. “Seven.” She pulled her fingers from Trixie's cervix and slipped the soiled gloves off. “You're taking this pain like a champ sweetheart.” Rebecca smiled, her yellow and pink floral scrubs somehow made her seem more trustable to Trixie now that she was able to take everything in with a reasonable mindset.

“A seven?” Trixie said, putting the most stress on her words in the back of her teeth, “That's... no, that can't be right.” That was too fast. Too fast for her to jump from a five to a seven.

“I can only check you so many times, take it or leave it.” She disposed of the gloves and sanitized her hands, “I'll go ahead and order you an epidural.” She stopped before the door, “Is that something you'd like?” Her hair in a low, brown ponytail swung back and forth for a few seconds after she stopped walking.

She was mentally screaming no, but she knew she couldn’t let her irrational fear take control of her and possibly necessary medical care. Trixie looked down to her vagina as if it were about to give her an answer. She even took the advice of the birth classes they went to and 'asked’ her body what it wanted.

Her body said ‘Eh fuck it’.

“How much pain are people normally in at a seven?”

The nurse widened her eyes at Trixie's question. She was following where Trixie was going, her hand bunched up the loose fabric at the side of her pant leg, “Typically we see people on the floor or doing something to alleviate the discomfort starting at a six.” She looked that the clock for what seemed to be no reason at all, “What would you rate your pain tolerance if I may ask?”

Trixie looked over to Brian, the way a kid looked over to their mother when a doctor asked a question they didn't know that answer to, “She really hates needles.” Brian said to essentially save Trixie from struggling to find an answer, “I'm guessing low.”

“Phobias and tolerance have little correlation sometimes.” She rocked on her heels a bit, “Trixie? What would you say?”

“Um,” She glanced over to Brian and then dug into her mind to remember the last time she was harshly injured, “High? I don't know.” She bit at her nails, not actually biting them off, just softly biting down on them. Even nibbling off the polish, “One time, when I was eighteen, I tore a muscle in my calf and was still able to walk fine.”

Rebecca nodded and thought for a brief moment, “High.” Rebecca declared. Trixie never expected for anyone to tell her that her pain tolerance was high. She was used to being looked down because of her fear of needles. This feeling of pride was new to her, “Now, childbirth isn't the same as tearing a muscle. You need to realize this.”

“I get it.”

“If you're going to skip out on the epidural now, you need to understand we can't do it after this.” She returned to Trixie's bedside.

Contraction.

Trixie reached out for Brian's hand, he presented it flimsily and Trixie grasped on. She took in breaths that were slow, but effective enough to distract her from the torture like discomfort. That contraction felt longer than the rest. The kind of contraction one should feel the need to push on. Full blown push out a baby on. The moment it passed Trixie realized what that older lady meant by telling her to push when needed. She felt a sudden urge to push. Out of nowhere, it caved in on her. Gross urges that felt almost as instinctual as breathing or using the restroom.

Trixie without thinking pushed a little bit.

Her nurse noticed and rushed right up to her, “No, don't do that.” She sounded fairly panicked. Her hands almost looked shaky from Trixie's mindless actions. Trixie let go of Brian's hand rested it on her bent knee. Rebecca warned that her cervix had the possibility of swelling if she pushed before her dilation level was ready.

Trixie didn't understand the medical definition behind it, but she combined the words together with their meanings and deemed it important to not push at all costs.

Swollen cervix? What the hell had she gotten herself into?

\---

Within the following three hours, Trixie struggled to do anything besides breathe, let alone sleep as Brian had urged her to.

Combined with the repetitive torment her body threw her into and the constant stream of nurses coming in and out. Even if she did fall asleep, she couldn’t stay asleep for long. Through it all, the contractions only began getting worse and the pressure on her pelvis was only increasing. Yet her water hadn’t succumbed to the force and broken yet. All she wanted to do was get it over with it, but it wasn't happening yet.

After her moping around in bed for a few hours, the staff had Trixie and Brian walk a few laps around the hospital. Initially, she hated that idea, but once she got into doing it, it wasn’t as bad she thought. While she was in agonizing pain from the contractions, she enjoyed it for the most part. She’d rather be taking a slow leisurely stroll around the hallways than sitting in a hospital bed trying to breathe away the pain.

With each lap around the massive maternity ward, Trixie had become accustomed to hearing screeching from babies and mothers alike. Even though she laughed internally, Trixie couldn’t quite judge them. She would have been doing just the same if the anti-anxiety medicine she was on hadn’t made her so distantly loopy and aloof.

She felt like she was losing her mind, so she had them take her off of it.

Bad, bad idea.

\---

Out of a sea of complete silence and tranquility, Trixie uttered the words, “I think I just peed myself.”

A nurse who just so happened to be floating around outside ran in and repeated the exact same actions of: ‘Gloves, spread, shove, and pull out’ that her other nurse had done. Once the nurse's fingers left Trixie, she gushed out even more water.

“Not pee darling, that's amniotic fluid right there.” She called in a few other people and had Trixie stand up for a short while. They changed the sheets or laid things down or… something. Trixie didn't know, all she knew was that her contractions spiked suddenly out of proportion from what the just were. “Hold onto her for us.” The nurse nudged Brian with her foot, “It's going to get more unpleasant fairly quickly for her.”

Unpleasant wasn't the right word to use. It would have been much more appropriate for the nurse to tell her 'It's going to feel like her vagina is falling out’.

It felt like that was exactly what it was doing. She had to cling to the side of the bed just so she could combat the pain. No longer painful cramping sensations. Worse, much worse. Her body was telling her and it's self that there was a baby in her that needed to leave that second or else it was going on rip itself open.

He shuffled his way over to her. Trixie's arms wrapped around Brian and her head went into his chest. She cried out in pain for a few uncomfortable minutes. She almost collapsed a few times while standing but Brian and a male nurse helped keep her upright while she contracted.

She felt helpless with the gruesomely true fact that she no longer had control of her bodies actions. She couldn't stop anything happening to her, even if she tried.

But out of everything, that nurse was right. Her water breaking made everything ten times worse. If she thought when active labor started was bad, she was underestimating how much discomfort a body could curate for itself. Trixie couldn’t even manage to stand or speak after an hour passed. Even if she added up every single pain she had ever felt in her life and multiplied by ten, it wouldn’t have added up to how she felt.

Even more, time passed and Brian physically needed to remove himself from the room once Trixie began fully sobbing in pain once more. She seemed so traumatized by the event that he couldn’t bear to watch. He just wanted to take the agony for her so her suffering could end. She didn’t deserve it. She had already done so much for this baby.

He paced up and down the hallway, turning on his heels. It was eye-opening. Him, being who he is, never expected having to witness the so-called 'miracle of birth’. It didn't seem like a miracle, not for the level of pain he was forced to watch Trixie go through. It looked more like a curse. At a time like this, he wished he could just run outside and never go back in there

Finally, he got his mind back together. He creaked open the heavy door and put on a smile for Trixie. He sat down on the bed with her and nothing seemed to have changed in his short ten-minute break. She still wanted him like she was a little girl.

Though Trixie didn’t want to be touched in any way, she wanted Brian’s hand to use at her disposal. She completely threw the idea of romantically lacing their hands together and resorted to squeezing his hand until his knuckles were forcibly cracked repeatedly. She was sobbing over, and over. Yelling to no one in particular about how she wished she had gotten an epidural, but still screaming in refusal every time a nurse came into offer one.

Brian continuously urged her to simply get one, but she was having none of his encouragement. She would break out in a loud fit at him until he shut up.

“Trixie,” Brian tried to not disclose any of the pain She was causing to his hand, “I’m going to go call Kim,” He clearly wasn’t enough comfort or support for her. Trixie needed someone who’d known her for years. She desperately needed Kim.

“Don’t tell me,” She yelled, “Just do it!”

“Okay sorry, sweetie.” Brian reached as far as he could to grab his phone without dropping Trixie’s hand. He hesitantly called her, with Trixie screaming in the background and asked, no, begged her to come. Kim was immediately on her way.

Eventually, Trixie’s voice began to deteriorate and she resulted in sobbing into Brian’s almost shattered hand.

“This hurts,” She hiccuped from the repetitive sobbing, “So fucking bad,” Brian had learned that Trixie didn’t want any answers to her cries of anguish. She wanted the attention that came along with the outbursts, “I feel like I’m dying,” Trixie groaned, “Am I dying? Am I dead and this is what hell feels like?”

“You’re going to be fine,” Brian cooed.

\---

Kim arrived quickly, with the late, late night there was an outstanding lack of traffic on the highways. There seemed to be very few people urging to drive around town at twelve in the morning. Apart from the club goers and people looking to actually leave town.

Kim came in with two bags. A massive, overstuffed tote bag and a heavy purse. She basically got little initial recognition from Trixie. All she got was a hug from her once her contractions ended and then being given a job. Kim's job was to help Trixie change out of her sports bra.

Trixie had no shame, none at all. So she practically dropped the top of her hospital gown and ripped off the stained dampened bra. Kim held onto it by the straps and dropped it onto Trixie's bag. “You smell awful.”

Trixie rolled her eyes, “Yeah, next time I'm in labor I'll try to not sweat. Thanks for the hot tip, babe.” Kim lifted up one of Trixie's arms and put it through the hole of the gown and did the same with the other, “You know what?” Trixie tilted her nose up.

“What?” Kim sighed.

“When you have a baby I'm going to do exactly what you've done for me as payback.”

Kim pushed Trixie's body forward and loosely tied the strings of her gown in little bows. “I'll take the $5,000 in cash, preferably. I'd also prefer when I take over your bedroom for two months for you to make your sheets silk or at least 500 thread count.”

“Bitch.” Trixie spat.

“I’m so good to you, Trixie. Don’t kid yourself. The next biggest thing I could do for you is birth the baby.”

Fair point to Kim.

She had, in fact, spent a hefty surplus amount of money on Trixie. Especially when it came to the payments she had to make during her singular hospital visit. Her crappy excuse for state provided insurance barely covered any of the expenses since her condition was seen as rare. Which was valid, but still, they didn’t do much of anything for Trixie except for force feed her jello until she got better. No procedures were done and there were definitely no major diagnoses given. It was just a big money dump that was still somewhat necessary to keep Trixie alive.

\---

“Won’t be too long now!” Those words sounded so peppy and optimistic. In Trixie’s painful state, she couldn’t imagine feeling that way. She could only imagine pain. She was at the point where she had no clue what she was even doing there. She had lost all sight of the hope of having a baby. That hope for a baby was overtaken by hope the misery would go away. She wanted to be stripped from all feeling in her body so she could lay down and sleep.

She’d tried to get comfortable, but none of it was working. She had laid on her side, on her back, knelt, and squatted. Nothing at all was doing much to alleviate the pain. She even tried the stupid method of sitting on those balls to get rid of the terrible pressure. However, it only worsened it.

It was so bad that she fell into a vomiting spell. In which prompted the calling of Dr. Monsoon to come and make sure she was going to come out of the spell sooner or later.

Herds of nurses would come in and out with water and little bits of fizzy ginger ale. They all reminded her how ‘privileged’ she was for being given stuff other than ice chips. Because, apparently, that was all anyone else in labor could ingest.

Trixie knew their playful banter was to keep her in high hopes, but she didn’t see the necessity of ginger ale as a privilege. Being so nauseous to the point of needing alternative methods to get rid of it wasn't a privilege.

Her nausea only stayed, barely getting better if at all.

They gave her some yogurt and plopped her typical dosage of Zofran into it after Monsoon’s orders were relayed. She had to sit forehead to forehead with Brian to help calm herself down.

Both of their sweats mixing into a concoction of bodily fluids. He had a little disposable baggy he would hold up for her whenever she felt the need to vomit.

It was probably a weird image. Weird, but one of those pictures you’d see some famous person on their Instagram post. Likely said person bragging about their venture through childbirth. Trixie’s forehead against Brian’s as he rubbed her shoulders. A nurse off to the side giving Trixie little spoonfuls of yogurt between each contraction along with Kim giving her sips of water.

Most definitely a realist spin as to how Trixie felt.

Anon the vomiting calmed down she was ready. Word spread to Trixie that Dr. Monsoon had finally arrived at the hospital. Trixie was eager to get that baby out, yet still encumbered in pain to the point where any other emotion was rigorously muted.

Monsoon came in and slipped into some gloves, “How are you feeling?” Trixie answered in a groan. A little whiny child groan that showed exactly how unhappy and under distress she was. “Do you feel like you need to get her out right now?” Trixie clenched her hand around Brian's hand and nodded, “Feeling the need to push?”

“She has for a few hours.” Brian trickled up and down Trixie's back to comfort her and her unfair level of pain.

Monsoon stepped up her pace a bit, “Well, Jesus, someone should have called me sooner.” She stood at the edge of the bed, “Legs up,” she patted on the railing like she was ordering a dog to jump up on a bed, “Tell me if I'm hurting you.” She snapped the bottom of her glove as she pulled them on more secure.

It caused Trixie to shudder a bit.

If Monsoon knew what she felt like, she wouldn’t have even bothered telling Trixie that, “I will. Don’t worry.” Monsoon pushed up her hospital gown and widened Trixie spread a bit. She did exactly what every other nurse had done so far, but this time it felt different. She felt the gravitational pull of Rose being forced down onto her pelvic bone slightly alleviated. “That feels... ” Trixie couldn’t exactly formulate what it felt like. She didn’t know if it was worse, or-

“Better?” Monsoon asked, large answering Trixie’s loss for words.

“That.”

“It's moving the pressure, it should feel better.” She did the routine check and seemed pleasantly surprised, “Ten, maybe even more. Ten plus is what I'd say. She’s also almost right there, do you feel that?” She couldn’t see what Monsoon was doing down there, but she guessed that she was touching the baby’s head or something equally freaky.

“Is that you or her?” Her voice cracked.

“Her.”

“I can feel her,” Trixie gulped. Everything afterward moved like lighting. No one seemed too bothered in trying to tell Trixie what was happening. Trixie knew what ten meant, but she didn't know what ten meant for her right then in that situation. Monsoon hurried away but shortly came back with two other nurses and more medical gear. Face mask and gloves.

“Wait, what?” Trixie followed Monsoon’s rapid movement with her eyes. A few people came in holding metallic tools and disposable cloth items. Trixie let her grip on Brian loosen, she looked into his fear-stricken eyes and too began to feel his reaction. She sat up, putting most of her weight onto her tail bone, “Wait, what?” She projected her voice out much, much louder this time. She grabbed the attention of Dr. Monsoon and surrounding nurses.

Monsoon made direct eye contact with her and stopped her own rapid movement, “You’re going to start pushing right now.”

Kim shot out of her seat and began making her way to the door, “I can’t watch this, I’m sorry, Trix.” She swung by the bed, pecked her forehead and left. Trixie watched Kim as the stepped out of the room, she was practically running.

They brought in a side table and set all of the items down, Trixie urged to ask if they intended to use all of those things. Though her shock stopped her. Someone came up behind her and adjusted the position of the bed slightly and asked her how it felt.

How did it feel?

What kind of question was that?

In that much pain for that many hours, nothing made her feel good. Just worse and worse until she lost the concept of what feeling fine felt like.

“More pressure?” The person asked. Now that they mentioned it, yeah. There was more pressure. A lot more pressure accompanied by a much stronger contraction. She closed her eyes and breathed through it. She felt the baby slip lower, she actually felt her progress. She didn’t know how far she went, but it was far enough for it to be noticeable.

Dr. Monsoon came right up to the bed and laid out some disposable items to stop the process of birth from completely destroying the sheets and bed under her. Trixie grabbed Brian’s attention and attempted to convey to him that she wanted to put on a bra. She couldn’t form the words with the agony of a current contraction, but she used hand motions.

She put her hand on her chest and then pointed to the bag and repeated the movements several times until he got it. He left her side for the first time in what felt like hours and grabbed her a random, clean sports bra. Trixie undid Kim’s perfect bows and threw the bra onto herself. She lost the hospital gown on the floor and declared herself ready.

“Wow, look at you.” Monsoon smiled, “Someone’s enthusiastic.”

“Umhuh,” Trixie gripped onto her own knees, “Let’s go.” she separated her heels and leaned back onto the pillows that had been squashed under her body weight over the last hours. “Can I push?”

“Slow your roll,” Two nurses gathered around her to help hold up her legs. “Before we get this started,” Monsoon slipped on a hairnet, “Do you want some morphine? You might get a bit sleepy.”

“No, I think I can do it!” She fried her vocal cords even more so. She didn’t care how much more pain she went into, she wanted Rose out. And if getting Morphine meant waiting any longer, she didn’t want anything to do with it.

“Never did I ever once consider you not getting pain relief when we did this.” Monsoon pulled up a stool and got Trixie fully into position, “You, missy, are one wild card.” She hunched over as if she were about to catch a hiked football, “The adrenaline should help.”

Now, almost everyone in the room was in scrubs, except for her and Brian. Face masks, gloves, and the whole nine yards. She didn’t like the scary doctor image she was seeing, but it was the reality of having a baby. The only thing that brought her comfort was the tight grip she had on Brian’s hand and the familiar voice of Monsoon encouraging her every so often.

Brian stood at Trixie’s side, allowing her to hold onto his hand as the whole shit show commenced.

And so it did.

Trixie didn’t want to act dramatic, she didn’t want to scream and cry like she had heard every other woman in her ward do. But she wasn’t like those women, she was on nothing more than self-produced adrenaline. She wasn’t in anyway numbed, she only had the slight relief of pressure that pushing granted.

She felt everything.

Everything from the touches of doctors and nurses in a way she’d never imagine having five people at once touch. All the way to the oddly sharp nails of the nurse helping her hold one leg up. She felt the blood from her legs start to drain from their elevated state and they began feeling tingly.

But she wasn’t there to feel her tingly legs. She was there to give birth.

It started off as just one small hesitant push. “One, two, three, four,” Monsoon was counting slower than a normal person would count. She was using the tactic of ‘One Mississippi’ to trick Trixie into pushing for longer. Trixie saw right through it, “Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and take a breath.”

Trixie let out a loud groan after she finished the breath-held push. She sucked in a surplus of air and right as Trixie was ready for a break Monsoon returned to touching her, “And go,” She counted down from ten again. Trixie was so shocked, she didn’t immediately do it, but after being told twice she went again.

She hated even the smallest acts of authority. (Except for parental authority, she had not much of a sense with that). But otherwise, it was to the point where it would make her do the oddest things. Like one time, when she was eight, one of the older teens in charge of the after-school program had told her that she needed to finish all of her cookies during a snack break. There were no actual consequences, only the slight stress on the word need that made her do it. Which led little Trixie to shove all ten animal cracker cookies down her throat in a matter of seconds.

She later vomited up those cookies and developed a phobia of eating them that she hadn’t broken up until her twentieth birthday.

Authority, authority was Trixie’s poison.

“And one, two, thr-” Trixie began letting the sound of Monsoon’s counting fade to the back of her mind. The pain had reached all the way to the front again. She hadn’t realized the noise she was making until Brian calmly shushed her.

“I know it hurts, I know.” He said calmly, petting the top of her frizzed hair. Trixie came back to reality. Her ears turned right back on. There it was, that primal noise she had so prided herself in avoiding making. She opened her eyes and shut her mouth simultaneously. She had let it fully slip without knowing.

She looked down between her spread legs and saw no change at all.

“Don’t get distracted, push.” Monsoon instructed. Trixie still felt hands all over her, she hated it. “One, two,” And so on and so on. The counting never stopped and Trixie was getting damn tired of the repetitiveness of how each number sounded.

They didn’t even feel like words at that point, let alone markers of passing time.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and a big breath.

It was all she was hearing. That and several praises from people after what Monsoon deemed ‘good pushes’.

Trixie was making awful noises. They all sounded terrible. Moan-ish sounding outcries, but if orgasms were highly painful through and through. She was making every sound from the very back of her throat and none of it was high pitch screaming just, “Uhhhhhh,” repeated in different inflections and volumes.

When a push was beginning to end she’d either go completely silent or thrust out the ‘uhh’ as loudly as she could.

“Let’s hold our breath as we push now, she's close.” Monsoon continued to have her fingers and hands all up in Trixie’s business. Jeez, it would have been nice if she would have been taken out to a nice dinner or something first, “One-”

“No, no more counting.” Trixie broke the orders of no breathing. She gasped for air and her legs went almost dead weight, “I can’t hear it anymore.”

Monsoon pulled at her hair net just before it could slip off of her head, “You speak Spanish?” Monsoon straightened up her posture.

“A little.” Trixie whimpered out.

“Perfect,” She hunched over again, “Otra Vez. Uno, dos…” Even the Spanish began fading out of her mind.

She was on her tenth, maybe even fifteenth round. She had lost count. A nurse randomly kept reminding her how long she had been pushing for. They were about twenty minutes in and Trixie felt like she was about to die. Monsoon didn’t even need to tell her that the baby was close. She felt the first hand pain of an entire human trying to exit her body. She instantly began regretting not getting the epidural, but the high of adrenaline and the fear of something bad happening to her or Rose kept her going. She just had to barrel through and hope that the pain would quickly go away.

Beads of sweat began to pour down her back and face, which began soaking through the thin material of her hospital gown. “Is it hot in here?” Trixie gasped in-between, “Because I’m really hot right now.” Trixie, admittedly, was in too much pain to be worrying about how hot the room was, but she was trying almost anything she could possibly do to distract herself from it.

She looked up to Brian, he was pale. He had been watching the whole thing the entire time.

“You won’t be worried about the temperature in just a second hun,” Monsoon said, “Now, you're almost done. You’re going to need to do a big one next and you can’t stop until I tell you to. Okay?”

Trixie nodded.

“And go.” Trixie's face turned a hot pink and was now more scrunched up than it had ever been in her entire life. That singular push felt like an eternity. Way, way more than the usual ten seconds, “Stop,” Monsoon instructed.

Her head hit the pillow. Trixie stopped and gasped in several deep breaths, the pain of Rose's head coursed through Trixie’s entire body, “Look down, her head is just about to be out.” She debated if she wanted to see, she mentally flipped a coin. Heads she looked, tails she didn’t. It landed on tales, but she decided to go against her better judgment.

Trixie made herself look. It was like a bloody horror film.

A replication of something she had never seen or ever imagined seeing was happening. She swallowed deeply trying not to pass out at the sight, “Look at all that Blonde hair.” Monsoon ran a finger over it as if that action wasn’t the weirdest and most uncomfortable thing she could have done at that moment.

But blonde.

‘Thank god for blonde.’

“Do you want to touch her?”

Trixie almost vomited.

“Don’t worry it won’t hurt her,” Monsoon encouraged. Hurting her wasn’t her worry. It was her own mental state. Trixie tried to refuse by going back to pushing, “Nope, not yet. Let it stretch.” That was even grosser of a statement than ‘do you want to touch her’. She looked back down and came to the conclusion that she’d likely never have to opportunity to do it ever again. Trixie unwillingly complied. Her hand dipped down and grazed over the slimy and bloody crown of Rose. She pulled away and wiped the crimson finger on the bedding, leaving a watered down red streak on the white sheets.

She shook her head to clear her mind and looked up at Brian. He had fully turned away by that point. Looking in the complete opposite direction of what was happening. Even though she hated the sight and pain she felt, she wanted him to look at her, only her, “Look at me, Brian,” Trixie ordered with a grunt to her voice, she gave his hand a quick squeeze while tugging it.

He locked eyes with her, but couldn’t bear to look much longer. His vision snapped right back up, ” Just look at me, don't worry about her. Look at me." Trixie demanded more than suggested. Her voice gave away the level of immense pain she was in.

He looked down quickly and back up even quicker. Trixie grabbed on to his hand even tighter, that was his signal to just do it. He looked down at her face, she was red and burning hot and looking on the verge of crying from the pain.

He rubbed a small circle on the back of her hand and gave her a nod of reassurance. Telling her without words ‘You can do it.’

As another contraction came on, so did Trixie’s instinct to push. It came in a rapid overflow of sensory feelings. “-seven, eight- Oh! You got her head, great job!” Trixie let out a cry once her body had caught up with the fact and the pain that a head had just come out of her, “nine, ten.” Monsoon pulled at something and she felt Rose’s body slip into a different position, “Take a breath, a few breaths. Feel what your body needs you to do and we’ll do it when you’re ready.” Trixie sat for a second letting all of what she was feeling be felt.

That was enough time.

“Okay, let’s go,” Trixie rushed out her words, not wanting to be doing this anymore. She was seconds away from holding her little baby and kissing her precious face. A cute little smooshed face. A face that might even look just like her.

Monsoon had decided to switch between English, French, and Spanish to keep Trixie on her toes. French was her language of choice for this push, “un, deux, trois,-” So on.Trixie thought that she had exerted all of her energy in the last one, but this one was where it was at. She bore down, holding it out for longer than she thought was physically possible.

And finally, there was a gush of water

“Good Trixie, good” Monsoon soothed. Trixie's brain fogged up and her bones felt like they had just been entirely replaced with jelly from the exertion. After that push, her entire body collapsed onto the bed.

The next thing she knew, a hoarse cry came from just below her. She knew what it was, though it was like a distant recollection. She knew, but she didn't.

It was the baby.

It was little Rose.

“Baby?” Was the first thing Trixie said out loud.

Someone beckoned for Brian to come closer, one of his hands left its position on her shoulder, and there was the sound of a snip. Before Trixie could react, Rose had been immediately swept across the room. Every medical staff in there immediately rushed around, leaving her and Brian alone. Trixie couldn’t help but be worried, but she was just too exhausted to act on the worry. Everything started to feel so loopy and foggy.

Trixie felt like she had just blacked out.

“Brian?”

“Here.” He was there, standing just beside Trixie. Her hand still loosely grasping his, his other hand smoothing over her sweaty hair, “Are you okay?’

“Where is she?”

“They’re checking her, making sure everything is okay.” He pointed over to the huddle of two nurses and Monsoon that surrounded the crying baby.

Trixie closed her eyes and breathed. She was in pain, a lot of it. And an adrenaline rush could only do so much to cover it up. She dropped Brian’s hand and rested it on her chest. She felt the calm rising of up and down. She was now having a major adrenalin crash, nothing in the world felt real. Except for loud crying. She listened to the screeching of the baby from across the room, it brought a strange sense of comfort over her.

A nurse returned over to her, giving a worrisome, “Yikes,” When she checked Trixie. She called for someone to get numbing cream and alerted Dr. Monsoon. They had her take a look for herself, but Monsoon shrugged it off and went right back to the baby. Telling everyone that it 'could be worse.’

A few numbers were called out from a nurse's voice. 9 pounds 15 ounces, 30 centimeters, and 47 centimeters. Along with the time check, 2:32 a.m August 15th.

Rose was still screeching loudly through the whole thing, “She's very cute, I'd say she's one of the prettiest babies I’ve delivered.” the same person commentated to the room. Hums of agreement came from everyone, including Monsoon. But no matter how pretty she was, that baby had a pair of lungs. Loud and strong lungs that Continued to cry and cry.

The noise grew louder and closer.

Until, “Mommy, are you ready to see her?” Monsoon approached her, something small and bundled up was in her arms. It was still screeching bloody murder.

‘Oh my god, that’s my baby. I have a baby and it’s right there’

Monsoon went around the side of the bed and placed her on Trixie’s chest. She immediately stopped crying. She was warm, almost like a heated blanket. Trixie adjusted her position so she could look down at her little face.

It was a pinkish color. A squishy, small, pale, pink, round, baby face with a thick tuft of blonde hair on top of her head. She was perfect, in short. There wasn’t a single flaw to point out.

Trixie gently lifted her weak arm and stroked Rose's small red cheek with a single finger. Rose’s arm sturred from the loosely wrapped blanket around her.

Brian continued to stroke Trixie’s hair, she could hear him crying above her. Trixie leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Hi Rose,” Trixie whispered, “Hi little girl,” Trixie brought Rose up higher on her chest and took off the little hat. She kissed the top of Rose’s head. Her blonde head, “You look like me.” She nestled her lips onto the soft and fresh smelling hair of Rose.

Trixie finally understood the odd crave of mothers and their love for the smell of newborns.

They smelled amazing. Especially considering the circumstances of their arrival.

“Do you recognize my voice?” Trixie’s sore throat turned high and sweet. She was presenting Rose with the voice she used with every new person she met, “I’m your mommy, sweet girl.” Rose’s little leg jutted out from under the blanket containing her, much like Rose loved to do while Trixie was pregnant with her. It was possibly the same exact reaction Rose would give when Trixie spoke to her or pressed on her stomach, “I think that’s a yes.”

Trixie started to cry herself, but this time they were happy tears.

“I love you.” Trixie managed.

As she watched her perfect baby girl open up her eyes for the first time, Trixie realized that it was all worth it. All of the pain and heartbreak caused to get her there was worth it. All of the drama and stupid shit that led up to that point had faded to black now that Rose was lying on her chest.

Although Rose truly didn’t cause any of it. None of it was her fault, she didn’t ask to be born.

She kissed her soft cheek. For what was going to be the first few of a million kisses.

“Here,” Trixie began to lift Rose towards Brian, “Hold your daughter,”

Brian brought his arm up to his face and wiped away all of the salty tears. He took a seat right next to Trixie on the bed and took the small girl into his arms. He had only one thing to say. “She just came out of you?” He gawked to Trixie.

She let out a breathy 'Yeah’ along with that, her forehead crinkled and a half smile formed on her lips.

He pressed Rose tightly into his chest. One hand placed on the back of her head and the other on her small bottom. He kept his eyes flashing around the room, looking into the eyes of everyone as if he were asking for further instruction. He didn't know exactly what his immediate reaction to holding this baby, his baby, was. He was unsure if it was love, confusion, or the slightest feeling or regret lurching in the shadows of his mind. But he knew one thing, “She really just came out of you!” He kissed her cheek, his enthusiasm grew, “Hi There! You just came out of my girlfriend and now you're being held by me!” He gave several more kisses.

Rose tightly pressed her eyes closed and fidgeted at the sensations of Brian's smooches. A cry or two escaped from her little vocal cords, “Shhh, shhh it's okay. Don't cry." He began bouncing her in his arms once she got a little fussier. She wasn't crying too loudly anymore. She simply sounded like a constipated old man. “I'm your dad by the way." He delicately patted her back a few times. He just wanted to squeeze her, her and her little plump body, "I'm gonna pay for your college someday!”

He felt a smile emerge on his face. He didn't know why he hadn't instantly felt the love, but he was feeling it now. It was so overwhelming that he couldn’t precisely form the words he wanted to say. He brought his feet up onto the bed and bent his knees, “You're so small and you're not bald.” He closed his eyes and he pet over the thick patch of blonde with his thumb. Everything about her was so soft and perfect. Sure, she may have been a little bit yucky from just being born. But neither he nor Trixie cared one bit, “You have me in you! Part of me made part of you! You're so cool!”

Trixie dropped her head onto Brian's arm, “She's not a Science experiment, Brian.”

“But she's mine! She's my little Science experiment!” He repositioned Rose so he could look at her little face. Rose opened up her eyes and looked straight into his. Her eyes were a deep blue. So deep he felt like he could fall right into them. They were coated in water from her previous crying. But those specks of water only made her look more doll-like. “I really like you.” He looked back at Trixie, almost asking for her approval for him to like her. She smiled and looked down at Rose. He pressed her back onto his chest, delicately, but still filled with deep, deep love, “I really, really like you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be posting one last chapter (As you can see), not sure when, but it'll be soon enough!  
> I hope this wasn't too boring or... graphic. Not sure if it's either, but if you were disgusted or disturbed, sorry. Hopefully, the end was cute! 
> 
> I'm happy, yet sad that this is pretty much over. But it's gotta end at some point. Thank you for tagging along on this story ❤


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